Master Devil Do Not Kiss Me

Crisis Delivering Tea Eggs

Translated by newbienoona

Edited by anks

TN: I should’ve been using it a while back, but I’m going to start using the word “dimei” (弟妹) for sister-in-law. Maybe it’s because the show Go Go Squid made it so endearing… .

Didi – little brother/follower/underling

“Hey, wake up. You have to hand in your composition after class.” An Chuxia finally reaches out to wake up Meng Xiaonan.

Chuxia pokes Xiaonan’s head to get a reaction, but her friend is a dead pig; the only thing that can wake her up is an earthquake.

While the language teacher is not strict and doesn’t criticize students usually, she doesn’t tolerate homework turned in late. She would give a severe tongue lashing, and it won’t be long before she comes through the door.

It’s a shame Meng Xiaonan isn’t afraid of An Chuxia! She’d usually lean back and not listen to then lecture. It would take a lot of urging to engage Xiaonan.

Over time, An Chuxia would end up nagging her friend to do her homework.

“Meng Xiaonan!” An Chuxia calls, but still can’t rouse her. She ends up taking her composition and writing her homework. This isn’t a first for Chuxia. She can copy Xiaonan’s handwriting at this point.

“Huh, An Chuxia, you’re writing for her?” Fei Lixiya shoots her a pathetic glance. “You shouldn’t… .”

An Chuxia doesn’t listen to her. She says, “Mind your business!”

The bell rings and An Chuxia finishes writing the last word. The essay is entitled, “The Most Beautiful Rainy Day I’ve Ever Seen”. It’s pure bullshit, but the writing level is close to Xiaonan’s. There’s no need for it to be understood, but practice makes perfect!

“Wow, An Chuxia laoda, you’re my mother!” The school bell wakes up Xiaonan. She looks at her composition with her “own handwriting”. The moment is so surreal, she almost ends up falling to her knees before Chuxia. If she didn’t sleep through the class she would’ve written it.

“Stop it!” An Chuxia helps Xiaonan stand. “Your mother won’t help you write.”

“Yes, yes, you’re better than my mother!” Meng Xiaonan flatters, holding the composition before her and kissing it with exaggeration. She turns and shouts, “Class representative, I’ve written my composition. Hurry before it’s too late!”

The class representative is shocked. Since An Chuxia’s accident, Meng Xiaonan ranks on the top of the list in the Most Difficult Person to Collect Homework From in the class.

“Eh! There’s half an hour before class starts. Come with me!” An Chuxia says to Meng Xiaonan. She has a strange smile on her face.

Every time she sees An Chuxia with this expression, she shivers. “Go… where?”

“Look at you!” An Chuxia says holding up a V sign close to Xiaonan’s ear. “Second year classroom… .”

Isn’t that Han Qilu’s class section? Shit! She’s young and wants to die so soon?

“Do you think this is up for discussion?” An Chuxia says, her lips pucker. “Why won’t you accompany me if you don’t have any homework? If you don’t [come along], I’ll say you didn’t write your composition yourself!”

Fei Lixiya immediately raises her hand and says in all seriousness, “I can testify!”

“Fei Lixiya, you bi*ch!” Meng Xiaonan sheds crocodile tears. “Why are you leaving when you just got back?!”

“Who knows… .” Meng Xiaonan doesn’t hear Chuxia. Really, how horrible can this institution be?

“Are you saying you don’t know what being alive is…. .” Meng Xiaonan says as Chuxia picks her up by the collar. “Chuxia laoda, life is precious!”

An Chuxia smiles despite Meng Xiaonan’s hesitation. “But your love for men is greater! You have to be ready to shed blood for me!”

“Laoda, I know you can be shameless at times.” Xiaonan tries to look deplorable. “Do you really want me to go with you?”

An Chuxia pats her friend on the shoulder. “You are my cover!”

Brilliant things will eventually come, and Chuxia knows Han Qilu won’t be paying attention to Meng Xiaonan but she’ll be there in case she needs a distraction.

“You’re saying you want to see your old lover. So why do you bring me like a light bulb?” Despite Xiaonan promising An Chuxia she’d accompany her, her tone is quite reluctant. An Chuxia stops on her tracks the moment Xiaonan says. “I’m afraid.”

It takes Xiaonan a few seconds to comprehend: “I can accompany you when you shed blood! Since you make the effort to [fight for] love, your didi should cheer on you!”

“Good didi, loyalty!” They both laugh as they walk toward the second year classroom. They fight against the traffic coming their way, sneaking in, not knowing what to say.

They’ve been to the classroom before, but An Chuxia stops short before arriving at the classroom door. She clutches Meng Xiaonan before panicking. “What should I do? I’m so nervous!”

“No need for tension. Just go in and ask Han Qilu, “Do you like me like I like you?”” Meng Xiaonan says before shaking her head. “No, that’s not direct enough. You should say, “Han Qilu, you’re my boyfriend. Let Mankuai go!”

“If I said that, it is I who he’d let go… You got it wrong. I didn’t come here to confess to Han Qilu!”

She almost forgot the purpose of her trip!

Xiaonan turns her eyes to Chuxia, puzzled. “If you’re not here to confess, why did we come here?”

“We were in the car this morning and I was given… .” An Chuxia looks at her hands. “Ah, this is bad! I forgot to bring the tea eggs!”

Xiaonan looks at her incredulously. Isn’t it too much to come here and forget the tea eggs? “Fine. Let’s go back and get your eggs.”

It’s not that she’s trying to show concern for Han Qilu; she’s not that stupid. Wouldn’t it be a pity to waste Jiang Yuan’s efforts if she found out her son didn’t eat what she prepared?

Despite Jiang Yuan’s bright personality, she knows that her ego is fragile. It is what makes her, as a writer, unique. She is sensitive. A mother-son relationship is more than just “happiness” in an ordinary family.

But Chuxia doesn’t dare explain this to Xiaonan. Both of them rush back to get the eggs.

Once they return to the door, Chuxia becomes nervous again.

“Look at you!” Xiaonan goads her. “Hurry and give the tea eggs. No need to be nervous! Come on, give me your hand and I’ll give you courage.”

An Chuxia knocks away Xiaonan’s hand. Then, one of Han Qilu’s classmates come out. He was the boy who pranked her by putting the bucket of water over the door. He remembers An Chuxia since Han Qilu put the fear in him regarding her.

A cocked smile appears on his face. “Chuxia dimei! Are you looking for Master Han?”

The greeting sounds ironic given the situation but she doesn’t have time to explain. But before she can speak, he runs back to the classroom to say, “Master Han Qilu, An dimei is here to see you!”

Young master and dimei… these aren’t the proper titles!

“It is too late to untangle the mess, so the best thing to do is gather courage,” An Chuxia secretly tells herself. She’s just giving him a tea egg, no big deal!

Since they came through the back way, everyone can see them, including Xiao Mingluo, who lifted his head. Ling Hanyu is the only one missing.

“Chuxia.” Xiao Mingluo meets them, his eyes landing on Xiaonan. She obediently walks to Mingluo’s side.

If Han Qilu thinks she bullied Mankuai, Xiao Mingluo can prevent him from attacking.

“Hello.” An Chuxia nods her head as her eyes land on Qilu who is sitting in his seat.

He looks at An Chuxia before reverting his gaze back to his comic on the table.

There’s nothing to fear, An Chuxia, your purpose is innocent!

She feels like she’s entering an exam room, waiting for her paper. Eventually, her heart begins to settle.

“What?” Qilu asks without lifting his head to look at her.

Fortunately, he remembers that he’s indifferent to her. Otherwise, she’d definitely suffer!

“You know there’s a reason for me to seek you out.” She grinds her teeth, maintaining her usual manner of speaking.