Crocodile Tears

From her inner sleeve, Princess LePing dug out a crumpled piece of paper. Holding it over the candle on the table, she set it ablaze. The flame flickered eerily across her face, casting dancing shadows in the depth of her eyes, reflecting a covert hatred that never revealed itself before today.

The fire greedily swallowed the sheet, eating away at its edges at first before engulfing it whole. It drew closer and closer to Princess LePing's hand, and I became increasingly worried that she would be hurt. But she looked so lost in her thoughts that I knew it wouldn't matter if I called out or not.

At the last minute, she dropped the ball of flames, watching as it burned away to ashes before it even hit the tabletop.

She leaned downward, and with a puff of air, it was all gone.

"They accidentally sent your aunt's letter to my room, and I didn't look before opening it. My apologies." She leaned in closer, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I never read anything. That letter never arrived, and that encounter with the fortune teller had never happened." She lightly patted me before reverting to our usual distance.

"So how—" Before I even finished the second word, she cut me off with a hush. It was a gentle gesture, one of near-maternal care.

"Whatever you want to ask can wait. Tomorrow night, as your makeshift kin, I will stay up with you the entire night," she said in a hushed tone as she stood up. Casually looking around, pointing at the painting that hung on the sidewall, she left the following words. "Be careful of the hidden ears next door."

For the next day, I pondered over her words but was never able to arrive at a conclusion.

"Princess, here is your supper," A'Huan said as she set the platter on the table, setting aside the poetry book that was placed there, careful not to get any oil droplets on it. She proved to be much less icy than I anticipated, being surprisingly thoughtful with the small details that she paid attention to.

"A'Huan, can you tell me of Princess LePing?" She was the only person who would know.

But upon hearing the title I used, she inched away from the table, a stormy expression forming across her face. Shaking her head, she excused herself, responding that I could ask for myself tonight.

"Sorry." By now, I could sense that the title of Princess LePing was a s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e one.

She spun around, a startled expression on her face. For a good moment, she stood there, staring at me, her lips trembling. Then she nodded and excused herself again as if nothing had happened, her usual emotion returning to cover up her surprised look.

That night, a carriage came for me and the Princess LePing. Per custom, the bride would be greeted by the groom from her family home. But as JiangLing was a half month's distance, it was more practical to seek a manor in the capital.

"Gather what you want to take to your new home with the Prince of Jin," A'Huan reminded me. But as I scanned the room, other than my personal clothes and the few poetry books that I brought, there wasn't much other than the c.h.e.s.tfuls of dowry that went unopened.

Of course, I would bring the fan as it would be a part of my wedding outfit. What else? Only then had I realized how uninteresting I was. But the lute resting against the foot of my bed caught my interest. Once we were off to the Prince of Jin's feudal land to the farther north, I would at least be able to find a new hobby to pass my time.

It was time to be off to the manor, and as I left the room that I had stayed in, I felt nothing. I was just one of its many owners that passed through in the flow of history, destined to be forgotten as they all have been.

For the entire ride, my eyes were focused on Princess LePing, hoping that she would tell me now that we were out of the palace. Yet, the whole time, her lips were pursed. Sometimes, her eyes would meet with mine, but the flame inside them had died off once more.

"We welcome the two Princesses." The ride was short in comparison to the one from JiangLing, and before I knew it, we stopped in front of a manor that seemed to rival the palace. If anything, it was better constructed and less shabby.

"Though I rarely set foot here, this is my personal manor," Princess LePing told me. "It was a former Northern Zhou royal's home, but he has since been ridded of." The way she spoke of the man's death was so calm that it was nearly shuddersome.

When I didn't move, she added, "Don't worry. Father Emperor didn't sentence him to death here." She paused. "He was beheaded along with the rest at the central marketplace for the entire city to see."

I looked down, suddenly realizing that the entire ground was coated by an invisible coat of blood.

"Follow me." I tried to keep up, but each step was painful. It was almost as if all these lost souls that I never knew existed before were clinging on to my feet, dragging me down.

She led me into a side room, and motioned for the servants to set my belongings down in the nearby storage room. Once again, in comparison, the palace seemed to be a commoner's home.

Per Northern marriage custom that I had learned along with my lessons on etiquette, a mother or elderly maternal figure was to stay up with me the night before the marriage, keeping me company until the exact strike of midnight. It was supposed to be an extremely private event, one where she would tell me what to watch out for in marriage and share past experiences.

The door sealed shut, and A'Huan stepped outside to guard the entrance.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, gesturing me to her side as she rubbed the temples of her head. A faint but helpless smile tugged on her lips as she spoke. "The night before my wedding, the then-Crown Prince snuck into my room after midnight. I chased him out since I was raised to value tradition over all, and ever since then, our marriage bore a sheet of awkwardness." Taking my hand into hers, she lightly squeezed it.

"But A'Mo is a good child who would never do such a reckless thing. Adhering to tradition and rites of power lies within his very bone. Even as a child, he knew to never step out the lines. Thus, he was always the favorite, constantly compared to every other sibling." As much as I hated to admit it, a sinking feeling set as I realized the court musician was definitely not the prince in disguise.

"Why do you look so disappointed? He's a man of responsibility, and he'll surely respect you." Her gaze dimmed a bit. "If only the former emperor was as such…"