It Seems There is Light

Lu Qingzhi rushed back to sign Jiang Yuan’s critical condition notice and transferred Jiang Yuan to VIP ward.

Lu Qingzhi was still as cool as ever, with bloodless and indifferent lips. Her thin body was wrapped in a soft plain long skirt, and her loose hair swinging in the side of the beautiful cheeks.

Shi An looked into her light-colored eyes, and a certain thick, sticky and unfamiliar sentiment surged in his chest.

His lips opened slightly and he called Mom.

Lu Qingzhi faintly glanced at him from the end of her eyes, and the corner of her mouth was slightly hooked up.

He remembered when he saw Lu Qingzhi three years ago, Lu Qingzhi looked at him with a relief that he could not understand.

Perhaps it was from then on that Lu Qingzhi was finally able to find something different in his eyes.

 

The days were like a toothpaste that was running out, squeezing the time outward in a lingering way, stretching each day to be heavy and long.

Jiang Yuan’s condition was recurring and seemed to be worsening. There were several critical condition notices, each time with a frightening twist, like stepping into a ghost gate.

After school started, Shi An had to run to both hospital and school.

He was already a man of very limited energy, and the excessive hustle and bustle soon consumed his body and emotions.

The only thing that allowed him to catch his breath was Yan Liang’s seventeenth birthday in October.

On the night before Yan Liang’s birthday, he looked at the calendar and was able to get back to his senses, as if the pages of a boring black and white book had suddenly been inserted with a colorful paper bookmark.

The first birthday present in his life came from Yan Liang.

“Don’t you have a birthday?” Six-year-old Yan Liang was on his toes, leaning on the glass counter: “But kids can’t grow without birthday wishes!”

Yan Liang puffed out his mouth and frowned as if he had some difficult problem.

“Look, maybe you didn’t receive the blessing, that’s why you’re not as tall as me.”

Yan Liang pondered for a while with a serious face as he held his cheeks.

“Okay, ba. I seem to know what to do,” he said happily, raising his chin in an awkward way. “Wait, I’ll get all your blessings back, and then you can grow tall!”

He opened his hand and drew a gesture of “so tall so tall” with his pen.

That day, the six-year-old Yan Liang clutched the kraft paper hardcover notebook, which was almost bigger than him, and ran from the one end to the other end of the alley, having more than ten pages of Shi An’s limited blessings.

“Look, look, there are so many,” Yan Liang spread out the huge notebook on the ground. Holding Shi’ An’s shoulders, the two small heads were brought together. “Every year from now on, you can definitely make up for the lost blessings!”

Yan Liang did what he said.

Every year.

Although in the end Shi An also did not grow very tall very tall very tall.

It was too late to prepare any gifts. In the end, Ling Yue taught him to make two buttercream cupcakes and put them into a paper box lined with plastic film.

In the second year, Shi An and Yan Liang’s classrooms moved to the same floor, and Yan Liang’s classroom was closest to the stairs. During the first period, Shi An took the box of cakes and stood by the door frame to peek into the classroom.

“Shi An!”

Shi An was looking into the classroom when Yan Liang suddenly leapt out of the back door, grabbed him by the shoulders and brought him out.

Shi An was lifted out of the classroom by him and hurriedly reached out to stabilize the bottom of the box, but it was too late. The beige cream layer was instantly glued to the inner edge of the box and the plastic film on the top was rubbed with sticky stains.

“…”

Shi An expressionlessly pushed the box of cakes into Yan Liang’s arms.

Even though it was just a cake with cream, it took Shi An a lot of time.

Yan Liang was dumbfounded as he held the paper box Shi An shoved into his arms.

“…” Yan Liang held the box in one hand and raised the other to wipe his face, “…For me?”

Shi An leaned against the door with his amber eyes fixed on him.

“…I was wrong.” Yan Liang opened the box, pinched the plastic fork stuffed in the compartment, and shoved a yellow cake into his mouth. He mumbled: “Chaste good, chaste good. Did ewe bade it?”1Taste good, taste good. Did you make it?

These days, such a simple cake was not often seen.

Shi An straightened up, with a seemingly non-existent arc around his eyes: “Really?”

Yan Liang nodded hurriedly, with a plastic fork in his mouth. He pressed his hand on the top of Shi An’s head and rubbed it a few times.

The warmth of his palm burned Shi An’s heart slightly. He unconsciously rolled his eyes to the side, but the corners of his mouth uncontrollably wanted to curl up.

“I’m a year older than you now,” Yan Liang said as he swallowed the cake that was so sweet that it was greasy in his throat with difficulty, “Call me ge.”

“…”

Shi An looked like he was too lazy to look at him; his eyes turned away slightly, but his usual cold brow seemed to soften a bit while his white ears carried an inconspicuous thin red.

Yan Liang wanted to speak again, but suddenly remembered something and jolted to silence.

The thought that Shi An was being shy made him feel like he was going to explode.

The kind that exploded into fireworks.

Yan Liang didn’t dare to tease him anymore and hurriedly hugged the box of cakes in his arms: “Thanks Shi An. Then, let’s eat together at noon?”

Shi An lightly nodded his head.

“Okay, then, you go back first.” Yan Liang knocked the paper box, “I’ll eat it.”

The break was already coming to an end, so Yan Liang could only stuff the rest of the cupcake with the box into his desk’s drawer.

The weather was still very hot, the cake seemed to melt slightly, some sweet and creamy scent spread out in the air, tickling Yan Liang’s nose. He couldn’t help but curl the corners of his mouth, and his smile was welling up in his throat.
.
“Yan Liang, what are you smiling at,” the teacher stood on the podium and looked at him with a smile on his face, “The corners of your mouth are about to be shoulder to shoulder with the sun, close it.”

The tumbling smile forced his throat to tighten slightly. Yan Liang cleared his throat hurriedly, reached out and rubbed his Adam’s apple, barely correcting his expression.

After class ended, the cupcake had already melted more than half and the cream was dripping greasily at the bottom of the box. Yan Liang endured the itch in his throat and ate the cake with the cream. It was so sweet that he couldn’t even taste his lunch.

Because of these two cupcakes, the depressed mood ever since Jiang Yuan falling ill had been slightly relieved.

 

 

It wasn’t until a study session half a month later that Yan Liang moved his gaze from the pages of his book to the afternoon corridor and caught Shi An darting past.

The young man’s slightly thin figure flew through the thick and clear light curtain in the silk like afternoon. His dark brown hair condensed with a light halo and the corner of the white shirt flashed at the corner before abruptly disappearing.

Yan Liang’s heartbeat became noisy inexplicably. He didn’t bother to ask for permission from the teacher sitting in the classroom as he stood up straight.

The foot of the bench that had been stripped of its rubber made a sharp sound on the ground, and before the lingering sound disappeared, Yan Liang had run out the door.

He soon caught up with Shi An.

Yan Liang reached out to grab the hem of Shi An’s shirt, as if trying to catch a cloud in the sky that had lost its way.

“Shi, Shi An, wait,” Yan Liang gasped and said anxiously, “Where are you going?”

“Hospital.” Shi An’s face turned slightly pale, and Yan Liang tugged at him gently, making him staggered.

“I’ll go with you,” hearing the word hospital, Yan Liang’s eyes went black. He directly reached out and clasped Shi An’s wrist, pulling him to run, “I’ll go with you, together. Don’t be afraid, it’s okay.”

The two of them wildly ran out of the school and stopped a taxi.

Shi An clenched his hand into a fist and leaned against the car window. His fingertips couldn’t stop shaking violently. He blankly felt some waves of coolness spreading in his palm, and his panicked heart made him a little breathless.

Yan Liang sat next to him, and the palm of his hand ran down his back regularly. Like chanting a scripture, he couldn’t stop muttering: “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay… Shi An, it’s okay…”

When they arrived at the hospital, they got out of the car and ran up the stairs as fast as they could.

Jiang Yuan had already entered the emergency room. Lu Qingzhi was leaning on the wall, eyes lost somewhere in the void of floating dust.

Shi An bent down deeply, his hands propped up on his knees, panting heavily as his body half leaned against the wall. He raised his eyes and stared hard into Lu Qingzhi’s light-colored eyes.

Lu Qingzhi wore a hooded sweatshirt, zipped up tightly to the chin, vainly covering her pale lips. She wore the hoodie, and a few strands of hair fell down to outline her thin side cheeks.

It was probably because Shi An was staring hard, Lu Qingzhi lightly glanced at him from the end of her eyes.

Shi An’s eyebrows, pupil color, and even the curvature of his eyes, were all too similar to Lu Qingzhi, like staring at himself through a mirror. He was unprepared for the unfamiliar and familiar coldness of those eyes and stiffened.

Lu Qingzhi’s eyes were still so empty that he was frightened.

Just like a silent wind in the deserted wilderness.

Yan Liang stood by the window with his back to them and suddenly turned his head back. His body was slightly paused before walking quickly towards Shi An. He put his warm palm to the back of Shi An’s neck, and gently patted it.

The chilly skin in the air-conditioned room suddenly came into contact with unusual warmth, and there was a tickling numbness in his palms. Shi An straightened up and stretched out his hand in a panic, as if trying to catch something, but lost in the daze of nothingness.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Yan Liang clasped Shi An’s wrist and gently brought the person in his direction.

The familiar scent on Yan Liang’s clothes could not stop Shi An’s panic from spilling like water overflowing Jin Mountain.2水漫金山 – water overflowing Jin Mountain. Chinese folklore. 水漫金山 is used figuratively. He bent his fingers up, his palms clenched into fists, trying to stop the uncontrollable trembling of his fingertips.

Most of the time, Shi An’s face was always calm and clear with ease, but now his face was almost completely helpless.

His eyes were a little round and his face was soft; this expression easily washed away his coldness and indifference, making him look like a lost child.

Yan Liang’s heart twitched uncontrollably and curled into a fierce ball. He let go of Shi An’s wrist and grabbed Shi An’s cold fingertips, trying to let the warmth soak through the slender and thin coolness of his fingertips.

Shi An’s fingertips finally warmed up slightly, and the warm and humid fingers of the two overlapped until it was impossible to tell whose fingertips the temperature was melting on.

“It’s okay,” Yan Liang repeated in a low voice in his ear, his throat and chest trembling dully with the words, “It’s okay.”

They seemed to stand in front of the emergency room door for a long time, or maybe not long enough, but it was as long as if a whole century had passed.

Before leaving home in the morning, Jiang Yuan was still in a good mood flipping through a thick photo album. The late summer morning light coating her gentle eyes through the window pane.

The sunlight was cut into regular shapes by the cold-colored window partition and reflected on the miserable white walls. Shi An traced the soft blocks of light with his eyes, and his ears suddenly caught the sound of the door to the emergency room being pushed open.

His pupils shrank slightly as he tensed. The warm yellow blocks of light haloed into a surreal hue. The stinging pain from under his eyes and the heavy sound of the door opening echoed together, giving him the illusion that his head was being split open.

He felt Yan Liang’s fingers on his wrist suddenly tighten, and suddenly, a dull pain came from his wrist bone.

Yan Liang suddenly raised his hand and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around with force. He was forced to turn around and the white sunlight pierced into his eyes.

Yan Liang’s hand was trembling like the last trembling leaf in late autumn.

The white sheet covered the top of Jiang Yuan’s head.

Yan Liang turned his head back toward the doctor walking to the door of the emergency room, shaking his head vigorously as he gasped violently and shackled Shi An’s body with his arms.

Don’t.

He closed his eyes in despair, the temperature on his fingertips receding rapidly. He wanted to say something to Shi An, but could not open his mouth.

Shi An leaned in his arms, so quiet that it frightened him.

Shi An’s breath seemed to have disappeared into the air.

Yan Liang’s throat choked for a while, he couldn’t open his mouth, couldn’t change his movements, and even blinking became difficult; the coldness invaded his whole body numbly.

Until Shi An suddenly lost his strength and collapsed in his arms.

Yan Liang’s eyes widened as he sluggishly found his way back to his feet. His arms wrapped around Shi An’s back, holding Shi An’s shoulders in a panic as he crouched down with Shi An’s collapsed body.

He stared blankly at Shi An’s tightly closed eyes until Lu Qingzhi’s shriek and the doctor’s urging rang out next to him. He realized in hindsight that Shi An had passed out.

His chest could barely take his rapid breathing. He reached out and grabbed Shi’ An’s knees and picked him up.

He found his arms trembling badly. After standing up with Shi An in his arms, he staggered unexpectedly and his body wobbled slightly in place.

He tried to call out Shi An’s name, but found his throat was spasming so badly that he could barely make any sound.

He gently lowered Shi An to the bed the nurse had brought, and then dropped to the edge of the bed as if he had lost his breath.

Fingernails sunk deep into his palm, Yan Liang closed his eyes and pressed his forehead viciously against the cold leg of the bed.

1Taste good, taste good. Did you make it?2水漫金山 – water overflowing Jin Mountain. Chinese folklore. 水漫金山 is used figuratively.