Dandelion Lover

A strenuous late night could really take a toll on a person.

After I took Kate home I returned to my own house, the one that was now devoid of life, only the past memories of my earlier life accompanied me into the darkness as I sank into the bed.

I fell asleep while looking at the empty side of my be and trying to make up my mind about what will come next.

Thinking back, I could not remember the last time I and my wife had made love, but I could remember in detail the way Kate felt when she let herself go soft in my arms, surrendering to our needs, even if it was only for a short while.

I knew I was too concerned about Kate and not enough about Melanie which was not right.

My first priority should always be my wife and Kate… well, she shouldn't have even registered on my radar as a possibility.

However things don't always go as planned and as much as I treasured Melanie and I promised myself that I would never look at another again, I could not stop myself for falling for the young naive girl that reminded me of what it means to be in love once again.

And although I can readily admit that what I feel for Kate is indeed love, a kind of love that had grown by being mixed with a youthful d.e.s.i.r.e to possess her everything, I cannot simply shrug my responsibilities and be done with it.

When Vivian went through her divorce with Rob, I saw what that did to her, and I could not see myself damaging Melanie the same way.

After all, we have so many years together and the affection we have for each other is still there, at least from my part, even if it is not as intense.

I believed the monotony in our lives and the time we have spent apart, has changed us and gis us the impression that our relationship was something that will always be there, no matter what.

However, after the last discussion I had with Melanie, it seems that I was wrong. I know she has made out her mind about what she wants, but I struggle in my indecisiveness. My mind and my heart are at war with each other. On one hand, I have Melanie who I had known for years, we have been through a lot together and have always respected and cared for each other. However, although she is an attractive woman, the spark I once felt when seeing her has faded completely. I am not sure if it is because I have changed, or because we both did, but something has changed in between us over time.

Now with Kate, there is a whole new level of awareness and chemistry when we're together. I know she is attracted to me just as much as I am to her, and we're both aware of this, but we also both know that what we most d.e.s.i.r.e, must not happen. Be it the rules of society or our own personal convictions, they all scream at us at the impropriety of our thoughts. Nevertheless, when I look at her, all the logic seems to slip past me and I find myself inebriated by her closeness, her scent, her way of being, all holding me captive under only one word: Love.

My heart wants to hold on to what I feel for Katelyn, but my mind is warning me I should not. It is not a situation that is fair to me, her or Melanie. That is if I don't even take into account the fact that Kate is my employee and it stands against every rule I have regarding my work policy, but this is just one of the logical arguments that melt when I am near her.

The next morning I was awoken by my phone ringing. It was Vivian calling me to inform me of the fact that everything got smoothed over at the police station last night with the help of Mr. Roman.

"Was everything okay last night with Kate? I saw Ann mixing something into Kate's drink, which I presume was a medicine of some kind. That was why I was so reluctant to leave her alone."

"She did what? What did she give her?"

"From how she reacted to it I presume it was just some calming medicine which made her sluggish. I just talked to her earlier and she was fine, just feeling a bit burned out. She had quite a scare."

"And here I thought..."

"You thought what?"

"No… nothing, nevermind. Glad to hear everything was resolved with Jonny, I owe you guys one, I know you did it for the company and me, although I rather you would have just stayed put."

"I know, and I feel bad about it since Kate got the worst from it, but it was something we both felt the need to do."

"I know, we talked about it last night. It's fine, I'll handle it from here on out so don't get involved anymore. I presume an evening spent at the police station is enough for you."

"Let's pretend that it is. That's all I wanted to say, I guess we'll see you on Monday at work. You are coming right?"

"Yes, I'll be there. See you on Monday!"

And with this single phone-call, my heart felt even more strained and conflicted. I realized how correct my decision from the day before was, to abstain from taking it further. At first, I thought Kate was just drunk, but I can now clearly see the signs of the drug. I do not want to think what would have happened if I had not controlled myself. Would she regret it the next day? Does she regret anything now? I felt distressed at the simple thought that she might hate me for my insistencies, my worries for Melanie long forgotten. All I could think about was whether Katelyn was still affected by the drugs, or if she regrets our little heated exchange from the day before. Did she feel I took advantage of her? Did I really not take advantage of the state she was in to partly satisfy my growing d.e.s.i.r.e?

I could not wait until Monday to have the answers to these questions, so ignoring the increasing guilt over the indifference I was showing towards my relationship with Melanie, I hopped into the car and started the engine. Without even thinking about it, I drove in front of her apartment building and just stood there hidden in the car, undecided on how to approach her, scared out of my wits by the possibility of encountering her accusing eyes and having my hand rejected.