Dark Lord Dumbledore

Never in his wildest dreams would Chad have ever imagined saying this, but thank God for Gilderoy Lockhart. The man was just as ridiculous as he was in the books, if anything, they toned down his need to be the centre of attention no matter what was happening.

But things had started to become a bit boring, and Chad was just thankful he had the fool to dance around and say stupid things to break up the monotony. Was this why kings of old had jesters?

Though Lockhart had tried precisely once to involve him in his quest for fame and glory, it hadn't ended well for him. Careful editing of the idiot's mind had seen him believing he had fallen down the stairs and would ignore Potter in fear of the boy stealing his spotlight.

With the man pretending Chad didn't exist and not trying to badger him into interviews or book deals, he was extremely hilarious to watch as he inflicted himself on others. Even teachers weren't immune to his buffoonery.

With Dark Lord Dumbledore waiting patiently for Voldemort to make a comeback so he could pop out and say 'I told you so!', Chad had been left uninterrupted to finish all of his experiments and projects.

But there was a catch, Phoenix Tears had been an overpowered fix to nearly every problem he had.

-Test thugs exploding from permanent full-body transfigurations or dying from their soul anchors being broken? Phoenix Tears.

-Damaged soul? Phoenix Tears.

-Healing of cursed wounds like werewolf claws? Phoenix Tears.

-Mental damage from the Cruciatus Curse? Phoenix Tears.

It was basically a miracle cure for anything and everything, and if one drop wasn't enough, two or three would get the job done. Quite frankly, it had ruined the excitement of experimentation for Chad since he knew that Phoenix Tears would just fix it easily.

Was this why R.O.B hadn't given him any wishes to make him OP?

Chad had thought it an exaggeration when he had read that it was capable of reviving a person from any injury and could save a someone from the brink of death. Surely it must be wizarding over-exaggeration at work of how great magic is, like the Deathly Hallows.

But no, it actually fixed damn near everything. It had made things incredibly dull, and Chad was having a bit of a sulk about it. Sure, all of his minions were now sporting Captain America bodies and cured of any disease known to man, but where was the fun in that?

He wanted to enjoy his second life playing God with his overpowered magical abilities, but had already been outdone by a fiery chicken! Oh, the horror of boredom.

Luckily, Lockhart was there for him to laugh at while he thought up new ways to keep himself entertained, he needed a reason to use his ridiculously expensive and kitted out lab after all.

Chad had first thought to breed a new species of Basilisk, but after thinking about it, had decided to not do so. He was a person that was way too paranoid to have a minion capable of directly killing him by blinking its death eyes in his general direction.

Even if it would be hilarious to see the face of his enemies after failing to use a rooster to kill his Basilisk birthed from an Ostrich...

Though his captured ingredient snake had entertained him with her magical body parts for a while, there was only so much you could do with protective armour and focused Medusa ray ordnance. Well, as much as you could call a Basilisk eye in a tube with a magical battery to power it, ordnance.

Things had become so boring, that Chad had his elves cleaning up any of Lockhart's more negligent escapades to stop him from being kicked out of Hogwarts. Just so he could continue laughing at how much he annoyed everyone else!

But alas, everything must come to an end and the DADA curse had struck again. Not that there was a curse, he had checked. The original one cast by Voldemort was nowhere to be found, which made sense seeing as Dumbledore would not leave it active to cause him problems.

Since the Chamber of Secrets drama didn't happen, there was no duelling club for Gilderoy to be beaten by Snape into some form of self-awareness and not to bite off more than he could chew. With Chad's elves also cleaning up any trouble Gilderoy may find himself in, he had become c.o.c.kier.

After the pixie incident, Lockhart had focused on safer options for Defence Against the Dark Arts, like quizzes about himself or reenacting scenes from his godawful book. This had caused Chad to start injecting harmless circ.u.mstances into the man's classes to keep himself entertained.

But Chad had severely overestimated Gilderoy Lockhart's competence, even with an already extremely low opinion of it. When his elves informed him that Lockhart planned to introduce the class to a new creature, Chad couldn't help but laugh at his choice and then plan some mischief.

It seems Gilderoy had gotten over the Cornish Pixie incident but was still cautious. If only Lockhart actually practised a spell before using it when needed, things would not have got so out of control.

Though to be fair, no one could have foreseen what happened in the second year Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff class three weeks before the end of the school year.

Chad certainly hadn't, and he was the one responsible for it!

The creature 'Professor' Lockhart planned to introduce was called a Puffskein, a small magical beast covered in soft fur and spherical in shape. It was a popular wizarding pet found worldwide since it didn't object to being cuddled or thrown about, perfect for children or clingy girls.

It was an altogether harmless ball of fluff that was quite common in the wizarding world, and it spoke to Lockhart's teaching skills that he planned to introduce it into a class supposed to teach protection against curses and dangerous magical animals.

Well, the Cornish Pixies were also seen as harmless, yet they still managed to disarm the idiot, hang a Hufflepuff child on the chandelier and drive out a class full of second-year students.

It had been amazing to watch and well worth the trouble of swapping their class schedule with the Slytherin/Gryffindor class, it would have been wasted on those kids.

Although Neville should have been capable of defending himself now that Chad had given him courage and a few pointers on how to handle himself. Both him and Hermione were coming along nicely, and with Dumbledore not around to read minds, their loyalty had been adjusted accordingly even if it was already quite high.

Chad could be called paranoid with all the protections against being betrayed, but that would be silly. In a world with mind magic, love potions and compulsions, it was almost certain they would end up betraying him at some point, even if it was not by choice!

Best to be the one doing the enslaving than trusting peoples' integrity, honour and goodwill, especially in a community that regularly betrayed an innocent boy they claimed to worship as a saviour. No thanks.

Chad would rather be slightly lonely from missing out on true friendship than take the chance to trust imm.a.t.u.r.e children to support or defend him, especially when they were capable of reality-bending feats. Ron had continually stabbed canon Harry Potter in his back when it was turned after all, and they were supposedly best friends!

When the final class of Gilderoy Lockhart's teaching career started, it was like any other. With a flourish of his well-tailored golden robes, the man strutted to the front of the room and flashed his trademark smile.

"Today, I am going to introduce you to a creature that most of you may already be familiar with. It is considered harmless by most, and for that reason, some of you may even keep one as a pet. But be warned, that is merely a deception shop-keeps employ to sell the fierce little beasts!" Said Lockhart as he did his grand reveal, ripping the covering from the cage on his desk.

The exposed group of Puffskeins were cutely bouncing around their enclosure without a care in the world. Their docile behaviour putting a lie to Lockhart's earlier claim of danger.

"It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind, for when a Puffskein is sold, it is after they are thoroughly tamed with spells! Behold, look what happens when the spell is removed!" Cried Lockhart theatrically, waving his wand and casting the spell Chad swapped into his lesson plan.

What had initially been a simple spell to cause the adorable little fluffballs to become angry had been switched with a Blood-l.u.s.t Curse. And the effects were immediate.

The five Puffskeins that had been content to gently bounce around the cage were presently throwing themselves against the bars violently, doing their best to escape its confines.

Now their only goal in life was to savage Gilderoy with their cute little bodies or lick him to death with their long tongues.

Well, that had been what Chad expected to happen since everything he read on the creatures suggested they were incapable of inflicting any harm on even a muggle, let alone a wizard. Oh, how wrong he was.

With a combined effort, the Puffskeins managed to topple the cage off of the desk and smash it open once it hit the floor. Thankfully, it was a smug Professor Lockhart, holder of the Order of Merlin, Third Class, that they chose to go after seeing as he was closest.

Like they were demon-possessed, the cute puff balls emitted a high pitched shriek and launched at the now wary 'teacher', much to Chad's amus.e.m.e.nt. But that quickly changed when blood started to fly after Lockhart failed to defend himself or cast a shield spell.

It turns out that their small teeth usually used to eat spiders were capable of biting off small chunks of flesh. Much like a swarm of piranhas in a feeding frenzy, it would have been death by a thousand bites.

Luckily for the incompetent Lockhart, there was only five of them, so there was little chance of death. Though to be fair once again to poor Professor Lockhart, not even Chad would expect a Puffskein to react that way, even if the fraud manipulated them into anger.

The problem came from the Puffskein's choice of target, the vicious little buggers had gone for the face! By the time Chad had snapped out of his shock at the prank gone wrong, the now blood-covered balls of fluff had ruined Gilderoy Lockhart's moneymaker!

While the rest of the children were shrieking in horror and running from the room, Chad quickly cast a stunner at the downed teachers head, catching them all in a single spell.

Unfortunately, before he could mend the damage the rabid fluff monsters had done, a couple of the more stalwart students crowded around when they saw the situation under control.

With an audience, there was no way Chad was going to show off his cosmetic spells for the world to see, the Stupefying Charm was already more attention than he wanted.

How wizardkind had yet to develop a permanent beautification transfiguration spell when they could turn people into animals was beyond him.

Usually, Dumbledore would sweep an incident like this under the rug and cart the unfortunate victim off to Poppy to fix up as best she could. However, McGonnagal was mostly a straight shooter, and whether it was her kicking off Dumble's control or he had released it, she sent Lockhart off to St Mungo's Hospital to be treated.

An investigation was launched into the mishap that turned an adorable creature into a murder-beast, and it was quickly found out that Lockhart intended to excite the class while also boosting his reputation for exposing hidden dangers in a harmless critter.

With the man's office and room searched for information on what caused the incident, a few other embarrassing facts Lockhart might have wanted to be kept secret were exposed. Chief among them was him pilfering students for ideas for his new book.

This alone was not a crime, but the Memory Charm cast afterwards was. Frankly, Chad was surprised the peac.o.c.k of a man was not involved in some illegal underage s.e.x.u.a.l escapades.

He had been astonished to find nothing untoward when he first investigated Lockhart, Chad was sure the man would be wiping away misdeeds involving young ladies.

With only a few weeks to the end of an otherwise quiet school year, Chad had Snape volunteer himself to step in to teach the DADA class when it didn't conflict with potions.

Any time it did, it would just end up as a self-study session with Filtch checking in to make sure nothing unruly was going on. Unsupervised and bored children with wands was a dangerous combination.

The Hogwarts students were used to this, however, as Lockhart didn't actually teach anything and they had to study to pass the end of year exams somehow. This made the three weeks that Snape taught boost his reputation immensely.

Thanks to Chad's changes to his personality, the guy was able to properly convey his knowledge to his eager students. And Severus Snape knew a lot about the Dark Arts.

All in all, it had been a good year for Chad. Quiet, productive, a little boring, but quite entertaining.

He did feel a little bad for Lockhart though, the guy ended up looking like Mad-Eye Moody's face. Somehow, the Blood-l.u.s.t Curse had turned their bites into 'Dark Magic' attacks, and the healers were unable to get rid of them completely.

If only they had Phoenix Tears...

But at least it was better than losing all of his memories, right?