3 Years Later

Pain never set well with me.

Ever since I was a kid, injuries and the like was something that I was afraid of. Mainly for the pain that will be the resulted there after. I remember the pain of scr.a.p.es on me knees as a child, or the pain of bruises from falls, or even the pain of a heart ache. All these sources of pain became the subject of something I grew to hate.

However, being in this world in the state that it was now meant that such pain was unavoidable. This didn't stop me from despising it though.

"F.u.c.k..."

The hiss left my chattering teeth as I begun to feel the full brunt of my wounds. The dull numbness the pills that Ace gave me did nothing to help ease the intensity of it all. But alas, it was the strongest pain killers she managed to find.

Ever so softly the door crept open as the familiar face of my companion came by. His hair frazzled and face sullen then most. I grit my teeth, trying to hide my pain, as he trudged closer. A groan leaving his lips with each step.

"Finished your duties for the day?" I asked as he gave a sore nod, pulling a chair to sit in front of me.

"Yeah... They're working me to death y'know?" He mumbled as he shed his coat, it landing in a heavy thud as well as a squishing sound. Makes me wonder how much blood was on that thing.

I observed the way he panted, his face clenched up and eyebrows furrowed. I could feel his exhaustion coming out of him. Guilt began to bite at me as the creeping suspicion of why he was given all this work dawned on me. He, most probably, taking the brunt of the duties I was suppose to have here. Maybe he was hoping it'll buy me more time? Get us on the better side of Joseph?

With a sigh, I outstretched a hand and patted his head. Offering a sympathetic smile to my companion who could only wince in response. My eyes slowly making it's way around the room to busy myself only to notice the time. The ticking clock, barely loud enough to be noticeable, drew my attention. My eyes squinting to read what the time was only for more confusion to hit me.

"Jake... What time is it?"

His own confusion echoed mine as he sat up. His head turning about to find the clock and steadying himself on it. After a few moments of silence, he spoke.

"Maybe 6...? No 7."

Furrowing my brows, I felt my head tilt in response.

"Don't... You guys usually work until like 9?"

"I guess..." He said as he shrugged, "I was let off early."

"Huh? Why?"

"F.u.c.k if I know man!"

I pursed my lips as I stared at him. A strange sort of tension hung in the air as shaky breaths left him. Scratching his increasingly scraggy beard and pinching the bridge of his nose. His body tensing before slowly easing up. Soon facing me as a sorry look appeared on his face.

"Hey.. I... Sorry dude. Just really stressed out about everything." He admitted. Biting the flesh of his thumb anxiously as his eyes darted around the room. Landing on every surface, every object, everything but me.

"It's okay. We could've been outta here by now if I didn't act like an impulsive dumbass." My tone became dangerously low. Quiet and almost reserved. An emotion welled in my c.h.e.s.t that stung more than guilt and was more viscous than regret.

Jake's mouth opened, perhaps to dispute my claim, but promptly closed. Slowly nodding as his eyes cast down to the floor. He slowly stood up and awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"I'm gonna go to the washroom a bit."

He stood up without letting so much of a sigh behind. The room quickly becoming quiet once more. The only difference was the sound of the clocking ticking away. It's volume almost twice what it used to be. Frustration began to bubble in me as I felt this helpless feeling begin to eat away at my sense of self.

What have I been doing lately?

I don't even feel like myself anymore.

I've always stuck to a simple set of rules. Ones that kept me alive and well for as long as this whole thing started. Stick to yourself. Don't make sacrifices. Avoid pain. Avoid injuries. Keep quiet. Don't help.

Lists of rules that I've kept to for so long. And yet, why? Why did this all change? Was it because I met Jake? Is that why I threw that list out?

More thoughts of doubt and bitterness circled my mind as I forced myself to close my eyes. To scrunch up and will such things away. My body ached from how much I tensed but I didn't let up. Not until a tiny voice called out. A voice that was stuck inside me, originating from somewhere deep

and barren.

"You Are Not What You Used To Be."

A bitter laugh left my lips upon hearing this. My right hand outstretch as mumbles spilled out of me with the same intensity as a bag of marbles that has fallen off some poor child's hands. Noisy, messy, and all the more infuriating. To each word my hand bobbed up and down as if I were talking with them.

"I am not what I used to be. Where have I heard this phrase before? From a book? From a house? It's familiar. Maybe it's another clue to my past? Maybe the key? Maybe the lock? Non sum qualis eram. Something that echos me. Some where that I used to love. What is it?"

I mumbled and mummer until I felt my throat turn hoarse. My face clenching once more as the cramp in my wrist grew unbearable. Stopping mid-way through writing my thoughts out in the air.

"I'm not who I used to be. Huh...."

The door soon slammed open, my descent to somewhere dark halted as it did. The force of my head snapping up to meet with the source of the interruption was almost enough to give me whip-plash. I could feel the way my face screwed up in confusion upon seeing Jake's panicked and alarmed face. He panted ever so loudly as he met my eyes. Those bushy brows of his furrowed to a point.

"They're not here."

"Who?"

"Joseph, Abby, f.u.c.k all of them except for Ace. I looked and their bags and stuff were gone."

My stomach dropped as he sat down on the chair again. His hands tugging roughly at his beard leading me to believe that he was swimming in a pool of his own thoughts. Uncertainty written all over that face of his.

The night was spent in quiet unease.

Both of us too afraid to sleep but eventually succ.u.mbing to exhaustion.