If I Chose You Instead

"Who are you talking to?"

I turned around, startled and looked in my older sister's eyes. I guess I must have looked like a deer caught in headlights, because she look at me and rolled her eyes. "Still so easy to scare huh?"

She said it in an annoyed way, like the way you would talk to your worst enemy.

I looked down at myself, feeling ashamed. I hope she would just go away and leave me to talk to Marra and Mom.

But of course that wasn't gonna happen. She walked up to me, shook me, and said, "Hello, Baekla? I asked you a question. Who. Are you. Talking. To."

I stood up and spin around to face her. "Why does it matter, Alestra? It's not like I'm ever able to talk to you." I tried to walk away but Alestra grabbed my shoulder, tightly.

"Who do you think you are?" She shouted at me. "Do you have any idea what I can do to you if you don't listen to me?" She tightened her grip on my arm, making it sore. Alestra then let go. "Dinner is in 2 hours," she said, walking away.

I turned back to my mom's chair, but she had gone back to sleep. Marra tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, we should leave."

I nodded and me and Marra walked out of the room, closing the door.

I couldn't stop myself from dwelling on the fact that Alestra could or would hurt me. I mean, she would beat me occasionally, but that's only because of disobedience reasons.

One time, at the age 15, Alestra had beaten me so bad, that I couldn't even go to school.

But I totally deserved it. I went to a party with my friends, and there were drugs. If I were at least 17, it would've been okay. But that's not the case. Anyways,there was this guy I liked back then, Shane. He had beautiful blue, gray eyes, that got lighter in the sunlight. He had light-toned skin, but his dark hair made it look paler. He was the kind of guy who got straight A's, sometimes the occasional B, in school. You would never expect him to drink or do drugs ever. But somehow, he had gotten all mixed up in it.

So I had arrived to the party and it was pretty cool for awhile. No one was much older than me, maybe about a year older. Then I noticed Shane. I guess he saw me too, because he headed my way.

"Hey, Baekla!" he shouted and hugged me. Shawn had never hugged me before, so I was shocked of course. I think he noticed because when he let go of me, he ruffled my hair and said, "You're too cute sometimes." He chuckled a little when I started blushing. Me, him, and Marra (yes she was my friend back then) started dancing and just being plain goofy. After awhile I was getting tired and could hardly even move.

"Here, take some of this." Shawn handed me a plate with rows of a white powder. Once I took a hold of it, he gave me a straw. Marra nudged me. When I looked at her, she shook her head and mouthed the word "No." I would've listened to her but I really wanted Shawn to think I was cool. I was about to take some when he said, "If you don't want to, you don't have to. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I'll be okay," I said.

So anyways, long story short, I took the drugs, Alestra found out, and I got into lots of trouble.

"Marra?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"Do...do you think that if I had never even gone to that party...never even existed...do you think Mom and Alestra would be the same?"

Marra glanced at me and stated, "I think, that even if you hadn't been to that party, this would've all ended up the same way. It's just how the future works."

"Well, I guess but–"

"But nothing, Baekla. I'm right and you know it," she said in a teasing voice.

Me and her just laughed at that.

All of a sudden, a blood-curdling scream was heard from the kitchen, and sounds of three shots from a gun.