Him And Her - An Odd Story

HIM AND HER – ROAD TRIP

As the morning sun slowly shafted over the distant horizon, Aya slanted her eyes slightly as she sat on a bench near the bus stop. Next to her stood two suitcases and a small backpack atop of them. After a few moments, she took out her phone and texted Tyson and, just a few minutes later, a car pulled up next to her as the passenger's window rolled down. Tyson smiled from behind the wheel as he opened the trunk and got out, helping her with the two suitcases, after which the two went back into the car.

"You really drive." Aya said with a slightly shocked expression. "I thought you were screwing with me."

"Is that really hard to believe?" Tyson said as he shifted the gear and slowly moved out of the clearing. "Most people tell me I'm the drive-looking type."

"They're lying," Aya said. "What's a drive-looking type anyway? Is that even a thing?"

"It's a thing, trust me."

"You really go to great lengths to make shit up that you think makes you look cool," Aya said, smirking. "It's kind of cute."

"… it is cute, isn't it?"

"It's also a bit depressing, but we'll let it slide." Aya said.

"Did you sleep well?" Tyson asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Aya asked back as they came up to a roundabout and slowed down.

"Well, I mean, it is our first overnight trip together. That's kind of exciting, isn't it?"

"… yeah, I suppose. I just can't believe our first overnight trip is back to your hometown for your dad's birthday," Aya said. "But then again, considering it's you, I suppose it's befitting."

"… that hurt." Tyson said. "And you readily agreed anyway."

"What are you talking about? I planted the idea in your head."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure that was my sister." Tyson said.

"Well, yeah, but you weren't gonna go if it weren't for me. I'm like a family cupid."

"… so you promote i.n.c.e.s.t?"

"Dude."

"Hey, your words, not mine." Tyson said, smiling, as he shrugged his shoulders. "What'd your mom say?"

"… classified." Aya said as she looked away, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"Ah, come on. I've seen the depths of your butthole, and you can't even tell me that much?"

"First off: that's disgusting," Aya said. "Secondly, so what? Girl's gotta have her secrets."

"… you literally describe every single one of your bodily functions to me in detail. What the hell are these secrets you speak of?" Tyson asked, arching his brows.

"… somehow you're making me sound like a creep."

"Well, yeah, you kind of are," Tyson said. "Don't get me wrong, I find your honesty and openness very refreshing and hot—"

"—no you don't."

"No, I really do," Tyson continued, smiling lightly. "It's, uh, new, you know? Because you're so honest with me, I feel like I can be completely honest with you as well."

"Oh? You can?" Aya mumbled, glancing at him with a smirk.

"Crap."

"So, if you can be oh so honest, tell me why is your browser history cleaner than your toilet?" she asked.

"… uh, I was afraid cops are gonna come and arrest me for torrenting bunch of stuff."

"Pop. Our bubble of honesty just burst so hard it lit Pacific Ocean ablaze!"

"Look, there are some stuff about me you should not know so, you know, we can continue dating as a happy couple." Tyson said as they pulled up to a red light.

"Ha ha, relax," Aya laughed lightly as she grabbed his hand for a moment. "Unless one of your fetishes involves dead, disemboweled bodies, we're good."

"… your mind… is weird."

"So, how long will it take us to get there with this granny-like driving of yours?" Aya asked, changing the subject.

"What granny-like? I'm just respecting the signs."

"Bleh, boring. Come on, speed up, blow past some reds, catch some eyes, live a little."

"… I'd rather live more." Tyson said. "Why is it that whenever we're alone together, we always end up spiraling into conversations that bounce around like hacker's IP address?"

"I'm surprised you know the cyber-lingo." Aya commented.

"I've watched all seasons of Criminal Minds, I'll have you know!" Tyson exclaimed somewhat proudly.

"Oh? You have? So you must be expert at analyzing people, right?"

"… w-well, you know, maybe not an expert, but I think I'm pretty good. Please don't ask what you're about to ask." he ended in a pleading tone.

"Analyze me then." Aya said.

"Didn't you hear the 'please' I so nicely put in there?"

"No."

"… I'm not gonna analyze you," Tyson said. "I don't think anyone has courage to."

"Come on. You already know my backstory, and practically everything there is to know about me. You just have to shorten it nicely and explain who Aya is properly."

"She's my wonderful girlfriend," Tyson said, smiling at her for a moment. "And I'm happy to have her."

"… well, seeing as you're a P.u.s.s.ytrone 2000—"

"—hey!"

"—it just so happens that I've also watched all seasons of Criminal Minds as well as the spin-off, Beyond Borders. How about I take a crack at you?" Aya said, smirking.

"I'd rather you don't. You can be very mean at times."

"You're a… brilliant guy," Aya said, smiling gently. "Courageous, driven, honest to a tooth and kind of a s.e.x maniac."

"… you know, I don't even mind that last part." Tyson said, smiling. "It kind of tells me that you meant everything else."

"… damn, you're catching on."

"… thanks for coming with me," Tyson said. "Means a lot."

"Is it really the time for the heavy talk while we're sprinting down the highway at 100km/h?" Aya said. "I feel like your heart can't handle both."

"Ugh, shut up. I'm getting better at handling, you know, real stuff." Tyson said.

"As long as you call it, uh, 'real stuff', you're not." Aya said.

"… khm, anyway, a brief rundown of people you'll be meeting," Tyson said. "My mom will probably dislike you, so just a heads-up."

"Eh? Why? I'm very likable."

"Well, let's see," Tyson said. "You're young, beautiful, smart, dating me, have a chance for a good career, and my sister likes you."

"… you don't like your mom very much, do you?"

"Oh, no. I love my mom," Tyson said. "You just have to, you know, look at her diva side from a comedic perspective. It all gets easier then."

"… fine. I'll keep that in mind. What about others?" she asked.

"Hmm, let's see. Well, Bret, my oldest brother, has just gotten his third kid last year. He works the docks, not the brightest of the bunch, but you're hot and young, so you can just flash him a smile and he'll be l.i.c.k.i.n.g your toes if you ask him to."

"Eww."

"Then just don't ask him to lick your toes. Geez."

"F.u.c.k you."

"Anyway, Liam, the middle one, runs a repair shop. Single, sworn eternal bachelor, so expect him to hit on you. A lot. Especially when I'm around. The guy always liked showing off in front of me." Tyson said.

"… I have a feeling this will be a lot of fun." Aya mumbled, smiling mysteriously.

"… whatever you're planning, I'll always carry a heavy metal object to back you up." Tyson said, flashing her a smile.

"Aww, you're making me melt over here."

"… as for dad," Tyson said, the tone of his voice growing heavier. "I… honestly don't know. Just wing it. You're good at it anyway. Or, you know, just quote Shakespeare or Edgar. He's a big sucker for them even though I'm pretty sure he literally doesn't understand a single thing they say."

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Aya exclaimed flamboyantly as she spread her arms wide.

"… I said quote, not act out."

"What, you don't like my acting?" she asked.

"Not when you're not n.a.k.e.d." Tyson said, smiling.

"… so you're proposing I strip in front of your dad and pull out a nice McBeth scene for him?" Aya asked, smirking.

"Why McBeth? Just recite one of his sonnets and you're golden. Shorter, more to the point." Tyson said, smiling back.

"It's no fun when you play along."

"Do you want to stop for breakfast somewhere?" Tyson asked.

"Nah, I already ate. You?"

"Coffee will hold me until we arrive," Tyson said. "Besides, I got stuffed last night. Did you thank your mom for the meal?"

"Hey, I cooked that!!" Aya exclaimed.

"… right, yeah, sure. I mean, you know, thank her for giving birth to you, which eventually resulted in that amazing meal last night."

"Shut up. I really did cook it!" she said. "Mom just… you know, made sure I didn't burn anything. I still can't believe we celebrated our first month's anniversary at your place, eating food my mom made—"

"—ha!"

"—and watching Harry Potter till we passed out. We didn't even have s.e.x for crying out loud!!"

"… it was fun, though." Tyson said.

"… yeah. I hate it." Aya said, sighing.

"No you don't."

"Let me at least have false bravado."

"Wait, when did you even have breakfast?! And what did you eat? My place was empty!" Tyson asked.

"… I woke up like two hours before you," Aya said. "There were some leftovers from last night, so I ate. By the time you woke up, I was already ready to leave."

"… well sorry for wanting to be rested enough for a long drive," Tyson scoffed lightly. "Wouldn't wanna crash into a tree or something, would we?"

"No, that would be rather unwelcoming."

"… I'm still having a hard time figuring out how we lasted a whole month without you dumping me." Tyson said. "I mean, you heard me sing My Heart Will Go On, that had to have left a scar."

"… yeah, thanks for reminding me, you asshole." Aya sighed, shaking her head.

"Then again, I did see you playing a n.a.k.e.d cop with a banana as a gun." Tyson said, his body quivering for a moment. "I should really put a door between the bedroom and living room."

"… you think?"

"What the hell happened to that banana anyway?" Tyson asked.

"I ate it!! What the f.u.c.k do you think I did with it? Shoved it up my a.s.s and let it turn into shit?"

"… I… I meant… you know… why was it red…" Tyson said.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Men in Black?" Aya said.

"You sure? That's your final strike for this week." Tyson said.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay, if you say so. Forgetting… forgetting… forgotten."

"I'm hungry." Aya said.

"Dude."

"There's a small joint fifteen or so minutes away," she said. "We can eat there."

"… maybe if you didn't eat that banana, we wouldn't have to pull over and eat now."

"… I swear, if you weren't driving, I'd have punched you." Aya said angrily.

"Why the hell do you think I said that?" Tyson said, smirking.

"Ugh. I'm gonna have a field day with your family, just so you know."

"That sounds kind of dirty." Tyson said. "Should I be worried?"

"…"

"If you get pregnant, I'm taking a fraternity test."

"Blue balls, blue balls, ringing to the sky~~ blue balls, blue balls, Ty's last ride~~" Aya sang in soft melody with a smile on her face as Tyson held back laughter.

Sun continued to rise through the sky as the two finally drove out of the city and headed to Tyson's hometown, for his dad's birthday.