Him And Her - An Odd Story

HER – DINNING DONE RIGHT(?)

Aya stared at something that resembled fish slightly, confused as to what to do with it. Glancing around, she saw that both Tyson and his dad were already diving headfirst into the food, and she felt awkward feeling surge within her heart. Should I ask? Should I just wing it? Winging it probably isn't the best choice.

"Ignore the head," Tyson said when he realized Aya wasn't eating. "Eat the salad around it. Fish's clean meat is in it."

"Oh." Aya exclaimed softly as she followed his instructions. "Why the head though?"

"Uh… decoration?" Tyson said. "Clearly, no one here ever went to designer school."

"Chuck told me it was his wife's idea," Robert said. "Keeps the obnoxious tourists away."

"And by obnoxious you mean spoiled, right?" Aya said.

"… you said that, not me."

"She says a lot of things," Tyson said. "Just the other day, she said that Hollywood is basically a mainstream p.o.r.n industry."

"And you agreed, from what I recall." Aya said, glancing at him.

"I'm not saying it's not," Tyson said. "I'm just saying that it's probably not something you should express publicly."

"Why? Big bad Hollywood Assassins will come after me?" Aya asked.

"World works in mysterious ways." Tyson said.

"Wasn't that God?" Aya mumbled.

"Wasn't it a woman?" Robert mumbled.

"Well, we clearly have different views of what a mystery is," Tyson said. "Of course, mine is the most correct."

"… every time we sit down and watch a random cop drama, I always guess who the killer is, yet you never do." Aya said. "I think that instantly disqualifies you from stating what a mystery is."

"Mystery's a puzzle," Tyson said. "And world is a puzzling place."

"… thank God you didn't go to philosophy department," Aya said, sighing. "They would have murdered you over there."

"… did you even see the philosophy majors?" Tyson asked, arching his brow. "Half of them look like those smart zombies from iZombie."

"You know," Aya said, smiling suddenly. "If you're into the girl from it, you're technically into necrophilia, because she's technically dead."

"Well, if you're into me, you're technically insane." Tyson replied.

"Because you're a piece of work?"

"How the hell does that even correlate to what I said?!!"

"You just failed to understand the complexities of language." Aya said.

"No, I'm fairly certain that I'm failing to understand the oddities of your brain."

"… khm, anyway, Robert," Aya said, glaring at Tyson for a moment. "Can I call you Robert?"

"Sure."

"Tell me Ty's most embarrassing childhood story."

"Right to the gutter she goes, eh?" Robert said, chuckling, as he took a gulp of the beer.

"Didn't you already force me to retell you basically the entirety of my childhood?!" Tyson said. "And the most I got from you was 'well, one time in high school, I touched my self during the break in the bathroom'."

"… you didn't complain about it back then." Aya said. "Actually, from what I recall, you were quite excited about it."

"It's a conditioned response!!" Tyson exclaimed. "The girl you like gives you what's essentially p.o.r.n in words where she's in the lead role, and you're expected to get excited!"

"Guys, guys, guys," Robert interjected, sighing. "Shouldn't you have at least warned me so I would bring headphones or something? You know, I may look the type, but I'm genuinely not interested in my son's and his girlfriend's s.e.x.u.a.l life."

"… now that you mention it, you do look the type." Aya said, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Right?" Tyson said right after her. "You take his headshot and photoshop that mug-picture stuff on it, nobody would suspect a thing." Almost said 'That's what you'll look like in thirty years'… ooh mom, thank you for teaching me how to think before I speak! Thank you so much!!

"… I'd ask what 'photoshop' is, but it's probably best I don't," Robert said, chuckling lightly. "Forget Ty's childhood fringes, tell me about the two of you."

"What do you want to know?" Aya asked.

"… why?" Robert said. "Just… why?"

"… before the two of us met," Aya said, a gentle smile curling up on her face as she played with the bottle of beer. "I honestly thought I would never find a guy who'd put up with… well, you know by now."

"I certainly do." Robert said.

"So, that's why I generally avoided talking to guys," Aya continued, looking at Tyson. "But then this idiot entered my sights, and against all my instincts, I went over to strike up a conversation with him. By the end of that day—"

"—you already fell in love with me?" Tyson interrupted, smirking.

"—I realized that maybe, just maybe, idiots are best choice for me."

"Ouch."

"That's what you get for interrupting me," Aya said, smiling. "And, you know, every time the two of us start a conversation, I know it will end up in some Neverland, and neither of us will know how it started."

"Wrong. I always know how our conversations started." Tyson said.

"Really? Then how did this one start?" Aya asked.

"… okay, maybe not always, but most of the time."

"Do you really want to go down this rabbit's hole?"

"Yup, I'd rather not. Thanks for giving me an out." Tyson said, smiling.

"You know," Robert said, leaning back. "I still remember Ty's first girlfriend."

"Please don't." Tyson pleaded while Aya perked up her ears. This ought to be fun.

"He was eight."

"S.l.u.t!" Aya exclaimed, punching Tyson's shoulder gently.

"Hey! It was very tender age for me!" Tyson exclaimed back.

"… you say that about literally every year of your life." Aya said. "I don't think even you believe it anymore."

"Well, thanks to you pointing it out, I don't anymore!!"

"Khm, anyway," Robert said. "One day, I was doing some fishing on the pier, and I happened to look down on the beach and I saw him and this local girl, Anna, sitting while holding hands."

"A few days later we came to mutual understanding that it's best we go separate ways. End of story. Goodbye. Next topic: how about those damn wars in Middle-East, huh?" Tyson spoke quickly and in one breath, but was ultimately ignored.

"I imagine the war your dad's about to retell is far more interesting." Aya said.

"Ah! How heartless! Apologize to all innocent victims, you damn alien!"

"No, no!" Aya exclaimed. "You won't drag me into your flow. So, what about our cute Ty here and that s.l.u.t Anna?"

"Hey!"

"She's your ex either way," Aya said, shrugging her shoulders. "I have to hate her on principle."

"… ugh, whatever." Tyson said, sighing and finally surrendering.

"So, when I asked him that day, he of course denied everything and he called me old fart with bad eyes and gave me the address to see a doctor," Robert continued, smiling. "So, I figured the kid's embarrassed, so I didn't pry anymore. Anyway, a few days later, he comes back home all muddy and wet, crying like someone stabbed him. I get angry because I thought someone was bullying him, but he then retells everything – slowly, of course, his crying never stopping – and I listen. Apparently, he wanted to live forever with her, so he remembered some movie he watched where a guy proposed to a girl."

"Oh no." Aya said, her smile widening.

"Oh yes. Anyway, he didn't quite remember what the guy used to propose so, instead, he went to the mall and bought the most expensive fish he could afford."

"Oh my god."

"However, he was too embarrassed to say it in person, so he hid the fish in Anna's backpack." Robert continued while Tyson drank. "Hours slowly passed, and everyone quickly figured out where the bad smell was coming. Kids be kids, and they nicknamed the poor girl Funky Anny. So, seeing his beloved bullied, Ty went over and honorably defended her name – forgetting in process that he caused it in the first place. He accidentally let it slip that he put the fish in because he loves her, and, tomorrow, two of Anna's older brothers came over and taught him a mild lesson. And they naturally broke up. Thus, our Ty over here had his heart broken for the first time."

"… you really are terrible." Aya said, laughing. "Didn't you have at least a single break-up where you didn't f.u.c.k things up epically?!"

"You would want that, wouldn't you?!" Tyson grunted angrily.

"Well, if nothing else, if we ever break up," Aya said. "At least I'll know it will be a story worth the bestselling spot in New York Times."

"… does anyone even follow their list anymore?" Tyson asked.

"I'm pretty sure they do," Aya said. "Well, at least cultural people do."

"Oh, I highly doubt that." Tyson said. "After all, you seem to follow them."

"Are you trying to say I'm not cultural?"

"Trying to? I think I was pretty straightforward." Tyson said, smirking.

"I went to see opera! Twice!" Aya exclaimed.

"And I bet you fell asleep within first five minutes."

"Well, yeah, but that's beside the point! I at least tried!"

"Just be thankful you didn't go through Batman Opera Experience." Tyson said.

"Is that even a thing?" Aya mumbled, arching her brow.

"Oh, it is. People are weird."

"Well, we don't have to look further than the two of us to prove that." Aya said.

"You mean further than you, right?"

"And I thought I was being nice by including myself in there as well." Aya said. "Serves me well."

"… so, uh, deserts?" Robert asked, having already surrendered to the two's flow.

"Before you say yes," Tyson interrupted Aya. "I feel obliged to tell you that all are fish-based."

"… how the f.u.c.k is there a desert that's fish based?!"

"… I've lived here for over eighteen years," Tyson said. "And I even I don't have a clue."

"I've lived here for nearly sixty years," Robert said. "And even I have no clue."

"Huh. World really is a mysterious place." Aya said.

"Aaaand we come full circle! Hallelujah! Tyson is proven right yet again!" Tyson exclaimed, smiling.

"… do you want a candy?" Aya asked.

"Why would I want a candy?"

"Because you're acting like a kid, and kids like candy."

"Are you saying that a.d.u.l.ts can't like candy?" Tyson asked. "Oh my, how close-minded of you, Ayien."

"… wow, you haven't used that one for a while. Kudos for holding back." Aya said.

"Eh, felt like the right moment."

"It kind of was, actually."

"Really?" Tyson said. "Nice."

"Hey Chuck, bring us another round of beers!" Robert shouted at the man behind the counter. "And keep them coming!"

"Ooh, it's a party!" Aya exclaimed.

"No, dear," Robert said. "It's a coping mechanism."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"We usually just use denial." Tyson said. "Less expensive."

"But also less delicious." Robert said.

"That's true." Tyson said. "Anyway, how many people will be attending the actual party?"

"Uh, you know," Robert said, sighing. "The entire town."

"So the tradition still lives?"

"Yeah."

"What tradition?" Aya asked.

"You don't want to know." Tyson said.

"Well, considering I'll be the freaking part of it, I'm kind of supposed to know!"

"Just follow my lead and you'll be fine." Tyson said.

"My a.s.s is cuter. You follow me." Aya said.

"…" Robert awkwardly coughed and looked away while Tyson glanced at her and smiled.

"To infinity and beyond, babe." he said, smirking.

"I'm really not impressed with your nerdy references anymore." Aya said. "You have to step up your game."

"… well, I tried my best."

"… but you don't succeed." Aya said.

"… uh, wait, it's on the tip of my tongue." Tyson said, frowning slightly. "Cold Game?"

"Coldplay."

"Oh."

"You never heard of them."

"Nope." Tyson said.

"I'm staying at your place next weekend," Aya said. "You've got so much to learn."

"As long as it involves—okay, maybe leave the bedroom talk for the bedroom." Tyson said.

"Every place's a bedroom if you're brave enough." Aya said, smirking.

"… you're killing me." Likewise…