Him And Her - An Odd Story

HER – WHERE HE CAME FROM

As Aya watched Tyson walk away, leaving her alone with Selena and those who waited on the porch, she smiled bitterly for a moment before she flipped him a bird and turned around, straightening her posture as she followed Selena toward the porch. There, three elderly and a single middle-aged woman sat drinking tea. When they spotted her, they all smiled while the middle-aged woman got up slowly.

"Everyone, this is Aya," Selena immediately announced with a smile. "Aya, this is Tina, Ty's and mine mom." Tina wore a well-paired trousers and shirt. She had cut her hair short and dyed it light brown. Slightly plump around the waist, she was a head shorter than Aya, causing it so that when the two hugged, her head landed on Aya's c.h.e.s.t.

"Small, but firm." Tina said. "Ty's a lucky guy." … did she just grade my b.o.o.b.s?

"Thanks…?" Aya said.

"This lovely lady here is aunt Amelia," Selena introduced one of the three elderly ladies sitting, the one furthest on the right. "She's dad's sister, and incredibly rich."

"I am." Amelia smiled lightly as she said.

"… nice to meet you." Aya said as the two shook their hands.

"Next to her is grandma Liz, mom's mom," the woman in the middle was toothless and clearly the oldest, but also had the kindest smile. "She likes to grab butts, so don't be alarmed when it happens."

"It's firm, mom," Tina said as Aya and Liz shook hands. "I've checked."

"Good, good. Firm a.s.s is fine a.s.s." Liz said, chuckling lowly.

"And last – but definitely not least – is our neighbor Annabel. She's harvests the best honey in the country – trust me!" Selena said.

"And I've also buried three husbands, so I'm a tough bitch." Annabel said with a smile.

"You do seem the type." Aya said.

"Sit, sit," Tina urged as she pulled the chair up for Aya. "Go make her some tea Selena."

"Right on."

"So, Aya," grandma Liz said as Selena left. "Did you and Ty make love yet?" Oh. Didn't Ty say his family was conservative?!!

"Yes." Aya said expressionlessly nonetheless.

"Oh, an honest type!" aunt Amelia said, smiling. "Good. Looks like we'll get along just fine."

"Ah, forgive them," Tina said, smiling lightly. "They're old, bored and curious."

"It's fine." Aya said, smiling back.

"So, tell us. How did the two of you meet? Ty's been zip about his love life ever since he left. We just figured he was still waiting for Jared to die so he can sweep in and take Emma." Tina said.

"Ha ha, yeah, before we met, that seemed to have been his plan," Aya said. "We, uh, met at college. I was curious about him, and he found it impossible to say no to me."

"Did he make love to your ass?" grandma Liz asked as Aya nearly burst out in laughter. "My husband always begged me, but I never gave in, you know? Things ought to come out from there, not go in."

"Hush grandma!" Tina said, glaring at the old lady for a moment. "We'll be getting drunk tonight, so you can ask her then. Anyway, if you don't mind me asking… how's Ty?" she asked, a hint of regret and guilt in her voice. "He's been… distant ever since he left."

"He's, uh… he's good." Aya said. "Among the best students in our class, actually. He didn't burn his place down yet, so that's a plus."

"… yeah," Tina said. "I figure he already told you what happened."

"Yeah." Aya nodded.

"This bitch ruined him." aunt Amelia said, glaring at Tina for a moment.

"Sis…" Tina mumbled.

"Don't call me your sis! I'll pull whatever little hair you've got out!"

"Don't mind them," Annabel spoke at last, smiling faintly. "They don't really hate each other, but for some reason they always end up fighting like this."

"It's fine." Aya said. So far so good. Considering what Ty said, I thought I'd be entering the den of beasts…

"Did he make love to your mouth?" grandma Liz asked.

"Hush grandma." Tina said. "Selena said you're pretty, but she really undersold you."

"… thanks."

"You're thin, young with hair well-groomed…" Tina continued.

"…"

"What's your secret?" Tina asked.

"Secret?"

"Yeah, secret. How are you so pretty?"

"Because she's more than half your age, you old hag!" aunt Amelia said. "Your a.s.s is fat and will stay fat forever. Just accept it and move on already!"

"Hah, at least I'm not already designing my coffin, you living corpse!"

"Oh? Do you want to join us?" aunt Amelia said. "Let me grab my hatchet, and we can make it happen yet!"

"Did he make love to your bellybutton?" grandma Liz asked.

"For the millionth time, that's not even a thing, grandma!" Tina exclaimed.

"Don't you yell at me! You don't know if it's a thing! You haven't tasted a man since the second World War!"

"I wasn't even born then!!" volume of Tina's voice slowly grew. "And what do you know about tasting men, huh? You've been with one since your hair began to grow!!"

"Yes, but at least she wasn't a s.l.u.t!" aunt Amelia said.

"That's right! What she said!" grandma Liz added. Aya watched from the side as she waited for her tea.

"Who's a s.l.u.t, huh?! I dare you call me that again!"

"You're a s.l.u.t!"

"I'll sing So Long on your funeral, and I'll do it laughing, you old hag!" Tina exclaimed.

"I'm glad I'll be dead by then so I won't have to listen to your terrible singing!" aunt Amelia exclaimed sharply.

"Aya, I'm sorry," Tina said, smiling apologetically. "But, as you can see, these two are old, senile and broken. You just can't reason with them." You're all broken.

"I see you've finally met them." Selena came back smiling and put a cup of tea in front of Aya. "Welcome to our family. One full of bitterness, anger and enough unresolved issues to clog a toilet."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Aya said, her expression indifferent. As silence dawned on the table, she innocently looked up and saw the shocked gazes from the women staring at her, while Selena held back the bottled up laughter, as though she was expecting something like this to happen. "What?" Aya asked as she took a gulp of tea. "You are. Nothing wrong with it."

"You've got a sharp tongue on you, don't you?" Tina said, frowning.

"You say sharp, I say honest," Aya said. Well, at worst, they'll just never invite me back. "No wonder Ty left."

"Ty left because of his father!!" Tina exclaimed as she slapped the table.

"And you truly believe that, hence, you know, 'unresolved issues' Selena talked about." Aya's expression remained calm and indifferent throughout everything. "I've been sitting here for five minutes, and the only person I like even remotely is the one that's not even a part of your family. Think about that for a second."

"She's right, you know?" Selena said, chuckling. "Didn't I tell you she's amazing?!"

"Amazingly rude, that is." Tina said, scoffing coldly.

"Isn't this just like one of those Spanish telenovelas? Where the entire family is so f.u.c.k.e.d up it's kind of entertaining to watch?" Selena asked, still smiling widely.

"Watch your language, young lady!" grandma Liz exclaimed.

"Eh, it's not that bad," Aya said. "You're missing drug addiction, i.n.c.e.s.t, pentagonal love cross, political disputes over inheritance, and horses. Those always had horses."

"… what kind of screwed up telenovelas did you watch?" Tina asked, arching her brows slightly.

"Aya, let me show you to your room," Selena said, smiling. "Let these guys cool down for a bit. They're much nicer after a glass or two of wine, trust me."

"Sure."

HIM – THE MOST DIFFICULT THING

Tyson stared at sitting Aya, nearly bursting out in laughter. The two were currently in Tyson's old room, nearing the evening. Aya sat with her head buried inside her hands, occasionally sighing deeply as she shook her head.

"Ah come on, it's not that bad." Tyson said.

"Not that bad? Your mother hates me," Aya said. "And your grandma thinks you stuck your d.i.c.k into my bellybutton."

"… yeah, she always had a thing for that. Apparently, she once accidentally walked into a p.o.r.n theater and was obsessed with bellybuttons ever since."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Nobody did. But we do. Share in the pain." Tyson said, smiling.

"It's not funny, Ty!"

"It's kind of funny."

"No it's not!" Aya exclaimed, looking up as her lips battled the emerging smile.

"Ah, come on. My mom would have hated you either way," Tyson said, sitting down. "She hates everyone better than her, that's who she is. And the grandma… she's just a curious old lady. So what if she thinks I f.u.c.k.e.d your bellybutton? You have a very nice bellybutton."

"You did not just say I have a nice bellybutton."

"I did not just say that, no way." Tyson said.

"… ugh, whatever. How'd it go with your dad?" she asked worryingly.

"… it was… fine, I suppose." Tyson said, sighing. "Better than I expected, at least."

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah."

"So my outburst wasn't in vain?" Aya asked.

"It wasn't an outburst," Tyson said. "You just said what you had on your mind. If you didn't, it wouldn't be you."

"Sometimes I don't want to be me." Tyson suddenly flicked her forehead gently, causing her to exclaim out in pain. "What was that for?"

"I don't want to date some phony who smiles no matter the occasion," Tyson said firmly. "I want to date the brilliant, beaming, sharp-tongued, unapologetic, beautiful girl that you are. Do you really think I care what my mom thinks about you? Hell, I'm glad she hates you. It means you're even more amazing than I thought."

"… you're really weird, you know that?" Aya said, chuckling lightly as she lied down onto the bed, Tyson following immediately after. "Most of the time, you just spew bullshit as though you work in stables, but, from time to time, you say exactly what I need to hear. Like you read my mind."

"I can't read minds though."

"Wouldn't it be amazing if we could?" Aya mumbled.

"Why? You can just ask me what I think, and I'll tell you."

"No you won't." Aya said.

"Sure I will. Just like I know you'll tell me too." Tyson said.

"No I won't. From today onwards, I'm beginning my training in dishonesty."

"Ha ha ha, like that will ever work. Tell me you didn't enjoy seeing my mom fl.u.s.tered to all hell." Tyson said.

"I may have. A bit." Aya said, smiling.

"Ay, I told you—"

"—don't call me Ay, you bastard. I thought we agreed on that!"

"—Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay—ouch, ouch! Okay, those last were real! Stop, it hurts!" Tyson cried out as Aya began gently punching him while smiling. "I didn't invite you here so the entirety of my family would grow to love and adore you."

"You didn't?"

"No, that's impossible. You're way too awesome for them." Tyson said. "I invited you because… because I wanted to see the place I grew up in. To meet the people that were around me at that time. To show you the small places I called my 'secret caves' when I was a kid. That's all."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"That was pretty romantic, you know?" she mumbled.

"Yeah, I've been working on it all day long."

"That's kind of sad."

"Tell me about it." Tyson chuckled.

"… thank you." Aya said. "But, the truth is… my mom loves you Ty, she really does. She keeps threatening me she'll kick me out of the house if I screw it up."

"No she doesn't."

"It's true! Call her and ask her!"

"Okay. I'll believe you. I am awesome, after all." Tyson said, smirking. "Ouch."

"The point is… perhaps you don't care, but I do."

"You do you," Tyson said as he leaned over and gently kissed her cheek, c.a.r.e.s.sing her hair slowly. "I'll be right behind, staring at that fine a.s.s of yours."

"… you've heard?"

"Oh, I've heard."

"Apparently my t.i.t.s are small but firm."

"Well, they are." Tyson said.

"… your family is… weird."

"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"It has this time," Aya said, turning sideways as their eyes locked onto each other. "Otherwise you would be hating me right about now as well."

"… your breath stinks." Tyson grunted lowly.

"Gee. Thanks. You really have a knack for ruining the moment." Aya said, chuckling. The timing's right… the mood's great—well, it was. Great job Ty. Really great job. Ugh, whatever.

"… you know, dad asked me something today." he mumbled.

"Oh? What?" Aya asked.

"We were talking about you, and I was telling him just how terrible, completely terrible you are for me..."

"Of course." Aya said, smiling lightly.

"And, at one point," Tyson said, sighing lightly. "He asked me… whether I love you." Oh god, stop blushing Aya. My heart is already in a gear that shouldn't even exist!!

"… w-what, what did you tell him?" Aya asked, unable to look away from his eyes.

"Hah, a stupid joke. You know me." Tyson chuckled for a moment.

"Oh."

"… yeah, inappropriate. Welcome to my world." he said.

"… yeah, it's a very vague world." Aya said, smiling.

"…"

"Too much blood is rushing into your cheeks," Aya said. "Want me to help you redirect some of it downstairs?"

"… you aren't any better."

"I imagine I'm not." she said.

"… I saw you n.a.k.e.d." he said.

"Yeah, you have." she said.

"… I've done things to you that will probably become my ticket to hell in the future." he said.

"Yeah, you have." she said.

"… so why is it so difficult?"

"It's not." Aya said as she slowly inched closer, all the way until their foreheads touched. "Here," she mumbled gently. "I'm in love with you."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"For sure?"

"Definitely."

"I'm in love with you too." he said.

"Wow, you didn't even preface it with 'I think'."

"Didn't seem necessary."

"I'm glad to hear it." she said.

"… good lord, that was f.u.c.k.i.n.g exhausting!" Tyson suddenly exhaled deeply as he rolled sideways onto his back, panting.

"Tell me about it!" Aya exclaimed all the same, rolling sideways as well. "I think I just burned off all the fat I wanted to just there."

"I just shortened my lifespan by like ten years."

"Eh, you're gonna live a hundred. Like it matters to you."

"Hey, every year counts! I want to live long enough to see space colonized!"

"Dream on, lover boy." Aya said, chuckling.

"It will happen!" Tyson exclaimed. "We're already inching closer to galactic travel. It's only a matter of time before we figure out how to settle on other planets!"

"I'm not saying it won't happen," Aya said. "But definitely not in our lifetimes."

"Will do!"

"We've yet to learn how to build a submarine sturdy enough to endure deepest parts of the ocean, and you think we'll be able to build spacesh.i.p.s that could travel outside our solar system?"

"You never know." Tyson said.

"You'll have better luck betting on a horse without one leg." Aya said.

"There's actually a race track in this city," Tyson said. "Want to come over tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Tyson said. "In about an hour, we'll be meeting my dad for dinner."

"Oh my god."

"You be a strong girl." Tyson said.

"I take back what I said! In love with you? More like carrying you to Mount Doom!" Aya exclaimed.

"… so… you're saying… I'm your precious? Aww."

"Ugh. I have to get ready. You a.s.s."

"Don't do it in the corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner."

"I hope space colonization does become a thing in our lifetime," Aya said as she got off the bed. "And I hope you board one of those sh.i.p.s. And I hope everyone on that ship dies except for you. And I hope you drift into dark space until the day you die. All alone, scared, pissing your pants because you're ninety and you can't control your bladder."

"Wow, that's dark."

"Not as dark as your crotch. Seriously, shave that thing."

"… well, that's uncalled for." Tyson said.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll shave it for you. That way I'll control your precious and I know you'll be honest with me." Aya said, glancing back and smirking.

"… I never realized having a woman offer to shave my balls would be so hot."

"… just what isn't your fetish? Please, give me the list."

"There's no list."

"Make it."

"Too tired. I'm gonna go and take a quick shower." Tyson said.

"Don't slip and die."

"I'll do my best."