Alpha Tristan

The atmosphere was tenser between us than it had ever been.

Tristan froze and that had been the first time I had ever seen fear cross his face. "What do you mean, Kara?"

I swallowed the lump of emotion that threatened to choke me. "If that's what I have to do, Tristan. If I have to beat someone within an inch of death, then I don't want to be your Luna."

He looked deeply troubled and the pain on his face was too much for me to look at. "This shouldn't break us. It's a simple fight that you'll definitely win."

I sighed in vexation and stared at him with an incredulous expression. "Simple? Tristan, do you hear yourself right now? Violence isn't simple. Having to fight for my place with you isn't simple. It's f.u.c.k.i.n.g complicated, and I didn't sign up for that."

"Do you even know what you are?" he questioned, slight annoyance seeping through his confusion. "You're not human, Kara. Life isn't all civilised—I've had to kill just to reclaim my birthright. I've seen people die right in front of me in the name of peace. You're not fighting for a place with me, you've already got one. But, to lead beside me, you need to know how to survive—you need to show us you know how to survive."

I was almost at my boiling point. "And if I don't survive?" I nearly screamed, closing my eyes tightly and pressing my palm to my forehead. "There's absolutely no f.u.c.k.i.n.g guarantee that I'll survive and if I die, my mother will be all alone. I'm all she has, none of this is worth leaving her for."

"I've been doing this for years, Kara!" he shouted back in desperation. "The fight ends when someone can no longer continue—not when they're dead."

"And what happens to the person who can't continue? They're not welcomed to your pack?"

"I make the decision at the end of the fight. If I deem them to have something to add to my pack, then they'll be in my pack regardless and put in training for the first month." He clarified as his shoulders dropping in exhaustion. "Kara, regardless of the fight, you need to know how to defend yourself."

I could have cried in frustration. "Knowing how to defend myself isn't the problem here." I stepped closer to him and jabbed a finger into his c.h.e.s.t. "The problem is that I'll have to compromise my morals just to be with you. I don't hurt people, Tristan. I'm not a monster."

"And I am?" he questioned as he stared down at me with a look of deep hurt on his face. "You're not killing anyone or dying, Kara. I promise I won't let it get that far. You just need to win the fight."

The thought of coming close to killing someone almost caused bile to come up. "You can't guarantee that." I averted my gaze and dug my nails into my palms. "We're clearly not right for each other, Tristan. I should go back home."

His hands curled around my arms and he pulled me closer against his c.h.e.s.t. I struggled in defiance and he held me in place with intense eyes. "We are right for each other. I'm not losing you, Kara. Can't you see that I would never let any harm come to you? I have never lost a single fight—I'll teach you everything I know and the fight will be over in minutes. All you really have to do is get them to submit." He looked desperate yet completely serious as if he was confident in me. "You're not just any wolf, Kara. You're an alpha female—the fight will be over quicker than you think it'll be."

I knocked my head against his c.h.e.s.t and breathed in and out in an attempt to calm myself down. On the one hand, he was right. Alphas could make any wolf that ranked lower than them submit by just exuding power, and with the amount of power Tristan had, I was sure that he could even make other alphas submit to him.

On the other, I didn't know whether I had it in me to be that violent. I wasn't unaccustomed to defending myself or others if need be, but fighting for something that I deemed unnecessary, it seemed too barbaric for me.

"I'm meant to be your mate." I said quietly, closing my eyes for a moment before I forcefully tore myself from his hold. "Regardless of a stupid fight. If you can't see that then what are we doing?"

It was silent between us and I opened my eyes to see him simply staring at me with a deep frown on his face. "Bullshit. If you believed that you were meant to be my mate, you wouldn't have tried so hard to break me." There was a hint of anger in his voice, but his shoulders slightly dropped in resignation before he put on a mask of indifference right in front of me.

Closing my eyes, I couldn't help but feel guilty since he was right. I could barely pull that card since there has been so much resistance on my side. I went to say something, but he beat me to it.

"I don't want to argue with you, Kara. All I have to say is that you will win. You wouldn't be my mate if you weren't going to win." He slowly extended a hand towards me and I was hesitant to take it before I saw the look of longing in his eyes.

Our fingers linked together gently and I looked up at him before sighing. "I don't like this, Tristan."

He nodded sombrely. "I know, αγάπη μου."

The silence settled just like the snow beneath us as we walked back towards the house. I couldn't stop the thousand and one thoughts that sent my mind into a frenzy, but I knew that I had to get used to the idea of the duel real fast. It didn't seem like I had much of a choice since going back to my old pack wasn't an option.

The urge to speak to my mother was still strong as we approached the front door and I tugged on Tristan's hand to capture his attention. His gaze settled on mine and I licked my cold lips before speaking.

"Can I call my mother again?" I asked softly, peering up at him and coming to a halt in the threshold of the door.

A flash of reluctance crossed his face and I knew it was because of the last phone call I had with her. What she had said angered Tristan to the point that he looked on the verge of shifting right there in his office. I pondered over whether I wanted to tell him that I saw him in a slightly different light.

Rumours were being disproven and the mate pull encouraged me to be around Tristan a lot more than I ever thought I would be. His presence had a calming effect on me and I didn't have enough hands to count how many times I wanted his attention on me a day.

"Go ahead." He gently pulled me into the house and lead me up the stairs to his office. He took the phone out of his drawer before handing it to me and taking a seat behind his desk. "Take the call in your room though, Kara." He didn't show his discomfort, but his request said it all.

I nodded and before I could leave, a sudden urge to give him a comforting kiss filled me, but I fought hard against it as I quickly left the room. I was still more than upset and I knew that the mate pull was working against me. I was sure that my d.e.s.i.r.e to go home was stronger than ever, and the part of me that wanted Tristan was pulling me towards him with a strength I was finding hard to counter.

It wasn't fair that I couldn't control my feelings.

Dialling my mother's number, the phone rang for a long ten seconds before the call connected. I listened carefully for a few moments before speaking into the phone. "Mum, are you there?"

Her voice was thick with sadness. "I'm here, Kara. I miss you."

I closed my eyes and quickly gave into the overwhelming urge to cry. "I miss you too—so much. I really want to see you."

"You'll see me soon, my sweet child." She vowed and I could clearly hear her sniffles. "How are you really doing, Kara?"

I took a deep breath in and almost bit hard enough on my lip to draw blood. "I'm not doing good." I choked out, digging my face into my pillow. "I have to go through a rite of initiation to be welcomed as Luna."

My mother asked her next question cautiously and with bated breath. "And what's the rite?"

"A one-on-one fight to submission."

She released a shaky breath and I could tell she was shaking her head. "That never ends well, Kara. One-on-ones are dangerous—your opponent won't care that you're the alpha's mate. It's practically a fight to the death no matter how you phrase it. It's survival of the fittest and people will kill if it means that they'll win."

Her words were the confirmation of everything I feared. I knew that Tristan could promise that he wouldn't let anything fatal happen to me, but he couldn't control the way the fight went. All it could take was the snap of my neck and I'd be dead.

"Don't do it, Kara." She pleaded, crying quietly. "Your opponent will be a lower rank than you and it's impossible to make an alpha female submit. They'll either make sure you can never move again or flat out kill you. It's not worth it."

My shoulders began to shake and I hoped that my pillow muffled my cries enough so that he wouldn't hear me from his office. The last thing I wanted was for him to come in and try to comfort me. He was the alpha, for God's sake, and he couldn't even change the rules at my request—his rules.

"I don't know what to do, Mum." I sobbed into the phone and gripped at my sheets. "He said that he won't let any harm come to me, but I can't physically hurt someone in the way the fight needs me to."

"I know, honey." She quietly responded. "You have such a kind heart. Don't let their pack's violent ways change you. If you don't want to fight then don't. If you really mean something to him, he'll keep you in his pack no matter what."

She had a point. If I refused to fight, it wasn't like he'd reject me and if he did...my heart tightened at the thought, but I knew that it would be for the best if things lead to that.

"What if he doesn't?" I voiced my concern quietly.

"Then we'll live a life in exile or join another pack." She adamantly replied, getting control over her emotions as she spoke firmly to me. "I can't give you advice on how to handle being someone's mate because I've never met mine, but Kara, if he truly loves you or wants you by his side, I can't tell you what to do. Go with your heart."

"I don't know what my heart wants." I uttered quietly, sighing before drifting off into silence. I could tell that my mum was heartbroken over my absence so I changed the subject and asked her to tend to the flowers as I spoke to her—to make it feel like I was with her.

The call went on for an hour and a half. Tristan's phone bill was most likely going to be through the roof, but I couldn't bring myself to care since I needed to hear my mum's voice after all that had happened. And when I finally hung up, Tristan knocked on the door softly.

I didn't have to say anything as he opened the door but stopped in his tracks as he took in my flushed cheeks and wet eyelashes. He seemed frozen, as if he didn't know what to say before a deep frown pulled at his lips.

It had completely slipped my mind that I had been crying, the latter half of the phone call had been filled with laughs and light-hearted conversation yet his presence brought it all back.

"I thought you'd be hungry by now, so I made you lunch." He spoke quietly, taking a seat at the foot of my bed. It must have only been ten seconds before he reached out for me. "I know you're upset, but please eat something."

I stared at him for a long moment before I conceded and slowly rose to my feet. Lifting a hand up, I motioned first Tristan to stop as I quickly made my way to the joined bathroom to splash some water on my face. When I deemed my appearance to be acceptable again, I followed him down the kitchen.

To my surprise, two meals were laid out opposite each other with two candles burning. It seemed a lot like a date. I looked to Tristan in surprise when I saw my favourite meal. "How did you know this is my favourite?"

Tristan smiled slightly. "I called Ramiel to get him to find out for me." He gestured to one side of the island. "I don't have to eat with you. I understand how you're feeling right now." Stepping towards the countertop, he blew out both the candles and lifted his plate into his hand.

I watched him carefully for a second and suddenly, an odd sense of guilt overtook me. That was until I reminded myself of why I was so upset in the first place. But that too didn't last because the need to be near him triumphed over anything else. "Stay." I softly said after him, taking a seat and picking up my fork.

Tristan faltered but eventually returned to the seat opposite me, staring at me with the sense of interest he always had.

The silence was too unbearable for me, so I uttered the one thing that was nagging on my mind. "Do I mean anything to you?"

His eyebrows lowered in confusion but not a second went by before he answered, sure of himself. "You mean the world to me, Kara." His gaze never wavered and I felt a wave of warmth course through me. "Don't you see I'm crazy about you?"

Bitterness leaked from my tone. "I'm not sure I do."

He sighed and placed his cutlery down. "I think we can come to a middle ground." He began, barely gaining my attention until he continued. "Let me train you at first and if you're still not confident enough to fight, you don't have to."

My eyes widened and I wondered why he was yielding so quickly. I expected much more resistance on his side. "What about being accepted into the pack?"

He leaned forward on the table and reached for my hands. Squeezing them in an gesture of comfort, he spoke. "You do mean a lot to me, Kara. They'll accept you regardless because I've accepted you. The fight is only to earn their trust."

Packs thrived on trust, and it was then I began to see it from his perspective. Sure, his pack would recognise me as his mate and their Luna, but they wouldn't trust me to lead alongside him. It was like trusting someone to catch you as you fall without really knowing if they're there.

Blind trust was lethal. And I had to force myself to acknowledge that if they didn't trust me, they wouldn't love me either.

"Promise me you won't put any pressure on me for the time being." I squeezed his hand back, trying to rid myself of those feelings of discomfort. "Promise me you'll let me take this at my own pace."

He nodded instantly. "I promise, αγάπη μου."

And that was the very first promise he made to me.