Interdimensional Heroic Support Chat

Chapter 33 - Stream: @IGotASword (Peanut Butter and Jelly)

In the beginning, there was darkness.

And then, there was Sword's face, taking up the whole damn camera.

"Welcome," he announced, as the camera slowly zoomed out to reveal he was standing in what looked like a medieval kitchen, "to Cooking With Sword!, and also Book and Suya are here too!"

From the corner of the screen, the ever-gloomy Book and the cat-eared Suya waved.

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EvolverOcelot (Coris): Isn't Suya one of your party members? Is... Is this legal?

Whatsamana (Earth Q): traditionally heroes are supposed to keep the system a secret, but there's no actual law enforcing it

IGotASword (Avitria): it's okay! she says she'll only tell anyone if it's a threat to the kingdom somehow!

IGotABook (Avitria): Also she suspects we may be crazy.

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"Today, we're going to be making a Sword family specialty: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!"

Sword spread his arms to indicate the various ingredients and utensils on the counter in front of him. Bread, a bowl of peanut butter, a bowl of jelly, everything was as expected.

"I believe most people are familiar with peanut butter and jelly," Book said.

"Yeah but they're not familiar with SWORD'S peanut butter and jelly!"

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Whatsamana (Earth Q): if this is just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a sword stuck through it i'm out of here

IGotASword (Avitria): whatsa, do i look clever enough to come up with a master class fake out like that

Whatsamana (Earth Q): solid rebuttal. continue

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"Now everybody knows the most important part of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is... the bread!" Sword set the loaf of bread down on the cutting board in front of him. "Without bread, you'd just be eating your peanut butter and jelly straight from the jar, which sounds like a great idea at first but believe me after a few scoops you start to regret it!"

"That never stopped him," Book noted for the viewers' benefit.

"We're using a soft, white bread today, and we're going to cut it into slices that aren't too thick..."

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ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): Plain White Bread? Are we Animals here?

IGotASword (Avitria): Well, you can really use any kind of bread you want...

ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): Whole Wheat, Whole Wheat is the True PB&J.

EvolverOcelot (Coris): Have you tried rye?

IGotABook (Avitria): I like sourdough.

Whatsamana (Earth Q): that's weird. hot dog bun ftw

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"Alex--I mean, Sword! What are you doing with that??" Suya interrupted. Sword froze, holding an actual sword above his head.

"I'm... cutting the bread?"

"You're going to use a holy artifact of unrivaled power... to slice bread??"

Sword looked up at the sword. Then at Suya. Then back to the sword. Then at the bread.

"...Yes."

The sword fell on the loaf, and, with magical precision, it was cut neatly into slices.

"It's a REALLY good bread knife," Sword said matter-of-factly.

While Suya was busy contemplating the implications of the Holy Blade of Avitria's suitability for cooking, Sword moved on to the next step. He took two slices of bread and set the rest of the loaf aside, before pulling over two bowls which contained peanut butter and jelly, respectively.

"We're going to start assembling the sandwich now, starting with the peanut butter." He picked up a knife and dipped it into the peanut butter bowl. "Store bought is fine, of course, but if you're on a plane with no peanut butter (like Avitria), you might need to make your own! The process is a little long and complicated, but you can learn all about it on a special stream of How It's Made with Book!"

"No such stream currently exists, nor will it ever," Book explained to the audience.

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nameless-npc (Generica II): So what is peanut butter then?

Whatsamana (Earth Q): it's little things like this that make me appreciate my home dimension

IGotABook (Avitria): It is a spread made from peanuts.

nameless-npc (Generica II): What's a peanut?

IGotABook (Avitria): A nut.

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"Of course, this is technically 'puka nut' butter, but it's an excellent substitute... and there!" One bread slice now sported an appreciably thick layer of not-peanut butter. "We're going to move on to the other slice, and I bet you're already thinking oh, I'm just going to spread some jelly on this one and be done with it, right? WRONG!"

From below, Sword retrieved a brick of something and slammed it on the counter top. From the pastel yellow color, it was obvious that this mystery ingredient was

"Butter!" Sword shouted. "That's right, we're adding butter to our PB&J!"

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Whatsamana (Earth Q): i feel like that was more dramatic than it needed to be

ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): I have not had a PB&J with Butter on it before.

EvolverOcelot (Coris): Really? I thought it was pretty common.

Whatsamana (Earth Q): i knew a guy that gave them the grilled cheese treatment

EvolverOcelot (Coris): Does that taste good?

Whatsamana (Earth Q): it's okay i guess. i wasn't a fan but i can see the appeal

ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): I liked to add Bananas.

Whatsamana (Earth Q): what you do is you get yourself a banana, put it in a hot dog bun, then slather it with peanut butter and jelly, and voila. pbnj dog

ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): Why are you Like This, Whatsa?

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"Once you've got a good spread, it's time to move on to the jelly!" There were now two slices of bread on the cutting board, one with a golden layer of peanut butter on top, the other a thin yellow layer of regular butter. Sword picked up a spoon and scooped out a glob of jelly, holding it up for the audience to see. "You can use any kind of jelly or jam you want, but today I've got jelly made from Avitria's special Burga fruit, which are kind of like big purple gr.a.p.es..."

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Aphrodite (Galactic Republic): Oh, so Avitria has burgers too.

Whatsamana (Earth Q): ...

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Sword dolloped several scoops of jelly on the buttered bread. "I am a firm believer," he said, "that you can never have too much PB and J in a PB&J sandwich."

In short order, the components were ready. At last, the final step was at hand: the combining! With this, the sandwich would be complete!

Sword put the bread on the other bread.

"And that's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"

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lovelylily (Xiaxia): You foreigners have some weird cuisine~♪

Whatsamana (Earth Q): pbnj isn't weird it's like the most normal basic food in existence

lovelylily (Xiaxia): What's weird is weird! Maybe I should do some cooking on my channel and show you what normal food looks like~♪

Whatsamana (Earth Q): didn't you nearly burn a house down the last time you tried to do a cooking stream?

lovelylily (Xiaxia): Tee hee~♪

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"Now, nothing's better than a crustless PB&J, so you're going to take your bread knife and..." But before Sword could raise the powerful bread-slicing artifact, Suya had snatched it from his hands. She held it away from him protectively.

"Use a regular knife!" She snapped.

"Okay, okay, take your REGULAR KNIFE and start trimming the crust off... then, just a diagonal cut and it's ready to eat!"

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EvolverOcelot (Coris): And then another diagonal cut! Come on man, triangle quarters are the best way to eat any sandwich!

ApprenticeWu (Heaven Continent): What about Rectangular Quarters?

EvolverOcelot (Coris): Heretical and incorrect!

Whatsamana (Earth Q): rectangles taste better than triangles, that's a true fact

IGotASword (Avitria): rectangles and triangles are both delicious!!!

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"And here's one for Suya, and one for Book..." Sword distributed sandwiches to his two companions. "Aaaaaand one for me!"

Everyone took a bite, Sword and Book enthusiastically, Suya with a bit more trepidation. The verdict:

"That's a good PB&J! That's our show today, thanks for joining everyone!"