Hessian Does A Thing

Einzbern Castle

Rumbles shook the ground as two servants clashed their blades. Well one invisible blade and a giant stone cleaver. The air seemed to ignite each time they crossed paths. To the side, the wannabe Hero of Justice Shirou Emiya and Tohsaka Rin seemed to be set on standing on the sidelines like their Einzbern opponent.

"Can't we just talk about this!?" Shirou tried to plead as Illya giggled next to her maids

"Of course not Onii-chan. This won't end until you die" she smiled cutely

"I told you this was pointless!" Rin rubbed her temples as Shirou scratched the back of his head

Emiya Shirou was slightly more competent in this war since he was capable of generating prana for his servant. However his questionable choices continue to cause both his servant and his ally Rin headaches. It was even worst when he suggested making peace with Illya despite her murderous intentions towards him, since he found out she was his sister.

As the battle was reaching it's crescendo, it was halted at the out of place sound of music. It sounded similar to an ice cream truck approaching. However there were no roads around. Everyone looked to the sky, their eyes constricted when they saw a dot in the sky. The dot expanded as the music got louder, to their confusion it was a truck hurtling right towards them.

*BOOOM* The truck landed directly on berserker and exploded, of course it didn't do any damage to him because it wasn't a magical truck. Two figures flew out from the wreckage and took a stand further away from the giant mass of muscle that was Heracles.

"Master, I suggest you allow me to drive next time."

"Nonsense, I'm a great driver!"

"You crashed the truck"

"All according to plan."

The two were of course Hessian and Assassin in shades. The group were surprised to see Assassin who should have been stuck at Ryuudou Temple, but they were more surprised to see the face of Hessian. Although it had been quite some time since they had met, he still looked familiar enough.

Illya who had never seen the young magician before was annoyed at the intrusion.

"Who are you?!" she asked as her maids seemed ready to force the intruder out

"Who am I!?" Hessian lowered his shades "I am Hessian Aversis von Schweinorg!" he struck a pose and pointed directly at the homonculus girl. "And I'm here to wreck your shit! Also I have a message for you. But first I'm going to wreck your shit!"

"...."

"Emiya-kun, I retract my statement of calling you the biggest idiot I've ever met" Rin face-palmed as she seemed to go through flashbacks of her days teaching Hessian.

The rest of the crowd was speechless at the odd appearance of the newcomers. However Illya just had a deadpan expression as she wasn't sure how to process the situation. So she resorted to the answer that's often worked for her. "Berserker, please just kill him."

The berserker did not immediately respond to the order as he seemed to warily regard his opponent that unconsciously radiated out dangerous vibes.

"HEY HERACLES! YOU'RE A ▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅! WHO ▅▅▅■■■■!! AND ▅▅■■■■▅▅▂▂!" Unfortunately he was up against the someone who was once called Humanity's last Master. So he knew exactly how to get under any servant's skin, coherent or not.

"▅▅ーーー!!" the bestial roar bellowed out from Berserker's lungs as he lunged towards the crass magician.

"MASTER I DO NOT BELIEVE TAUNTING SUCH A BEAST IS WISE!" Assassin shouted as he stood in front of Hessian, ready to engage.

∞

Hessian POV

"Sup Sensei!" I greet while letting Koji and Saber deal with Heracles

"And where have you been all these years!? I stopped by your house to find it in ruins!" she pointed at me as she griped

"Ahh, I see you were worried bout me. My heart is touched, but alas it doesn't have the space for you my Sensei!" I dramatically say with hand gestures

"Who the hell was worried about you!?"

"On a side note, where's your servant?" I ask since I don't sense archer anywhere.

"He... he's gone." Rin sighs as I raise a brow. Odd, without Medea around. Archer shouldn't have betrayed them unless...

I look over at Shirou as I notice the pair of blades he has in hand. Kanshou and Bakuya....

"Did you guys already fight it out?" I ask while processing this possibility

"Yeah... we did, but then Gilgamesh showed up. He pushed me aside" he seemed to have a rough time admitting that he was saved by himself.

"I see... so this basically went the Unlimited Blade works route..." I mutter as I consider the situation at hand. "Wait, so you're here to team up against Gilgamesh and Kirei?"

"That was what I was hoping, but it's harder than I thought." he sighed

"Like I said, she isn't the type to listen to reason." Rin spoke from the side

"She's right, Illya is the stubborn type." I agree as I ignore the ongoing battle between servants and step towards Illya. Illya didn't outwardly react but her maids positioned themselves in front of her.

"Ahh, how pitiful" I speak with a gaze towards one of the maids.

"What is pitiful?" the other maid asked as she tilted her head.

"Even in this universe, Sella's bust size can't match up to Leysritt's" I sigh with a hand placed over my heart. Illya twitched as she seemed to be holding in her laughter. An invisible tick mark manifested on Sella's head while her fellow maid stared at their c.h.e.s.ts in comparison.

"I have decided that you must die now" Sella spoke darkly as her emotionless demeanor began to crack

"Don't worry Sella! You have you're own charm too!" I speak complete honesty "What I wouldn't give to take you out on a lovely night!" her reply was to stab her weapon at me in silent rage

Runes manifested beneath my feet as I lure her enraged self towards them. Her legs began to freeze as she became stuck to the ground. She tried to flail her weapon at me despite that, but I casually stepped aside. Unfortunately I tend to forget about extra enemies sometimes when I'm bored. I muse when a halberd pierced through my torso from behind.

"That was rude couch buddy!" I complain while allowing my page decoy to unravel itself and entangle her. She couldn't speak as her body was completely wrapped by enchanted pages.

"Now then..." I say as I turn towards Illya who didn't move all this time. "Special delivery for Illya von Einzbern, from Kiritsugu Emiya" I say as I take out a letter from my coat pocket

"What is this about?" she asked with narrowed red eyes.

"It's a letter. Aren't you curious about what your dad wrote to you before his death?" I respond holding it out to her.

Flashback

Kiritsugu Emiya was at the airport where he would make his last attempt at rescuing Illya. His body was severely weakened from the curse. If he failed now, there would be no more chances.

"Boarding for flight 314." The announcer sounded out as he stood up to make his way towards his flight. He stopped when he noticed a Turquoise eyed boy blocking him.

"Excuse me." he said as he tried to make his way around him.

"Kiritsugu Emiya." he stopped in his tracks as he prepared to respond to the possible enemy. "Do you believe you can succeed in your current state?" Now that was odd.

"Even if I can't, I must still try." The Magus Killer replied

The boy didn't respond as he took out a piece of paper and pen.

"What's this?" he asked confused

"Insurance, it doesn't hurt to have a back up plan right?" the boys eyes glowed a little. He was definitly a Magus.

"Who are you?" he asked but didn't take the paper.

"To you, just a messenger." In the week before Kiritsugu Emiya's death. He hoped that his message would be received.

∞

"Berserker, stop!" The little Einzbern master called out as she gripped the letter in tears.

The giant muscular Hero responded as he stood still at the spot. Shirou walked over slowly towards his sister cautiously despite Rin's protests. The bindings on the maids disappeared and they turned to see the young magician kneeling in front of the crying Illya as he stroked her head.

"Well, isn't this just an unsatisfactory ending." an arrogant voice sounded out while the air seemed to be cut from an approaching projectile heading straight for the crying Einzbern.

*STAB sfx* Illya looked up to see blood drip on her, eyes focused on the blade sticking through the Young Magician. Hessian didn't seem to think much of it, he turned around to look at the golden king.

"That was a d.i.c.k move, King Gilgamesh" he deadpanned as he ignored the mortal wound