It's My First Time Being Loved

Chapter 1

I was a little hungry for affection.

 

“This weekend, my mom suddenly asked me to hang out because she’s depressed, so~”

 

“Did you watch last week’s drama? I teared up. The baby cried because he missed his mother…..”

 

So I used to listen to this kind of story without realizing it.

 

Because it was something I didn’t have.

 

What is a warm and harmonious family?

 

In my first life, I yearned for such things.

 

Surely, I was in a good family.

 

It was a very ordinary family of four.

 

However, my parents were people who thought of marriage and childbirth as something on their bucket lists.

 

It was too bad to give birth to only one so give birth to two. And that was how my mother had my brother and me.

 

Fortunately, my brother was someone who was good at everything but as for me, I was only half good at everything.

 

Maybe that’s why my parents never forced me to do anything, but they also didn’t care about me.

 

“Hey, ramen.”

 

“I’m done eating. Wash the dishes.”

 

An older brother who used to take advantage of such indifference.

 

Well, I too wasn’t that passionate enough to be persistent in asking my parents for  attention.

 

So my parents were like a few bills on the table, and without the older brother I was more of a helper person.

 

Nevertheless, I still liked people.

 

My friends who accepted the affection that lost its place to go.

 

“Let’s go to the movies, then get your hair done okay? Okay?”

 

“I found something delicious, let’s go!”

 

My friends first recognized my clumsy affection, which resembled my parents, that was blunt and indifferent at first glance so my friends always reached out their hands to me first.

 

That’s why in my first life, even though I was scared during the moment of my death, I had no regrets.

 

‘After all, my family won’t be sad.’

 

Although my brother might have been a little sad that his errand girl was gone.

 

“No, why, why did you..!!”

 

I reflexively pushed my friend that was next to the crazy driving car that suddenly hit us.

 

In my final moments, I was relieved to hear the voice of my friend who screamed pitifully.

 

‘I’m glad you’re safe……..’

 

Because my friend had an older sister, a younger sister, and parents who were proud of such a mature daughter.

 

As I was about to turn 20 years old, I said goodbye to my first life without enjoying the joy of the end of the exams.

 

* * *

 

‘It would’ve been nice if it ended like that.’

 

I sighed and looked at the scene in front of me with bored eyes.

 

I was being forced to die for the 99th time.

 

“I’ll beg you like this, you just have to sacrifice yourself.”

 

My 99th life, a man called my brother opened his mouth.

 

“Yes, I know. The fact that we are shameless…..! But not everyone must die!”

 

Now, It was my father who opened his mouth.

 

“Oh, dear. I really don’t want to let you go. But….. But there’s nothing we can do about it, to save, to save everyone.”

 

The person who shed tears abominably was none other than my mother who gave birth to me.

 

Ha, really there’s all sorts of excuses.

 

“It won’t be a bad story for you either. Because your death will honor your family, and you will be revered as a hero.”

 

Even the guy I first met today, my fiancé was talking.

 

Looking at them, I clicked my tongue.

 

‘This is why every time I die, I think of my first life.’

 

I wasn’t forced to die then.

 

‘It’s impolite to compare it to dying for these bastards!’

 

At that time, I was proud in my own way.

 

I never imagined that there would be a next like this.

 

‘No, even if I imagined it 99 times is too much.’

 

It was simply a terrible disaster.

 

What’s worse is that I threw myself to save my friend in my first life, and now I was always being tossed to death in order to save something.

 

99 times till now. Continuously.

 

‘With that it was a little less unfair.’

 

Honestly, isn’t it unfair that I died not long after the college entrance exam?

 

However 99 times, despite the big number of 99 I’ve never once reached 20 years old.

 

As if to make me stay as a teenager forever, or something.

 

‘I mean, I’m still seventeen right now.’

 

In short, my family members asked me, who was only 17 years old, to die.

 

‘Doesn’t matter how powerful you are, how could you have no real conscience.’

 

When I saved my friend, I was a very normal person.

 

Someone excited to play after the college entrance exam.

 

However, as life accumulated, all sorts of mysterious powers were accumulated, as if it was a reward.

 

‘Far from being a reward there were even more difficult times.’

 

Even right now aren’t these people trying to save themselves with that power.

 

‘You jerks treated me like I didn’t exist because you were scared of this power.’

 

Those people who forced sacrifices in the name of their families were something even the parents of my first life wouldn’t do.

 

No, in the first place I always met those kind of parents or family.

 

Rather, the family in this life was just cold and conscientious because they gave me enough food to not die.

 

I was extremely out of luck.

 

Why was I forced to die as a sacrifice till the 99th time?

 

The answer is because I was always born in such a sewer-like world.

 

A world on the brink of extinction. I can’t even imagine what a peaceful world is like now.

 

It was so common for me to die as soon as I was born so I wasn’t that suprised anymore.

 

A place where siblings try to kill each other, parents who kill their own children, even parents and relatives who are cold-hearted or want to kill me because I was cursed.

 

A whole truck was not enough.

 

‘Until my fifth or sixth life, I had hoped that the next time would be okay.’

 

But it had been 99 times.

 

No matter how hopeful I was, I couldn’t help but give up.

 

That’s why to be honest, even if they forced me to die with those disgusting words it didn’t hurt me at all.

 

It was only.

 

‘It must be time.’

 

For seventeen years, I thought I lived roughly about average.

 

I didn’t have any regrets about life in the first place, but I knew this would happen, so even I didn’t expect anything from them.

 

Even so, all of them were quite very thick faced people.

 

Because while I was thinking about something else, they didn’t get tired and are still chattering.

 

“If we could, why would we shamelessly kneel to you, a child? It’s for the sake of  everyone, when you were born you were the only hope of saving the world!”

 

Seeing me not responding, my mother appealed with her tears.

 

Do you usually throw the world’s only hope in a cold room?

 

“Please I’m asking you. Please? Do you want me to beg on both my knees right now?”

 

I snorted at the appeal of my older brother.

 

Kneeling only for the price life, I don’t know whether that’s expensive or cheap.

 

“Don’t you think you’re too shameless?

 

Do I really need to be sacrificed and save those people?

 

I spoke with a look of annoyance.

 

“Why do I have to do good things for you?”

 

“Hey, hey.”

 

The face of my mother who called me was suddenly filled with embarrassment.

 

Because until now, I was just a daughter who held her breath in the little attic they gave me.

 

Well, I just did that because no matter what I do my fate would be the same anyway.

 

The tenacity of those whose lives were at stake was so frightening that even if I ran away and hid I would still be found.

 

In any case, they seemed to be very surprised that I, who had been quiet as if dead, spoke.

 

“Ma, Manners….”

 

“Is it the time for you to pick on manners?”

 

I looked at my father with a grin.

 

I replied indifferently, fiddling with the sleeves of the old dress.

 

“I’ll give you what you want.”

 

Well, it wasn’t something difficult.

 

I wasn’t sentimental enough to want everyone to die with me, and I didn’t have that much attachment in the first place.

 

‘Well, also because it would be annoying if I picked a fight with them.’

 

It’s better to live a life without regrets and less annoyance.

 

“I, I knew it…..! You’re such a sweet perso-”

 

I stared at my fiancé who opened his mouth.

 

Perhaps scared of my gaze, he couldn’t finish his sentence and shut his mouth.

 

“You’re such a sweet person and uhm as if you ate a lot of candies.”

 

I guess I’ve been stuck in my room too much. Seeing that I’m not feeling well.

 

I stretched out and threw them a look of insignificance and spoke.

 

“I wish for you to never be able to raise your faces, and for you to take care of that pathetic life.”

 

It sounds like an honor, but at the cost of my life-even if it doesn’t mean much to me–I never had any intention of being such a good daughter.

 

“What, what do you mean, to never be able raise our faces-!”

 

I slowly rose to my feet without answering the question of my brother.

 

The moment I raised my right hand, a staff who had been with me for a long time appeared with a familiar group of lights and a clinking sound.

 

I grabbed the staff then walked towards the balcony and looked up at the sky.

 

It was dyed with the familiar color of destruction.

 

It was an overwhelming power, but I wasn’t afraid at all.

 

If I wanted to live, I wouldn’t be able to stop it, but if I had my life as collateral, the power would be able to swallow it.

 

“Then, goodbye.”

 

I wielded the staff remarkably.

 

Crazily exhausted, the sense of leading the whole body to death penetrated.

 

And….

 

“No, Nonsense…….!”

 

“What have you done!”

 

“Stop it now, what do you think you’re-!”

 

I could see at a glance, the face of my frightened parents and fiancé who saw my present.

 

Still we lived in the same house for 17 years, shouldn’t I at least give them a present?

 

I’m willing to broadcast their ugly actions around the world with a spectacular 4K surround sound.

 

“You don’t really want me to stop, do you?”

 

Because then your life will end.

 

I smiled and waved at them.

 

Even if social dignity is lost in return for preventing collapse and saving the world, it is still very cheap.

 

I slowly closed my eyes with a sense of being swallowed.

 

Even their buzzing in my ears has begun to subside.

 

The very familiar end was drawing near.

 

‘Ah, it’s really annoying now.’

 

Haven’t I lived long enough if I had lived close to 2,000 years?

 

Why do you make me live again when you’re just going to throw me into a trashy life every time?

 

‘Please, let this be over. Three digits is too much.’

 

So I accepted the 99th death with a moment of peace, praying without expectation.

 

* * *

 

I didn’t have any expectations, but I prayed very hard.

 

“The young lady is born!”

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Gosh………

 

I just started my 100th life.