Into The Kaleidoscope

The beautifully dressed man raised an eyebrow.

"No? I'd have thunk different."

I looked at the man dressed immaculately in what was a cross between a military uniform and regal garb, adorned with gems and tassels, gold and blue trimmed inseams and pearl buttons, and my eyebrows twitched the slightest bit.

Oh, I knew what he was doing. Trying to see what made me tick.

He had probably read my mind.

He knew thunk wasn't the right word, but he also knew I was a stickler for grammar.

Smart. Not smart enough.

My eyes flashed with a cold light.

You don't beat me at mind games, bitch, even if you are a reality bending master magician.

I remained calm and leaned back into the couch, as he translocated a bottle of whiskey to his hands.

"Maybe whiskey's more your game."

"Glenlivet?" I asked, cool as a cucumber.

"Yup. 180 years old." He seemed proud of it as he poured a glass for me.

Wasn't the oldest bottle only 81 years old?

Guess everything is possible with magic.

Or am I just at a different point in the timeline?

"So, shouldn't Zelretch be the one doing this?" I took the glass and took a sip.

"Hmm, good stuff." I praised.

He smiled brightly as he looked down at the bottle with nostalgia.

"This was my first application of the Kaleidoscope. I hoped one day to use it to introduce someone new to the wonders of the multiverse, as I myself had been."

Dodged my question expertly.

So he is smarter than I expected.

But I caught the undertone.

"So why did you summon me?" I asked.

"I don't suppose it was for a drink and chit chat."

"Don't underestimate the power of a good conversation." He wagged his finger at me.

"Never." I chuckled.

I knew exactly how powerful words can be. First hand too, at that.

He nodded approvingly.

"I miss talking." He sighed, as he drank, "Been a while since I had a fun conversation. Almost makes me miss Jack, that kooky old pirate."

Jack? Pirate?

"You've been to Pirates of the Caribbean?" I asked curious.

"Yeah. My first foray into the multiverse actually. It was fun."

"Wait, don't you mean Omniverse? After all, a fictional world would come under the omniversal level."

"Technically, yes. But some worlds in the omniverse actually require higher versions of planeswalking and dimensional travel. So in more practical terms, we always operate on an inter-multiversal level."

I nodded, slowly understanding what he meant. The new memories in my head were slowly becoming clearer as I sorted through them, helping me understand what was happening.

"Then this is indeed a Fate world? Like Fate/Apocrypha?" I asked.

"It IS Fate Apocrypha. Well one of them. Though if you're thinking of trying for the Grail War, you're a couple decades too late. I already won it. Ended the cycle once and for all too."

"You're a multiversal traveler?"

"Former. Now I'm just stuck here, stifled with work. Even though I developed a new version of the Kaleidoscope, inheriting it put me under too many restrictions too move as freely as I'd like. Especially with the price I would have to pay to bypass that. Nowadays, I just use my homunculi to do that for me- acquire what I need, do what must be done. My hands and legs into the multiverse."

"So that's what I am? I am supposed to be, some sort of supersoldier? Assassin? Saboteur?"

He looked at me for a moment and then burst out laughing.

I raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"No, no, nothing." He wiped a tear from his eyes, "It's just....all you cold and calculative types think so similarly, it's like you were mass produced in a factory."

"Great minds think alike." I shot back.

Weirdo. I thought with a sneer.

"One of us entered the multiverse and saw adventure and joy, and the other one, is you. You decide who the weirdo is." He pointed out.

"Clearly, you." I answered without missing a beat.

He snorted in amusement.

"At least you have a sense of humor. Unlike a certain someone."

"I can hear you Hedge." A voice came over the speaker by the bar.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Hedge, the man before me gave the speakers a middle finger and turned back to me.

"Your friend-" I said when he interjected.

"Boss. Who by the way is a galaxy sized asshole, literally." Hedge said in a raised voice.

"You're never going to let that one go, are you?" The man in the speakers sighed.

"Would you?" Hedge shot back.

"Touche." The voice in the speakers replied and shut up.

"Now where were we? Ah yes, our little supersoldier. Yeah, I didn't know anything about that. Or at least I didn't expect that."

"The gun in my hand or me being here?" I asked.

"A bit of both really. That gun- black barrel- was actually a part of a previous project I worked on. It's a conceptual weapon meant to kill immortals. It imposes the concept of 'natural lifespan' on them and deals damage proportional to the excess of their immortality. The more immortal you are, in a sense, the more damage it does.

It's a phenomenal and frankly overpowered weapon, which, by the way, you shouldn't even have."

"Then why do I?"

"Well, that's where the other part of this comes into play. I was being lazy and kinda reused the assets from Project Black Barrel in my homunculus program.

I didn't think this would ever happen. Even in the Black Barrel project the chances of a subject expressing the characteristics to wield this weapon were slim. Mixing it up with the homunculus farm, the chances became nigh impossible.

Kinda like you being here, in fact."

"So you didn't summon me or ROB me or something?" I asked just to confirm.

"Or something." He took a sip of his drink, "I was adjusting the bounded fields around this place, which is an artificial nexus between a couple of realities, and they happened to overlap with yours. Did you die in your home world?"

I nodded.

"That explains it. Your soul probably transferred over when the kaleidoscope overlapped with your world. My best guess? You have an affinity for it and got dragged over involuntarily."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Your best guess?"

"Yeah. I'm not all-powerful. Yet." He looked at the speakers spitefully.

"Don't blame me." The voice on the other end replied.

Hedge rolled his eyes.

"Word of advice kid. Don't sign contracts with eldritch beings. And when you do, read all the terms and conditions. Especially when they offer you a system. Never take systems."

"It's wasn't all bad~" The voice on the speakers said.

Hedge gave them a deadpan look.

"Your gamer system literally tried to take over my body. No amount of good will balance that spreadsheet."

"You got a gamer system?" I asked.

"Yeah. Simultaneously the best and worst deal of my life. Would still do it again." He shrugged, "Thankfully, you don't have to."

I sat back in surprise as I took in the implications with a bit of surprise.

"You mean-?"

"Yup. I'm going to disintegrate you." He nodded.

"What?!" I couldn't help but exclaim as my hair stood on edge, till Hedge burst out laughing again.

"Hah! Look at your face!" He pointed as he doubled over in laughter, slapping his thigh, "Priceless. Just priceless."

"Asshole." I mumbled in indignation and relief.

"Takes one to know one." He replied,

"That's a fourth grade comeback if I ever heard one." I huffed before settling down.

"I thought for a moment there you were going to kill me."

"For what?" He looked puzzled.

"For the homunculus I killed?" I clarified.

"Oh her! Nah, it wasn't your fault. She was going to die soon anyways. She was already 9."

"Wait, homunculi only live for 10 years?" I asked worried.

I am a homunculus too, now aren't I?

"Oh yeah. They've really improved. When I stole the research from the Einzberns and Yggdlmillenia they only lived for three months. I'd say this was quite the improvement." He explained.

"Then I..?"

"Oh, you won't even make it past two. You woke up too early. The growth wasn't even halfway done." He waved his hands.

"You're fucking with me right?" I asked.

"Oh buddy, if I was fucking you, you'd know. And you'd enjoy it." He winked.

I mock glared at him and buried my head in my hands.

"Shit."

"Yeah. Tough titties." He shrugged, "Not to mention, Black Barrel shaves off a chunk of your lifespan everytime you fire it, so now it's probably even less."

"Not helping." I groaned.

He wagged a finger at me.

"But, that's where I come in. I'll help set you up, give you my old basic gear, a conduit for the kaleidoscope. And you can find a way to heal yourself once you're out and about."

"Or you could help me yourself." I pointed out.

"I could, yes. But my budget is tight and frankly, I don't know if you're worth the investment."

A multiversal being has a budget?

I suppose with great power come greater projects and with greater projects come consequent costs.

I can imagine how expensive and resource intensive just the stuff I saw in here must be. There's only so much one man can do.

"If I'm not worth it, then why help me at all?"

Hedge looked at me curiously and shook his head.

"I didn't say you're not worth it. In fact I gave you a clear measure of your worth - a beginner's set of mundane items, a mystic code containing insight on the kaleidoscope and a portal to a suitable world. Plus that body and the black barrel within." He explained, "And I'll be honest, when I first sensed you, I thought you were an enemy or invader.

So color me surprised when you broke out without using magic! I thought you'd have broken the glass or made a ruckus."

"And alert whoever was running this shady looking facility? No thank you."

"You wound me~" He teased, "But seriously, that's what most people would have done. You find yourself in a tank after you died? That's existential panic fuel right there. Very matrix-y."

"That was my first thought too." I nodded.

"Yes. And they would try their best to get out as soon as possible.

How many people do you think would calm down and patiently consider their options?

How many more do you think would reverse engineer the tank's mechanism and escape silently?"

"Almost none." I scoffed, "Most people are idiots."

"Exactly. You, on the other hand, remained calmer than even I would have in your shoes. You innovated your way out.

Hell, if the tank wasn't soundproof, I don't think you'd have even missed her footsteps.

That's what made me like you. You're smart and you know how to keep a level head. Not like some harem seeking, penis brained idiot. I like that. That's worth investing in."

"But not enough to save me." I asked.

"No." He replied.

"I see." I sighed, "Fair enough. You don't owe me anything. Not killing me is already a generous deal."

"Good. That's a good mindset to have. The multiverse isn't a cruel place but it's not particularly rewarding to entitled little shits either." He praised, "And I am sorry. If my budget wasn't so tight, I would have saved you. I'm not really at a ROB level yet."

"You sound like a teen mom talking to her soon-to-be aborted baby." I chuckled.

His gaze softened.

"Well, you do remind me of myself, son~"

"Do I now daddy?" I played along.

"Ugh, that just ruined it for me." He groaned.

"Don't like being called daddy?" I laughed.

"It what my wife calls me in bed. Just the image contrast-" He shook his head, "And you don't even have cat ears."

"Yeah, I get it." I nodded, "So, starting capital?"

"Hm? Yes, of course. Come, let's get you souped up." He said, getting off the couch, as he waved his hand and we disappeared from the office.