Hessian Does A Thing

"GAS! GAS! GAS! I'M GONNA STEP ON THE GAS!~" the sound of music blared out from the speakers as they overshadowed the sound of collapsing wall behind them

"TURN THAT DOWN DAMNIT!" Ichigo tried shouted as he covered his ears

"WHY ARE WE WEARING SHADES?" Orihime tried asking over the sound of music

"EVERYONE WEARS SHADES WHEN THEY RIDE THE HUMVEE!" The young magician yelled his answer back

"Hey guys, I think I see something behind us." Ishida said as he was watching the scene of collapsing walls behind them

"WHAT!?"

"I SAID I THINK SOMETHING IS BEHIND US!!" he shouted

Yoruichi took the chance to turn off the music with her paw as her s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e ears were in pain.

"Finally!" The cat exclaimed as the music was finally off.

"Rude." Hessian commented with a lazy eye that no one could see since everyone was wearing shades.

"Something's coming!" Ishida said again as a light could be seen behind them. The collapsing walls were pushed to the side by a giant mud beast in the shape of a bullet train.

"What the hell is that!?"

"It's the Cleaner! It appears once every seven days and this had to be the day!"

"Gas! Gas! Gas!~" the familiar lyrics came again

"Why did you turn that back on!?" Yoruichi yelled at the young magician

Hessian looked a bit confused. "But I didn't" he said as the music player was still off

"Guys, It's coming from that thing!" Chad said as everyone listened closely

The Cleaner was emitting the same music as what was played before.

"GUESS YOU'RE READY CAUSE I'M WAITING FOR YOU!~"

"IT'S GONNA BE SO EXCITING!~"

"It's catching up to us!" someone yelled

No one could figure out why it copied the same eurobeat song, but Hessian took it as a challenge.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! NOT WHEN I SHIFT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!" he roared back to the cleaner as he flipped a switch on the Humvee. The bumper flipped to reveal rocket thrusters while the beat came back on.

"GOT THIS FEELING REALLY DEEP IN MY SOUL!~" The thrusters boosted the speed past the sound barrier

"YOU'RE INSANE!" Ichigo shouted at the driver

"WERE ALL GONNA DIE!" Ishida cried out

"GAS! GAS! GAS!~" The exit could finally be seen at the end of the tunnel.

"It's no good! We won't get away!" The Cleaner seemed to speed up in chase of the rocket boosted Humvee. Hessian pressed another button and released explosives right behind them.

"HOLD ON!" an explosion blasted them straight out of the Dangai as all of Soul Society could hear their arrival.

"You're insane you bastard!"

"I regret nothing!" Hessian said with a grin as everyone was fine besides the fact that they were all covered in black dust from the explosion.

∞

Hessian POV

Jidanbo. A giant gatekeeper of one of the gates around the Sereitei. I'm honestly holding myself back a bit from cutting him open to look at his insides since I've never dissected a giant before.

"You lot must be country bumpkins." his voice nearly boomed out from his mouth.

Maybe his insides are the same as normal people, except just on a larger scale?

"Now listen, we have rules in the city. First! Wash your hands before you return from the outside." He raised a finger. I can't tell if these are official rules or not.

"Second! Don't eat food that's fallen on the floor." he raised a second finger. This all just sounds like basic hygiene.

"Wait, what about the 10 second rule?" I ask. 10 second rule is always a thing

"What rule is that?"

"Well if you pick up the dropped food in 10 seconds, then it's safe!" I clarify

"I've never heard of such a thing! You really are bumpkins!" he exclaims a bit grossed out

"Now third, all fights are one-on-one" I can't help but feel that these aren't official rules. But let's not call him out on it.

I ignore all the talk of Ichigo and his friends about fighting him together or not. I'm at an impasse right now. When Ichigo beats Jidanbo, I could just go in myself before Gin forces the gate closed. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to examine the giant cannon owned by Kukaku. Also I wouldn't be able to fondle her t.i.t.s. Truly a difficult problem.

These thoughts plague me as Ichigo seems to be blocking Jidanbo's full forced axe swings.

"Jidanbo Ten Strikes Festival!" the giant yelled as he brought down the axe multiple times.

Looking closely, all of Jidanbo's attacks have no spiritual energy used. He's purely attacking with brute strength. The reason why the protagonist is able to casually stand still and guard is his blade is emitting quite a bit of reiatsu. Although, I'm not sure if he's doing it on purpose. It could be instinctual considering that's a common trait among protagonists. Oh look, he broke Jidanbo's axes.

"Hmm, it seems Jidanbo's axes were destroyed in one blow." Yoruichi don't be mean to the giant

"Hey, say something." Ichigo says as the giant stands frozen, staring at his two broken axes.

"M-My....axes!" his eyes begin to well up

"Huh?"

"My axes!" Jidanbo started smashing the bottom of his axes on the ground in a tantrum"They're broken! They're broken! My axes are... broken!" he cries out in real tears

"Woow, d.i.c.k move Ichigo." I give him a disappointed look

"He's actually crying, what's going on?" Ishida spoke out loud

"Kurosaki-kun that wasn't very nice"

"Er...hey.... I'm sorry about this. For breaking your axes.... I guess I didn't have to break them both" Ichigo attempted to apologize

I chuckle at the scene of a regular sized person trying to console a crying giant. Truly you don't see these things everyday. After cheering up the sad giant, he finally allows us to pass.

"Pass! I, Jidanbo, grant you permission to pass through the White Road Gate!" he announces

"Yeah!"

"Can all of us really pass?" Ishida asks

"Yes. I lost to your leader, I have no right to stop you." The giant said as he got ready to lift the gate.

"W-What!? Kurosaki as our leader!? No way!"

"Why're you so upset?" Ichigo deadpans

∞

The gatekeeper buried his fingers into the dirt beneath the gate and lifted. Through pure physical strength, the gate rose.

"HaaaAAAAH!" With one last spurt, the gate rose above Jidanbo's head.

The group was in awe of the feat of strength until they noticed the giant seemed to freeze up.

"Huh, what's wrong?" Ichigo asked concerned

The giant didn't respond as he began to tremble in fear. His eyes were locked onto the figure of a man in a white haori. Yoruichi clicked her tongue at the sight of the man.

"Who is that?" Ichigo asked with narrowed eyes

"Captain of squad 3, Gin Ichimaru." Yoruichi answered

"Oh, this isn't good." The captain with perpetually closed eyes spoke as he looked at the gatekeeper.

Without warning, a large gash appeared on one of Jidanbo's arm. The pain forced the giant to his knees as the gate was only held up by his back.

"Jidanbo!"

"Unacceptable." Gin said as his snake like smile never left his face "A guardian of the gate isn't supposed to open the gate." Jidanbo's breath became more rough

"I-I lost. Opening the gate is what is expected of a gatekeeper who has lost!" Jidanbo attempted to steady himself as he explained.

"What are you saying?" Gin asked as he took steps forward. "A gatekeeper who's lost isn't opening any gates. When a gatekeeper loses..." he stopped right in front of the giant "It means death."

Ichigo ignored his words and struck towards the captain.

"Ichigo!" Yoruichi yelled out practically frightened by his stupidity at trying to take on a captain

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ichigo asked as he pointed his giant cleaver at Gin.

"That's my line you idiot!" the cat yelled

"Don't come now and try to b.u.t.t in you fox face!" Ichigo spoke as laughter could be heard behind them

"Heheheahahaha!" Hessian began laughing at the insult. "Good one Ichigo, I thought it was more of a snake face!"

"This is no time for jokes!"

"So you're Ichigo huh?" Gin asked

"What? You know me?"

The captain turned his back and started walking away.

"Huh!? Where're you going?! Hey wait!" Ichigo called out

"All the more reason why I can't let you pass." Gin spoke with his back still turned. The captain held his Zanpakuto out.

"Why're you standing so far back? Are you going to throw your short sword?" Ichigo asked confused

"It's not a short sword, this is my Zanpakuto." With that declaration, Ichimaru Gin took a low stance as his spiritual pressure increased. "Impale him. Shinso!" with a thrust, the short blade extended towards Ichigo.

Ichigo rose his blade to guard in reflex. The extended blade forced the protagonist and gate guard away from the gate. Letting the gate fall back down.

"Kurosaki!"

"Shit the gate!"

Gin walked right before the gate and waved his hand "Bye bye!" he taunted right before the gate closed shut

"Hello." The captain turned around quickly as he didn't notice the person behind him. His eyelids opened ever so slightly as he stared at the gray haired soul reaper in front of him. He had an open sleeve with some fur on his shoulders and some red/gold decor added on. A small cage that seemed to hold something glowing was hanging off his belt.

"I gotta say, this looks like a nice place" Hessian commented as he gave a grin towards wary captain.

It seemed Hessian had decided to pass up on fondling t.i.t.s for the day.