Before My Withering

It was only from the next day that I’d gotten a real sense of what an alpha’s susceptibility period was like.

Zhou Chen refused everyone who’d come near him. His demeanor seemed weary after injecting the inhibitor, resembling a grumpy lion who didn’t want to wake up but was mulling over whether he should.     

At the same time, he unreasonably did not allow me to leave his sight, as if I really had become his pillow.    

I’d have this feeling that he would bite my nape when he hugged me from the back, but the most he’d do was to rub the tip of his nose against it, no biting.

A relationship like this confused me.  

We weren’t like the doctor-patient dynamic, nor were we friends; and not like the Gold Master and his canary.     

There’d be times where I’d have the illusion of us being lovers, but lovers wouldn’t stop at just hugging. 

Anyhow, it’s never a bad feeling to be needed. And he needed me simply because I am me.

I took my cello to Zhou Chen’s bedroom and played Jacqueline's Tears for him. After listening, he said that if I needed to pour my heart and soul to music, he’d rather I was mediocre.    

“You’re still so young, you shouldn’t be having it so hard.”

I told him I wasn’t having a hard time. The original piece was just very sorrowful.

 He frowned and touched the scar on the corner of my forehead, his fingertips moving gently like a butterfly kissing the first flower in spring. 

“I’ve witnessed life and death so many times, so many times that I thought I would never again be moved by anyone’s life.” He said, “But that day, when you were dying as you lay in the operating room, I actually prayed that God wouldn’t take you away.

“Do you know what it means for a doctor to begin to believe in the power of God? It means that Achilles was shot in the ankle with a poisoned arrow.    

“I’m very glad you chose to live.”

    …… 

The dignified sunset was isolated outside the window. A ray of light passed through the gap of the curtains, casting a golden spot on the carpet.

I accidentally pried upon a different Zhou Chen; the one who didn’t belong to the gold-rimmed glasses and white coat, but only to this sensuous dusk.

Maybe he’d return to his calm and restrained self after the susceptibility period, and then this would become a secret known only to the two of us. 

Ojafg lc atf fnfclcu, We Wlcuhf mjiifv jcv rjlv atja Hl Vte tjv rfca rbwfbcf ab qlmx eq Qfc Ildlcu.

“Pc jcs mjrf, atfs’gf fcujufv, sfa tf pera ifoa atlr qfgrbc bearlvf jii vjs. ” Lf rjlv.

A whole day is nothing. Qi Shu just doesn’t care. 

P mbeivc’a tjaf Qfc Ildlcu, cbg mbeiv P rswqjatlhf klat tlw. P pera tbqf atja joafg atlr fnfca, tf’ii rajs ojg jkjs ogbw wf.

I got really scared of him.

“I always feel something’s not right with Qi Shu recently.” Xu Xingze hesitated and said, “Before whenever seeing me, he looked like he was about to eat people. This time, he actually took the initiative and asked if I knew your whereabouts. Of course I didn’t tell him, don’t worry.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I thanked him. 

“I won’t be visiting you recently. Knowing the kind of person he is, there’s a chance he’ll send someone to follow me.”

What Xu Xingze had said was very plausible, Qi Shu really could do it. He once installed a GPS in my car, my phone and even my wallet. So when I left, I didn’t dare to take any of my old stuff with me.

It’s just that it’d been more than a month. With Qi Shu’s nature, no matter what he lost, it’d be forgotten. Why was he still looking for me? 

It couldn’t be that he wanted to renew my contract. 

Alphas in their susceptible period weren’t very amenable to reason. Zhou Chen jerked away my mobile phone and didn’t allow me to mention Qi Shu’s name again.

“Don’t love him.” He whispered.

My heart fluttered. “Not loving him anymore.”

Summer finally arrived. 

Zhou Chen took me to the amusement park on Children’s Day.

We wore cartoon masks, mingled with the children and queued up for the merry-go-round with them. 

I wanted to play on the roller coaster, but Zhou Chen said it’s too much for my heart and that I couldn’t play this kind of game for the time being.    

Surrounded by fair and delicate little girls, Zhou Chen, who was tall, was definitely eye-catching. 

He wore a dark-printed white shirt without cufflinks, and casually rolled up his sleeves, revealing his slender, strong forearms. His hair wasn’t deliberately tended, and he looked several years younger.

I was absent-minded, feeling like I’d seen him like this somewhere. 

After riding the merry-go-round, we met the parade on the road. The children followed the bouncing float. Zhou Chen took me to the curb, grabbed the balloon in my hand, and then held my hand.

“There’s too many people, it’s easy to get separated.” He casually mentioned.

“Mm….” 

The sun was shining bright, my face felt so hot.     

I didn’t tell him that this was my first time visiting an amusement park.

Zhou Chen went to buy ice cream. I sat on the bench outside the castle and waited. I didn’t notice that there was an ox-eyed, plump little girl next to me, eyeing me with bated breath. 

I followed her line of sight and looked down only to see the StellaLou doll I was holding.

The little girl seemed four-five years old, wearing a fluffy princess dress, like a group of pink clouds.

Super cute.  

“Little sister.” I waved to her. “Where’s your mom and dad?”

She blinked her big eyes, hesitated before coming up to me, and said, “I can’t find them.”

It turned out to be a child who had gotten separated from his parents.

The amusement park was so big that she couldn’t tell when she realized her mom and dad were missing. I figured her parents would come back along the same way to find her, so I pulled her to my side and asked, “What’s your name?” 

“My name is Xiao Yu.”

“Eh?! My name is also Xiao Yu.” She was so cute that I couldn’t help pinching her face.

“Xiao Yu gege.” She asked cleverly, “Do you also like StellaLou?”

“Like. StellaLou is so cute, as cute as Xiao Yu.” I picked her up and put her on the bench, then placed the doll in her arms. “How about I give her to you?” 

The child’s mood was written on her face. Her eyes lit up at once and she shyly pursed her lips and smiled, “Thank you, gege.”

Then she suddenly seemed to have thought of something. She took out a string of star bracelets from the small satchel she was carrying. “This is for you.”

I reached my wrist over, and asked her if she could put it on for me. 

She blushed and whispered okay. Then she fiddled with her two fleshy little hands for a long time before putting the bracelet on for me. 

A string of glittering gold stars hung on my wrist, obviously a little girl’s item. But I loved it so much.

She asked me if I came to play alone. I was about to answer, but then I looked up to see Zhou Chen walking from across the road holding two ice creams. 

So I lifted my chin to his direction and said, “I came with that gege.” 

Zhou Chen was startled when he saw the little girl and cast an inquiring look at me.

“She got separated from her mom and dad, I’m waiting here with her.” I responded.

Two ice creams were then handed to me and Xiao Yu respectively. Xiao Yu said, “Thank you, Uncle.”

Zhou Shen revealed a rare gloomy expression and asked, “Why do you call him gege and me uncle?” 

Xiao Yu didn’t know how to answer. Calling someone uncle or gege came completely from a kid’s instinct, so such a question was tad difficult for her.

So she turned her head and threw herself on top of me, burying her face and tried to solve the problem by running away.

The little girl was so soft I felt like my heart was melting.

I returned the ice cream I had eaten to Zhou Chen, picked up Xiao Yu and placed her on my lap. I told her that StellaLou just now was also bought by this uncle, who was a good person. 

Xiao Yu carefully revealed one eye to survey Zhou Chen, and asked, “Are uncle and gege in love, like mama and papa?”

?!

Kids nowadays seem to know everything. 

It was only from the next day that I’d gotten a real sense of what an alpha’s susceptibility period was like.

Zhou Chen refused everyone who’d come near him. His demeanor seemed weary after injecting the inhibitor, resembling a grumpy lion who didn’t want to wake up but was mulling over whether he should.     

At the same time, he unreasonably did not allow me to leave his sight, as if I really had become his pillow.    

I’d have this feeling that he would bite my nape when he hugged me from the back, but the most he’d do was to rub the tip of his nose against it, no biting.

A relationship like this confused me.  

We weren’t like the doctor-patient dynamic, nor were we friends; and not like the Gold Master and his canary.     

There’d be times where I’d have the illusion of us being lovers, but lovers wouldn’t stop at just hugging. 

Anyhow, it’s never a bad feeling to be needed. And he needed me simply because I am me.

I took my cello to Zhou Chen’s bedroom and played Jacqueline's Tears for him. After listening, he said that if I needed to pour my heart and soul to music, he’d rather I was mediocre.    

“You’re still so young, you shouldn’t be having it so hard.”

I told him I wasn’t having a hard time. The original piece was just very sorrowful.

 He frowned and touched the scar on the corner of my forehead, his fingertips moving gently like a butterfly kissing the first flower in spring. 

“I’ve witnessed life and death so many times, so many times that I thought I would never again be moved by anyone’s life.” He said, “But that day, when you were dying as you lay in the operating room, I actually prayed that God wouldn’t take you away.

“Do you know what it means for a doctor to begin to believe in the power of God? It means that Achilles was shot in the ankle with a poisoned arrow.    

“I’m very glad you chose to live.”

    …… 

The dignified sunset was isolated outside the window. A ray of light passed through the gap of the curtains, casting a golden spot on the carpet.

I accidentally pried upon a different Zhou Chen; the one who didn’t belong to the gold-rimmed glasses and white coat, but only to this sensuous dusk.

Maybe he’d return to his calm and restrained self after the susceptibility period, and then this would become a secret known only to the two of us. 

Ojafg lc atf fnfclcu, We Wlcuhf mjiifv jcv rjlv atja Hl Vte tjv rfca rbwfbcf ab qlmx eq Qfc Ildlcu.

“Pc jcs mjrf, atfs’gf fcujufv, sfa tf pera ifoa atlr qfgrbc bearlvf jii vjs. ” Lf rjlv.

A whole day is nothing. Qi Shu just doesn’t care. 

P mbeivc’a tjaf Qfc Ildlcu, cbg mbeiv P rswqjatlhf klat tlw. P pera tbqf atja joafg atlr fnfca, tf’ii rajs ojg jkjs ogbw wf.

I got really scared of him.

“I always feel something’s not right with Qi Shu recently.” Xu Xingze hesitated and said, “Before whenever seeing me, he looked like he was about to eat people. This time, he actually took the initiative and asked if I knew your whereabouts. Of course I didn’t tell him, don’t worry.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I thanked him. 

“I won’t be visiting you recently. Knowing the kind of person he is, there’s a chance he’ll send someone to follow me.”

What Xu Xingze had said was very plausible, Qi Shu really could do it. He once installed a GPS in my car, my phone and even my wallet. So when I left, I didn’t dare to take any of my old stuff with me.

It’s just that it’d been more than a month. With Qi Shu’s nature, no matter what he lost, it’d be forgotten. Why was he still looking for me? 

It couldn’t be that he wanted to renew my contract. 

Alphas in their susceptible period weren’t very amenable to reason. Zhou Chen jerked away my mobile phone and didn’t allow me to mention Qi Shu’s name again.

“Don’t love him.” He whispered.

My heart fluttered. “Not loving him anymore.”

Summer finally arrived. 

Zhou Chen took me to the amusement park on Children’s Day.

We wore cartoon masks, mingled with the children and queued up for the merry-go-round with them. 

I wanted to play on the roller coaster, but Zhou Chen said it’s too much for my heart and that I couldn’t play this kind of game for the time being.    

Surrounded by fair and delicate little girls, Zhou Chen, who was tall, was definitely eye-catching. 

He wore a dark-printed white shirt without cufflinks, and casually rolled up his sleeves, revealing his slender, strong forearms. His hair wasn’t deliberately tended, and he looked several years younger.

I was absent-minded, feeling like I’d seen him like this somewhere. 

After riding the merry-go-round, we met the parade on the road. The children followed the bouncing float. Zhou Chen took me to the curb, grabbed the balloon in my hand, and then held my hand.

“There’s too many people, it’s easy to get separated.” He casually mentioned.

“Mm….” 

The sun was shining bright, my face felt so hot.     

I didn’t tell him that this was my first time visiting an amusement park.

Zhou Chen went to buy ice cream. I sat on the bench outside the castle and waited. I didn’t notice that there was an ox-eyed, plump little girl next to me, eyeing me with bated breath. 

I followed her line of sight and looked down only to see the StellaLou doll I was holding.

The little girl seemed four-five years old, wearing a fluffy princess dress, like a group of pink clouds.

Super cute.  

“Little sister.” I waved to her. “Where’s your mom and dad?”

She blinked her big eyes, hesitated before coming up to me, and said, “I can’t find them.”

It turned out to be a child who had gotten separated from his parents.

The amusement park was so big that she couldn’t tell when she realized her mom and dad were missing. I figured her parents would come back along the same way to find her, so I pulled her to my side and asked, “What’s your name?” 

“My name is Xiao Yu.”

“Eh?! My name is also Xiao Yu.” She was so cute that I couldn’t help pinching her face.

“Xiao Yu gege.” She asked cleverly, “Do you also like StellaLou?”

“Like. StellaLou is so cute, as cute as Xiao Yu.” I picked her up and put her on the bench, then placed the doll in her arms. “How about I give her to you?” 

The child’s mood was written on her face. Her eyes lit up at once and she shyly pursed her lips and smiled, “Thank you, gege.”

Then she suddenly seemed to have thought of something. She took out a string of star bracelets from the small satchel she was carrying. “This is for you.”

I reached my wrist over, and asked her if she could put it on for me. 

She blushed and whispered okay. Then she fiddled with her two fleshy little hands for a long time before putting the bracelet on for me. 

A string of glittering gold stars hung on my wrist, obviously a little girl’s item. But I loved it so much.

She asked me if I came to play alone. I was about to answer, but then I looked up to see Zhou Chen walking from across the road holding two ice creams. 

So I lifted my chin to his direction and said, “I came with that gege.” 

Zhou Chen was startled when he saw the little girl and cast an inquiring look at me.

“She got separated from her mom and dad, I’m waiting here with her.” I responded.

Two ice creams were then handed to me and Xiao Yu respectively. Xiao Yu said, “Thank you, Uncle.”

Zhou Shen revealed a rare gloomy expression and asked, “Why do you call him gege and me uncle?” 

Xiao Yu didn’t know how to answer. Calling someone uncle or gege came completely from a kid’s instinct, so such a question was tad difficult for her.

So she turned her head and threw herself on top of me, burying her face and tried to solve the problem by running away.

The little girl was so soft I felt like my heart was melting.

I returned the ice cream I had eaten to Zhou Chen, picked up Xiao Yu and placed her on my lap. I told her that StellaLou just now was also bought by this uncle, who was a good person. 

Xiao Yu carefully revealed one eye to survey Zhou Chen, and asked, “Are uncle and gege in love, like mama and papa?”

?!

Kids nowadays seem to know everything.