A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Reckless Aristocrat

86 – broken, scattered, hated (7)

“…In the world, why do you hate me so much…”

The hot stuff that was filling my stomach came out of my throat and spilled out.

Emotional walls that have been forcibly endured so far are crumbled by the surging waves.

Let’s stumble for a while in the blurred vision,

Alan, who had been grabbed by my collar, reaches out and grabs my shoulders.

“Sir, senior… For now, calm down…”

A panicked voice pierced my ear, and at the same time I felt the warmth of a warm hand on both shoulders.

At the unpleasant sensation that made my brow furrow, I roughly shook my hand away.

“Go away, don’t touch my body… I’m going crazy, I think I’m going to throw it away…”

“Seniors…..”

Alan’s body is pushed back by my violent gestures.

A blond-haired boy staggering back slightly.

The boy’s back was supported by two girls standing behind him.

“Are you okay, Alan?”

“Senior-sama, as Alan said, calm down first…”

Abbie Robben and Clara Misoff.

Both of them were girls who took the role of Alan’s heroine in the original story.

The two looked at me and Alan alternately with anxious eyes.

“……”

“ha ha ha…..”

Those eyes that are shooting at me, put a fishy smile on my lips.

What is added to that smile is exhaustion, deep emptiness, and despair.

It was no longer a ‘smile’, mixed with all sorts of negative emotions.

It was nothing more than a simple act of raising the corners of the mouth upwards.

“…..Seniors.”

“Again… am I a bad person again…?”

The leaked word disperses into the void like smoke.

Perhaps because of the part of the emotion that had been drummed up by crying, the lips that were darting kept leaking their pronunciation.

“Senior, it’s not like that…”

“Shut up. Please shut up.”

As the tears form and flow, the field of view also blurs and becomes clearer repeatedly.

I couldn’t control my emotions at the hot solid line that was mercilessly drawn down my cold cheek.

ㅡTitling!

[Urgent message!]

[Due to severe mental shock…]

I roughly turn off the blue window that floats in front of my eyes.

Then it blocks notifications of the message.

There was too much water in my cup to accept that stupid message recommending stability.

It seemed that he could breathe if he poured out even a little of the contents that were filled with it.

“You guys…you guys are too…”

He looks at the girls standing behind the blond boy and says.

A trembling voice reverberates quietly into the dark room.

“…..Clara, Abbey. You guys didn’t stop Alan from breaking into the room.”

Clara, Abby.

If you guys, who are good at talking, really wanted to stop Alan, you might have been able to calm him down by calming him down.

But that didn’t mean…

“Did you guys think like Alan? Look at the contents of that damn letter.”

“……”

The two of them could not answer anything, as if the question they threw had stabbed them accurately.

yes, then it is

I murmured softly, then slightly turned my head to look at Lorraine.

“…Lorraine, you ignored my warning and threw the letter on the floor.”

If you hadn’t done that, the current situation might not have happened…

“Are you satisfied with the results you made?”

“……”

Lorraine, like the previous two, was silent.

Either way, I turned around and looked at the last person.

“…..Maharet.”

At my call, the body of the silver-haired girl standing at the farthest back trembles.

Seeing those red eyes staring at me, I felt a surge of emotion once again.

“Maharet… you’re the worst here.”

“……”

“I threw myself at you many times, and you still hate me.”

“Ra, Raiden… I’m not like that…”

Maharet seemed to be about to say something, but after a while he closed his lips again.

So the silence lasts for a while.

One boy falling down and five people watching it.

Between the heavy silence, only my sobs weakly melted.

“Ugh… ha…”

Without even thinking to wipe away the flowing tears, I stood there.

Barely restraining the staggering body,

Even shabby and desperate.

“……”

I knew the truth.

That there are good reasons for your misunderstandings, doubts, and hatreds.

The fact that the culprit behind everything is not you, but the foolish Raiden of the past.

However…..

Then what should I do?

Do I, who did nothing, have to be hated by you just because I became Raiden?

“I… I really, did nothing wrong…”

If there’s someone I should hate

If there is someone to resent,

It must be Raiden.

But, that bastard is gone.

you are not here

Then who am I to blame?

Who should I hate and who should I blame?

No matter how much I asked the question, the answer never came back.

“…You guys don’t know anything.”

Emotions that don’t know where to go just wander here and there,

Eventually, it began to spread out in all directions.

“You guys say you don’t know anything… What have I been sacrificing for… why did I fight so fiercely…”

My words, soaked in anger and sorrow, are aimed at you, you fools.

“……”

….no.

no.

Is it really the wrong direction?

In this situation where everything is ruined, is there really nothing wrong with you guys?

In fact, you could have known.

Watching myself risking my life for someone and trying to erase the images of the past,

You could have believed it a little bit.

Even if the cause of this mess is Raiden,

It was you guys who hated, doubted, and were wary of me morbidly.

“I didn’t ask for much… I’ve never wanted to thank you, nor have I ever wished for grandiose love…”

I just didn’t want to be hated.

….just, that was enough.

The small monologues that are spit out inwardly pass through the chest, leaving deep scars.

Emotions pouring out through the red gap, I slowly collapsed.

“Ugh… Heh…”

Hearts are shattered, scattered.

Only fragments of hatred remained on the spot that had turned to ashes.

I felt like my brain was being crushed by intense emotions.

By the time I was staggering, letting out a shabby moan from the pain.

ㅡTitling!

A familiar mechanical sound echoed in my deaf ears.

After that, the blue window that had apparently been blocked popped up again.

ㅡTitling!

[79 unread urgent messages]

1. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

2. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

3. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

4. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

.

.

.

78. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

79. Urgent message! – Severe psychological trauma…

Messages that I hadn’t been able to check because I had turned off the notifications flew past my eyes with a gurgling sound.

I had no choice but to look at it with blank eyes at the sudden intrusion of the status window.

Screens flashing like crazy, and messages breaking through cracks.

It didn’t take long to realize what the situation meant.

“ah…..”

ㅡTitling!

[The system takes damage from the excessive accumulation of mental pain!]

[The system collapses!]

[The status window will be unavailable during the ‘unknown’ period!]

“f*ck…”

As I put my eyes on the typefaces listed in the message, vain curses come out between my tired lips.

ㅡGet your mind right, grit your teeth.

ㅡYou must never let the ‘wall’ collapse.

ㅡDon’t ever break down.

Voices like I heard in a dream someday pass by my ears

Followed by…

Clink!

The status window floating in front of my eyes shattered with a loud sound.

Blue opaque fragments bounce here and there.

In the midst of the dispersing sound, the last mechanical sound is heard.

ㅡTitling!

[As the system shuts down, ‘Spirit of Iron’, which was always active, also goes into inactive state!]

[The skill ‘Spirit of Iron’ is turned off!]

oh

The wall collapses.

A word dripping from his mouth was filled with despair.

.

.

.

iron spirit

It is a passive skill of SSS rank that has never appeared even in the original work.

It was a barrier to the mental world that the Goddess herself had placed to prevent my unstable mind from collapsing.

It was kind of like a ‘bowl’.

A bowl that holds negative emotions from overflowing.

So that the traumas and depression of the past that remain thick in my heart do not pour out,

A bowl that stably contains the things that are dangerously overflowing in my body.

Thanks to such an ‘iron spirit’, I was able to live comfortably in my second life.

I didn’t suffer from being pressed by scissors every night,

There was never a day when I had a seizure in the middle of training and collapsed in a bubble.

The aphasia that I suffered from the shock of my mother’s death has completely disappeared,

Sitting on a window sill on a fictitious day and attempting suicide is also gone.

Thankfully.

This skill, gifted by the Goddess, has led my life to a brighter place.

“Oops… Huh, Huh…”

That’s why I’ve been thinking about it sometimes.

The ‘spirit of iron’ that supports all my mental parts.

What would happen to me if the effects of that iron mind were gone? thought that.

“Ah ah ah ah ah….!!”

Your mind will probably collapse.

And all the traumas you suffered from in your previous life will come back.

As I came to that conclusion, I shuddered at the horror.

“Oh ahhhh!

“Seo, senior?! Why are you doing that all of a sudden!”

“Wait, Mr. Raiden! You can’t take off that bandage!! The wound hasn’t stayed yet…!”

And now, I’m hit with the results.

As always, through the worst possible process.

ㅡPud deude deuk!

My hand, which moved at will, roughly rips off the bandages that were wrapped around my body.

As a result, the bandages and the attached flesh are torn apart, and the areas that have undergone surgery begin to burst again.

“Ra, Raiden! What are you doing!!”

“Damn it, stop it now!”

ㅡ Cheolpudduk….

Pieces of blood-soaked bandages fall at my feet,

Blood seeps out and soaks the floor red.

His hands scratched all over his body as if it were tickling.

Alan and Maharet, who came running with their faces turned white, grabbed my arms.

eyesight flickers

And after a while, consciousness goes dark.