I Have No Health

Some of them were old and others had hardened.

The amount was a bit large, but it was not strange since it had been sent over 20 years.

It didn’t feel like a threat or like stalking because the sender was my father.

Caesar seemed to have decided that there was no problem.

But I kept crying.

Due to the difference between how I felt and looked, I doubted that the tears were even falling.

But there were water stains on my cheek as I slipped.

“Please be careful……”

“Why am I crying…………?”

I couldn’t understand, so I stared blankly at the pile of letters. The letter in my hand crumbled.

“Are you not crying because you miss your father?

“Miss him? Why?”

“It must have been the longing of not seeing him.”

His gloved hands wiped the reddened corners of my eyes.

The tears flowed before he could wipe them down, slightly dampening Caesar’s exposed wrists.

“Ugh!”

A green light flashed before my eyes. And a death-like sensation disrupted my vision.

***

At that moment, what Caesar saw was a faint green light.

It wrapped around Nineina, and she lost consciousness due to the light.

He glanced at the light that surrounded her, his eyes squinting.

“Protection magic?”

It was not exactly obvious that the invoked magic was meant to protect.

But this unique warmth belongs to protection magic, so he could somewhat guess its identity.

The sharp edges softened, but he had a suspicious face, not knowing who had put this on her.

Mana, which was like a breeze, spread and gently wiped Caesar’s face.

Then disappeared into Nineina’s body.

It was for a brief moment, but Caesar felt the mana and immediately recognized the identity of its owner.

Leonos. It was the mana used by Caesar’s father.

I lost all my strength while I was in Caesar’s hands.

Nineina mumbled, curling herself up.

She wasn’t the only one confused.

Caesar wanted to speak and ask.

‘Father, what the hell is this?’

To his father who no longer exists in this life.

Even if he says these words, they will never reach him.

Caesar’s father passed away 14 years ago.

That was death.

Caesar never forgot the day of his father’s passing for a single day.

Can he forget? He killed his father with his own hands.

So even more so, this situation was strange. Leanos was with Caesar until just before he died.

If he had had a relationship with Nineina, who was only 20 years old, there would have been no way that Caesar wouldn’t have known.

Because the two have always been together.

However, the protective magic applied to Nineina was that of Leonos.

Even after 14 years, Caesar could not forget his father’s mana.

Besides, the protective magic that came out of Nineina’s body was high-level magic.

If it wasn’t Caesar’s father, someone else wouldn’t have been able to cast such high-level magic.

Certain conditions are required to cast magic, but the higher the level of magic, the more conditions are required.

What was cast on Nineina was a level of magic that required contact with the person at least once before it could be cast.

When and for what reason did Caesar’s father cast such a thing?

But there was no one to ask.

Nineina was swept away in a dream at the same time that the protective magic was activated, and his father did not exist in this world.

Caesar just walked, laid Nineina on the bed and placed his hand on her bedside.

The moment he stretched out his hand, green mana roared out loudly.

The green light flickered like the Milky Way at night and wrapped around Nineina’s head, making it clear that he would be attacked if he stepped any closer.

Caesar’s face twisted at Leonos’s magic which had turned aggressive.

Like a child who can’t stand the coldness of his father.

– Live, live, Caesar.

He remembered the last words he had left. That was the reason Caesar was still alive.

Caesar thought Leonos’s will was cruel.

He still didn’t know why he had to live. Why on earth he had to live until he killed Leonos.

Caesar wished that he would have died on the day that Leonos was killed so that Leonos would have lived instead.

If that wasn’t possible, he’d have rather gone with him.

However, the choice existed only for Leonos, and he chose to save the child he cared for by himself in exchange of being killed.

That was the ten-year-old Caesar. The young life Leonos had saved.

Caesar wanted to die, but Leonos told him to live.

It was such a life.

For what price can I end my life on my own?

He couldn’t kill himself off and he couldn’t die meaninglessly.

So Caesar sought a difficult and dangerous place. He hoped that one day it would end his life.

However, when the danger of death came, he struggled again, trying to survive.

Caesar could not comprehend the contradiction. He could not accept it.

He wanted to die, but on the other hand, he hated himself for continuing this useless life.

He held his life in his own hands and shook it in the wind, and his body was growing rapidly.

Any danger was not a threat to the grown-up him.

If he wanted to die, he should have died earlier when he was younger.

But why is he alive? Is this not being dead or not totally?

He didn’t know the answer, but Caesar was still alive like this.

Because of Leonos’s last words.

Caesar’s eyes turned back from the old memories to Nineina.

It was because he knew that no matter how much he asked, Leonos, who had already died, could not give him an answer.

There was a little nervousness in his eyes. It didn’t look like she was going to wake up immediately after fainting.

However, he couldn’t touch the magic that Leonos had casted.

Seeing the mana hovering over Nineina’s head, it was her spirit that Leonos was protecting.

Magic to protect the mind usually had a lot to do with the subject’s memory. If he forcibly destroys it, the object of protection, Nineina’s mind, would be crushed and explode.

So there was only one way left.

Paying attention to Nineina’s mouth.

“Lady…. please……”

Caesar gave a weak voice and sat down on his knees in front of her.

His hand gently brushed the hair that dropped over Nineina’s wet cheeks.

His fingertips unavoidably touched Nineina’s cheeks, but Caesar did not realize.

Caesar looked at her, who was passed out in tears and had a face like a crying child.

“…..”

But it was uncertain.

If the kind of protective magic that seals her memories, as he thought, was right, then she couldn’t be trusted.

Caesar was always left without answers.

The only thing that came back to him, who was waiting for an answer, was a disgusting silence.

The flickering eyes lost their strength like a fire that was extinguished.

The desired answer was never heard, that is why Caesar has lost his hope.

***

I was dreaming.

A dream of being Nineina looking at the letters piled up, I only dreamt of being Nineina Seia.

In my dream, I was Nineina.

「Rubenio Seia」

The letters always had the same name written on them, and the place where the name was written was always the same.

It was like a daily routine that, without error, did not change even if the time passed day by day.

The letter arrives, but the person never does.

That’s why he doesn’t need to say his regards in a letter.

Those letters were kind of wasteful.

It was the reason I could sarcastically say that this is not the way to plead.

Every time, I had to run and put it in a drawer first without reading it. If I didn’t do that, I would have run at the person’s feet.

If that was a possibility, I would have. I would have run to the person first and clung onto him, asking him to look at me.

Otherwise, I put it in the drawer because I couldn’t even run to that person’s feet.

If you fall down on the street looking for that person, you’ll be miserable.

I couldn’t go and I couldn’t see him unless I went to him first.

He must have known that, but he didn’t come first either.

One day, I saw a maid’s little daughter calling a gardener her father.

The butler said that the person should be called ‘father’.

I set up a trap saying that if he appeared in front of me even once, I would do it. And I regretted it.

– Father…

It’s not easy to say that for the person hidden away from the public eye in a villa that was already crowded with people.

It could be said that she practiced it because she wanted to say it to that person, but she was afraid that someone would hear it and pass it on to him.

Then I guess he’ll just send another letter and go back.

– One day, if that person comes to visit, I will read the letter aloud in front of a lot of people. It’s a shame, I’ll never get to do that.

I remembered that the butler told me that he was a decent person, so I used to threaten him with my words.

When you come, I’ll do this.

If you don’t come, I’ll do this.

The only trace of that person could be found in the letter, so most of the threats I made were related to the letter.

I often regretted it.

I wondered what the hell he was writing, so I opened and closed the drawer door repeatedly.

But I always ended up not reading it.

It was because I thought I would never see that person forever if this rule, which I had carefully followed, was broken.