I’m Acting Gay on a Dating Show

T/N: I won’t be translating this regularly but I happened to have this sitting around and it’s a very cute, fluffy novel, so take this as a recommendation of sorts!

Too Handsome!

May, under a warm sun and gentle breeze.

Shen Yang alighted from the taxi and walked over to a small courtyard.

The roses in the courtyard were blooming, clustered around a small mansion; this was the place Shen Yang was about to move into.

Two months earlier, Shen Yang successfully auditioned for a hit variety program focusing on the social interactions between ordinary people: a dating show. According to the plans of the program group, he and several other guests were to live together for twenty-eight days, sharing their social graces and secret feelings with their audience across the nation under the banner of an unadulterated daily life.

In blunter terms, it was a scheme to scatter dog food[1] and showcase lovers’ conflicts[2].

But Shen Yang hadn’t come to fall in love; as a member of the slightly socially anxious population he was only willing to gather up the courage to put himself on public display because of the hefty appearance fee -- he wanted to buy a house in City A and bring his elderly grandparents over as soon as possible.

Naturally, it would be even better if he could find a suitable partner in the process...Cough.

Shen Yang calmed his thoughts and gingerly pushed open the courtyard gate.

The sound of his suitcase wheels skidding over the stone path made Shen Yang, who wasn’t good at interacting with strangers, more nervous. He slowly reached the door to the little house and saw a wooden board hanging on the door with the words “28 Heart-Pounding Days[3]” on it. This was the full name of the variety show.

Shen Yang fixed his clothes with one hand, took a deep breath, and turned the doorknob to enter --

Then, he was accosted by a camera lens.

Ermmmm……

Shen Yang laughed a bit in his heart, feeling some of his tension unravel. After all, in order to allow them to adapt to being filmed, the program group had already organised for them to be followed for two days.

He had accepted the appearance fee, and he needed to maintain some professional standards, so Shen Yang gave himself some lines: “Surely I can’t be the first to arrive?”

Naturally, the filming crew wouldn’t answer him.

Shen Yang left his suitcase next to the shoe rack, changed into slippers, and moved to the living room. He really didn’t see any other guests.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. Its hands were pointing to exactly eleven o’clock, which was a whole hour earlier than the time the program group had told them to assemble.

Shen Yang circled around the living room and found a single-person sofa to sit on, genuinely unsure of what he should do.

Should he really just sit down and wait for people?

Under the eye of so many camera “observers”, any slight movement or expression could be singled out for the audience’s interpretation. It was wholly embarrassing to think about.

Suddenly, Shen Yang noticed a small booklet laying on the coffee table with “The Rules of “28 Heart-Pounding Days”” written on the cover. He picked up the booklet and recited in a small voice: “Number one, you must return to the house every night; number two, you cannot announce your age and occupation on the day you move in; number three, you cannot share personal contact details while living together; number four, you cannot confess to your preferred partner while living together; number five, during the message chain[4], you can only send an anonymous message to one housemate each time.

Actually, these five rules had been explained at the time Shen Yang had signed the contract, and the program group also had a few additional requirements, such as keeping mobile phone usage to a minimum during the filming period, and so on; however, in order to add to the authenticity of the program, and also to buy time, Shen Yang still pretended that it was his first time seeing them and diligently read out the entire set of rules.

He read to the very last word, but he still didn’t see the second guest.

Shen Yang gave a slight sigh and decided to wander upstairs.

He had just reached the second floor when he heard movement from below, and when he looked toward the door he saw a dark, well-built young man who looked up and flashed him a bright grin: “Hi!”

“Hello.” Shen Yang’s smile was a bit stiff.

“Is it just you?”

The young man’s voice carried the freshness of a clear sky. It made Shen Yang relax a fraction, and he forced out a joke. “Yes, even a single person needs to face life with a smile.”

The room was silent for a second.

“Hahaha…” The young man laughed exaggeratedly. “That’s really deep.”

Shen Yang: “......”

He really wanted to turn back time by one minute and erase his brain fade[5]...Shen Yang awkwardly averted his eyes and scurried downstairs.

As he approached, Shen Yang spotted the small fish tank in the young man’s arms and asked: “Need help?”

“Thanks”. The young man handed him the fish tank and smoothly made introductions. “These are the babies I raised; the black one is Phelps and the red one is Thorpe[6].”

Shen Yang: “......Great names.”

When they were both seated, the young man casually asked: “You came so early? Right, my name is Yang Tianchi (杨天驰), what’s yours?”

Shen Yang: “Shen Yang (沈央).”

Yang Tianchi: “Is it chen with the water radical (氵)? Which yang?”

Shen Yang: “It’s the yang from “central”, zhong yang (中央).”

Yang Tianchi nodded and smiled. “Is there drinking water?”

“There is.” Shen Yang took a bottle of mineral water from the low cabinet next to him and gave it to Yang Tianchi, who didn’t drink it immediately but instead read the outer packaging.

“Pure water, natural water, Yunshan[7] Mineral Water.”

Shen Yang froze for a moment before realising that Yunshan Mineral Water was one of the sponsors of “28 Heart-Pounding Days” and that Yang Tianchi was promoting their “Golden Daddy[8]”.

He cast a look at the other man that said, ‘you’re truly dedicated’ and quietly reflected upon himself for a second.

Yang Tianchi drank a gulp of water, then started to talk about his treasured fish again. He even started to teach Shen Yang how to keep fish, and had a sudden flash of inspiration during the conversation. “I saw a fishing spot as I was driving here,” he said, and suggested, “We can go fishing when we have free time.”

Shen Yang replied vaguely, pondering that Yang Tianchi came by car and looked to be over twenty, and that most members of that demographic were in the workforce.

As he secretly contemplated this, he heard the sound of the door opening again.

Shen Yang and Yang Tianchi glanced at each other. They simultaneously got up and walked to the door.

-- It was a girl!

Shen Yang was a little flustered. The girl in front of him was very pretty; she had black hair past her shoulders and was wearing a long white skirt, looking like a goddess from ancient times!

However, the girl seemed slightly shy. She lowered her head and avoided the two assessing gazes, saying softly: “Hello.”

“Hello!” Yang Tianchi greeted her enthusiastically. “I’ll help you with your suitcase.”

The girl’s eyes flitted over Yang Tianchi, sweeping over Shen Yang once more. Then she bowed her head again and thanked him in a small voice.

At a glance, the new girl seemed to be relatively introverted? Shen Yang couldn’t help rejoicing that it was Yang Tianchi who had come first; otherwise, if he and this girl had been left to interact alone, there would have been a high probability of an awkward silence appearing.

But this was only Shen Yang’s belief; Yang Tianchi’s vocabulary had never contained the words “awkward silence”, and so he very naturally reported his name, introduced Shen Yang in turn, and asked: “How should we call you, beauty?”

The girl took the mineral water that Shen Yang gave her and said while unscrewing the cap: “My last name is Long; I…...I’m Long Nu (龙女, literally ‘dragon girl’).”

“Huh?” Yang Tianchi raised his eyebrows. “Is it a stage name?”

Long Nu toyed with her hair uneasily. “It’s my real name.”

“Haha, then your parents must really like Mr Jin Yong’s novels[9],” Yang Tianchi concluded cheerfully, then said, “My last name is Yang; I’m Yang Tianchi, and you’re Long Nu, so if we round up I should call you aunt[10].”

Long Nu instantly blushed, unsure how to handle this type of suggestive joke. Her mind blanked due to nervousness and she randomly addressed Shen Yang: “Then…...Brother Diao?[11]”

Shen Yang, who hadn’t joined in the conversation at all: “......”

This was cold!

Cold as the Arctic!

Cold as the Ice Age!

Yang Tianchi’s raucous laughter echoed in the living room. When he had laughed his fill, he pointed to the fish tank on the table and said, “Long Nu, I’ll introduce you to my babies.”

After this, it was once again time for Yang Tianchi’s “A Practical Guide to Raising Fish”. Furthermore, the familiar lines made Shen Yang suspect that Yang Tianchi had prepared a speech in advance and brought the fish purely so he could cleverly find a topic to talk about. Was it possible that Yang Tianchi wasn’t as extroverted as he appeared, and that even he needed certain techniques in order to mix with strangers? Then, the reason for his strong personality could be that he was adopting a persona?

Right, a persona.

The program group hadn’t given them a script, but it had specially arranged personas for them. For instance, Shen Yang’s role was to be the “central air conditioner”[12]; his mantra was to be very kind to every girl, and to be classed as the perfect “spare tire”[13]. He guessed that Yang Tianchi’s had a sunny and humorous persona? And that Long Nu’s was shy and reserved?

Of course, the persona of each guest couldn’t differ too much from their true character; he himself was relatively gentle, and it wasn’t difficult at all for him to be considerate to girls. The difficulty was that he regarded himself as faithful, but didn’t being kind to everyone equate to flirting with all of them?

What a scumbag!

Still, due to the appearance fee, Shen Yang would still sacrifice his own pure soul…...

The three people chatted for over twenty minutes, until even Yang Tianchi’s fish-raising spiel petered out. Suddenly, he said, “We should make a bet.”

Shen Yang: “What bet?”

Yang Tianchi: “Just bet on whether the next person to come is male or female; the loser can pay for dinner tonight.”

Shen Yang: “Sure, I guess male.”

Long Nu thought for a while, then said: “Then I’ll guess a woman.”

Yang Tianchi: “I’ll guess female too -- ”

Right after he spoke, there came the sound of the entrance door opening again. Shen Yang noticed Long Nu straightening up immediately, and got up in a slight rush. Yang Tianchi merely slapped his thigh and smiled brightly: “They’re here!”.

The trio walked over together only to find that they had all guessed wrong, because it was a man and a woman who had arrived. However, Shen Yang only took note of the man, thinking to himself: It turns out that when a person has skin this pale, it really can make them seem like they’re glowing……

In addition to being pale, the boy was also tall, and his looks were good enough to crush the entire field! Truthfully, the “ordinary people” who had been selected by the program group were already relatively attractive within the scope of ordinary people, but this new boy looked completely unlike a regular person; Shen Yang felt that he could secure a large territory even if he were to enter the entertainment circle.

In conclusion, this sort of boy appearing on a dating show meant only one thing for others of the same sex -- a rival!

“You’re too handsome,” praised Yang Tianchi sincerely, slinging an arm over Shen Yang’s shoulder in passing. “There’s no point in us being here now!”

Shen Yang gave an embarrassed laugh and was just thinking of greeting him when he saw Yang Tianchi’s eyes light up. With great enthusiasm, he said, “Hi! Hello, beauty!”

It was only then that Shen Yang noticed their other new housemate -- wavy curls, double eyelids, a tall nose, upturned lips, and a small chil; she was very beautiful, but it also made him recall that there were many similar “Korean-style plastic surgeries” on the internet. He thought to himself, So Yang Tianchi likes this type? He was clearly far more excited than he had been on seeing Long Nu.

The girl waved casually and smiled very politely. “Hello everyone.”

Shen Yang and Long Nu also greeted her respectively. After this, they finally heard a very magnetic voice. “Hello, I’m Su Hanying (宿寒英).”

“Your last name is Su?” Yang Tianchi was a little surprised. “That’s unusual. And Hangying? Is that the han from “cold”, han leng (寒冷)? The ying from “goshawk”, cang ying (苍鹰)?”

Without waiting for Su Hanying to reply, he burst into laughter: “Will there really be a Brother Diao?”

Shen Yang: “......”

Long Nu: “......”

The new guests didn’t understand Yang Tianchi’s silly joke. The girl was at a loss, and Su Hanying said coldly, “No.”

In front of everyone’s doubtful eyes, he calmly said: “Cao yang (草央)[14]”.

The author has something to say:

[Fill in the blank]

Shen-mei: I regard you as a rival, but you want to __ me.

[1] 撒狗粮 / public displays of affection

[2] 修罗场 literally scenes of carnage

[3] Parody of the variety show 心动的信号 / “Heart Signal”

[4] A segment where participants each get to send messages to one another

[5] 脑子里进的水 / “water in the brain”, usually used for an atypical moment of stupidity

[6] After professional swimmers Michael Phelps and Ian Thorpe

[7] 云 (yun) = cloud, 山 (shan) = mountain

[8] 金主爸爸

[9] The Little Dragon Girl (Xiaolongnu) is a character in Jin Yong’s novel, “The Return of the Condor Heroes”.

[10] This is how Yang Guo, the male protagonist in the novel, refers to Xiaolongnu

[11] Referring to the Condor (shen diao / divine eagle) that Yang Guo meets

[12] 中央空调 a guy who acts so nice to everyone he could be mistaken for a flirt

[13] 备胎 a back-up option

[14] Explaining that the ying from Hangying is written with the grass radical 艹 and the character 央