Him And Her - An Odd Story

HIM – THE DIFFICULTIES OF A.D.U.L.THOOD (I)

After the dinner ended, Tyson headed outside and sat down on a small porch, watching the clear sky with a peaceful smile. A few moments later, the rest of the guys showed up, bringing a pack of beers and placing it onto the table before sitting down as well. This wasn't uncommon sight for Tyson; each time they'd have family dinners back home, following it would always be this division. Men went on one side, and women on another. It was nothing special, or even intentional, just something that happened almost naturally. James, Eric and Kurt all opened a beer, and Tyson followed shortly after. They clanked the bottles and drank a mouthful as they all breathed out in p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e afterwards.

"You're really just like Aya described you," James spoke first with a chuckle. It was clear that sitting down for him was rather uncomfortable as he always shifted around. Tyson sneered at this and simply thought Serves you right, muscle-head! "To be honest, we were really worried for that girl!"

"Yup, yup," Eric immediately confirmed. "We've even thought she was a lesbian for a long while!"

"…khm," Kurt, being roughly the same age as Tyson and Aya, coughed as he looked away. "I thought no such thing."

"… oh, please, you were literally the one who asked you to introduce you to her 'circle' so you can 'get to know them better' and 'learn to be more respectful'." Eric sneered at him.

"Oi, guys, stop saying so casually that my girlfriend might be a lesbian!!" Tyson protested. "I may not have a muscle on my eyebrows like this Rambo here, but I do have my man's pride!!"

"Right, right, sorry," James said. "I'm just glad she found someone."

"… what do you mean someone? Am I really just someone?!"

"… you misunderstand." James awkwardly looked away.

"You really didn't give a single piece of shit who she brought back, did you?!!" Tyson exclaimed.

"… uh, so, Ty, how's job treating you?" Eric tried to shift the topic.

"… you suck at trying to change the topic, you know that?" Tyson said, but still followed along. "I think I finally figured out why so many professors get fired because they f.u.c.k.e.d one of their students."

"Oh?" everyone else immediately perked their ears as they looked at him.

"… you two have families. What the hell are you drooling for?!" Tyson said as he looked at Kurt. "You… you lack professor's air. Keep dreaming."

"… tch, how bitter." all three commented.

"It's insane!" however, Tyson still couldn't help himself and started bragging. "Most of the students I teach are barely younger than me and, as you can see, I've got the looks, I clearly have the brains, and these girls think I also have the money for some reason!" even though nobody said anything, all their facial expressions said the same thing: shameless! "Aii, you should see them. Every time we have practical classes, rather than discussing the topic, the girls are all like 'Yo, professor, you work out? Heh, I can help you with that' while busting out their cleavage as through it's an atomic bomb during a war!"

"… f.u.c.k!!" Kurt exclaimed. "Shit! I should have f.u.c.k.i.n.g studied when I was younger! Goddammit my past self! Why did you have to be stupid?!!" Tyson was startled by the sudden outburst; wasn't this guy the most well-behaved one throughout the dinner?!! Who the hell is this?!!

"Aii, you wouldn't understand his worries, Ty." Eric said as he sighed.

"Hm, worries?" Tyson mumbled as he picked up the bottle to take a gulp.

"He's a v.i.r.g.i.n." James said.

"PFT!!" Tyson immediately spat out what was in his mouth and coughed loudly a few times. "Oi, can't you at least wait until there's nothing in my mouth?!"

"It's true," Kurt said, sighing in lament. "I've tried, but, brother, I have failed." he added as he looked at his crotch.

"… guys, why not just buy him a hooker or something?" Tyson said. "He doesn't seem right in the head."

"We've tried, honest to god!" James exclaimed. "But the guy says he wants to score a girl with his own hands! What can we do?! Hire someone to **** him?"

"… well—"

"Oi!!" Kurt interrupted Tyson who seemed to have seriously considered the option. "It would be a different thing if I was an innocent, fifteen-year-old boy and there was this hot math teach that had waters for me to drown in!"

"...." Everyone stared at him in silence as they frowned lightly.

"This is worrying." Tyson said.

"Hey, you're a new guy! Shut up! If it weren't for Aya, you'd be in my shoes as well!!" Kurt exclaimed.

"..." Tyson suddenly whistled and looked away, casually playing with the bottle of beer in his hands.

"OH F.U.C.K YOU!!" Kurt exclaimed. "What's wrong with me?! I'm no worse looking than him, right? I've got a functioning d.i.c.k, you guys know that, right?"

"HEY!!!"

"....what the hell did I get myself into?" Tyson commented.

"Aaah, let's just change the topic," Eric said, sighing. "If we continue, this guy will get depressed again. He's poor as shit, so James and I always get stuck with paying the shrink bill."

"Hey, it was just once!! And I survived a bank robbery, it had nothing do with my v.i.r.g.i.n.i.t.y!!" Kurt defended himself.

"I honestly thought we'd have nothing to talk with you about." James suddenly turned to Tyson and said.

"Hm? Why?"

"Well, when Aya said you were a professor, we all got… you know, nervous! I mean, I barely finished high-school, and Eric has some shitty degree in something irrelevant."

"…why aren't you defending yourself?" Tyson looked at Eric as he asked.

"It's true. I literally don't even know where my diploma is."

"…..so, it's not hard to talk with me?" Tyson mumbled.

"Well, if you acted like a professor, it would have been." Kurt added.

"Hey!!"

"It's true, though. Although Aya said you were busy-mouth, loud, and rather easy to get along with, how the hell does that correspond with your profession?!" Eric added.

"… aah, so what you're saying that, despite being a professor, I'm an uncultured swine?" Tyson said. "Now that you mention it, other professors barely talk to me. They don't even greet me in the morning, just kinda glance at me with disdain. I just figured they were jealous because I'm so handsome and young, but, there actually might be something more to it."

"...…." Others simply stared at this arrogant youth in front of them. Looks like there was another candidate for shrink bills.

"Anyway, you guys never said where you work." Tyson ignored their stares and asked.

"Gym owner." James said.

"….is there any other customers besides you?" Tyson asked.

"F.U.C.K!!"

"Small-time office worker." Eric said.

"….do you mean small office or small worker?"

"F.U.C.K!!"

"Bartender." Kurt said.

"… and you still can't get laid? What's wrong with you?!" Tyson asked.

"F.U.C.K!!"

"Aya warned us you have a spiteful tongue," James said, sighing. "But, can't you at least be a bit gentler toward your family?"

"What do you mean gentler?" Tyson said, chuckling. "You guys think I'm better off than you? Aya and I can barely pay the bills as it is, and now with the winter around the corner, we've been busting our a.s.s over what to do. I may work as a professor, but over half my check goes back to the university so I can enroll in a year. Aya sometimes doesn't come back home for three days straight because of how much she has to work, and all the while, we have to keep up with our studies. I swear to god, when I see her state after those three days, I feel like shooting my balls from anger with myself…"

"…yeah, I get it," James said, smiling bitterly. "Lina barely had two months of maternity leave before she had to go back. Because the situation was so tight, we were never able to actually find the time for the second kid."

"Tell me about it," Eric said in lament, joining the two. "Jas sometimes stays three shifts in a row, and if it wasn't for sis babysitting our kid, we'd have no way of actually paying a babysitter. We've yet to clear off the bank loan we got for the house, and only god knows how we'll get enough money to pay for Simon's schooling."

"…f.u.c.k, you guys are depressing!" Kurt exclaimed, but it was clear he didn't really mean it. He knew better than Tyson just how much these two were struggling, yet they would still sometimes invite him over for dinner, or buy him something.

"… goddammit, I thought being an a.d.u.l.t would be much more fun," Tyson said, sighing and looking up while taking a gulp from his bottle. "But, besides s.e.x, there's nothing fun about it. Oh, sorry Kurt. My bad."

"F.U.C.K!! Why me twice?! Why brother?! Just why?!" Kurt cried out.

"… so, what are your plans with Aya?" James suddenly asked, his expression rather serious.

"Yeah, that!" Kurt exclaimed. "Now it's our turn to torment you!"

"I plan on marrying her." Tyson said without hesitation.

"F.U.C.K!! How can we torment you now?!" Kurt cried out again.

"Are you serious?" James said, somewhat shocked. "That was rather quick of you."

"Heh," Tyson chuckled. "That's under the condition she doesn't dump my a.s.s down the river."

"… you really are serious?" Eric echoed out James' words.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I want to marry her?" Tyson said. "I'm not saying it's gonna happen tomorrow, or next week, or even any time soon, but I can't think of another person I'd rather be with for the rest of my life."

"…you're surprisingly m.a.t.u.r.e in some areas." James said.

"F.U.C.K!! Are you trying to say that I'm otherwise imm.a.t.u.r.e?!" it was finally Tyson's time to curse.

"Weddings are expensive, though." Eric said.

"… no shit, small worker."

"F.U.C.K!!"

"You'll probably wait until you've stabilized your job, right?" James asked.

"Yeah, something like that," Tyson replied honestly. "Aya's grades are also top-notch, so she'll probably get some opportunity after finishing. Possibly even as a professor. We really do need to stabilize ourselves before doing anything more."

"At least you're taking it seriously." James said.

"F.u.c.k!! Of course I am!! It's the biggest decision of my life!!" Tyson exclaimed; he genuinely felt hurt over all the doubt. Who do these guys think I am?! A newborn kid in a body of an a.d.u.l.t?!! "Do you really think I'd do the same amount of thinking I do when I get a boner?"

"That depends." Eric said.

"...on what?"

"How much do you think when you get a boner?" followed up.

"F.U.C.K!!!"

Although curses flew left and out, the atmosphere surrounding the four was relatively relaxing. As the three got the know Tyson better, they realized many things. However, one stood above all others: This guy's definitely no professor!!