Loving With My Mind

"Ah Zhe...if I fall in love with you, will I regret it?"

Han Yixin's words felt like Zhao Mingzhe was stabbed.

As he continued to stare at her, he replied softly, "No. I will never let you." His eyes looked at her with sincerity.

"Ah Zhe...thank you...for marrying me." Han Yixin spoke softly.

"Xiao Xin..." he furrowed his brows. How could she even thank him? "Marrying you...wasn't a favor. I wanted to."

Her face suddenly lit up. "Oh yeah...you've seen some bad sides of me before marriage...but you still showed up at the ceremony. If you hate this, it's your fault." She chuckled.

He smiled back. "Then I don't have any fault at all."

"Zhao Mingzhe, don't lie. I know you only see me as a companion. I'm okay with that." She kept her side embrace as he wiped his hands dry.

He stared at her without saying anything. 'This woman...she did not even consider me as a friend! Then why the heck was I jealous earlier?!'

It is true that he is not there yet, not yet on the point of head over heels in love with her, but he knew himself that he has strong feelings for his wife.

Han Yixin became uncomfortable with his stare and sudden silence. "What?"

He twisted his body to face her properly and returned the embrace.

"Ah!" Han Yixin shouted as he lifted her suddenly.

"Ah Zhe! Put me down!" She tapped on his back as her abdomen sits on his shoulder.

Zhao Mingzhe continued to walk casually and up the stairs, as if he was not carrying another person.

Han Yixin braced herself to be thrown onto their bed, so she closed her eyes when Zhao Mingzhe lifted her torso from his shoulder.

However, she was transferred to the bed slowly and gently.

Before she can open her eyes, he was already adjusting the sheets as he lied next to her.

"Ah Zhe..." she called out.

"Hmmm?" Zhao Mingzhe lazily opened his eyes which he had just shut seconds ago, then looked at his wife.

"You seem like a nice person. Why did Ms. Mu break up with you? I mean...what exactly happened?"

Zhao Mingzhe cleared his throat. "Han Yixin, are you trying to piss me off? It's already hard for me to control myself from devouring my wife tonight. Now she asks why I broke up with my ex."

"Ah, sorry...I..." Han Yixin covered, gently pulling the sheets towards her side.

Zhao Mingzhe's eyes turned wide. He saw his wife moved away from him and her expression looked like she was scared of him. He was just teasing her. He did not even raise his voice. "Xiao-"

"I will not ask again!" she hurriedly finished her sentence as she turned her back towards him.

Zhao Mingzhe sealed his lips. He did not want to talk about it. However, how can he sleep next to his wife like this?

He carefully stretched out his arms to reach her body. Then he gently pulled her by the waist towards him as he moved closer. The gesture pulled them together towards the middle of the large bed.

He knew she was still awake, because her breathing was unsteady.

He buried his face on the crook of her neck, then he whispered, "Don't be mad...I will tell you another time, alright?"

"I'm sorry for asking. I understand that it might be difficult for you to recall these things. Let's sleep." Han Yixin did not even look back at him, but at least she did not free herself from his touch.

Zhao Mingzhe did not know what to feel. He did not want to upset her. He did not want to keep things from her, but this memory...he does not even want to keep it if only he can.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "My wife, do not be bothered by such things. You only have to trust my loyalty to you. I...things in the past, they are in the past for a reason. My reason for the present and the future is you. I will love you my wife, and treat you better."

However, after his monologue, he noticed that she was truly asleep.

He kissed her on the cheek and tightened his embrace.

As he closed his eyes, he recalled several instances when his parents wanted to introduce Han Yixin to him.

.

The first time was when he turned 18. He had just began training in the airlines. He was coming from a domestic flight and just arrived at the airport. At that time, he had yet to have a romantic relationship with anyone.

He picked up an incoming call from his father. "Hello, Captain Zhao."

"Mingzhe, I'm calling as your father."

Zhao Mingzhe frowned. "Hello, Dad."

"Are you still at the airport?"

"What is it?" his voice sounded exhausted.

"You know the girl we talked to you about? Her flight is about to arrive. Can you fetch her so she could have dinner with us?"

"Dad, I'm tired. I'm already on my way to my apartment." Zhao Mingzhe lied.

.

There were other opportunities...missed parties and dinners. Eventually, he had the excuse of spending time with his then girlfriend.

Now that he thinks about it, he wondered if he often spend the night at Cynthia's place because he wanted to be with her or did he do it as an excuse not to meet his fiancée.

.

He hugged his wife tighter. If only he did not run. It would have been easier to tell her about Cynthia Mu. She would not have been this insecure of him having an ex he slept with multiple times.

He was imm.a.t.u.r.e and stupid. He thought that his decisions set him free, but it set a karma he was afraid of.

His wife, Han Yixin...he knew in his mind that if he makes another wrong decision, she will walk away and never come back.

.

Why did he not agree to meet his betrothed earlier? If only he agreed to meet Han Yixin earlier, instead of trying to falling in love randomly, he could have spared himself from all the pain. He could have built a deeper relationship with his wife, not like this one, which he was afraid could be swayed by a little turbulence.

He can only regret these things now.