Julius Caesar

Silence.

A soft thud and my world came crashing down.

I opened my eyes. And Audrey... Oh, Audrey- she was sprawled on the ground like a discarded, bleeding doll. A doll bleeding from its c.h.e.s.t where it was shot.

Audrey was this doll and she was shot in the c.h.e.s.t.

In front of my eyes.

In front of my eyes.

In front of my eyes.

I heaved up myself, ignoring the haziness I felt from the blood pooling out of my shoulder and staggered dangerously toward her body. It was too cold and I felt my head was going to fall off my neck. But it was probably because I wasn't thinking clearly. No, no, I wasn't even thinking.

Because this wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

And I thought something happened to my lungs. They weren't functioning properly. And I wondered if I really should quit smoking. Because this was it. This was lung cancer, bronchitis and emphysema all at once.

I held her with my good arm quickly and pulled her closer to me. "Oh God, no." I breathed as I watched the blood stain on her white shirt widen like a rose blossoming in spring. But no, Audrey, it was winter. No.

"Oh no, no-" Audrey's eyes were fluttering helplessly. "Audrey, love, no." The words were gushing nonstop now as the realization of what just happened hit me. "Hey, hey, don't you do that, love, please." Her head tilted away from me like a wilted flower and I painfully used my left hand's fingers to let her face me.

She inhaled sharply. "I pr-pregnant-" she then choked with a painful cough that took my breath away.

"What?" I breathed, my eyes widening. "Don't tell- no." I was spluttering out as my mind raced marathons in my head. Marathons of how worse this could get already. "You're pregnant?" Like, pregnant, pregnant? Like I was going to be a father kind of pregnant?

"I'm feeling it move inside me now," she inhaled with difficulty, her c.h.e.s.t dramatically heaving up and down with every word she uttered. "I'm scared, Caesar. I'm so- so- scared."

And all I could do was shake my head. Because- What are you scared of? Don't be silly. There's absolutely nothing to be scared of. I'm right here, baby.

"I'm scared it'll stop moving, Caesar." Tears tumbled down her porcelain cheeks as her eyes closed and I was sure that I should be dead now. Because her words, her pain, those were a million bullets to my heart.

"Hey! Hey, baby look at me! Look at me!" I whispered frantically, feeling my heart shatter and my eyes swim in tears as I pulled her closer to my c.h.e.s.t. "Love-"

"It hurts, Caesar. It hurts. It hurts-" she said with so much serenity it almost killed me. My lips quivered as I watched tears slide down the sides of her face. "I wanted you to be happy-" she rasped, coughing out blood and wincing.

My eyes widened and tears fell. I wiped away her tears with shaky fingers and smiled. "I wanted you happy too-" I said not letting her eyes go.

"But I am. I am dying next to you. Caesar. In your arm-ms, baby. I lo-love you-"

I tightened my hold on her and kissed her forehead. I remember crying like a baby then. "I love you so so so much. So so much Audrey. I love you. Please-"

"Take revenge honey- Live proudly-" She spluttered the last words before shutting up and simply staring into my eyes. I kept staring into hers in disbelief. Was that it? Was she really going to...leave me? Just like that?

"It stopped. It stopped moving-" She then whispered frantically with wide eyes and a quavering voice before her body gave a final shudder and sighed to death.

The light in her eyes disappeared taking the light out of my life.

I looked at her beautiful face one last time. The tears she has just shed. The blood that was once in her. The blood that kept her and me alive. The baby I would've had. I shut her eyes with shaky, bloody fingers.

I felt like the whole world just crumpled up and punched me in the stomach. I closed my eyes and screwed my face in pain. And no, it wasn't physical at all. The pain that bullet inflicted was nothing compared to this scorching burn. This- this hurt.

I cried and m.o.a.n.e.d like I never did before. I don't remember how long I stayed there holding her lifeless body in my good arm, close to my c.h.e.s.t and heart, my forehead against hers. I buried my face in her hair breathing her in one last time.

At one point, darkness took over and it couldn't have been more welcome.

---

I woke up with the sound of beeping next to me.

I opened my eyes and captured everything around me with my eyes in a haze. The huge glass window in front of me. The huge bed I was sitting on. The machines connected to my body. I tried moving my left arm, but a shot of pain jolted through it. It was cast in a sling.

Then the memories came back crashing, pushing me down on the bed again with my head on an impossibly soft pillow.

Me 'challenging', Father. Father throwing an ashtray. Father slapping me. Father shooting me. Father calling Audrey in. Me begging, Father. Father shooting Audrey. Audrey being pregnant. Audrey being hurt. Audrey asking me to take revenge. Audrey in my arms. Audrey calling me Caesar one last time. Audrey wilting in my arms. Audrey looking in my eyes. Audrey dying.

I felt my eyes water up again. I lost Audrey. The only exception to my number one rule (that was never getting close to anyone). The only one who understood me. The only one who revived me with emotion I never knew I was capable of.

Audrey, I thought miserably, was too good to be true. Audrey's death was all my fault.

I shook my head on my pillow and brought my right hand to my eyes as I let out a whimper. Father successfully broke me again.

And it drove me crazy. It drove me crazy because when I thought about it, it all traced back to me. If Audrey hadn't met me, she would've been living now. With a person more worthy of her.

Father knew how to bring to my knees. To constantly remind me of where I stood. Father knew no mercy when he saw me sob my heart out to my love's death.

I should know no mercy in my response, I thought to myself, clenching my right fist and breathing through my nose in raw anger and bitterness. Anger that originated from that deep grief that planted itself in my heart. Anger that was watered by my despair and utter disappointment in myself and selfishness.

I removed my hair from my eyes and frowned, feeling defeated, helpless. Weak, even. And that never happened. How could I live with myself after that? After being the reason behind the death of two innocent souls?

But who was I to even have a say in this?- I reminded myself. Wasn't I the one who stole death's cloak and took away people's souls whenever Father thought it was appropriate? I never mourned them. I let other people do that part. Feel that part.

That was how it felt to lose a loved one to death's twin (murder). It felt like seconds stretched to agonizing hours. Like you're trapped in a cycle of regret and useless, draining anger. The need for revenge becomes urgent and painful.

Father had to pay for this lost love. If he thought I'd succ.u.mb to what he did, he'd be terribly mistaken. Nothing was going to stop me from ruining his life.

I sat up, determined and angry and detached myself from all the wires connected to me. I was caught off guard by a 'beep-beep-beep' that reverberated in the empty corners of my mind before I quickly got to my feet, threw the door open with my right hand and ran through the corridor just in time the nurses came rushing in from the other direction. I used the stairs and was soon out in the cold, crisp air in a plain, full-sleeved white shirt and blue-striped pyjama pants.

I probably looked like I escaped from an asylum with my barefoot, but that didn't matter. All I wanted to do right now was head to Audrey's house to gather my supplies and...mourn her loss for a while.

I walked quickly. I knew my directions very well and when I reached, I strode into the house. It just needed either my or Audrey's fingerprints. I clicked the door close behind me and went upstairs where I found the room turned upside down.

They were probably looking for where she worked. To get to her. And they did. And I wondered if Audrey really closed the door properly before she left for work. I was almost angry at her carelessness.

Trust the world on what you care about- that was what she told me. And now? She's dead. She didn't know that it was my world she was talking about. My world.

But how did Father know where I had been? How did he know I was here? With Audrey? He couldn't have possibly tracked me down. I thought of everything I possessed. Nothing was his. Nothing except for...except for the Mustang he gave me as a gift when I was just nineteen.

I took a deep breath and sat on the bed's edge. I should've known. I clenched my fists and felt my c.h.e.s.t tighten. This was getting way out of my league and quick action was in order.

I decided to book a flight to London tomorrow. I already had a plan figured out. If father thought he had everything he wanted, I'd love to prove him wrong. And succeed this time.

I changed my clothes into something warmer and glanced at my watch. It was two in the morning, but I felt restless. And even if I tried to sleep, I knew I couldn't. I would keep thinking about Audrey and the baby that we would've had if it weren't for Father's selfish demands.

Hatred won't get you anywhere, I reminded myself. I needed a clear, sharp mind.

I pocketed a lot of money and my visa card, packed my laptop because I had a lot of research to do and headed to the dresser where Audrey kept all the pictures we took together. I picked the album, but it dropped from my right hand as black and white pictures spilt from it, grabbing my attention.

I slowly knelt down on the floor and examined them.

My eyes widened and watered without my permission. I couldn't waste a second being sentimental if I could use that second to do something about it. So I sniffed, clenched my jaws, looked away and placed the pictures in the pocket in the front of my leather jacket. The one closest to my heart.

I held the album and took two pictures. One in which I was kissing Audrey's cheek and she was grinning her eyes squeezed shut. In the other, I was smiling at the camera and she was smiling at me.

My heart sank involuntarily, knowing that those days were no more. That now Audrey was no more but a memory. A happy one. A sad one. A beautiful one. She was nothing more than that.

I took a deep breath and climbed down the stairs. I was ready to take that journey. For them. And for me.

I took a cab to the airport and reserved a flight in half an hour to London. I got my ticket and waited for those thirty minutes with my brain and memories as my inevitable friends.

I hated that. Always did.

But I was soon on the plane. Ready to go to London. Ready to do things I knew I never did. I was ready to meet people. To meet and trick anyone until I got to Sam and her doc.u.ments.

I was getting ready to watch Father come to his knees. I would watch him crumble and would do nothing about it.

Just like he did to me.