Kimi ni Koi wo Suru Nante, Arienai Hazu Datta

The day of the test was here and just like any other day, it was snowing. The exam had been set to start at a time such that if I were to take the Shinkansen early in the morning on the same day, I would be able to make it just in time. However, Yonezawa was a region widely notorious for its heavy snowfall, so just to be sure, I departed the evening before the exam. It would be a disaster if the train ran into an accident or a delay and I missed my exam as a result.

I stayed overnight at a cheap business hotel in front of the station, bought a bento at a nearby supermarket, took a relaxing bath, and went to bed early that night. When morning came, I got up and looked outside the window to see a massive amount of snow falling from the sky. Everywhere I looked was covered in snow, snow, and more snow. I couldn’t even see the road that was 20 meters below me. It was the first time I’d ever seen such a scene in my life, and although it was unbefitting of me, my heart leapt in excitement. At the same time, I breathed a sigh of relief at my decision to stay the night here.

The breakfast room was located on the first floor in a cafeteria-like restaurant. Their buffet-style, self-serve system tempted me to no end to eat all the various foods on display, but I stopped myself short and decided to only eat a necessary amount so that I wouldn’t become sleepy during the exam.

I checked out of the hotel about an hour before the exam was to start and prepared to head for the campus of the university. As I made my way to the entrance of the hotel, I noticed a young man who I suspected was in similar circumstances as mine just outside near the cab pool, so I decided to call out to him.

“Excuse me, are you perhaps on your way to take an engineering entrance exam?”

“Ah, yes I am…”

“That makes the two of us. If you don’t mind, shall we take a taxi together?”

And so, to save on the fare we decided to ride to the campus in a single cab. Although the ride was slowed down due to the snow, we still managed to arrive in about 15 minutes. It was my first time seeing a university that was still standing from the days of the old vocational school era predating World War II, and I’d heard that this building has been designated as an object of cultural significance, having more to it than meets the eye.

I followed the signs inside the building and made my way to the classroom where the exam was to be held. The interior of the school was surprisingly modern, and my heart swelled a little with anticipation at the thought of studying here if I was accepted.

Once I got to my seat, I heard the voice of someone talking in a distinctly different dialect from the one I was used to back at home, reminding me once again that I had come to a faraway place. Not long after, the test began. There were only boys around me, and I felt that the ratio of girls to boys here was even lower than that of my current science class, but that was inevitable. In fact, there being no girls at all was perfect for me right now.

…I’ll definitely pass this test. I readied my mechanic pencil and skimmed over the questions. Each subject had a time limit of 120 minutes, and it was no exaggeration to say that my future would be determined in each of those 120 minutes.

After I successfully finished both exams, I left the school feeling liberated. The cars that had been parked out on the streets earlier this morning were now covered in layers of white snow, like a shortcake. To think that this much snow could fall in a matter of hours. I was awed by how powerful snow was in this country.

For now though, the snow seems to have stopped, so I started making my way to the Shinkansen train station on foot. It was roughly three kilometers away, but since I was an avid fan of hiking, it wasn’t too difficult a journey despite the road having frozen up in some places. I also had waterproof and non-slip shoes on, just in case.

The sides of the sidewalk had accumulated so much snow, it even surpassed me in height. It felt like I was walking through a tunnel surrounded by the stuff. On the way, I came across a large river and decided to walk along the riverbank as I made my way to my destination. I read in a tourist brochure in the hotel yesterday that cherry blossoms were planted several hundred meters along the riverside which would all bloom when Golden Week arrived, creating a wonderful and fantastical sight.

I’d worked up a bit of a sweat from walking for about forty to fifty minutes before I finally made it to the station. I walked up to the ticket booth to purchase a ticket for a reserved seat, but the employee kindly informed me that it was currently non-rush hours, so a regular, non-reserved seat would suffice. And so, I heeded their advice and bought a regular ticket. As I left the booth, I decided to take a break and stroll around the station’s premises. There was still ample time before the next train departure, so I checked out the souvenir store beside the booths. There, the faces of two girls who gave me gifts on Valentine’s Day suddenly came to mind.

It might come off a bit insincere of me, but how about I just buy them souvenirs here instead of White Day gifts? The items here aren’t ones that can be found back at home, and I’m sure they would be much more interesting than a regular gift.

I bought some jellies filled with local fruits for me and my family. Then, I bought some more to give to Tamura and Nakajo. As for Katsuya and my other classmates, I bought some cheaper, baked sweets to give to them. It also occurred to me that it wouldn’t be good for Nakajo’s gift to be identical with Tamura’s, so I bought a ballpoint pen adorned with cute kitten characters tied together by cherries just for her. I could just imagine her delightfully exclaiming, “Wow, it’s so cute!”

At the time, nobody else I had to give presents to came to mind.

After the second semester’s exams were over, I spent an entire day resting at home and catching some Z’s to make up for all my lost sleep. However, I knew I couldn’t keep doing that forever. The graduation ceremony was coming up soon, and I had to rehearse for it.

When the day of the rehearsal arrived, I found that I was already late by the time I arrived at school. On top of that, I had an urgent appointment with an otolaryngologist soon, so I left the school without ever meeting anyone. As someone who suffered from hay fever, I wouldn’t be able to survive the coming season without medication, not to mention that hospitals would be extremely crowded during this time of the year, so despite Katsuya’s reproachful glare at me seemingly conveying, “You’re leaving already, Yassan?” I had no choice but to ignore him.

And so, time passed and dawn broke on the very next day, graduation day. I had immediately taken the prescribed allergy medication yesterday and as a result, I was now heading for my last day of school in a hazy state of mind. In the midst of the sweltering, hot weather of March, I arrived at school and made my way to Class B, wandering around its entrance in search of Tamura who should already be here by now. I soon found her hanging around and chatting with some of our classmates near the front of the room. When I waved my hand at her, she immediately jogged toward me and grabbed me with her large frame, dragging me to a deserted area before I could even hand over my return gift to her.

“Messhi. What kind of relationship do you have with that Kimura hunk?” she hounded.

“What?”

Kimura… I’m pretty sure that was the name of that one guy from Class G; the one who was into Kitaoka’s older sister, if I remember correctly. But the last time I ever spoke to him was during the cultural festival. Clueless on where she was going with this, I answered her question with another question. Perhaps she felt embarrassed for losing her composure earlier because her tone suddenly turned calmer before she continued.

“I mean, you remember that weird rumor about you, right Messhi? Yesterday, Kimura marched into our class and chewed out the person who started the it.”

Eh…? Her words were so surprising, I found myself at a loss for words. Unable to fully comprehend her story, I could only wait for her to continue. She scratched her bangs and heaved a long sigh before she began recounting the whole incident.

“At first, there was this guy from his class who thought it’d be funny to tell him about the rumors. He said, ‘Apparently there’s this Iijima from the class next door who likes to secretly take pictures of girls.’ When Kimura heard that, he said, ‘Who saw that? Were they absolutely certain it was Iijima?’”

Tamura’s explanation was easy to follow, as expected of a smart girl like her. I asked her where she heard this from, and she simply replied by saying it was from a friend of hers in Class G. I couldn’t help but think that despite her unsociable and carefree attitude, she had a pretty extensive intelligence network.

“And so, he traced the source of the rumors by scouring through messages and emails until he finally determined the culprit to be a guy from our class. He blasted him and said, ‘Can’t you tell the line between what you can and can’t do?’ Then, I think he brought a guy named Uchida or something and had him testify that you didn’t have a smartphone. He was incredible. Really gave me the chills, y’know?”

“Hoooh…”

My response was pretty half-hearted, but that wasn’t because I wasn’t interested in her story; in fact, it was quite the opposite. There were so many things on my mind that I couldn’t even string together a proper response to her story.

“…But I’ve barely ever talked to Kimura-kun before.”

I tilted my head in doubt. Tamura also seemed similarly baffled as she replied.

“I know, right? Why would he go so far for your sake?”

“I have no idea… Why would he…?”

Both of us had solemn expressions on our faces when suddenly, Tamura laughed as if to lighten the mood.

“But either way, I’m glad things turned out this way. Puts me at ease too, y’know?”

“Oh… right…”

“Besides, they had a really arrogant attitude so it felt a little satisfying to see them being put in their place.”

“So, what did you need me for?” asked Tamura. I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves, and held out the present I’d prepared for her.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a souvenir, and although a little late,  my return gift for Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure if you’ll like it though…”

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Tamura said, but she still readily accepted the gift.

There were still plenty of questions I wanted to ask her, but I knew she must’ve wanted some time to say goodbye to her classmates. With that in mind, I let her go, saying, “Well, I’ll see you later,” and headed for my own classroom, Class F. As I walked, I slowly sorted through the story Tamura had just told me.

The person who first started spreading the rumor─although Tamura avoided mentioning them by name─was most likely that Hayasaka fellow who whispered into my ear at the end of last year. I don’t know why, but it seems he bears some sort of grudge against me. However, since the problem has already been resolved, there’s no need for me to purposely go looking into it and risk causing more problems.  In any case, although there was a troublesome person involved this time, things managed to get resolved peacefully in the end. That’s all that matters.

Next, Tamura said that Uchida, the frivolous moodmaker of my class, testified for my innocence, which was surprising. That reminds me: after the rumors started, there were naturally some people in my class who started treating me with caution, but for the most part almost nobody actually harassed or bullied me physically. That may have been due to Uchida and his clique not taking the claims seriously and dismissing it as “ridiculous”. I had decided against going to school and avoided interaction with others as much as possible, but it seems that even without me trying to quell the rumors, there were other boys besides Katsuya who believed in me.

But Kimura, huh… His actions still remain a mystery to me. He has great looks and widespread popularity, so even if he has a sense of justice or righteousness driving him, I don’t see why he would specifically go out of his way, potentially ruffling some feathers, for a nobody like me.

Then why did he do it…? As I racked my brains for an answer, I went past my class and carried my feet to the class next door, Class G.

I peeked into the class from the doorway and found that Kimura was already there, seated on a seat as he happily chatted with two other boys with a magazine in his hand. Upon closer inspection, the magazine seemed to be a real estate magazine containing property listings, so it seems that one of them is going to be moving in the near future. I approached Kimura from the side and was about to call out to him when he abruptly turned toward me before I even had the chance to do so. Maybe he sensed me coming? I walked right up to him regardless and found myself overwhelmed by his towering presence. Despite feeling a little intimidated, I opened my mouth and lowly muttered.

“…Can I talk with you for a bit?”

“Oh, sure.”

He readily agreed, almost as if he knew I would come to him. “I wanted to talk to you, too,” he added as he stood from his seat. He then beckoned me towards the staircase. Where are we going? I wondered as I watched him run up the stairs one step at a time before pushing open the door at the very top. The rooftop was normally off-limits to students, but apparently it was surprisingly easy to get to. Dumbfounded, I followed Kimura, and for the first time ever since enrolling in this school, set foot onto the rooftop.

The air was hot and the sun was shining brightly, but strong winds helped to keep the place a little chilly. Kimura was leaning against the railing, so I worriedly said, “Won’t someone find out that we’re here?” He laughed and brushed aside my concerns, saying, “Nah, nobody’s looking up at us from the ground.”

I walked beside him and joined him on the railing as I looked down at the ground below. The city, the cars, and the people all looked so small and far away, and I felt inexplicably moved at the spectacular scene I was witnessing for the very first and last time.

“…So, I guess you’re here to talk about what happened yesterday?” asked Kimura. I turned to face him and bowed my head. “…Thank you. Somehow, it feels like I’m always on the receiving end of favors from you,” I said.

It may have come across a little curt, but I truly do feel gratitude for what he did. Admittedly, I’ve felt baffled at how cool—perhaps too cool—he is, both during the ball game tournament back then and the incident now. But knowing that he stood up for me made me really happy, and now that my bad reputation had been cleared up, I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. I did say that the rumors wouldn’t mean anything once I moved after graduation, but in the end it’s always better to have fewer bad memories than not.

I kept my head bowed low until suddenly, Kimura lightly laughed as if to clear the air.

“Nah, it’s not like I did it because I felt like some sort of champion of justice.”

I looked up at the towering Kimura and noticed his lips curved upwards into a smile.

“When it comes down to it, I’m Risa-chan’s loyal ally. I don’t want to do anything that would make her sad. That’s all there is to it.”

“Risa” must’ve been referring to Kitaoka’s older sister. But what did she have to do with all this? I stared blankly at him, confused. In response, he looked off into the distance and wearily sighed before he started.

“You see, Risa-chan told me a while ago how she felt sad about the mood in her house being heavy lately.”

Could it be…? The gears in my head turned as I connected the dots. So the atmosphere at Kitaoka’s sister’s house is heavy… Didn’t Katsuya also mention a certain someone’s mood being down in the dumps these days? No sooner had a certain girl’s face come to mind that I felt a stinging pain in my chest. Kimura then brought up the name of said girl.

“I heard Ema’s really depressed.”

He turned to look at me once more and shot a piercing gaze at me.

“…I’m sure you know what I’m getting at here.”

Startled, my heart jumped at the shockingly serious glare emanating from his well-shaped eyes. So he’s basically saying that I’m the reason Kitaoka is so dispirited?

Perhaps reading the nervous look in my eyes, Kimura loosened his expression and smiled before he continued.

“That girl has a really foul mouth, so I’m sure she said things she didn’t actually mean. Why don’t you forgive her, all right?”

The way he spoke suggests he might’ve heard about how Kitaoka talked about me to her friend and knows the fact that I overheard her. But how did Kitaoka herself find out? I’m inclined to believe that Ootsuka Kokona told her something, but if that’s true then it’s a little disconcerting knowing that she might be beating herself up over it.

And…to be honest, I’ve also had my doubts about it. Whether it be the day of the end-of-term ceremony, the day before winter break ended, or the day of graduation, I’ve always wondered if her sorrowful expression had been due to my cold attitude towards her and if it had really been just an act. Even when I’m doing something else, I always find it lurking in the back of my mind, and whenever it peeks its head out, I feel an uncomfortable itch on the back of my throat as I grow more and more unsure of what I should really believe in. However…

“Forget forgiving her, I don’t even have anything to do with her in the first place…”

Kitaoka and I were nothing more than two people who talked to each other once a week on the way home from prep school. There wasn’t any tangible bond between us; no formidable ordeal we’d overcome together. We don’t even have to go to prep school anymore, so even if things went back to normal, I doubt anything would change for the better for either of us.

“Just leave me alone,” I spat. Suddenly, Kimura reached his finger out and, brushing aside my bangs, flicked my forehead so hard it made an audible thwack sound.

“Ouch…”

Having been flicked for the first time in years, I recoiled at the unexpected force and covered my forehead with both my hands. Before the pain had even receded, Kimura wrapped around to my back and put me in a headlock, grinding my temples with his knuckles.

“You’re a real stubborn one, aren’tcha?”

“Oww, oww… I give, I give!”

I shouted with my head stuck between his arms, which made Kimura promptly let go of me. What came over him all of a sudden? Even if he was just playing around, a physique as bulky as his made for a huge mismatch between our sizes, making his wrestling unbearably excruciating for me. I struggled to catch my breath as I looked up at him, dumbfounded at his sudden childish behavior; a stark contrast to his usual cool persona. When our eyes met, he let out a sigh and spoke.

“You know…there’s no way the two of you are unrelated. I mean, think about it.”

“But…”

I was about to make a rebuttal, but Kimura cut me off and continued.

“Then why are you being so stubborn? Why won’t you even give her the chance to apologize? Why did you visibly flinch the instant I brought up Ema’s name? Isn’t that because she’s weighing on your mind?”

His words struck me where it hurt, and I swallowed my words back down. The truth is, I was actually aware that perhaps we might not be as “unrelated” as I claimed we were. Just as Kimura and Katsuya had said, perhaps that incident didn’t reflect her true feelings; perhaps the Kitaoka I knew was her true self; and perhaps she held me in a special light. How great would it be if that were true?

However, I couldn’t make sure of it. I was too scared to ask her. What if she hurt me again? Besides, even if we made up, she… I…

I stayed silent and Kimura, perhaps suspicious, inched closer to me and brought his face up close.

“Or, are you already dating that girl you were with the other day?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Really? So you aren’t planning on going out with her either, then?”

“No, no. We were just walking home together that day…”

I was able to deny his accusations immediately, but inwardly I was sweating bullets. How does he even know about that? Could Kitaoka have mentioned that, too? Or perhaps someone else happened to witness it since both of us had been near the school. Either way, Nakajo and I didn’t have that sort of relationship.

Seemingly relieved by my answer, Kimura gave a broad grin and lightly placed his hand on my shoulder.

“In that case, please. Risa-chan really dotes on Ema, you see, so ever since she’s been dispirited, Risa-chan’s spent the whole time worried and anxious for her. Please at least hear her out…and don’t run away the second you see her face.”

“…I’ll think about it.”

Even my tentative response didn’t perturb him. All he said was “It’s a promise, then” as he patted my back. He then rummaged around his pocket and asked, “Do you have something to write with?” I still had my backpack on and so was able to retrieve a marker from inside. I handed it over to him, which he then used to write something on a slip of paper while looking at his phone.

“Here you go.”

He handed the marker back along with the paper he was writing on, which seemed to be a receipt from a convenience store. On the other side of the paper was a string of alphanumeric characters, among which was the character “@”

“What’s this?” I asked, to which he calmly replied, “It’s Ema’s email address. You can use it to contact her if you don’t want to talk to her in person. Even without a smartphone, I’m sure you can access the Internet at home, right?”

…Well, now I can’t use the “I don’t have time to talk to her” excuse. What a meticulous guy. But still, even if they might be childhood friends, is it really fine for him to just give me her email address without her permission? Not to mention that we’re talking about the sensitive and moody Kitaoka Ema here. I’d feel bad if he got into trouble for doing this.

“Won’t she get mad at you for doing this behind her back?”

“Nah. In fact, I say she’d probably thank me,” he casually replied. “Well, I’ve got things to do now so I’ll see you later,” he called out as he waved his hand and left the rooftop. I watched his tall, slender back descend the staircase and felt the tension leave me all at once. Perhaps it was because he had shown me an unexpected side of him, but I felt strangely tired. It seems that even a man as good-looking as him does many things behind the scenes to capture the heart of the woman he loves. It’s a little bit cute, I thought as I chuckled softly.

Now alone, I decided to admire the scenery below for a while longer, accompanied by the strong spring breeze.

I spent my time lingering on the rooftop until just before the meeting time. I made my way back to the classroom when I suddenly bumped into Uchida.

“Ah…”

I stared at his face, frozen in place as he casually threw me a question.

“What’s wrong?”

“Umm…well, I heard you and Kimura barged into our class yesterday…”

“Oh, that!”

I nodded. Uchida’s round eyes on his rugged face then narrowed into a smile as he continued.

“Well, we knew the whole thing was a lie from the start, you know? But there were actually some idiots who believed in that load of crap. I mean, I know you’d never do such a thing, Meshi-chan. That said though, I didn’t really do much. All I did was tell them that you didn’t have a smartphone. Everybody knew that.”

“Yeah, but still…thank you. I really appreciate it”

“Really, it’s fine. Besides, I never really liked Hayasaka, so it felt really good to put him in his place.”

So it seemed my hunch was correct. It was Hayasaka. Uchida was usually the type to avoid making enemies of others, so if even he hated Hayasaka’s guts, then this guy must’ve been a pretty warped person. “It’s a good thing nothing too bad actually happened to you this time,” he said as he breathed a sigh of relief. He then gazed beyond my glasses and into my eyes.

“Putting that aside, is it true that you applied to a university far away from here?”

I wonder who he could’ve heard that from. Maybe it was my homeroom teacher, or maybe it was Katsuya and his friends… When I handed out the souvenirs yesterday, I also mentioned my exam so perhaps word of that had spread around. I nodded my head in affirmation, and he immediately asked me, “How was it? Think you got in?” I told him honestly that there was a good chance I’d passed which made him slump his shoulders in dejection.

“I see… Well, I’m also happy if you manage to get in, and there are people who’re applying to even further places, but to be honest I’m really going to miss you. Let’s all hang out together sometime soon,” he said as he patted me on the shoulder. Not long after, the school bell rang and our homeroom teacher, donning a fresh look in his suit, entered the classroom as everybody shuffled into their seats.

The graduation ceremony was held for both full-time students and part-time students, so I was initially surprised to see that the valedictorian for the part-time students was a considerably old man.

The guests gave their congratulations, the current students delivered their farewell speech, the graduating students gave some appropriate remarks, and a ceremonial song was played. At the end of the ceremony came a surprise comedy skit and musical performance by some alumni volunteers. All in all, I’d say the ceremony was a great one filled with not only tears but laughs as well.

After the ceremony ended, us third-years reassembled at our respective classrooms where everybody received their diplomas and yearbooks. All the boys in class got together to write their thoughts on each other’s yearbooks, but much to my dismay, I found that someone had drawn something a little obscene on my yearbook along with the words “May you stay lovey-dovey with Katsuya forever and ever ♡” I was depressed that someone would write that on something that would last a lifetime, but I guess even this would become a fond memory to look back upon in the future. When I thought about it that way, my anger gradually subsided.

Meanwhile, the time for the first and second year students to send us off had arrived, so we were kicked out of our classes and sent on our way. Our class didn’t have any sort of special gathering planned since some people still had exams to take. Therefore, I was currently heading to the Local Geography Research Club instead to have one final farewell party with them. I looked around the school gate in search of Tamura when I bumped into Wada first, followed by the other club members.

“Congratulations on your graduation!” a girl cheerfully called out as she handed me a bouquet of flowers. It was Tanaka Eiko. Seeing her face made me remember the souvenirs I had in my bag.

“Oh, right. Where’s Nakajo-san…?”

As soon as she heard my low mutter she immediately responded, her voice practically shouting.

“Would you like me to fetch her?!”

Before I could even say yes, she took off like the wind in search of her. When she returned, I found her holding the hand of a girl looking down in embarrassment. “Here!” she said as she pushed the girl, Nakajo, toward me. She, whom I hadn’t seen in over half a month, had let her hair down and curled it, presumably using a hair iron or something similar. Even though she had only changed her hairstyle slightly, she looked more mature and beautiful than before which made me feel a little nervous.

“Hold on to this for a moment.” I left Wada with the bouquet of flowers and moved a distance away from the clubroom before reaching into my backpack and handing over the paper bag inside to Nakajo.

“Err, it’s a bit early for this, but here’s my return gift for Valentine’s.”

Her Valentine’s gift for me turned out to be brownies with bananas in them. They were so delicious that I ended up finishing all of them by myself that very same day. Maybe I really should’ve bought something better for her. This doubt remained in my mind even to this day, but nevertheless Nakajo immediately opened the paper bag and when she peered inside, she gasped in surprise.

“Wow! It’s a kitty cat. So cute! And this jelly looks really good, too!” she happily said. She appeared to be delighted by the gift, which was relieving to see.

“Thank you. I’ll make sure to keep this safe.”

“No, I’d be happier if you used it normally.”

She gazed up at me with a huge smile, her hands holding the paper bag close to her chest as if it were a treasure chest as she bowed her head. I opened my mouth and began to speak.

“I was hoping to ask if today, you’d like to…”

—join the Local Geography Research Club’s farewell party? Tanaka would be there, and I’m sure the other members would welcome her, too. As soon as the question left my mouth, Nakajo’s eyebrows drooped dejectedly before she muttered in her usual clear voice.

“Erm, my choir club is actually holding a farewell party for the seniors soon.”

“Oh, I see. I’m sure you must feel indebted to them, too.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry,” she apologized. I waved it off and told her not to worry about it.

“Oh right, thank you for your Valentine’s gift. The brownies were delicious.”

“Thank you… I’m glad you enjoyed them. Please do come back and visit the school sometime.”

With that, she left as her hair lightly shook in the wind. She was truly a refreshing and pleasant girl from start to finish. Although I couldn’t be with her, I sincerely hoped that her future would be bright and full of happiness.

After my conversation with Nakajo, I turned my eyes toward a garden close by where my classmates were hanging around.

…To be honest, I’ve been sneaking peeks at Kitaoka all day today. However, she never seemed to be alone as she was always accompanied by either her friends or other girls. Despite not being in a club, it seemed that she had quite a number of friends. I tried looking for her now and finally, I found her all by herself. She was holding a bunch of flowers as she fiddled around with her beloved phone under some shade.

“At least hear her out.”

Kimura’s words earlier resurfaced in my mind. To be honest, I, too, had always wanted to ask her a few things. I wouldn’t be able to see her again after graduation, so today would be my last chance. But how should I talk to her after all this time? As I was lost in thought…

“Ah, there you are.”

A boy who seemed like an underclassman walked past me. He headed straight for the area where my classmates were gathered and spoke to the very girl I’d been watching.

Ah…

The boy who stood before Kitaoka had a lean figure, a refreshing face, and delicate features. Though not as eye-catching as Kimura’s, his gentle smile seemed like it would be quite popular with the girls. Holding a camera in one hand, he started talking to her about something. Apparently, he wanted to take a picture of himself together with her.

The two of them looked like the perfect couple. Perhaps she didn’t seem to mind it either since she bashfully agreed. After the picture was taken, they continued talking to each other, and I even saw her receiving a gift from him. Not long after, other underclassmen, boys from the same year, and even other girls who seemed to have been watching asked to take a picture with her. In this way, she was once again surrounded by a circle of people, and in the dead center of this circle, she was holding her diploma looking radiant and dignified.

Oh, I see. I once again realized the harsh truth. She was a sweet, fragrant, and beautiful flower. I, on the other hand, was just one of the many insects who swarmed around her. She had no poison to ward off others or thorns to prick them. They would all just fly around her and die without ever finding nectar.

…There’s no place for me there. I had taken Kimura’s word as fact just because it was him saying it. But I was right all along. She doesn’t care about me. Her dejection is only temporary, and I’m sure she has plenty of people who can fill the gaps in her heart, even if it’s not me. She had already put me through so much pain. What was I doing after I’d sworn to myself last winter vacation to never get involved with her again?

A strong wind blew, and with it a loud voice was carried to my ears.

“To all our graduating seniors, we thank you for the days you’ve spent with us and wish you all a bright future!”

A cheering squad comprised of first and second-year students gave a loud shout. After the passionate message, some students left immediately, some stayed, and some scattered to their own places.

I left the school gate together with the members of the Local Geography Research Club and, having resolved myself to leave this place, did not look back regretfully.

After we left the school, we all made our way to a nearby okonomiyaki restaurant. Our well-prepared club president had already made a reservation beforehand so the ten or so club members were able to completely fit inside the tatami room. The neighboring room was also occupied with students from neighboring schools who had just finished their graduation ceremonies as well, and soon the entire restaurant was filled with high school students. As soon as our order was served, the current club president, who was sitting beside me, brought up a topic in a mysterious tone.

“This might be somewhat of a sensitive question, but how are you faring in your exams, senpais?”

Tamura, who was sitting across from the president, answered while she cooked her squid and shrimp from the “Seafood Special”.

“Hmm… My scores for the first semester are kind of a mess. I think I’m gonna go to a private uni.” Another third-year girl who also happened to be a ghost member nodded her head in agreement. “Me too.”

“Nice, we’re the same,” said Tamura, haphazardly flipping her shrimp, “I’ll apply with my second semester scores, too, but I wonder if that’ll be enough to get in.”

I watched them converse from the side, and as I started getting hungry, I reached for the monjayaki that everybody had ordered. I used a small spatula (called a hagashi) to press the ingredients down. Once they were cooked, I removed them and put them in my mouth. The next moment, I felt a burning sensation on my tongue.

“Hot!”

I hurriedly covered my mouth in a panic. The club president, who had been talking with Tamura and the others, stared at me with a dumbfounded gaze.

“…Iijima-senpai, please let the monjayaki cool before you eat it.”

I already knew that, though. It’s just… I was spacing out a little, for some reason. A few moments later, Tanaka Eiko came to my side carrying a chilled drink filled with ice.

“You’re such a klutz, aren’t you~?” she giggled as she handed the glass to me. …Did Tanaka tell Nakajo all about this side of me, too? I felt a belated sense of embarrassment, and even though the temperature in the room wasn’t very hot, I couldn’t help but feel my face burn bright red.

The party proceeded at the club’s usual relaxed pace and came to an end in the early afternoon without anybody shedding any tears. The first and second year students headed somewhere else to play, but I, who had been spending a lot of money lately and was also banking on my second semester exams like the other two, decided to go straight home.

Tamura and I got off the train at our local station. Since I walked to the station today, we would be walking together for half the journey. The winds were blowing strongly outside. “Beautiful weather we have today,” remarked Tamura as she started taking pictures of the scenery with her smartphone. That was when I decided to break the ice.

“You know…”

“What?” she said, now facing me.

“The truth is, I got myself a smartphone the other day.”

Hearing my words, Tamura smiled softly.

“Oooh, so the wave of modernization has finally hit you too, huh Messhi?” she jokingly replied. “When did you get it?”

“Well, I actually got it at the end of last year… But there was the issue of the rumors spreading around, so I couldn’t bring it to school.”

“True, true,” nodded Tamura. The only other person I’ve told about this at school is Katsuya, but Tamura has helped me a lot in the past and has been a huge emotional support for me during difficult times. Also, she’s a self-proclaimed “loose-lipped” girl, but in the end always keeps secrets to herself, so I think she’s very trustworthy.

That’s why if there’s anything I can do to help her in the future, I would like to do so. Therefore, I thought it would be a good idea to give her my contact information.

“Do you have it on you right now?” she asked.

“Yup, I do.”

“Great, then tell me your phone number and LINE ID.”

“Alright, give me a sec.”

I reached into my pockets and brought out the smartphone I had hidden inside. As I clumsily operated my phone, Tamura pointed to my feet and muttered.

“You dropped something.”
“Eh?”

At that moment, a very strong gust of wind blew, and the supposed item that fell on the ground floated lightly and flew across my face. It was a small, white piece of paper. Is that…?

“Ah…”

I reflexively tried to reach for it, but I couldn’t grab it. Before long, the piece of paper disappeared from sight as if it had been sucked into the sky. I stared up at the sky in blank amazement as I reached into my pockets again. And, just as I thought, the receipt that Kimura had given me earlier this morning was gone. It must’ve fallen out along with my smartphone when I took it out. I couldn’t even see where the wind had blown it to. That receipt was the last thread that connected me with Kitaoka. Now, even that thin thread had just been cut before my very eyes…

“What’s wrong?”

Tamura’s voice snapped me back to reality.

“No, it’s nothing.”

It was for the best, I told myself. I had betrayed Kimura’s expectations, but this incident was an act of God. Besides, I didn’t actually promise to contact her in the first place.

I didn’t say “goodbye” to her, not even in my heart. This was not the end of anything. After all, nothing had ever begun between us.

I might be hung up on Kitaoka for a while. But even this sentimentality will gradually fade away in the hustle and bustle of my new environment, and before I know it, I’ll be able to forget all about her.

Tamura, who had gone on ahead, turned back at me and said, “What are you doing back there?” I hurriedly caught up to her as I gazed up at the clear city sky. The sun was high as the first winds of spring blew past me, and I couldn’t help but squint at the dazzling rays of the sun.

TL Notes:
Hi. I’m still alive. Happy Chinese New Year to all of you! Here’s another unedited chapter (as of yet), 2 weeks overdue. I wanted to finish this days ago, but it’s me we’re talking about. Thank you very much to Tibbs for your donation on Ko-Fi. I like how straightforward the message was (lmao). Sorry it took me a week for this. Anyways, chapter 6 is a bit shorter than this one so it should be out sooner. (keyword: “should”)