I Told You I Won’t Love You Anymore

As an orphan, of course I didn’t know my birthday. The friends I met at the academy felt sorry for that day and suggested that we decide on a birthday together. It was a day that didn’t exist to me, so I made a playful noise because it wasn’t that important.

‘All right, then I’ll make it my birthday the day I first met Duke Leopold Lawrence. I felt like I was reborn as soon as I saw him.’

Everyone laughed at me, saying they couldn’t stop me, and so did I. It was just a light joke.

But if I knew I’d be hurt every moment I spent with him, I wouldn’t have made that joke.

‘Leopold, there’s a present I want from you.’

On my first birthday after marriage, I visited Leopold’s study with a trembling heart.

I never meant to bother him because I’ve always known that he’s a busy man. I just wanted to let him know because I thought he wouldn’t know my birthday, and I wanted to get attention.

I plucked up courage and stood in front of my husband, but he asked casually with his eyes fixed on his desk.

‘Is there anything lacking? In such a luxurious mansion.’

It’s not that……. Well, it’s my birthday…….’

The hand that was handing over the document stopped moving for a moment.

‘Say it.’

I felt cold even with that short word, so I hesitated and barely spoke.

‘Well, it may sound strange, but…’

‘…….’

‘Can you call my name once? Can you call me warmly’

“Name?”

He moved his eyes to me with the words he asked back, and crumpled his brows as if it were absurd.

‘I haven’t heard it properly yet……. I want to hear it at least once.’

‘You’re saying such an embarrassing thing. Don’t bother me because I’m busy.’

That was the end of course.

(t/n: if her husband is the ml, he better prepare a good explanation, I seriously don’t get why he’s being so rude)

After barely moving my shaky legs out of the study, I headed straight to the garden.

All the following maids followed and squatted under their favorite large oak tree on one side of the garden, constantly picking up their broken hearts.

It was probably the day I felt the most emotions at once in my life.

Shame, embarrassment, sadness, resentment, shame, and what else…….

Oh, I see.

A sense of hopelessness

Such a sense of despair that they will continue to be as close as parallel lines in the future.

I loved him so much that I didn’t know if it was a problem or if it was because he didn’t love me at all. However, the only thing that I realized for sure is that we can’t change with my efforts…….

Since then, I have never asked him to call my name again nor have I ever heard my name in a his voice.

“Hazel.”

Now he calls me again. Too easily. At this point, I should say that God is not merciful, but cruel.

“It’s nice, though. I’ve always wanted to hear my name, from your voice. If I had known this would happen, I should have died sooner.”

As I grinned and muttered, Leopold asked as if he could not understand.

“Why do you keep saying weird things? Saying it’s a dream, or you died.”

I was a little embarrassed because of his unfamiliar kindness.

“Because it’s true. Right now, this is… It’s like the afterlife, so to speak.”

I don’t know if it was really the afterlife, but there was nothing else to express. But he didn’t give up and refuted.

“This is not a dream nor your afterlife. If you’re really dead, you won’t even feel your mana. You know that better than anyone else.”

“Of course, I don’t feel the magic…… What?”

A pleasant sensation that I had not recognized until he spoke of it struck me instantly.

The reason for my existence, which gradually disappeared when I started to feel sick. A tremendous flow of power, like a strong stream of water, was hovering in my heart. This can never happen. How…….

“Even I can feel this powerful mana, but it doesn’t make sense that you don’t know it. Isn’t that so? Hazel Lawrence, the Empire’s best healer.”

Standing at arm’s length, he strode up to me. Close enough to breathe on my forehead.

While I couldn’t avoid it, my heart was beating hard at the sight. Leopold’s skin was reflected behind his thin white shirt.

Thump, thump.

The sound of my heart gradually speeding up was loud.

But this is… That’s not what I’m talking about.

It was the moment when I tried to concentrate on finding the source of the sound. I gently wrapped my arms around his back. Then a strange touch touched my waist.

“What are you doing?”

Leopold raised his voice in bewilderment at the sudden hug, but Leopold did not release his sharp arms.

“His Majesty has been bothering me since yesterday. He still has the bad taste of bothering his newly married subjects. I have no choice but to go out right away. But let’s make sure we can have dinner together.”

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

His heart, beating fast between the regretful voices, sounded awkward. I wonder if he was nervous?

“……let go.”

I struggled in his indescribably awkward arms, but my strength was useless.

“Please.”

It was not until he spoke again with eagerness that he slowly relaxed his arm. Of course it’s my mistake, but Leopold looked somewhat hurt, so I felt like I made a big mistake.

After slightly stepping back, I cleared my throat once and looked straight at him and asked.

“You said it was our first night, right?”

“………Right.”

Like a disgruntled student, he replied reluctantly.

As expected, it’s an attitude that I don’t understand from beginning to end. It was sweet, even a bit impatient, and now he seems to be grumpy.

However, I wanted to understand the situation right away rather than my husband’s strange behavior.

Just in case, if I’m not dead.

If God gave me another chance.

This time my heart really started pounding.

“Okay. You must be busy, so go ahead.”

I walked past him and opened the door myself.

Leopold stepped with his brows slightly narrowed as if he still didn’t like something.

“What are you going to do today?”

“Well.”

Should I look around the academy library? Or should I visit the temple? Maybe I should meet my teacher.

His voice intervened again while I was busy with all kinds of thoughts.

“Dinner appointment, don’t forget.”

As I was about to push her husband away, I stopped. Then, holding the doorknob, I looked up at him.

I wanted to ask one by one why he looks so nervous, why does he speak earnestly as if he is asking for permission for one-sided notification as always, and what is the light of pleading in his eyes?

Would he be able to read what I truly want to ask from my expression?

I looked away with difficulty and answered back as if I wasn’t interested.

“I’m not sure.”

I couldn’t hide the small hesitation in closing the door.

***

At the same time as the door closed, Leopold grabbed his chest.

“Damn it.”

His heart beating strangely hard wasn’t just because he saw Hazel again.

He was prepared for the side effects, but the pain was stronger than he imagined. He pulled himself together and headed for the study. There was no time to just admire the reality that he had hoped for.

He can’t believe he’s back in time.

When he opened his eyes after praying for the last time before his return, Leopold felt familiar and could not believe the completely different scenery around him. To the point where he wonders if he’s gone crazy because of Hazel.

While spending countless days of pain to turn back time, he sometimes doubted. He wonders if he can meet Hazel again. Maybe he has false hopes. It was only a thin hope like a gift drawn by a spider, but he still couldn’t give up.

‘Don’t doubt it. The side effects will only get worse. Things could go wrong at any rate.’

Isabel, who cared so much for Hazel, used to speak coldly.

‘I’m trying…’

How many times has he held his heart that is collapsing every day. And how many times Hazel’s sparkling smile raised him back up every time.

Like a savior, she appeared every time Leopold stood on the edge of a cliff with no floor in sight. It’s always been the same.

‘Leopold, I’m so happy to be able to walk with you like this.’

Her beautiful silver hair blew gently through the trees, and her transparent amethyst-like eyes that had always captivated him were soaked in happiness.

How could she have enjoyed walking at the hunting ground with only tall trees?

‘The forest and the dress go well together, right? It’s my favorite outfit.’

The light green skirt, which broke off from the ankle, fluttered with Hazel’s gentle movement.

It wasn’t until he had the same dream many times that Leopold realized that her eyes and the color of her clothes were the same. The weight of his heart pounded Leopold recklessly.

He remembered Isabel’s warning not to drink, but he couldn’t stay sober that day, so he got drunk all night. In her bedroom, where all her body odor disappeared.

Meanwhile, the world surrounding Leopold was as cold as the way he treated Hazel.

Starting with being responsible for many of the Duke’s employees, as one of the five duke families, he had to faithfully support the emperor, take charge of the country’s affairs, and even take care of his mother, who was acting sad.

Cruelly, all this had nothing to do with his sense of loss. Only the hope of being able to reunite with Hazel made him endure.

After Hazel left, he traded time for his life for five years.

After the long darkness, which seemed to last forever, Leopold, who ran to Hazel’s bedroom as soon as he came to his senses, could not even call out his wife, who was asleep like a picture. He was so afraid that the moment that turned into reality would be an illusion.

What should I say when she wakes up. Can I give her a hug? No, if only I could touch the tip of her finger.

I waited for Hazel to wake up in worried excitement. Soon after she came to her senses, Leopold noticed something was wrong.

(t/n: im crying T^T)