Let Me Listen to Your Lingering Regrets Part 6.1

“Spring brings forth new beginnings. During the tranquility of winter, birds sing as if to welcome the new beginnings to come. It’s as if…”

“You may end there. Perfect!” The English teacher was delighted as Miki finished her Japanese translation and sat down on her chair.

“Amazing, Miki! That was a difficult one!” The classmates seated near her praised her. 

“I wasn’t. I barely made it through.” Miki responded with a smile.

“Miki’s amazing.”

“She’s perfect.”

We stood behind the classroom. Of course, we’re invisible to the others. One of our abilities is to make ourselves invisible to the human eye.

“In the PE class earlier, she was assigned as the hitter in the volleyball club. Just like Shion said, she’s smart, pretty and athletic.”

“She’s perfect.” Senpai repeated.

“She also gets along with everyone. She’s the type who can do everything but still remains humble. The perfect school idol. Had I been five years younger…”

“Don’t you mean 20 years?” 

Senpai suddenly sent me a piercing glare.

I won’t say it. I won’t say it. Right, talking about age was taboo.

As soon as the sound of the bell signifying the end of the class rang, a crowd immediately huddled around Miki.

“Miki, can I see your homework?”

“Miki, you’re good at everything you do no matter what.” 

“Miki, your hair is so pretty. How do you take care of it?”

Miki, Miki, Miki… Everyone incessantly called her name. Looks like Miki’s popular in class. She responded to each and every one amicably.

“Was this circle of friends also there when Shion was still alive?” Senpai asked.

“I think so? It hasn’t been long since she died, so there’s no way they could’ve gotten so close right away.”

“I guess so…” Senpai crossed his arms and continued to watch Miki and her friends.

“Was Shion also close with everyone like this?” 

I looked at Miki.

“Come to think of it, didn’t Yuji say that he only ever saw Shion talk to Miki?” 

“That’s right…”

Senpai scratched his head vigorously. 

“Sun and moon…”

At the back of the classroom, a flower petal on Shion’s seat fluttered in the wind.

After school, we stood in front of the school gate to wait for Miki. Some students looked at us but passed us silently.

“Say, if those two are lovers, I wonder what they’re doing at that place.”

I heard that. Our ears are sharper than humans’.

“No-” I wanted to negate her but I hang my head down and felt my cheeks reddened. It’s a shame that my sense of hearing is sharper than ordinary humans.

But lovers? How embarrassing!

As I was trying to increase the distance between Senpai and me, a group of girls approached and asked, “Are you waiting for someone?” Looking closely, they were classmates of Shion and Miki.

“Huh? Ah, yeah, we’re waiting for Miki.” Caught off guard, my voice ended up shaky.

“Miki? I think she’ll be late because she has student council”

“Who are you? Are you acquaintances of Miki?”

“No, we’re acquaintances of Shion Kisaragi. We wanted to talk to Miki because she was her best friend.” Senpai explained in a calm tone.

The girls briefly huddled together and then said, “Will you stop aggravating Miki? She’s finally recovering. If you talk about Kisaragi, she’ll be depressed again.”

“That’s right. She’s finally forgetting about Kisaragi. She’s not the usual bright Miki anymore.”

“Shion died just last month. Isn’t it too fast to forget about her so soon?”

I was confused so I asked the girls who sounded like birds chirping.

“I don’t care about Kisaragi. She’s nothing but an accessory to Miki. Miki’s already bright enough.”

“That’s right. If she wasn’t friends with Miki, no one would be friends with her. She’s too gloomy and unfriendly.”

“Hey! You’re going too far!”

Even though she was talking about the dead, she was still disrespectful! That made me mad.

“What’s with you! We were just concerned for Miki! Miki is everyone’s! We didn’t want her to be monopolized by Kisaragi.”

“Wha-” I was too angry to speak further. Senpai placed his hands on my shoulder.

“Everyone’s a fan of Miki. But because Kisaragi was there, it felt like she was taking her all to herself. Is that right?”

The girls went silent. Then, a girl who seemed like the leader spoke up.

“It’s because Miki is kind to everyone. She’s smart, cute and gentle–it’s what every girl aspire to be. Perhaps it’s different for the boys…” The girl paused then continued. “We were certainly jealous of Kisaragi but I don’t think it’s all that bad. Kisaragi was gloomy, had low grades, and when we try to talk to her, we couldn’t understand her. She’s the exact opposite of Miki. What’s worse, she was also able to hang out with Yuji just because she was friends with Miki. It was impossible not to hate her.”

“But you’re also her classmates. Shouldn’t you think more in her perspective?”

Thinking of how Shion heard and put up with such harsh words, my heart felt heavy with grief and hatred.

“It’s precisely because we’re classmates! Even when we’re around, she would only talk to Miki. Or get along with Yuji… Miki and Yuji were good people but Kisaragi was just the odd one out.”

“I see. So that was it.” Senpai nodded in understanding. “We’ll leave for today but we’ll be back again. We still need to talk to Miki who was Shion’s best friend. Will you allow that?”

Senpai emphasized on the words “best friend.” 

Unable to retort back cleverly, the girls barked, “I-In any case, if you hurt Miki, we won’t forgive you!” With that, they left.

PART 6.2

At a park near the school.

I was weeping like a child on a corner bench.

How frustrating! Terribly frustrating!

Anger and sadness dominated by heart and I couldn’t control my emotions.

“Hey, trainee.” Senpai offered me a can of coffee he purchased from a vending machine.

“It’s Yuma.” I accepted it while wiping my tears with a handkerchief.

Where does this frustration stem from?

Is it because they made fun of and belittled Shion?

Was it sympathy?

Certainly there was that.

But considering the amount of tears I cried, I knew it wasn’t just that.

Senpai didn’t say anything. He sat beside me who was in tears and sipped his coffee silently.

I don’t know how much time passed by but my tears eventually dried up and my emotions somewhat calmed down.

“Senpai?”

“Hmm?” Senpai replied in his usual leisurely tone.

“Have you ever felt like a failure?”

“…”
 

Senpai sent me a sidelong glance before returning his gaze back. 

“I got a D. They call me ‘Yuma the failure” at the training institute.”

While playing with the can of coffee, I continued. 

“I was always laughed at, scorned at. Of course, I’ve tried my best. But my result still came out as a D. Do you think I’ll stay a failure like this forever?”

I’m not sure if I was really looking for an answer to that.

“When Shion was belittled, I felt like I saw myself in her. Perhaps I felt sympathetic as a fellow failure? But, no matter how frustrated I felt, there was nothing I could do. Was I just angry for Shion? I don’t even know myself.”

Senpai stared at the monkey bars in front of him as though he wasn’t listening to me.

“I couldn’t help but feel jealous of those around me. No matter how hard I persevered, I still got a D. Everyone around me seemed to be moving flawlessly forward. It felt like I was the only one being left behind and hated by everyone. That was probably the reason I chose the stellar career of an agent. I kept having that inferiority complex over being branded as a failure.”

I partly reflected on myself.

“That’s why I was elated when I found out that I would be training under a first-class agent. Maybe then people won’t look down on me anymore. Things might change. I had those expectations. Under your tutelage, I wanted to show those who belittled me before that I could be better. They won’t call me a failure anymore. With that hope, I started this apprenticeship.” 

Senpai remained silent.

I also didn’t say anything more but his company somehow comforted me. 

I continued talking to let out my frustrations.

Senpai seemed like he was in his own world. That somehow made me feel better and I continued drinking the coffee Senpai had given me.

“Senpai”

“Hmm?”

“I feel better now. Sorry for lashing out like that.” 

“Yeah.”

Senpai finished his remaining coffee and threw his empty can on a nearby bin. The empty can didn’t follow Senpai’s expected trajectory and hit the edge of the bin.

“You know, apprentice.”

“It’s Yuma.”

 “As trainees, our job isn’t just about ensuring that the client’s lingering regrets are resolved but we must also face them properly. In addition, we have to make sure that their hearts are at peace. Do you remember my first lesson?” 

“Never ever get used to this job, right?”

“That’s right. We’re constantly changing. Not only should you not get used to facing the clients, but you should also remember to take a look at your ever-changing self.”

“So that was what you meant…”

I picked up the empty can that has fallen and threw it properly into the bin. 

“Senpai”

“Hmm?”

“Will I be able to change?”

“Of course. That’s why you should never give up.”

People, of course that includes me, all change. Even if you don’t want to, you are bound to change.

Until then, will I be able to get out of the shadow of “Yuma the failure”?

No, I must.  For the sake of the humans we guide, I must always strive to be “excellent”.

–But there was one thing I wasn’t convinced about.

Senpai is completely different from any of the professors at the training institute. 

As I released the tension in my shoulders, my body seemed to agree with me.