Killing the Same Person Every Time

Chapter 21

“You’re unexpectedly still alive? How wonderful.”

Within the study room at night, Bai Xiuran held a slip of paper with information in it and laughed both cruelly and crazily. The ash grey slip of paper was sent into a burning lamp and even the ashes were submerged within that burning hot flame.

Before danger approached, there would always be a seductive calm. After many days of explicit hints, Yun Qing finally comprehended Bu Bai’s desire to go out and offered to take him out to look tomorrow evening.

When Yun Qing said this, his expression was as gentle as it was in the past. However, his hands under his sleeves carelessly touched Bu Bai’s fingers with a bit of cautiousness and a faint bitterness.

What Yun Qing had actually wanted to say was, ‘I will not be coming back in the future’, but the words on the tip of his tongue became, “I will bring you out, is that good?” It was truly speaking without meaning it.

He loved Bu Bai. Loved him so much he was unable to restrain himself from painting portrait after portrait. Some were of his current appearance, some were from his imagination. Every roll was meticulously and finely detailed and anyone who saw them would clearly understand the painter’s feelings.

This was his most secret selfishness and he had carefully hidden it in a secret place where it wouldn’t be easily found. However, it still couldn’t be hidden from his father’s eyes.

On that day, when he came home, he found the paintings that he had preserved with the utmost care scattered on the floor. The only thing that he wanted to hide was exposed to his father in such a way.

His father asked him if he knew what thing he was doing and he said that he knew, that he would handle this properly. He could not manage to utter any words about devoting everything to true love, nor could he disobey his father because of a fruitless person. Since it was an unrequited love, it was probably enough to end it here.

He lit a brazier and threw in those painstakingly made works of art. One by one, he burned them away. This was something that only he could do. The feelings that he allowed to grow unchecked needed to be cut off.

His color completely dispersed, the white paper had turned into ash. Yun Qing sat at the doorway alone and cried all night, only getting up and departing when daybreak arrived.

The Yun Qing that Bu Bai saw looked as though he hadn’t rested well. Unable to help but worry, he came forward step by step, coming before him and saying, “If you’re not feeling well, we could schedule to another day. I’m not in that much of a rush to go out.”

Yun Qing shook his head and tried to uplift his spirit. He said, “It’s not a problem. I promised to take you out and it won’t be good to go back on one’s word. Moreover, I have some things I want to tell you.”

“Can you say it now?” Bu Bai asked, curiosity within his pale-colored eyes.

“I’m not sure how to say it now. When I finish thinking about it, I will tell you.”

Yun Qing hesitated for a moment, then smoothly took Bu Bai’s hand. He didn’t feel the slightest bit of resistance which made it seem all the more natural as he directly led him out.

The lights on the street were very bright. People from all walks of life came and went, crowding the wide streets. Without any better option, Bu Bai tightened his hold on Yun Qing’s hand, afraid that he would get lost in the turbulent crowd.

Perhaps understating his intention, the hand holding Bu Bai’s hand tightened up slightly as well. He enclosed the person behind him with a suitable strength from start to finish, considerately letting people feel at ease.

Bu Bai used his other hand to tug at Yun Qing’s sleeve, asking, “Let’s find a place with fewer people okay?”

Yun Qing nodded at him slightly, showing that he agreed.

The light wasn’t particularity bright in the places where there were fewer people. But luckily, there were a few shining stars in the sky. The white light allowed Bu Bai to see the pale face of Yun Qing who stood next to him.

Not far before them was a congested crowd of people. Watching the bustling crowd being enveloped in a warm color, a bizarre sense of satisfaction filled Bu Bai’s heart.

“I had once thought that finding someone I admired and spending this life with them would be worth it even if I needed to rush about tiresomely like these people.”

When Bu Bai said this, his expression seemed calm and gentle.

“Later I really did find someone but can’t retrieve that frame of mind anymore.”

Yun Qing looked at the man before him silently, looking as though he wished to wrap him up entirely. He asked, “Does Bai Yu treat you well?”

“Pretty well, but he can’t give me what I want.”

“I remember, are you able to say it now?”

“En.”

Yun Qing suddenly hugged the man before him. It wasn’t the usual hug. There was a lot of strength in this hug and Bu Bai almost couldn’t breathe. He looked blankly at Yun Qing who had allowed his ego to fly free.

“Bu Bai, let’s not meet again in the future. Today will be the last farewell I say to you.”

“Why? Is there something I did wrong?” Bu Bai wanted to retain this person, this first friend that he made and held kind feelings for.

“You’re very good. It’s just that I don’t want to be your friend.”

Yun Qing released his hug around Bu Bai’s arms. The water-like appearance in those gentle eyes revealed a love-filled madness inside them.

“I love you, Bu Bai. The sort of love that wishes to be a married couple.”

When his lips were nipped, Bu Bai’s mind found itself in a state of chaos. Why was it like this? He didn’t want it to be like this.

That man’s tongue slipped in deeper and deeper, gradually straining Bu Bai a little. He pushed the man before him away in a fluster and ran away, stumbling, not daring to look back.

So he didn’t see the hopeless and despairing expression of the man who had been so forceful just a moment ago under the moonlight, nor did he see the sorrow from being forsaken by the whole world.

Bu Bai continued running, then after realizing that Yun Qing didn’t have any intention of following him, he slowly slowed down. He rested his back against a wall and digested everything that had happened just now.

Bu Bai wasn’t sure how liking someone was supposed to be like. He hadn’t liked any men before and all the men who liked him were the types who would rather end in mutual destruction with him than let him go. Thus, accustomed to such tyranny, suddenly encountering someone who would like him silently, his heart couldn’t help but soften a little.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have run away like this. Yun Qing hadn’t done anything wrong and they wouldn’t have any chance to meet again in the future. He wasn’t sure where to start if he was to comfort him either.

This sort of result was good for both sides.

While feeling tangled, a hand came up from behind him and covered his mouth as it dragged him into a dark alley. The scent from the person’s body was exactly the same as Bai Xiuran’s.

With his mouth covered tightly, Bu Bai wasn’t able to speak and he could only stare at the man before him with moist eyes.

His jaw was lifted up and cool fingers slipped across his neck, causing Bu Bai’s entire body to tremble. He could never forget the feeling of when he was brought to the edge of death by this man.

“Are you afraid of me?”

Bai Xiuran seemed like he had found something interesting. He loosened the hand that was covering Bu Bai and fed him a medicinal pill.

Bu Bai felt weak and soft all over. Unable to support the weight of his own body, he powerlessly fell to the ground.

“What do you want to do?”

Bai Xiuran bent down and looked down at the Bu Bai who was afraid of him yet was unable to escape. He held his body with evil delight, feeling the trembling caused by his actions. He said with a rare gentleness, “Rest assured, I won’t do anything to you.” He even intentionally caressed the top of his hair gently.

“I saw it, the scene of you and that man called Yun Qing kissing. Say, if Bai Yu learned about it, what will happen?”

“That wasn’t……”

Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted by Bai Xiuran.

“Wasn’t what? Is it that that person doesn’t cherish you? Or that you weren’t disrespected by him? Bu Bai, you need to understand that your attitude isn’t important. What’s important is what you did and how I want to say it.”

Bai Xiuran had stayed from his intended line and liked to see Bu Bai’s sorrowful look. Although he had wanted to use him to humiliate Bai Yu, now he realized that he really liked to torment this person.

Whenever those clear eyes were dyed with a gloomy hue, he couldn’t help but become excited, wanting to make him his own possession.

His fingers opened up Bu Bai’s clothing, revealing the bright and clean flesh inside. Under the moonlight, it glistened with a luster. Bai Xiuran bowed his head and kissed him. His kiss was rough and without a single trance of tenderness.

“No.”

“Please.”

Bu Bai’s hands wouldn’t budge, his entire body didn’t have a single bit of strength. The only thing he could do was beg and weep. And yet his voice that had started off as sorrowful became somewhat charming pants until finally, became hoarse.

Bai Xiuran didn’t take the final step, but the bright red marks had already covered his entire body. Anyone who saw them would have their imagination run wild.

“Don’t worry, I won’t say it.” Bai Xiuran arranged Bu Bai’s clothes as he whispered in his ears. Then, he vanished from Bu Bai’s sight.

An ice-cold feeling attacked Bu Bai’s entire body. When he thought that he would freeze to death in the wilderness, the strength that he had lost for a time came back. Not a moment later, he struggled to his feet and walked away.

At this time, the color of the sky had reached its pinnacle and the moonlight was covered with a wide expanse of black clouds that refused to reveal a little bit of light. The crowd on the street had long since dispersed and Bu Bai’s light steps echoed on the street.

When he returned to the mansion, Bu Bai only felt that the light was unusually bright. Usually, most of the people were asleep at this time, unlike today. Everyone was standing straight as a ramrod, seeming as if they were waiting for him to return home.

Facts proved that this was certainly true. As soon as Bu Bai returned, he was brought before Bai Yu. The man whom he hadn’t seen for many days was before him but Bu Bai couldn’t feel any happiness when he walked in.

Lin Lang was standing next to Bai Yu quietly, looking at him with malice akin to pincushions.

“Kneel.”

His legs were struck by someone and Bu Bai immediately sunk to his knees.

Bai Yu stood up from his chair and walked before Bu Bai. He asked, “What did you do today?”

“I just went out for a stroll with Yun Qing.” After thinking carefully, Bu Bai wasn’t sure what wrong he had done to deserve Bai Yu’s censure.

“But then met Bai Xiuran?”

Bu Bai recalled that humiliation and the bright red marks on his body. His expression darkened.

“No.”

“But someone caught sight of you two entering the same lane and staying there for a long time with their own eyes. Not only that, but something important was stolen from the mansion today and the person captured had something belonging to you. How will you explain this? My good wife.”

Every word that fell on Bu Bai’s heard brought a ruthless pain. Born into windblown dust, he had never seen such false accusations. His premature fame didn’t give him enough time to touch upon the dark side of this world. Suddenly suffering such a strike, he didn’t know how to deal with it.

He just looked at Bai Yu. Looked at the calm man who only showed up before him because of what had happened this time. He asked, “Do you trust me?”

He knew that his question was naive and worthless, but he couldn’t help but ask. It was fine even if he didn’t receive the answer he wanted. He wanted to know.

His neck was grasped by Bai Yu. At such a close distance, Bu Bai could clearly see the bloodshot redness of his eyes.

“On what basis should I trust you?”

Bu Bai’s clothes came open slightly and Bai Yu could see the ambiguous traces hidden under them which stabbed at his heart deeply.

His original idea of making Bu Bai’s pain quick rapidly disappeared and was replaced with the ruthlessness deep in his heart. In front of everyone, Bai Yu firmly peeled open Bai Yu’s clothes, presenting the contents inside to everyone present.

“Bu Bai, you’re really something.”

Bu Bai then gave up his struggle. The moment he was exposed, nothing was left. His final self-respect and pride were trodden underfoot by Bai Yu.

There was nothing that he needed to explain and there was nothing that he needed to feel guilty about. However, no one believed him and the person he trusted the most was precisely the one that hurt him the deepest.

“Take him down and strictly torture him until he admits it.”

Bu Bai couldn’t stand up anymore and those people had no superfluous kindness to lend him an arm in support. He was dragged down into the dungeon and even through his clothes, he could feel a bit of pain.

All those shut in the dungeon were doomed to death. Every life that struggled on death’s door in there had dried bloodstains covering their whole body and emitted a lifeless gloom.

Bu Bai knew that he would become one of them in the end. Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to hold on until then. Regardless of which outcome it was, he didn’t want to choose either.

His wrists were tightly bound to chains and his back rested against wood as he looked at the interrogator before him.

“Are you a spy sent by the emperor?”

“No.”

Just this thing alone, he would not recognize. It wasn’t for the recognition of others but in order to hold fast to himself.

The same punishment was imposed upon his body again and again and his originally white skin was buried under bloodstains. Before that one knife wound could recover, it was covered with countless more wounds, both large and small. Some places, because the skin and flesh had been overturned, exposed ghastly bones.

Every time he was tortured, he was asked once more, but he never changed his answer.

He wandered between sobriety and unconsciousness many times. If it weren’t for the jailer constantly feeding him various medicines to drag his life on, perhaps he would have long since been unable to hold on under the torture.

When the jailer was about to torture him once more, he was stopped by his partner next to him.

“Don’t continue to punish him, if you continue, he’ll definitely die.”

“But he hasn’t admitted it yet.” The jailer was confused, he usually interrogated in this way.

“Do you think he will admit it like this? The master hasn’t said to let him die, we can’t decide without authorization.”

The jailor let go of the torture instrument in his hand, released Bu Bai, then threw him in the nearest cell.