Guanshan Muyu

Sixteen-year-old Xia Xun was a prickly teenager, always wary about others and refusing to get close easily.

But when he met Qi Yan, he felt Qi Yan was so kind and friendly that in a few days Xia Xun started trusting him, just like a small animal showing its soft belly.

He liked Qi Yan very much. He didn’t mind that the house he lived in was dilapidated. As long as he had free time, he went over the wall to Qi Yan’s courtyard, sometimes with Shaobo and sometimes with Yuzhu.

When he brought them both, Qi Yan’s yard would be extremely lively.

Qi Yan never found him noisy; he prepared snacks every time and entertained him gently.

The only thing you could get at Qi Yan’s house was a coarse meal, no match for the delicacies of Xia Mansion, but Xia Xun did not care at all and ate happily every time.

At that time, he had been far more lively than he was now. As soon as he saw Qi Yan, he would chatter non-stop, telling him all the trivial things he encountered during the day.

Soon Qi Yan knew that Xia Xun was studying in the academy and the teachers and the students there ignored him. There was only one guy called He Cong, who was his good friend.

Xia Xun didn’t like reading. His attempts to memorise the texts written by the sages always ended up in a mess, the first sentence not followed by the next sentence, so he was often punished by the teacher.

He liked to carve things out of wood the most. He told Qi Yan that the small animals he made were the most life-like.

He made one for Yuzhu, and when Qi Yan celebrated his birthday, he would also make one for him.

Qi Yan thanked him with a smile.

One day, Xia Xun came after dinner. As always, he talked a lot with Qi Yan. He was in the same state as usual, with a smile on his face.

But Qi Yan keenly noticed that he didn’t seem very happy.

Since Xia Xun didn’t say anything, he didn’t ask, patiently talking with him.

Only late at night, when Qi Hui yawned accidentally, did Xia Xun realise that he was staying for too long.

He shut up abruptly, looked at Qi Yan cautiously, and said shyly:

“Are you tired? I’m really sorry, I can never stop talking!”

Qi Yan comforted him, saying:  “I don’t mind at all, but I’m afraid that if you go back too late, your family will be worried.”

Xia Xun muttered in a low voice:“…they won’t worry about me.”

Qi Yan didn’t hear him clearly and asked him what he was talking about.

Xia Xun shook his head and said：

“If you really don’t mind… Can you talk with me for a while?”

Qi Yan went along with him and accompanied him in his rambling small talk.

After some more time, the sound of the watchman knocking on the clapper came from outside the wall, and Xia Xun stopped again. He had already forced Qi Yan to chat late into the night, and he shouldn’t continue anymore.

Looking at Qi Yan, who couldn’t hide his tiredness, he understood that it was time to leave.

Xia Xun reluctantly got off the couch and put on his shoes dejectedly.

Even when he stood up, he didn’t go out immediately.

After lingering in place for a while, he cheekily walked to the side of the antique shelf and looked curiously at the objects placed on it.

He finally picked up a small wooden waterwheel and asked:

“Would this thing be very expensive?”

Qi Yan said: “It’s just a toy made by a carpenter, an ordinary thing, basically worthless.”

Xia Xun’s eyes lit up suddenly and he looked at Qi Yan with expectation.

“Then, can you give it to me?”

Qi Yan readily agreed: “Of course, take it if you like it.”

Xia Xun smiled. Qi Yan could see that his smile at this moment came from the bottom of his heart. He gently took the small waterwheel, held it in his hands with great care and kept rubbing the bird carved on it.

Qi Yan asked him, “Do you like it so much?”

Xia Xun’s eyes curved: “Like it! I like it very much!”

He put away the small waterwheel and thanked Qi Yan.

“Thank you! I should go!”

After he finished speaking, as if he was afraid of being seen through by Qi Yan, he fled to the door.

Qi Yan stopped him: “Xia Xun!”

Xia Xun stood still without looking back.

Qi Yan got up and approached him from behind .”What happened today? Is something going on? Why do you need this waterwheel?”

Xia Xun hesitated.

“Well, that’s it…” He scratched his head, not daring to look at Qi Yan, “Anyway, you have already given it to me, and you can’t take it back!” ”

Qi Yan looked at his back without saying anything.

The room was very quiet. After a while, Xia Xun couldn’t stand the silence, so he gave up and sighed heavily:

“Oh… what am I saying! Today is my birthday! I have never received a gift before! I thought if I can take something back from you, I can deceive myself and treat it as a gift from you!”

His eyes were dodging, very shy：

“That’s great! I was exposed! Just make fun of me as much as you like! I won’t be angry! Even if I am a little sad, I will still come to you tomorrow!”

He threw the small waterwheel into Qi Yan’s arms and fled quickly.

Even though Qi Yan called him again and again, he didn’t stop for a moment.

Later, Qi Yan specially prepared a gift and gave it to him as a birthday gift along with the small waterwheel.

Seven years later, the gift that Qi Yan had bought specifically was long lost, but the small waterwheel was in Xia Xun’s hands.

Xia Xun was held in his arms and his voice sounded above his head:

“You were clumsy at that time, you made such poor excuses, your story was full of loopholes from beginning to end. In fact, you just wanted a birthday gift… If I had known that it was your birthday, I would have definitely celebrated it with you.”

The vibration of Qi Yan’s chest as he spoke resounded through Xia Xun’s body and the pain in his voice couldn’t be hidden.

“Xia Xun, do you know? Originally, today, I wanted to celebrate with you.”

Xia Xun didn’t hesitate, glanced at the small waterwheel and put it on the floor.

“…there is no need. This day was chosen by my father casually. It is not my real birthday. For me, it is no different from any other day of the year.”

He propped his hands on the ground and got up with difficulty.

His head was still ringing and the wound on his neck was slowly bleeding. The tea cone was still tightly held in his hand.

He was too nervous just now and he clenched his fist so hard that his hand spasmed. Now he wanted to open his palm but couldn’t do it.

He could only forcibly unfold his fingers one by one.

The tea cone fell to the ground and lay among the broken porcelain pieces. These pieces were white and red, the red ones painted with Qi Yan’s blood.

Xia Xun’s head hurt and his neck hurt.

His lips were split by Qi Yan’s kiss and there was a salty taste in his mouth. He glanced at himself in the mirror, looking dishevelled and wretched.

And Qi Yan was worse than him.

His whole body was stained with blood and his back covered in wounds. The tip of his tongue was bitten by Xia Xun and there was blood in the corner of his mouth.

His face looked haggard. He sat on the floor, taking shuddering breaths, as if still immersed in memories and unable to extricate himself.

The rain that soaked him last night kept dripping from his hair. Trickles of water slid down his chin and fell onto his chest, leaving wet patches on his clothes.

He looked no more calm than Xia Xun, his gestures showing the signs of falling apart.

In Xia Xun’s memory, Qi Yan hardly ever looked so devastated.

Qi Yan was always so calm and composed. Even when he led the soldiers to raid Xia Mansion, he looked completely unperturbed.

Xia Xun’s parents had a feud with the Qi family that had caused Qi Yan’s family to be eliminated, with him being the only one left. He must have been very happy that he finally found a chance to avenge.

But even when he personally cut off Xia Hongxi’s head with his sword, Qi Yan’s expression did not change. Xia Xun remembered it so clearly because that day he looked at Qi Yan without blinking from beginning to end.

At first he couldn’t believe it; then he tried to delude himself. Delude into seeing even a hint of pain on Qi Yan’s face.  Even if there was no pain, there must have been a flicker of hesitation that still would allow Xia Xun to fantasise, fantasise that Qi Yan, at least for a moment, liked him.

But there was nothing.

Until the soldiers he brought put shackles on Xia Xun, until Xia Xun walked into the prison carriage after his eldest brother, Qi Yan’s handsome face didn’t change in the slightest, as if carved with a knife.

The only emotion, imperceptible to others, that Xia Xun saw on his face was pity, and he knew that Qi Yan was pitying him.

No, not him. He was not pitying Xia Xun, he was pitying his stupidity.

Xia Xun, the son of his enemy, actually thought that Qi Yan liked him?

So stupid.

Xia Xun himself found his stupidity funny.

At this moment, he felt very confused. Qi Yan looked a hundred times more painful than that day.

What did Xia Xun do?

He didn’t do anything, he just told Qi Yan not to celebrate his birthday and stop trying to be nice to him.

Xia Xun was born stupid, not received well anywhere he went. He was bullied by his family at home, and he was deceived by Qi Yan when he went out.

But no matter how stupid he was, he would not be deceived by the same man a second time.

Qi Yan sat on the floor, looking lost. As if he hadn’t heard what Xia Xun was saying, he asked dumbly:

“What gift do you want? Do you have… what wishes do you have?”

Xia Xun picked up his wooden hairpin that fell to the ground at some point.

“This is my burial gift for Yuzhu and I am going to bury it with him… this is my wish.”

He staggered to the door and opened it.

Qi Hui and Zhi Gui, leading other servants, stood in the courtyard.

They heard the movement but did not dare to come in, waiting outside in fear.

Seeing Xia Xun’s appearance, they were shocked.

Zhi Gui hurriedly ran up to help him:

“Young Master?! Are you—??”

Qi Hui strode forward, passed by Xia Xun and walked quickly into the house.

“My lord—?! Quick! Call the doctor!” His exclamation came from behind.

Xia Xun had no time to take care of him, squeezed the wooden hairpin tightly and staggered towards the backyard.

There was a hole he dug in the corner of the wall there. He wanted to crawl through it and go to Yuzhu.

He walked forward in a daze, Zhi Gui following him.

Seeing that he was almost out of his mind and falling apart, she asked suspiciously:

“Young Master, where are you going? You are injured, Zhi Gui will take you back to your room and call the doctor to take a look?”

Xia Xun didn’t have the strength to speak, so he waved his hand weakly and insisted on moving forward.

The sun rose from the horizon, its warm rays shining on him.

The white marble stones on the ground glittered in the sunlight, so he couldn’t open his eyes. He half-closed his eyelids and walked forward in a daze.

He walked for a long time before he came to the base of the wall. He poked the weeds by the wall and knelt on the ground, trying to get through the hole.

Zhi Gui pulled him and said that she would not let him continue. He shook off her hand vigorously, pushing her so hard that she staggered and sat back in the grass.

Xia Xun said breathlessly:

“Sorry, I have to go over… my dog is still waiting for me…”

As soon as he said that, a sharp pain pierced his forehead. He shivered with pain and his consciousness ebbed.

He fell heavily to the ground and passed out.