100 Reasons to Kill My Husband

(two)

The legal partner on my marriage certificate was so picky that it was disgusting.

As a programmer of a pharmaceutical company, this dog like Yu Haiqiao has never looked like a programmer. The standard plaid shirt and computer bag for programmers do not exist. He must wear it from Monday to Thursday during working days. The shirt never has a heavy look, and the sorrow is not swaying. When the company is liberated on Friday, he can wear it as he wants. Then he will wear as much as he wants.

One day at noon, I was eating in the company cafeteria. The person haha ​​sent a string of emoticons and told me: "The new front desk of our company asked me if I just graduated today and came as an intern graduate."

"Are you proud?" I am very shameless about it.

"This proves that with your aunt's dressing style and taste, everyone in the crowd when I walk with you will think you are my sister, and maybe even my mother in a few years."

I don't know that he was proud of a woolen thread. He was mistaken for a college student who had just graduated and came to an intern in his 30s. Isn't this a very shameful thing? It shows that he is immature and not dry.

I hung up this dog’s phone with disdain, and then received a series of news bombing from him. He sent me a series of Taobao connections on WeChat. I didn’t click on any one of them, and I emptied this with patience. All the chat records of this dog, including me and him during the three hundred rounds of fish fighting during work, the emoticon package battle, after the completion of the clearing of his voice came over late: "Shi Ran, you are too big a mother , Improve your own taste."

I replied with the **** expression and the sentence "Yu Gou Goun".

Of course, this does not prove that he is a picky person, at most it counts as a slapstick.

His pickiness is reflected in the fact that he came back from working overtime at night and opened the door to change shoes. He didn't lift his head and beeped: "Has the radish ribs soup boiled? The weather has been too dry recently. Eating radish this day is equivalent to eating ginseng."

"Boiled, poisoned." I told him.

"What kind of poison? Dichlorvos doesn't work, it tastes not so good, rat poison is not so good, right? It will cause abdominal cramps and die badly. Sleeping pills are good, but if the dose is not enough, you have to go to the hospital if you don't die. Stomach lavage." He put down his bag, took off his jacket and hung it up, while running his sleeves, he analyzed it seriously with me.

I very sincerely suggested to him: "Just jump off the building and die."

Yu Haiqiao replied, "Okay~" Ying finished rolling his sleeves and went into the kitchen. After entering the kitchen, he started shouting, "Shi Ran, how much water did you use for cooking? What is the ratio of the ribs in the soup to the radish? Is it edible?!"

Yu Haiqiao is a dog, and I will kill him one day.

He was very dogmatic in the kitchen for a long time, so I had to turn the volume of the TV to infinity. After a while, the dog’s babbling sound began to decrease, and then the kitchen heard him cut. The movement of the dishes, followed by the sound of oil, I let go of the hand that was blocking my single ear, and Yu Haiqiao screamed and rushed out of the kitchen: "You can turn down the TV sound for me, you My ears are deaf. I'm not deaf yet!"

Because Yu Haiqiao is a picky dog, he doesn’t eat my stir-fried dishes. He usually cooks when he comes back from work. We are actually about the same distance from the south to the north, but he drives to work. I squeeze the subway to work, so after get off work, I usually get home ten minutes later than him, and at that time, he is usually busy in the kitchen and there is nothing wrong with me. But today is the exception. He worked overtime until 8 o'clock and returned home at 8:30, but he was a dog and he was picky. He would rather die than surrender than eat what I made.

In the first time we were certified, he had been cooking for two days. The real situation was actually terribly unpalatable. However, he is very good at shielding words he doesn’t want to hear. Two or three dishes let me tell with my naked eyes. Unclear what the dish directly caused him to lift his tail up into the sky, and he also threatened to say that he was an inexperienced genius chef. It is a delicious meal to play at will, because this dog is too narcissistic and does not want to let him. My mortal fingers contaminated his noble kitchen, no matter how I dislike all the food he makes, he looks like I am a mortal and I am jealous of his talent, even if I order takeaway in front of him, he can distort it. Cheng is my garbage taste is not worthy of eating the delicacies he made.

All in all, this is the way he is, he is sometimes narcissistic to the point of heinous, and I think even if a pig cooks for a few years, what he cooks will become edible, of course pigs can’t do it. Food, it can only be served on the food table, this is just a metaphor.

Besides, although I don't want to admit, Yu Haiqiao is too smart, at least smarter than pigs.

So I haven't gotten into the kitchen much in three years of certification.

The reason why I said I haven't played it much, not I've never played it. Of course, after I entered the kitchen, I suddenly realized that Yu Haiqiao, a dog, is not worthy of eating, he is only worthy of eating shit!

When I first verified that he worked overtime until more than 8 o’clock in the evening, I thought I would be living at home starving to death, cooking some rice, ordering two takeaways and putting them on a plate, waiting until he hurried home from get off work. It happened to be frying a leafy vegetable in the pot, and when he brought it out, his face was not very good.

During the meal, they tasted two and put down their chopsticks, looked critically at them and said: "What do you make?"

I watched him pretendingly and told him: "Takeaway."

Yu Haiqiao's face was a little better, he lifted his chopsticks very noble to pick up the dishes, and said in his mouth: "I know, no wonder it tastes good."

Of course, I will not ridicule the face: "Do you think that I have made such a good table of dishes, that I feel that my self-esteem has been seriously affected, and that all the dishes I have made before are shit?"

Yu Haiqiao looked at me with a very disgusting expression. He looked at me in such an innocent and gentle state. Then the chopsticks ordered the plate of greens that I personally fried on the table. He lifted the chopsticks and stuffed it. Into his mouth, he took out a piece of paper very elegantly and vomited the greens on the paper very elegantly, and then told me very elegantly: "How is it possible?" He looked at me with a whistling, slowly pointing to the plate. The greens I fried, "This is shit."

Then I was banned from going to the kitchen, and oh, takeaway was also banned. He said that he didn't allow those bad things, including me, to enter his kitchen.

Therefore, Yu Haiqiao is a dog, picky, and only worthy of shit.

Well, it seems a bit ambiguous to say this. After all, he is cooking and I am eating now. I can’t classify myself as his kind. After years of cooking in the kitchen, Comrade Yu’s cooking skills are advancing by leaps and bounds. When I was in a good mood when he went down to the kitchen to make a table of good dishes, I would occasionally be grateful and happily give him a thumbs up: "Husband, you're absolutely cooking!"

Yu Haiqiao was barely a husband only at this time. In other cases, he was a dog, especially when he said the next sentence.

He would look at me with his dead fish eyes, and then ask me, "Are you sick?"

In order to make him sick enough, I will rush him to compare the three styles of hearts, which are two fingers, two hands, and two arms, and it is accompanied by a very idol drama-like exaggerated sound effect-"Love you." ,husband."