Chasing the Light

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Ding Yao was only four or five years old when he first met Xie Qinfeng. When he was young, his parents were busy working all over the world so he was basically brought up by his grandfather. At that time, his grandfather was still the head of Shengxing and the old man was so passionate about his career that he used to sneak around the various film sets and keep an eye on them personally. Sometimes he would bring Ding Yao with him as a child, and that was when he met Xie Qinfeng.

Xie Qinfeng was a child actor. His grandfather was a veteran artist, a close friend of Ding Yao’s grandfather, while his parents were also highly regarded actors at the time. He was only a few months old when he first appeared in front of the camera in a commercial for baby milk powder. He was already famous at a young age and being in this circle, he was just like a fish in the water.

That summer, at the age of twelve, Xie Qinfeng was filming a costume drama on the outskirts of Beijing. He played the childhood and youth version of the leading role and the scene took more than two months to shoot. Ding Yao had been attached to this brother since he first met him and received a lollipop from him. Almost every day, he had to ask the family driver to bring him to the set to play with his Xie-ge. At that time, Xie Qinfeng, who already looked like a young adult, did not think that there was anything fun about playing with a baby doll like Ding Yao.

But Ding Yao was a very pestering and a coquettish kid. He was naturally pleasing in nature; he had a round face, big eyes and a little dimple when he smiled. No one on the set didn’t like him, especially when they found out that he was the grandson of the president of Shengxing.

Xie Qinfeng was so annoyed that he lost his temper before slowly accepting this little friend, allowing him to follow him around like a follower, watching cartoons and playing house with him when he wasn’t filming, as well as acting as a nanny without complaining.

From the age of five to sixteen, Ding Yao had grown from a kindergarten child to a young man in his prime, and Xie Qinfeng had long since established himself in the industry, winning the highly prestigious film award on his own merit. The only thing that remained the same was their relationship, which remained as close as ever.

Xie Qinfeng was studying and filming at the same time. Because of his special status, he didn’t make many friends of the same age in school. Only Ding Yao, his younger brother who was seven or eight years younger, was his only playmate. From the beginning, it was the little milky boy who clung to him, but as the older Xie Qinfeng grew, the more he felt that he was the one who could not do without Ding Yao.

Ding Yao was innocent, straightforward and enthusiastic. Xie Qinfeng doted on him and protected him, wanting to give him the best of all worlds, but the only thing he dared not tell him was his gradually deteriorating feelings for him.

When Ding Yao was sixteen, his parents sent him abroad to study at university. He was reluctant. He had never been away from home since he was a child, so when he suddenly had to go to a foreign country to study, he was instinctively reluctant. Not to mention that he would not be able to see his Xie-ge if he went abroad. He quarreled with his family several times, but no one could convince him. In the end, Xie Qinfeng came to persuade him: “You better go and study outside, auntie and uncle are doing it for your own good, don’t be capricious.”

That was the first time Ding Yao quarreled with Xie Qinfeng, and after that the cold war began. Xie Qinfeng did not lower his posture to coax him when he was upset, as he had done every time before, and instead insisted that he should go abroad. Later on, Ding Yao boarded the plane in a fit of anger. Even when Xie Qinfeng went to the airport to see him off, he didn’t even say a word to him.

Xie Qinfeng felt uncomfortable, but he had to do this. Ding Yao was only sixteen years old, he had not yet seen the outside world. How could he bear to keep him trapped by his side? Those unspeakable thoughts were about to disappear, he did not dare or want to let Ding Yao know.

Four years was not a long time, not a short time either, and Ding Yao’s temperament had long since disappeared. After two months abroad, he took the initiative to call Xie Qinfeng and reconcile with him. They remained close after that, but he could no longer pester Xie Qinfeng all the time, as he had done before.

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During his last year abroad, Ding Yao met a very funny foreign guy at a party. The first time Ding Yao met him, he announced in public that he was going to chase him, and after that, he launched an outright and passionate pursuit of him. For several months in a row, he kept bringing Ding Yao one surprise after another, and Ding Yao couldn’t stand it any longer. Finally, one day, he agreed to go on a date with him when the guy appeared in front of the classroom holding flowers.

They had a great time the whole day. As the night fell, the boy took Ding Yao home and tried to kiss him at his doorstep. Ding Yao closed his eyes, but Xie Qinfeng’s face came to mind for no apparent reason.

At the last minute he pushed the boy away and turned to run into the house, closing the door behind him and sliding down on the floor, covering his heart, unable to calm his racing heart.

He called Xie Qinfeng, but it was not yet dawn there. Xie Qinfeng was probably woken up by him. His voice was a bit hoarse as he asked him: “What’s wrong?”

“Ge, I want to go back, I’ll go back to you after I graduate, okay?”

“Didn’t you say a few days ago that you wanted to go back to graduate school?”

“I don’t want to study anymore, I miss you, I don’t want to study.”

As soon as he had finished his graduation defense, Ding Yao packed his bags and returned to China. He told his uncle that he wanted to join Shengxing and be an actor.

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Of course Du Shen didn’t agree. Ding Yao had studied for so many years and had returned from further studies abroad, yet he said he wanted to enter the entertainment industry and act in movies? What was this?

His parents were even more strongly opposed to the idea, but Ding Yao was very insistent. This time he didn’t argue or make a fuss, but went to his grandfather, who had long since retired from work. In the end, it was his grandfather who made the final decision and he finally got what he wanted.
When Xie Qinfeng asked Ding Yao about his choice, he said, ‘It’s fun, I’ve been watching you on set since I was five years old, I want to try it too’. He thought it was just a kid looking for excitement and that he might get bored of it after a few days, so he didn’t persuade him much. If Ding Yao wanted to enter this circle, then he just needed to protect him.

Perhaps it was because he had grown up on set but Ding Yao had a real talent for acting. Even Du Shen was surprised by this, and gradually he became interested in him, and really really had the idea of cultivating him well.

Ding Yao worked very hard. He not only wanted his family to see his hard work, but he also wanted Xie Qinfeng to see them. He didn’t like Xie Qinfeng as a brother, he loved him. After understanding this, he tried to get closer to Xie Qinfeng, wanting to have more in common with him, wanting Xie Qinfeng to love him too.

Secret love was a matter of uncertainty, especially when Ding Yao and Xie Qinfeng were like this: I know but you don’t know, you know but I don’t know, a two-way crush. If it wasn’t for Liang Xincheng who helped them to pierce the layer of paper, perhaps the two would still be having the same awkward relationship as before.

In the nanny car on the way back after the dinner, Xie Qinfeng loosened the bow tie around his neck, being completely relaxed as he thought about Liang Xincheng’s words: ‘He likes you but doesn’t dare to say so because he’s worried that you only see him as a little brother’. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself for being so stupid; Yao Yao had actually acted so obviously and he didn’t notice it at all.

Ding Yao sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night and got into Xie Qinfeng’s car, which he drove straight back to his own place. This was a place where Ding Yao often came to stay overnight and there was a guest room reserved for him, but this time it was a little different. Xie Qinfeng didn’t even tell Ding Yao on the way why he suddenly picked him up at this hour, he only turned around and hugged him right after he entered the door.

“Ge?”

“When I asked you to go abroad to study, it wasn’t because I was annoyed with you. It was because I was afraid that if you found out I wanted to hug and kiss you like this, it would scare you.”

Ding Yao’s eyes widened slightly, and after a moment of silence, his frozen head slowly recovered. He understood the meaning of Xie Tanfeng’s words: “You want to kiss me?”

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“I’ve thought about it for many years.”

Xie Qinfeng lowered his head and kissed the lips he had thought about for many years. Ding Yao blinked his eyelashes a few times before slowly closing his eyes.