Hoshi wo Taguru Pt.5

“Subaru. Subaru wake up. Sorry, but we’re about to close.”

As he slowly opened his eyes, Subaru could feel Tokizawa shake his shoulders and call out his name. Subaru had no idea when he fell asleep. He slowly lifted his head from the counter and shook his head, trying to wake himself up.

“What time is it?” Subaru asked.  “Sorry you couldn’t head home because of me.”

“It’s about 3am. And don’t worry about that,” Tokizawa answered. “ Are you okay? You drank a bit too much I think.”

Subaru drank the glass of water that was handed to him all in one gulp. The cool water glid down his throat, quenching his thirst, and succeeded in waking him up a little.

“Can you still make your hotel check in time? Sorry, I should have woken you up earlier.”

“Ah, I don’t have a hotel to stay at. I was thinking I could go and try to find one right now, but if I can’t, then until morning, I could just…”

“What are you saying?! You can’t do that!”

Tokizawa’s expression suddenly changed, and he yelled before Subaru could even finish what he was saying.

“Hokkaido is very cold during this time of the year. There’s no way you can sleep outdoors. If you can’t stay at a hotel, then stay at my place!”

“I figured that sleeping outdoors was probably out of the question. I was thinking something along the lines of an internet cafe or something. There’s probably something like that around, right?”

“Internet cafe…” 

Tokizawa’s angry look was quickly deflated by Subaru’s words. Even under the dim lighting of the bar, the scarlet blush that rose all the way to Tokizawa’s ears was totally noticeable.

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s what someone would normally do. Sorry, I didn’t think of that.”

“But I would be thankful if I could stay at your place,” Subaru replied, “It’s kind of a pain to search for a hotel now, and I reek of alcohol so I’d probably be turned away,” Subaru continued on rather jokingly.

But Tokizawa’s eyes widened as he looked at Subaru. “Huh?”

“Ah, sorry for saying something so forward. I’ll go look normally,” Subaru withdrew what he said after seeing the way Tokizawa’s face changed in color.
But Tokizawa shook his head fiercely, “It’s not forward at all. I was just…surprised is all. Is staying at my place really okay? If you think it’s okay then it’s fine.”

“Are you sure? It’s not a problem?”
“I’m sure. If it was a problem, I wouldn’t have offered in the first place,” Tokizawa nodded his head desperately in assurance and he looked at the clock that hung on the wall.

“It would be a waste if you booked a room this late at night,” Tokizawa added.

Subaru would probably end up oversleeping, and when he woke up, it would have already been time for checkout anyway.

Subaru just realized that not a single customer had come. If anyone else had come in, then Subaru would have woken up for sure. He couldn’t tell if the bar wasn’t busy because people just didn’t come usually or if it was because of New Year. He figured it didn’t matter and he stopped thinking about it and lifted his face.

“Alright then I’ll take you up on your offer.”

“Okay. Although I don’t really have much.”

Tokizawa looked really happy at his decision so Subaru figured that it was indeed not a problem.

Shortly after, both of them left the bar. Subaru absentmindedly waited next to Tokizawa as he locked the door. 

After locking up, Tokizawa put his hand on the sign that was hanging on the door, and suddenly withdrew it perhaps in response to him realizing something.

…Huh? 

Subaru thought that Tokizawa probably had something he needed to do first, so he went up the stairs. But Tokizawa followed after him right away.

“Over here. We’re gonna take a taxi.”

“Okay.”

There were taxis waiting for customers parked by the top of the stairway. Even though it was already early morning,  the neon lights that have been on all night were still twinkling.

It seemed that the taxis there were in high demand. 

As if second nature, Tokizawa got into one of the taxis and told the taxi driver the location. In the meantime, Subaru put his luggage in the trunk. Then he got in and sat next to Tokizawa.

As soon as the car started to move, Subaru could feel drowsiness taking over him again. Tokizawa noticed that Subaru was nodding off and looked at Subaru’s face with a worried expression.

“Subaru, are you sleepy? It’s a short trip, but if you want to sleep then go ahead. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

“No… it’s okay. I’m awake…”

Somehow in between being spoken to and giving his vague answer, Subaru fell asleep.

“We’re here.” 

Subaru could feel his shoulder being shaken and quickly opened his eyes. Before he knew it, the taxi was stopped at a residential area.

Tokizawa had already stepped out of the taxi and got his luggage.

“Sorry.”

Subaru hurriedly got off the taxi. In front of him was an expensive looking apartment building.

“Is this where you live?”

“Yeah.”

Tokizawa briskly walked to the entrance while carrying Subaru’s luggage. Tokizawa opened the panel and entered the number to open the auto lock door. Inside was a new and nice looking interior with gleaming floors.

Looking at the amount of mail boxes, it seemed like there were few rooms despite the tallness of the building.

While riding the elevator headed to the topmost 5th floor, Subaru couldn’t help but exclaim, “Wow this is amazing.”

“Huh, what?”

“…It’s nothing.”

Subaru lightly shook his head at the same time the elevator gently reached its destination. The door right in front of the elevator was Tokizawa’s place.

“Go ahead inside. Sorry that the entranceway is rather narrow.”

Tokizawa said it in a rather apologetic tone, but the entranceway of the room that Subaru and his girlfriend had stayed in was not even half the size of this entranceway.

“It’s plenty big. You live by yourself, right?”

“Yeah.”

From the entranceway, there was a short hallway with doors on each side. Tokizawa explained that one was for the toilet and the other for the bathroom. The end of the hallway led to a singular room. That room had to be at least 20 tatami mats big. 

Not only was it too big, but there were also so few items in the room that Subaru got a bleak impression of it. Subaru, however, noticed a white partition placed by the end of the room that divided off a space with a bed in it. On the side closer to the door was a TV, a low table, a sofa, and a rug. There was also a dining room table and a kitchen. Besides that, there was nothing else.

“It feels like you’d have to be rich to have this kind of room. The rent must be expensive.”

“Not at all. The rent here is cheap.”

Tokizawa looked rather embarrassed and shook his head. Subaru had been standing at the entrance of the room looking around.

“You also run your own bar too so that’s really amazing.”

“Oh but it’s small and I’m the only employee.”

“Even if it’s small, a bar is still a bar. Just that you have one is praiseworthy. You’re really independent.”

“Thank you, Subaru. Even back then, you were always quick to compliment me.”

Because Tokizawa smiled a rather bashful smile, Subaru replied quickly, “It’s not like I do it out of nowhere.”

“I know. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Thank you,” Tokizawa replied in a flustered manner.

Content with Tokizawa’s response, Subaru continued to look around the room. He thought that Tokizawa’s words were indeed very humble. No matter how cheap the market price was, it was still probably on the expensive side. 

So the bar should be thriving. Maybe today was a rare day, and there weren’t many customers. 

Subaru had been thinking about that when he realized something.

When Tokizawa went to shut the door, Subaru expected that Tokizawa would flip the sign. But the sign had already been flipped to “closed”. Though, when Subaru entered the bar, it read “open”.

Subaru finally understood the reason why no other customers came. Now that he thought about it, there was one time shortly after Subaru came in that Tokizawa went out. That was when Tokizawa went to get the liqueur from the storehouse. That was most likely then when he flipped the sign.

“What’s wrong Subaru? Did you find something strange?”

Tokizawa had noticed Subaru standing there as if thinking about something with his head inclined in a sort of strange way.

“After I came into the bar, did you happen to flip the sign from open to closed?” Subaru questioned, pointing it out in sort of a whisper. Tokizawa then swallowed his breath, and his body shook slightly.

His handsome features slowly started to pitifully crumble. His shoulders drooped, and he made a small confession.

“Yeah…. I’m sorry. As expected, you’re really clever…”

“Silly, you’re just a bit careless.”

Surely his comment about how he doesn’t think of Subaru anymore must be a lie.

It sounded like he was reading lines of a script so it must have been an excuse that he prepared beforehand.

Now that Subaru had confirmed his suspicions, he said straight out, “You still like me, don’t you?”

Subaru stared fixedly at Tokizawa while saying this. As if resigned, Tokizawa dejectedly nodded.

“…..Yeah.”

As expected.

Subaru let out a big sigh ,and in response, Tokizawa made a worried face and looked down.

“I’m sorry… you must be fed up with me, right.”

But that wasn’t it. The reason Subaru sighed was not because he was fed up with him.

“Subaru, I’m sorry. Are you angry? Or do you feel disgusted…?”

“It’s not that.”

Subaru quickly assured Tokizawa, that what he asked in such an anxious voice was not the case. Subaru raised his hand and pressed it against his forehead.

Although feeling dizzy, Subaru  thought this was a relief.

Ten years ago, this man had told Subaru that he liked him. But Subaru knew it long before he was even confessed to. Tokizawa’s feelings were too heavy and deep to be simply called love.

Subaru could tell when someone liked him, but that was the first time he felt it a bit hard to breathe when someone liked him. Since that time, Subaru never experienced that feeling. Subaru couldn’t think of another time after it. It was the first, and perhaps the last time, he felt that way.