Cry, Even Better if you Beg

Chapter 16. Something that is Nothing (1)

As the sun began to set, the forest rapidly darkened.

Leyla looked at the dead bird with unfocused eyes while Matthias stared at Leyla. There was a long moment of silence, but Matthias wasn’t impatient. Leyla was right in front of him and he believed she probably wouldn’t able to run away for a while.

“Just……”

Leyla soon lifted her head. Her eyes were filled with indignation that even the darkness couldn’t hide. Her eyes were arrogant and daring, but he thought that was much better than avoiding eye contact.

“Just tell me. What did I do wrong?”

“Wrong?”

“Yes. What kind of wrongdoing did I commit for me… for me to get punished like this?”

“I never gave you any punishment.”

Matthias answered quite seriously.

“I did my job, and you did yours, Leyla.”

He was sincere.

“Wrongdoing… Well…”

After a moment of thought, Matthias looked at Leyla with a subdued look.

“Why do you like birds so much?”

The same question was asked with a tone that wasn’t a bit different from a little while ago.

When she opened her tightly shut eyes, Leyla looked at the sky, the dead bird, and then at Matthias again. Her shoulders were trembling, but her eyes were wide open. Matthias found it quite hilarious and a little irritating.

“For always being by my side.”

Leyla Lewellin clearly answered. She sounded a little furious, but she wasn’t threatening.

“I’ve always been wandering around so many places ever since I was a child, but the birds were always there wherever I went. Always near me. When the seasons changed, some of the birds that left never failed to come back when I waited for them. The birds always returned.”

Leyla’s voice calmed down as she continued to speak. Her voice sounded very delicate. It was perhaps, because of her soft pronunciation.

“There are no seasons without birds. There are no places that don’t have birds. I love being around those beautiful and free creatures.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Although my words may be meaningless to the duke.”

Bluffing with a face that’s about to cry.

Matthias stood up with a low snicker. His dinner feast was drawing near before he knew it.

“Are you going to hunt like this again?”

Leyla hurriedly asked him as he was about to make his leave.

“If necessary.”

Matthias answered with no hesitation. At that moment when Leyla’s eyes filled up with despair, fear, and anger, Matthias was pleased.

“Leyla.”

After changing his mind to pass by her, Matthias stopped in front of her.

“I want everything in my world to be in its place. In a place where nothing needlessly hides or runs away.”

“What do you mean?”

“Stay in your place.”

“I…. I don’t know what you mean by ‘place’.”

“Think it over.”

“Duke.”

“Who knows? If you find the answer, I might start having ‘friendly’ hunting sessions.”

Matthias turned with no hesitation while Leyla was left behind in a daze. He really didn’t want much from Leyla Lewellin. However, he wanted Leyla to be in Leyla’s position. As an orphan who lives in the forest. As a curious schoolgirl. And soon, as a female teacher at the place where she should be in.

Sitting on the back of his horse, Matthias turned his head and looked towards the bush. Leyla had crouched her small body in front of the dead bird. Seeing her cheeks sparkling, he believed she was probably crying. There was a sense of satisfaction in Matthias’s eyes when he saw the tears.6

He was born into a world dominated by perfect order and was soon to become its master. Everything was simple and clear under that order. It was not at all difficult to live up to a given role and expectation.1

The grandmother’s and mother’s proud successor. The generous master to the people of Arvis. The brilliant officer on the battlefield. The directors’ competent businessman.

Matthias was always someone’s ‘something’ and was willing to play the appropriate role. The people who treated him were no different. The prescribed roles, attitudes, and refined emotions came and went by him in an orderly fashion. Those were the feelings that Matthias saw, heard, and learned.

But that lowly orphan who lives in my forest?

Matthias’s eyes at Leyla narrowed.

She’s nothing.

The easy conclusion made Matthias smile.

It was his first time to have something that was ‘nothing’. There weren’t any unnecessary stains needed in Duke Herhardt’s life.

It was strange to have something that wasn’t necessary in his life, but he thought it wasn’t too bad. The emotions that woman, who was nothing, showed toward him entertained him. Just like the moment of a flying bird falling to its death entertained him.

Most of all, the tears. He liked the crying Leyla. She was a woman who cried prettily. Pretty enough to make her cry again and again.

Matthias left the forest with a lighter heart.

The usual routine was repeated in the mansion he returned to. The boisterous dinner time. The empty but elaborate conversations. The cold champagne and the phony laughters.

When the short summer night passed and morning came again, Matthias thought it wouldn’t be too bad to do a ‘friendly’ hunt next time. When he looked out the window, Leyla was there in the rose garden. She was silently helping out with the gardener’s work.

See?

Matthias turned away from the window with a smile.+

It’s easy, Leyla.

“Thank you, Leyla.”

Claudine kindly expressed her gratitude. Claudine’s friend, who had sat beside her, also thanked Leyla with a slightly pulled smile.

“No problem, Miss.”

Leyla politely bowed. Her white hands were grasped together. There were grass stains at the end of her fingertips, which were from the flowers she had picked. There were also several bloodstained wounds from the rose thorns that had stabbed her fingers.

“I’m now……”

“Can you cut off that red rose as well? I think a bundle would be enough.”

Claudine cut off Leyla’s words with a gentle question.

Leyla turned her head and looked towards the direction that Claudine had pointed to. It was the central flower bed of the garden. There were splendidly colored red roses in full bloom.

“Yes, Miss.”

Leyla obediently followed orders as usual.

Claudine quietly looked at Leyla’s distant back as Leyla grabbed her basket and scissors again.

Claudine had found Leyla while walking in the garden with a friend who had visited Arvis. After being out of sight for several days, she was now working diligently today to help the gardener.

Claudine changed their plans to have tea together and then suggested arranging flowers to her friend. Emilia agreed with delight, and the floral arrangements for the two ladies were prepared under the pergola that was beneath the vine roses.

And then Leyla.

Claudine sent a maid to call Leyla. They’ve been like that since childhood. It was Leyla Lewellin’s job to pick up the roses Claudine needed whenever she started arranging flowers under the pergola.

She was not enough to be Claudine’s playmate, but Leyla followed errands well. On days where everything was boring, Claudine occasionally called for Leyla to say a few words.

“That girl, she acts very politely, but it strangely feels arrogant.”

Emilia pouted her lips as she watched Leyla.

“What should I say… It seems like she doesn’t know her circumstances that well.”

“Don’t be like that, Emilia. Leyla is a pitiful child.”

Claudine lightly frowned. The rose branches were cut off with the scissors that Leyla had given her.

“Of course, she does have some flaws, but let’s still be tolerant of her.”

Emilia grinned at Claudine’s words.

“Well. You’re too generous to your residents.”

“Residents who do their part faithfully should be respected.”

Claudine’s voice got lower and softer. The blue porcelain vase was filled one by one with the flowers she trimmed.

Leyla soon returned with a bundle of red roses. Again, with impeccable politeness, Leyla bowed and put the roses on the table.

Claudine stopped her moving hands and looked at Leyla. Emilia’s critique of Leyla was correct. Claudine, who had seen that child for a long time, agreed with Emilia’s remarks.

Claudine had a vague idea of why Emilia was able to make such a critique.

Leyla Lewellin’s docile demeanor seemed like it actually came through her unconcerned attitude. There were famous aristocratic daughters who were anxious to be friends with Claudine, and yet, Leyla was not excited or pleased at all whenever Claudine was near her. Leyla didn’t bother to look good in front of Claudine. She never flattered Claudine either.

She was just that type to submissively endure and follow orders.

Claudine wasn’t used to such indifference. The fact that Claudine had received such indifference from the orphan made her feel humiliated.

“Good work, Leyla.”

Claudine smiled.

Leyla stepped back as she bowed and the maid, who was waiting a few steps away, approached Leyla. It was the moment Claudine had looked forward to the most. The moment when Leyla’s authentic emotions were revealed through her eyes when she was given the gold coin in her hands.

After all these years, Leyla still couldn’t maintain her composure when she was presented with the gold coin. Claudine was satisfied when Leyla’s hand that held the gold coin, trembled as if she was holding a hot potato. Claudine was planning to present her with another gift to top it off. An invitation to the party that would give that pitiful child a beautiful memory.

“Are you giving this to me?”

Leyla’s eyes grew bigger when she received an invitation from the same maid who had provided her the gold coin. She looked very flustered.

“Yes. I had asked for permission and the two madams allowed it.”

“But, Miss…..”

“I really want you to come, Leyla.”

Claudine smiled as she cut off Leyla’s words again. Leyla’s face turned pale while Claudine’s smile grew brighter.

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“I’m sure you won’t refuse my invitation.”

After Claudine spoke to Leyla as if she was her longtime childhood friend, Claudine then turned her eyes away.

I’m going to have to tame that stiff child before I become Duchess of Arvis.2

Claudine started to trim the red roses while calmly reflecting on her intentions.

The rose vase decorated by the skilled Claudine was perfectly beautiful.