Mayo Chiki!

Hic!

This might be a sudden switch in topic, but how do you feel about extracurricular classes? I personally hate them. Who thought it was a good idea to have classes in the middle of summer break? Why do I have to walk outside while being boiled in a solid 38°C? Why can’t you just let me roll around in my room, in the grace of the almighty A/C, and read some manga to relax?

Today is the 27th of August, roughly two weeks after the whole elopement trip dilemma. What left me especially melancholic is that today was the last day of extracurricular classes.

“Jirou-kun, don’t you think extracurricular classes are quite boring?”

Compared to what I was feeling, the voice calling out to me sounded quite refreshed. When I looked over at the seat next to mine, there sat a rich lady wearing a special frilly goth lolita uniform—Suzutsuki Kanade. As she made her black twintails shake with a swift motion, she showed a gentle smile.

As you can see, I’m sitting next to Suzutsuki. Unfortunately, when we pulled a lottery for the seat changing, I happened to luck out and ended up right next to her. I’m being cursed for sure. Rather than sitting next to her, I’d prefer covering my body with honey, and asking for a handshake from a grizzly bear.

After all, we’re talking about that rich lady who loves teasing a bit too much, Devil Suzutsuki. The others probably didn’t realize it yet, but I know. She might have a cute face, but her real personality is a sadistic queen with retorts like she’s from Down*own. Most troublesome is that she recently took great joy in teasing me. Because of this troublesome personality, my life has pretty much been hell ever since I moved up to my second year.

“Hey, Jirou-kun.”

“Shut up. You’re an honor student, so listen to class like an honor student would.”

Because of our seats in the furthest back, Suzutsuki would often call out to me in such a quiet voice that only I could hear her. Does she really have to make my extracurricular lessons even worse?

“I’m bored after all. I always study at home, so this is nothing new.”

“I don’t, so leave me be.”

“So it would be troublesome if you got poked out by the teacher?”

“Yeah, very much so.”

“I’m sure a lot of blood would come out if he stabbed you.”

“That’s what you meant!?”

“Your final words are ‘Damn it, if only I properly revised everything yesterday…!’ by the way.”

“I feel like revising anything wouldn’t save me from that situation!”

“Then you have to make sure and not miss out on your revising.”

“What good would that do if I died!?”

“I will get revenge for you.”

“Revenge!?”

“This was—the beginning of another extracurricular lesson for the girl.”

“Don’t just end this conversation with a prologue like that!”

What an awful extracurricular class this is. So many regrets filling me.

“Isn’t that fine? Summer break is about to end, and the second-term will begin.”

“I don’t want to be killed off that early.”

“Summer break was fun after all.”

“Well, going to the sea and all that were some great memories.”

“A lot happened, yeah. Like how you turned into the prey of a lightsaber at the beach.”

“Life saver. Don’t purposefully say the wrong thing.”

Where are the Jedi coming out from now? Also, what is that prey part about? The one who was buried in the sand was the old man, not me.

“…Jeetz.”

Well, this is how things are. Because I ended up in this seat, that rich lady would bother me as soon as the boredom got the better of her, forcing me to tag along. Not to mention right at the time I was about to fall asleep. It’s almost like she’s trying to keep me awake, but only doing the worst things possible.

“Jirou-kun.”

“What? You’re still not done? We shouldn’t be talking any more than this.”

Luckily, our teacher right now is the 24-year old Yamagawa-sensei, standing directly in front of the teacher’s desk. She’s a bit of an airhead, but she doesn’t warn you even if you talk a bit in the back. Thanks to that, the people around us were also whispering to themselves. But, with how far we’ve taken it, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d tick off soon.

“A bit more should be fine. Not to mention that this is the perfect chance.”

“Chance?”

“Indeed. After all, Subaru isn’t here right now.”

“Not here right now…”

She’s right here, sitting in the very front. When I looked over at her, I spotted Konoe diligently listening to the class. That’s Subaru-sama for you, she’s not just putting on a fake mask like a certain someone else.

“I’m saying that she won’t be able to hear us. See, whenever we run into each other, Subaru is mostly with us. We barely get any chances to talk just as the two of us.”

“…Hm.”

She’s not wrong, alright. After all, we’re talking about that crossdressing butler, she’ll always loiter around her master. This is a rare situation, alright.

“That’s why this is a chance. There’s actually something I wanted to ask you, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki took a deep breath, and continued. “Did something happen between you and Subaru?” She asked with no hesitation.

“…Huh? Where did that come from.”

“Just answer me. She’s been acting off as of late. Almost like she’s avoiding you.”

“……” I lost my words.

Avoiding? Subaru is avoiding me? Um, really? Though, now that she says it, ever since we agreed to ‘become best friends’ during those fireworks, we didn’t talk as much. But, besides that, I can’t really think of anything.

“No idea. I don’t think so at least.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But, why are you asking me? Why not confront Konoe about that directly.”

“…Because that didn’t work.” Suzutsuki let out a melancholic sigh.

Hmm, that’s a rare sight. We’re talking about the unparalleled and unfazeable devil, so seeing her melancholic was worrying.

“The thing is, I asked her about that yesterday, but she changed the topic.”

“Changed the topic…”

So even Konoe went against her master? That’s something I find trouble believing.

“If anything, she reacted along the lines of ‘Why are you asking me about that!?’, you know.”

“So what exactly did you ask her?”

“Eh? ‘Subaru, what color is your underwear today’, of course.”

“So the question was at fault, I see!”

“Maybe she’s wearing such obscene underwear that she can’t tell me?”

“Your point of worrying is completely messed up!”

“It’s fine, I properly asked about the important part?”

“Eh?”

“This is what I asked her: ‘Subaru, what color is your underwear today? is what you would like Jirou-kun to ask, right?’, you see.”

“I can see why she’d avoid you, alright!”

“Be honest with me. I will forgive any sin you may have committed.”

“Objection! If you actually asked Konoe properly, she would surely answer you!”

“Really? Do you truly think she will give me proof?”

“Wha…”

“I mean, think about it. If you asked her ‘Subaru, show me that your underwear today is white’, then she’ll be embarrassed, saying ‘I-I understand, Master…’ as she takes off her clothes.”

“That’s not what I wanted her to prove!”

What kind of erotic roleplay is that supposed to be? Also, that’s harder to prove than most of the math problems we’re doing in school.

“Well, leaving all jokes aside, do you really have no idea? Judging from my instinct, I feel like it’s related to you.”

“……”

Even if you ask me that…Let me think about it…Is there any problem that happened recently…

“Think carefully. I’m worried that Subaru might be trying to deal with something on her own. With how diligent she is, she won’t rely on other people until it’s already too late.”

“I mean, I know that.”

It was the same with her phobia of knives. Because of that, she and Suzutsuki drifted apart, but…

“……”

Is this…what she’s afraid of? That we’ll stop being friends?

“Let me ask you again. Do you not have any idea? Anything is fine. Something you might have realized, just tell me any…Hic!”

“Hic?”

…Was that just my imagination, or did Suzutsuki let out quite the adorable voice just now.

“Hic!”

“……”

Calm down, Sakamachi Kinjirou. You might have heard some cute voice coming out of Suzutsuki’s mouth, but I’m just daydreaming, I bet. After all, this is Suzutsuki Kanade we’re talking about. The cool beauty, the unattainable flower of this school, admired by everybody, and a perfect human being. She would not have any weakness like that.

So, now I’m supposed to believe she could be this adorable? Also, that last ‘Hic!’ was much louder than before. I must be mishearing things.

“Hey, what was that voice? That sounded adorable.”

Urk.

“Yeah, I heard it too. I feel like it came from behind me.”

Despite being in the middle of class, the classroom grew noisy. The reason for that was undoubtedly ‘Hic!’. Yeah, something doesn’t add up. Was I…not just mishearing things?

“H-Hey, Suzutsuki?” I called out to her in a quiet voice.

There sat Suzutsuki Kanade, covering her mouth with both her hands, completely frozen stiff. Rarely enough, her eyes were open in shock.

“You alright? Are you not feeling well?”

“…Eh? W-Why would you think that?”

“I mean, you keep going ‘Hic!’, right?”

“T-That’s just your imagination. Think about it, Jirou-kun, how would I suddenly make myself sound like some anime characters.”

“But…”

“You sure are obstinate. I’m saying everything’s okay hic.”

“Okay hic!?”

“…Ah, you’re wrong hic! This isn’t what you think hic!”

“……

…S-She’s broken. This is bad, our dear Suzutsuki-san is broken.

“D-Don’t give me such a condescending gaze hic!” Suzutsuki kept adding an adorable ‘Hic!’ at the end.

The heck is that. Is this some new Deretsuki-san pattern? Is she changing? She’s not going to say ‘I have about two transformations left’1. Either way, things are turning grim. The classroom grew more noisy. It won’t take long until they realize who is the cause of these sounds.

“Yamakawa-sensei!” There, an alto voice broke between the noise.

It was Konoe. She stood up with her hand in the air.

“I’m sorry, the young lady doesn’t seem to be feeling well, so I’ll be taking her to the infirmary.”

“Ehh? Even if you say that, that’s…” Yamakawa-sensei was at a loss because of this sudden development.

I mean, was she always like this? Her reaction is even confusing me.

“Hm, it can’t be helped. Would you mind stepping out in the hallway with me? I would like to discuss some things.” Konoe seemed a bit agitated, as she grabbed Yamakawa-sensei’s sleeve, dragging her outside the classroom.

I guess she’s trying to forcefully lecture her? Around thirty seconds passed, when the classroom door opened, and Yamakawa-sensei returned all alone.

“Suzutsuki-san, hurry up and go to the infirmary.”

So fast! Even the students around me were shocked. I mean, that attitude is just too different compared to before. Just what did they talk about in the hallway…

“Also, you’re going with her, Sakamachi-kun.”

“Huuuh!?” Not expecting this turn of events, I shot up from my chair.

No no no no, why is she adding me in that? I might be lucky that I get to skip classes, but the bad premonition I get in return doesn’t seem all too lucrative.

“Sensei, what is this about! Please explain yourself!” Naturally, I protested.

However, Yamakawa-sensei remained calm, and explained like it was nothing special.

“I mean, your grades are so bad.”

“Excuse me!?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, so maybe you should just get checked out?”

“You don’t need to blindside me with that, okay!”

“That’s why you should hurry and undergo that operation.”

“Our infirmary doesn’t have that kind of equipment!”

“Q-Quiet! You’re not allowed to talk back to a teacher!”

“Wha…”

“If you don’t hurry up, you’ll get scolded by Konoe-sensei, you know!”

“Why are you calling Konoe with ‘Sensei’!?”

You’re the teacher here! Damn it, I bet Konoe somehow threatened her to say these things! I doubt it was with the use of violence, but to think she managed to bend Yamakawa-sensei like that…!

“Thank you very much, Yamakawa-sensei.” Suzutsuki spoke up with a faint giggle.

Like that, she stood up from her seat, and pulled me along outside the classroom. So we’re doing this after all…

“I’ve been waiting for you, young lady.”

Right as we stepped out of the classroom, Konoe greeted us.

“Young lady, that ‘Hic!’ just now, is that…”

“Yes, just as you imagine it hic. Really, how troublesome, I didn’t think it would happen here.”

The butler and master talked as we walked down the empty hallway. Happen…so this ‘Hic!’ is connected to Suzutsuki after all?

“Konoe, what is this about?”

I’ve been dragged out here, so I deserve an explanation. That’s what I had in mind when asking, but…

“Urk…”

For some reason, Konoe averted her gaze, looking away…Eh? What kind of reaction was that? Is Konoe actually avoiding me after all?

“Jirou-kun, let me explain hic.” Suzutsuki spoke up, taking over.

She’s still adding that odd ‘Hic!’ at the end of her sentences. But, it’s not after every one, so it must be random.

“I actually have a secret I haven’t told anybody at this school.”

“A secret?”

“That’s right hic. Just to let you know, I don’t sound like an anime character on purpose. In reality—this is my one weakness.” She announced, and once again let out a cute ‘Hic!’ at the end.

 

“Hiccups?”

We reached the infirmary, and with the nurse Nakamoto-sensei absent, it was absolutely empty besides us three.

“That’s right, hiccups hic. Once I start having them, they just won’t stop that easily. See, like this hic.”

“Like this…”

This only sounds like you’re purposefully adding it at the end of your sentences, you know.

“My hiccups are a bit more distinct. So, they often end up right when my sentences end hic. The reason I had you come with us Jirou-kun is to have you help me get rid of it.”

She said, and kept adding ‘Hic hic hic!’ at the end of her sentences. I see, so they activate at the end of her sentence, and happen in irregular intervals.

“But, why is that your weakness? You’re just having hiccups, right.”

“Well, about that…” Suzutsuki let out a sigh, and continued. “Apparently people think I’m cute when I suffer from hiccups like this.”

“……”

…That’s crazy. So she says. Didn’t think she’d be so easy to praise herself. I mean, it is cute, so I’ll forgive her.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, hic. This is what I think is the case, hic.”

It seems like she read my mind, and even answered accordingly. Now that she mentions it, we’re talking about Suzutsuki Kanade, this whole hiccuping creates somewhat of an adorable gap. When I think of Suzutsuki, who is always calm and collected, letting out cute voices, she just starts looking cute…Wait, why is my heart racing like this?

“…Calm down hic, Jirou-kun.” Thanks to those words, I returned to reality.

Before I realized it, I had taken a step towards Suzutsuki…Eh? What was I about to…

“Don’t tell me…!”

I was about to…hug her. All of it subconsciously?

“The young lady’s hiccups are like the devil’s whispers.” Konoe muttered, as she stepped between me and Suzutsuki.

She sounded as cold and annoyed as always.

“It might be hard to believe, but when people—especially of the opposite sex—hear the young lady’s hiccups, they are entranced by her charm.”

“Entranced…”

You’re kidding, right? Her hiccups can control people’s minds?

“It’s true. It probably is the adorable ‘hic’ that gets them. Considering her usual calm attitude and diligent behaviour, this sudden cuteness creates a gap too strong for most to handle. This has already caused incidents in the past.”

“Incidents?”

“Around eight years ago, when she was still in grade school, the young lady was called to the party of a politician.”

“Why would she?”

“It’s not that odd of a thing, right? The Suzutsuki Family is quite renowned. The board chairman of this school, the young lady’s father, was asked to participate, so she joined him. However, her hiccups flared up during this party…”

“……”

I can already see it in my head. Back then, Suzutsuki Kanade was still young. Even so, she might have held a mature atmosphere already. So when she shows up at this party with a frilly dress, looking like a doll, with adorable features, she would naturally gather the attention of people. With that, she must have gathered even more attention easily.

“…Urk.”

Just thinking about it had me stagger. After all, it’s ‘Hic!’, you know. She looks like a doll, acts mature, and yet suddenly goes ‘Hic!’. The exact opposite of what a noble lady would normally act like…I bet the people around her were just…

“It’s exactly what you’re thinking, Jirou.” Konoe must have guessed what I was thinking, and muttered. “To be frank, around seven minutes after her hiccups started—chaos ensued.”

“C-Chaos…!”

“We had people saying ‘I’ll fix the young lady’s hiccups!’ or ‘Who is the parent of this child! I’ll adopt her…No, marry her immediately!’ or ‘Sooo cuuuuuute I wanna take her home!’ and so on…Almost all participants had similar reactions, and were creating a mess.”

“Those guys should keep their own age in mind, alright!”

Back then, Suzutsuki was in grade school at best! Those are not things you should say to a girl her age. Especially if you’re a politician with a lot of influence. Can you really leave the country to them? I feel like this country is lost.

“In the end, the security guards and employees couldn’t do anything anymore, and the police had to be contacted. This incident later became known as the ‘Hiccup Chaos’ inside the Suzutsuki Family.”

“……”

What a stupid story, and yet it’s oddly believable.

“The second time this happened was four years ago. Since the young lady was inside her residence, one of the male servants taking care of her became a living dead, close to destroying the entire residence. This became known as the ‘Suzutsuki Family Biohazard Incident’. Still, that just now was mighty dangerous…” Konoe sighed in relief.

Four years ago…and then eight years ago…Does it happen in four-year-intervals? No no no, this isn’t some odd olympic superpower.

“Man…”

Just as Konoe said, that was dangerous. If Suzutsuki’s hiccups had continued in that classroom, we might not have been able to escape this easily. That class is full of Suzutsuki fans after all.

“But, big respect for you, Konoe.”

“Eh?”

Because of my honest praise, that butler looked at me in shock.

“I mean, you’re hearing Suzutsuki’s ‘Hic!’ and are totally fine.”

Even I was close to losing my reason there. I mean, she might be wearing male clothes, and is actually a girl deep down, but she still should have some trouble restraining herself.

“T-That is something obvious, as I am her butler after all!” Konoe hesitated a bit, but eventually bragged a bit.

She seemed to have been happy being praised like that. She’s even grinning to herself. Her expressions are as easy to guess as a puppy’s.

“That’s right, you are the greatest butler there is, Subahic.”

“E-Even the young lady…! Thank you very much…!”

Receiving such honest words of gratitude, Konoe’s face lit up with a blooming smile, and she lowered her head—Hmmm?

“…Hey, Konoe.”

“What’s wrong, Jirou? Are you…going to praise me even more?”

“No, not exactly…I was just wondering what you were doing.”

“…? What are you talking about, I am merely lowering my head towards the young lady’s grateful words, and…Ah!?”

Because I pointed it out first, the dear Butler-kun realized what was going on. She was clinging to Suzutsuki. It might have felt to her like she was merely lowering her head, but in reality she swiftly approached Suzutsuki, and hugged her like she was a hugging pillow. Not to mention that she buried her face in Suzutsuki’s chest.

“…Subaru?”

“Ah! You’re wrong, young lady! It’s definitely not like I was thinking ‘The always cool young lady is sounding so cute right now!’, or anything like that!”

“So you were thinking that, hic.”

“…! I-I was not hic! There is a very important reason for this hic…!” Butler-kun desperately tried to make up any worthwhile excuse.

…She’s done for. She’s even falling victim to the ‘Hic!’ by using it herself.

“I got it already, hic. Just get away from me hic.”

“Ehhh!? I don’t want that! I want to hug this adorable young lady a bit more…Wait, no! I’m sorry I’m sorry! I’ll get away immediately!”

“Konoe? You alright?”

“Shut up! You be quiet, Jirou! Or do you plan on stealing the young lady from me!?”

“The hell are you talking about!?”

“I won’t allow that! Purge! I shall use my power as a butler and purge you!”

“S-Stop! Calm down! Start counting sheep!”

“…Eh? Wait, what was I even doing?”

Right as Konoe grasped some scissors in the infirmary and pointed them at me, she stopped. Or rather, she regained her senses…This is dangerous. Deretsuki-san’s second transformation is far too dangerous to be left alone. To think she could even influence her own butler like that.

“Subaru, you go back to the main family now, hic.” Seeing her butler break down like that must have left an impression on Suzutsuki, as she gave this unusual order.

In response, Konoe let out a shocked ‘Wha!?’.

“N-No way! How could you say that!?”

“It’s simple, hic. You go back to the main residence, and bring things that should help with stopping my hiccups, hic.”

“H-However…!”

“Also, to be perfectly frank with you, you won’t be of any help even if you stay with me right now.”

“Wha…!”

“A butler who can’t resist her master’s cuteness and clinging to her like that isn’t making things better, hic.”

“Urk…Y-You’re not wrong, but…”

Konoe must have been reminded of her previous actions, as she lowered her head, looking like a puppy that just got scolded by its owner. Without many more words, she reluctantly left the infirmary.

“Hey, are you sure about that? Just sending her home like that.”

I seriously thought she’d keep her around to try and figure out ways of dispelling this dangerous hiccuping. And I feel bad for her being scolded like that.

“Rest assured, hic. She was planning on heading home from the very beginning, hic.”

“From the very beginning?”

“Think about it, hic. Subaru probably hasn’t realized, but if she wanted something from the residence, she could have just used her phone to have it delivered, hic.”

“…Ah.”

Right, they could have used the servants at the residence like some pizza delivery and bring over anything they needed.

“But then, why would she…”

“You don’t remember, hic? What happens when it comes to nursing people back to health.”

“Urk.”

I completely forgot. I might have tried to suppress those memories from last Golden Week. Because I was down with a cold, Konoe tried her best to nurse me back to health, and only almost killed me in the process. More accurately, she had me eat some mysterious food, tied me up on the bed, and stripped me naked.

“Knowing her, she’s probably thinking ‘I’ll fix the young lady’s hiccups no matter what’, which is why I reluctantly pushed her away.”

“Well, it sucks that the person in question doesn’t have any ill intent behind it.”

My little sister is a similar type compared to that. Back in grade school, when I fell down and scraped my knee, Kureha was still in kindergarten, and she suddenly started some doctor roleplay with ‘It’s fine! I’ll put it together with instant glue!’. Just remembering it makes me shake in terror.

“Well, I would have loved to see Subaru earnestly try to help me, hic.”

“I bet it’d be adorable, but you’re trading your own life for that.”

She would surely die in the process, but at least she’d be transported to heaven in the most gentle way. Well, leaving that aside…

“…? What’s wrong, hic.” Suzutsuki must have caught on to my gaze, as she asked me.

Hmmm…how do I say this, this ain’t half bad.

“I never expected you had such a weakness.”

The way she panicked in the classroom before, she was probably trying her hardest to hide it from me, but to think I would see Suzutsuki like that one day. It was a treat, truly.

“Wha…why are you grinning like that, hic! It’s not that funny, hic.”

She must have felt embarrassed to have her one weakness found out, as she faintly bit her lip with a pout. Waaah, that gesture is so fresh, and adorable. I don’t think I will ever get this chance a second time. I guess I should be happy about this incident after all. Thanks a bunch, hiccups.

“Do you understand? This is no big deal at all, hic.”

“Sorry, sorry, you don’t need to act tough or anything like that. Having a weakness like that makes you much more humane, and I like that.”

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

“So you didn’t think of me as human before, hic.”

“………”

Ah crap. I said too much. Having this pointed out, I was at a loss for words.

“Fufu, it’s fine, hic. I’ll forgive you for now.”

“…Eh?”

Because of this sudden turn of events, I was baffled. Suzutsuki closely inspected me, and let out another adorable ‘Hic!’ before…

“After all—now it’s really just the two of us.”

“!”

I heard these words clearly from her mouth, but it was already too late. Suzutsuki suddenly moved closer towards me, and pushed down my body. Unable to deal with this impact, I could not keep my balance, and fell directly onto the bed behind me. Suzutsuki didn’t hesitate to move on top of the bed, ending up on top of me.

“U-Um, Suzutsuki-san?”

I am the oldest son of the Sakamachi Family, I was taught by Mom on how to escape such a hold, and yet I couldn’t reenact it at all. I was like a frog being restrained by a snake. Suzutsuki’s fierce gaze as she looked down at me would not allow me to move.

“Jirou-kun, tell me, hic.” She gave me an oddly sadistic gaze, and muttered. “What happened between you and Subaru, hic?”

“Again, nothing happened…”

“That’s a lie. You should have seen her change in attitude towards you, hic.”

“…I mean, I thought it was a bit weird, okay.”

She was mostly just ignoring me, almost like back during the school festival. Maybe I made her angry in some way. But, I don’t remember at all. All I can think of is that incident with the fireworks…

“It seems like you have an idea at least, hic.”

“!?”

Because Suzutsuki guessed my thoughts, I twitched in shock. That damn Devil Suzutsuki, even if she sounds cute right now, she’s got senses way too good.

“Hey, Jirou-kun. Tell me, hic.”

“…Urk.”

She brought her face closer towards me, like this was an attempt to seduce me. Not to mention that she still keeps ending her sentences with ‘Hic!’, which just makes her look more adorable in my eyes. However…

“…It’s no good.”

It felt like I shouldn’t be telling Suzutsuki about that incident. That normally cold and distant Subaru-sama asked for us to be best friends. It didn’t feel like something that should be spread to others. Even if it’s that rich lady…

“I see, if you plan on staying quiet, hic…then I can only ask your body, hic.”

“Eh?”

She showed a devilish smile as she sat on my hips.

“Now, I wonder how long you can bear with this, hic.” Suzutsuki smiled with pure enjoyment, and slowly started opening the buttons on my shirt.

I remember…when Konoe knocked me out with a fire extinguisher back in April, she stripped me of my clothes in the same way.

“…! Y-You wench, stop that!”

As expected, she slid her slender fingers between the openings of my shirt, touching my ribs.

“Urk!?” A voice distorted in agony escaped my lips, together with a hot sensation gathering at the tip of my nose.

Goosebumps ran along my body. Yet again, my gynophobia was activating.

“…D-Don’t take me so lightly.”

I haven’t suffered through all this past treatment program nonsense to just give in right away. I’ve gotten better at handling the symptoms compared to before.

“Oh my, aren’t you trying hard, hic.”

“O-Of course. Even if you torture me like this, you won’t get anything from me…!”

“You should just become more honest, hic. Why not be more frank with me like you would act around Subaru, hic…Ahh, I came up with something good.” Suzutsuki let out a snicker.

And then, she approached her soft-looking lips towards my ear. Almost like she was going to whisper into it.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked, slightly panicking.

She’s close. Her face is way too close. We’re at a distance where every single breath touched my neck and ears.

“Fufu, I’m just going to copy her a bit, hic.”

“Copy?”

“Indeed. When you’re talking with Subaru, you become quite honest, don’t you? That’s why I’m going to learn from her a bit, hic.” Suzutsuki took a deep breath, and continued with a voice as sweet as candy. “…………Jirouuu.”

“~~~! Stop! Don’t call me like that!” My head immediately grew hot just by that single word.

…Crap, I didn’t expect her to copy Konoe’s tone of voice. She sometimes calls me like that, and it’s as explosive as always, even if it isn’t Konoe herself…!

“Jirouuuu…please, hic. Listen to me…” She sounded like she was pleading.

Ahhhh, what is this. A Konoe tone of voice plus the occasional ‘Hic!’ are way too destructive. Suzutsuki keeps looking more and more adorable to me. Adding to that, her feminine scent and fragrance, the sensation wherever our bodies touched, and her chest being pressed against me.

“Urk…!”

Gaaaaah this is torture after all! Even a spy from the CIA would break under this! This is no joke! Devil Suzutsuki really doesn’t hold back…!

“Please, Jirouuu…Hic…”

“…Grrrrr…”

I-I can’t. This is my limit. Since I’m always afraid and careful around Devil Suzutsuki, seeing her act this adorable is breaking down my defences. Her strawberry voice, her soft body, and my gynophobia, I’ve reached my limit already, and gone beyond that. I’m slowly being brainwashed by that rich lady.

“…Damn it.”

…Anybody is fine, just come and help me…And then…Tap tap tap tap. Of course, this isn’t just me tapping my fingers in annoyance. Rather, these were footsteps, coming from the hallway. It seems like someone was heading over to the infirmary we found ourselves in.

“—This is bad, hic.” Right when Suzutsuki muttered these words, she moved next to me on the bed, and covered herself with the blanket.

From an outsider’s perspective, it looked like it was just me resting in this bed. Though one side of the blanket being oddly bulky looks very fishy.

“…Phew.” I let out a relieved sigh.

Just a bit more, and I would have sold my soul to Suzutsuki. What a real devil she is.

“Jirou? Why are you sleeping on the bed there?” A confused alto voice reached my ears.

Konoe called out to me upon entering the infirmary.

“……”

Now hold on, dear gods in the heavens above. I was asking for help, not for the creation of an even deeper level of hell.

“W-What’s wrong? Did you go to your place?” I raised up my upper body, and asked Konoe.

Calm down, me…If this violent butler were to find out that Suzutsuki and I are basically snuggling together right now, it’ll be a simple search & destroy match. I need to avoid this at all costs.

“I was thinking of going back to the residence at first, but right when I left the school, I realized I could just use my phone to contact them. That’s why I’m back here now.” She said, and averted her face.

Hm, I guess she’s avoiding me after all. Maybe I should just ask for the reason directly? Not like this is the time or place for that.

“By the way, where is the young lady? I don’t see her at all. Did she head to the toilet by any chance?”

“Y-Yeah, something like that.”

“I see. But, why are you sitting on that bed? Are you not feeling well?”

“I-I was just taking a break.”

“So why is your shirt open like that?”

“I-I was just feeling a bit hot, so I was trying to cool down.”

“You alright? Are you suffering from a summer cold?”

“I’m totally fine! It’s not that bad! So don’t approach me with that worried of an expression!”

This is what they mean by the saying ‘Walking on thin ice’, huh. With one wrong step, the ice will break, and I’ll probably drown.

“I’m really okay, I’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“I-If you say so…” She still didn’t sound very convinced, and averted her face.

I’m concerned about her odd attitude, but this is a chance. As long as I can make her leave the infirmary again…

“…Hic!”

An adorable voice rang out amidst the silence….I forgot, Suzutsuki Kanade is literally a timebomb right now.

“…? Wasn’t that the young lady’s hiccup right now?”

“Eh?! I-I didn’t hear anything, you know…”

I tried to hide it, but another ‘Hic!’ rang out. This time, Konoe’s gaze grew much sharper compared to before.

“Jirou, is this some kind of prank you two came up with? Acting like the young lady went to the toilet, but in reality hiding in this room?” Konoe started looking around the room like she was a dog sniffing out drugs.

She checked the open bed, beneath the desk, outside the window, inside the locker, eliminating possible hiding spots. This is just awful. It’s only a matter of time until she checks out my bed. Once she finds out, it’s over. I won’t be able to escape. I’ll be brought to court, and put into queue for the death penalty. Of course, being burned at stake sounds adequate.

“This has turned quite troublesome, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki whispered.

Ahh, thank god. I guess even she has to take this situation, and danger to my being, seriously for once. That’s right, there’s no way she’d play around in this…

“This feels like we’re playing hide and seek, it’s so much fun.”

You sadistic wench! Can you take things seriously for one damn second!? How can you enjoy this? I don’t enjoy a game of hide and seek with my life on the line, alright. Konoe will not let me ever hide again if she finds me.

“Maybe I should spice things up a bit.”

You really don’t need to.

“What if I stripped naked beneath the blanket? That would probably make Subaru’s heart stop.”

Ahaha, if you did that, my heart would stop way before that.

“What do you think I should do, Jirou-kun?”

Don’t ask me! And stop writing words on my thighs! Do your Japanese homework later! If I get a nosebleed here, I’ll be found out immediately.

“Jirou, do you have a moment?”

“Eeek!”

Konoe suddenly looked at me, very dubious about something.

“Would you mind letting me have a look beneath your blanket?”

“W-Why?”

“I mean, that’s the only explanation I could come up with. Also, your shirt…w-were you doing something illicit with the young lady while I was gone…!?” Konoe asked, emitting clear killing intent.

Urk, it’s over. The Bad End has caught up with me. I didn’t think my life would end here of all places. I have way too many regrets left. Maybe I should just curse these two for the rest of their lives…!

“Calm down, Jirou-kun.”

There, Suzutsuki spoke up with a voice quiet enough that only I could hear it.

“I came up with something. If you use this plan, you’ll make it out of here alive. Listen—”

“!?”

The second I heard what her plan was about, I swallowed my breath. She’s going to force me to do something so embarrassing?

“What’s wrong? If you don’t hurry up, they’ll release a newspaper article about you, with the headline being ‘Male high school student murdered in the infirmary’.”

“Urk…”

No other choice but to do it. Anything’s better than being slaughtered by that butler. If I want to make it out of here, I can only obey Suzutsuki’s orders…!

“What’s wrong? Is there a reason I can’t look beneath that blanket?”

“Y-Yeah, there is. It’s a very crucial reason.” I said exactly what Suzutsuki ordered me to.

In response, Konoe raised one eyebrow.

“Then, tell me. I’m quite curious about this reason now.”

If it’s any half-baked reason, then you’re dead—that’s the pressure I got from Konoe. That’s why I can’t pull back anymore.

“The thing is…”

I don’t even care anymore. I’ll just follow Suzutsuki’s orders.

“—I’m not wearing anything beneath the blanket.”

“…What?”

As expected, Konoe froze up beautifully upon hearing my words.

“J-Jirou, what did you say just now?”

“Let me say it again. I’m not wearing anything beneath this blanket. No pants, no underwear, nothing.”

“Bare naked!? Why!? And why in the school infirmary!?” Konoe asked, her eyes distorted in shock.

Of course, I agreed with the template answers Suzutsuki gave me.

“That’s the kind of hobby I have.”

“Hobby!? Revealing your lower body in the school infirmary!?”

“I mean, everybody has a hidden side to them, right?”

“First time I heard of that! But, knowing Jirou…”

“…Then, wanna check?”

“…Eh?”

“I mean, you can lift the blanket and check it for yourself. That way you’ll understand.”

“~~~! N-No, I’m not really…”

“I see, can’t be helped then. Could you just leave the infirmary for a second?”

“Eh? Why?”

“So that I can put on my pants and underwear! Or, do you want to watch me change in real time!?”

“I-I get it already, I’ll be out immediately!”

“Hurry up! If not, I’ll show you something big! It’ll be like you’re taking a tour through the safari, you know that right!?”

“Waaaaaaaaah I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

She started apologizing for some reason, and dashed out of the infirmary. Her sounds grew more and more distant. I bet the fear was getting the better of her, not letting her legs stop.

“…Jesus.”

I did great, didn’t I. I feel like I lost something important in the process though…

“Good work, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki appeared from beneath the blanket, a blank expression on her face.

She’s so calm after making me suffer like that…

“Good for you, right. You made it out alive.”

“You’re not wrong, but still…”

Being killed right then and there would not have been a good joke at all…Wait hold on. Why did her tone of voice sound off right there?

“Ah, that reminds me, my hiccups seem to have stopped as well. Maybe it’s because I held my breath for a while so that we don’t get found out.”

“Wha…”

Y-You…it was that easy? So nonchalantly…!? Oh yeah, I stopped hearing her hiccups midway there, but to think it stopped entirely.

“Anyway, let’s call back Subaru. She’ll be happy to learn that my hiccups stopped.”

“Urk.”

I don’t even know what kind of face to make when meeting her. Maybe she’ll believe me if I said that I got possessed by some old man that died seven years ago. I feel like I might have gone away with that.

“…Hm?”

No, hold on. No matter how you look at it, that was way too convenient. Her hiccups seriously stopped right then and there? Those hiccups were supposed to be her only weakness, and yet…That’s almost like she stopped them as soon as they weren’t needed anymore…

“……”

Right there, a certain hypothesis popped up in my head. It was weird from the beginning. What did we come here for? She talked about trying to stop her hiccups, and yet we didn’t try anything. And yet, what did she do…

“…Suzutsuki, are you serious?”

Was that—all just acting so the two of us could be alone? I mean, all she did was ask me questions. And in the classroom she also said…

‘I rarely get any chances to talk with you alone like this.’

“……”

So basically, this was all just a means to create another chance to do so. So, this whole ‘Hic!’ part was just her nonsense. But, with how she panicked in the classroom, maybe it was actually the truth in the beginning, but stopped right away…No no no, maybe her panicking was part of the act…Or, everything just lined up perfectly and the hiccups stopped immediately…

“What’s wrong, Jirou-kun?” Seeing me baffled, Suzutsuki asked me this question.

It felt like she was grinning at me.

“……”

Yeah, no, nevermind. Needlessly thinking about it won’t do me any good. Only that rich lady knows if all this ‘Hic’-ing was true or not. Not to mention, I don’t have anything to gain from figuring it out. That plan had way too many holes in it anyway, like the fact that Konoe suddenly came back, or that someone else might have walked in on us. But, she should have known about this. Think about it, what was the real reason she might have done this, what was the first thing she said today?

—’Jirou-kun, don’t you think extracurricular classes are quite boring?’

Basically, everything today…

“…Was it just to ease your boredom?” I called out to her after arriving at this single conclusion.

In response, Suzutsuki let out an adorable snicker.

“Jirou-kun, let me tell you one thing.” She said, and stuck out her tongue, flashing a teasing grin. “Girls have a lot of secrets, hic.”

Hic!

This might be a sudden switch in topic, but how do you feel about extracurricular classes? I personally hate them. Who thought it was a good idea to have classes in the middle of summer break? Why do I have to walk outside while being boiled in a solid 38°C? Why can’t you just let me roll around in my room, in the grace of the almighty A/C, and read some manga to relax?

Today is the 27th of August, roughly two weeks after the whole elopement trip dilemma. What left me especially melancholic is that today was the last day of extracurricular classes.

“Jirou-kun, don’t you think extracurricular classes are quite boring?”

Compared to what I was feeling, the voice calling out to me sounded quite refreshed. When I looked over at the seat next to mine, there sat a rich lady wearing a special frilly goth lolita uniform—Suzutsuki Kanade. As she made her black twintails shake with a swift motion, she showed a gentle smile.

As you can see, I’m sitting next to Suzutsuki. Unfortunately, when we pulled a lottery for the seat changing, I happened to luck out and ended up right next to her. I’m being cursed for sure. Rather than sitting next to her, I’d prefer covering my body with honey, and asking for a handshake from a grizzly bear.

After all, we’re talking about that rich lady who loves teasing a bit too much, Devil Suzutsuki. The others probably didn’t realize it yet, but I know. She might have a cute face, but her real personality is a sadistic queen with retorts like she’s from Down*own. Most troublesome is that she recently took great joy in teasing me. Because of this troublesome personality, my life has pretty much been hell ever since I moved up to my second year.

“Hey, Jirou-kun.”

“Shut up. You’re an honor student, so listen to class like an honor student would.”

Because of our seats in the furthest back, Suzutsuki would often call out to me in such a quiet voice that only I could hear her. Does she really have to make my extracurricular lessons even worse?

“I’m bored after all. I always study at home, so this is nothing new.”

“I don’t, so leave me be.”

“So it would be troublesome if you got poked out by the teacher?”

“Yeah, very much so.”

“I’m sure a lot of blood would come out if he stabbed you.”

“That’s what you meant!?”

“Your final words are ‘Damn it, if only I properly revised everything yesterday…!’ by the way.”

“I feel like revising anything wouldn’t save me from that situation!”

“Then you have to make sure and not miss out on your revising.”

“What good would that do if I died!?”

“I will get revenge for you.”

“Revenge!?”

“This was—the beginning of another extracurricular lesson for the girl.”

“Don’t just end this conversation with a prologue like that!”

What an awful extracurricular class this is. So many regrets filling me.

“Isn’t that fine? Summer break is about to end, and the second-term will begin.”

“I don’t want to be killed off that early.”

“Summer break was fun after all.”

“Well, going to the sea and all that were some great memories.”

“A lot happened, yeah. Like how you turned into the prey of a lightsaber at the beach.”

“Life saver. Don’t purposefully say the wrong thing.”

Where are the Jedi coming out from now? Also, what is that prey part about? The one who was buried in the sand was the old man, not me.

“…Jeetz.”

Well, this is how things are. Because I ended up in this seat, that rich lady would bother me as soon as the boredom got the better of her, forcing me to tag along. Not to mention right at the time I was about to fall asleep. It’s almost like she’s trying to keep me awake, but only doing the worst things possible.

“Jirou-kun.”

“What? You’re still not done? We shouldn’t be talking any more than this.”

Luckily, our teacher right now is the 24-year old Yamagawa-sensei, standing directly in front of the teacher’s desk. She’s a bit of an airhead, but she doesn’t warn you even if you talk a bit in the back. Thanks to that, the people around us were also whispering to themselves. But, with how far we’ve taken it, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d tick off soon.

“A bit more should be fine. Not to mention that this is the perfect chance.”

“Chance?”

“Indeed. After all, Subaru isn’t here right now.”

“Not here right now…”

She’s right here, sitting in the very front. When I looked over at her, I spotted Konoe diligently listening to the class. That’s Subaru-sama for you, she’s not just putting on a fake mask like a certain someone else.

“I’m saying that she won’t be able to hear us. See, whenever we run into each other, Subaru is mostly with us. We barely get any chances to talk just as the two of us.”

“…Hm.”

She’s not wrong, alright. After all, we’re talking about that crossdressing butler, she’ll always loiter around her master. This is a rare situation, alright.

“That’s why this is a chance. There’s actually something I wanted to ask you, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki took a deep breath, and continued. “Did something happen between you and Subaru?” She asked with no hesitation.

“…Huh? Where did that come from.”

“Just answer me. She’s been acting off as of late. Almost like she’s avoiding you.”

“……” I lost my words.

Avoiding? Subaru is avoiding me? Um, really? Though, now that she says it, ever since we agreed to ‘become best friends’ during those fireworks, we didn’t talk as much. But, besides that, I can’t really think of anything.

“No idea. I don’t think so at least.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But, why are you asking me? Why not confront Konoe about that directly.”

“…Because that didn’t work.” Suzutsuki let out a melancholic sigh.

Hmm, that’s a rare sight. We’re talking about the unparalleled and unfazeable devil, so seeing her melancholic was worrying.

“The thing is, I asked her about that yesterday, but she changed the topic.”

“Changed the topic…”

So even Konoe went against her master? That’s something I find trouble believing.

“If anything, she reacted along the lines of ‘Why are you asking me about that!?’, you know.”

“So what exactly did you ask her?”

“Eh? ‘Subaru, what color is your underwear today’, of course.”

“So the question was at fault, I see!”

“Maybe she’s wearing such obscene underwear that she can’t tell me?”

“Your point of worrying is completely messed up!”

“It’s fine, I properly asked about the important part?”

“Eh?”

“This is what I asked her: ‘Subaru, what color is your underwear today? is what you would like Jirou-kun to ask, right?’, you see.”

“I can see why she’d avoid you, alright!”

“Be honest with me. I will forgive any sin you may have committed.”

“Objection! If you actually asked Konoe properly, she would surely answer you!”

“Really? Do you truly think she will give me proof?”

“Wha…”

“I mean, think about it. If you asked her ‘Subaru, show me that your underwear today is white’, then she’ll be embarrassed, saying ‘I-I understand, Master…’ as she takes off her clothes.”

“That’s not what I wanted her to prove!”

What kind of erotic roleplay is that supposed to be? Also, that’s harder to prove than most of the math problems we’re doing in school.

“Well, leaving all jokes aside, do you really have no idea? Judging from my instinct, I feel like it’s related to you.”

“……”

Even if you ask me that…Let me think about it…Is there any problem that happened recently…

“Think carefully. I’m worried that Subaru might be trying to deal with something on her own. With how diligent she is, she won’t rely on other people until it’s already too late.”

“I mean, I know that.”

It was the same with her phobia of knives. Because of that, she and Suzutsuki drifted apart, but…

“……”

Is this…what she’s afraid of? That we’ll stop being friends?

“Let me ask you again. Do you not have any idea? Anything is fine. Something you might have realized, just tell me any…Hic!”

“Hic?”

…Was that just my imagination, or did Suzutsuki let out quite the adorable voice just now.

“Hic!”

“……”

Calm down, Sakamachi Kinjirou. You might have heard some cute voice coming out of Suzutsuki’s mouth, but I’m just daydreaming, I bet. After all, this is Suzutsuki Kanade we’re talking about. The cool beauty, the unattainable flower of this school, admired by everybody, and a perfect human being. She would not have any weakness like that.

So, now I’m supposed to believe she could be this adorable? Also, that last ‘Hic!’ was much louder than before. I must be mishearing things.

“Hey, what was that voice? That sounded adorable.”

Urk.

“Yeah, I heard it too. I feel like it came from behind me.”

Despite being in the middle of class, the classroom grew noisy. The reason for that was undoubtedly ‘Hic!’. Yeah, something doesn’t add up. Was I…not just mishearing things?

“H-Hey, Suzutsuki?” I called out to her in a quiet voice.

There sat Suzutsuki Kanade, covering her mouth with both her hands, completely frozen stiff. Rarely enough, her eyes were open in shock.

“You alright? Are you not feeling well?”

“…Eh? W-Why would you think that?”

“I mean, you keep going ‘Hic!’, right?”

“T-That’s just your imagination. Think about it, Jirou-kun, how would I suddenly make myself sound like some anime characters.”

“But…”

“You sure are obstinate. I’m saying everything’s okay hic.”

“Okay hic!?”

“…Ah, you’re wrong hic! This isn’t what you think hic!”

“……

…S-She’s broken. This is bad, our dear Suzutsuki-san is broken.

“D-Don’t give me such a condescending gaze hic!” Suzutsuki kept adding an adorable ‘Hic!’ at the end.

The heck is that. Is this some new Deretsuki-san pattern? Is she changing? She’s not going to say ‘I have about two transformations left’1. Either way, things are turning grim. The classroom grew more noisy. It won’t take long until they realize who is the cause of these sounds.

“Yamakawa-sensei!” There, an alto voice broke between the noise.

It was Konoe. She stood up with her hand in the air.

“I’m sorry, the young lady doesn’t seem to be feeling well, so I’ll be taking her to the infirmary.”
“Ehh? Even if you say that, that’s…” Yamakawa-sensei was at a loss because of this sudden development.

I mean, was she always like this? Her reaction is even confusing me.

“Hm, it can’t be helped. Would you mind stepping out in the hallway with me? I would like to discuss some things.” Konoe seemed a bit agitated, as she grabbed Yamakawa-sensei’s sleeve, dragging her outside the classroom.

I guess she’s trying to forcefully lecture her? Around thirty seconds passed, when the classroom door opened, and Yamakawa-sensei returned all alone.

“Suzutsuki-san, hurry up and go to the infirmary.”

So fast! Even the students around me were shocked. I mean, that attitude is just too different compared to before. Just what did they talk about in the hallway…

“Also, you’re going with her, Sakamachi-kun.”

“Huuuh!?” Not expecting this turn of events, I shot up from my chair.

No no no no, why is she adding me in that? I might be lucky that I get to skip classes, but the bad premonition I get in return doesn’t seem all too lucrative.

“Sensei, what is this about! Please explain yourself!” Naturally, I protested.

However, Yamakawa-sensei remained calm, and explained like it was nothing special.

“I mean, your grades are so bad.”

“Excuse me!?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, so maybe you should just get checked out?”

“You don’t need to blindside me with that, okay!”

“That’s why you should hurry and undergo that operation.”

“Our infirmary doesn’t have that kind of equipment!”

“Q-Quiet! You’re not allowed to talk back to a teacher!”

“Wha…”

“If you don’t hurry up, you’ll get scolded by Konoe-sensei, you know!”

“Why are you calling Konoe with ‘Sensei’!?”

You’re the teacher here! Damn it, I bet Konoe somehow threatened her to say these things! I doubt it was with the use of violence, but to think she managed to bend Yamakawa-sensei like that…!

“Thank you very much, Yamakawa-sensei.” Suzutsuki spoke up with a faint giggle.

Like that, she stood up from her seat, and pulled me along outside the classroom. So we’re doing this after all…

“I’ve been waiting for you, young lady.”

Right as we stepped out of the classroom, Konoe greeted us.

“Young lady, that ‘Hic!’ just now, is that…”

“Yes, just as you imagine it hic. Really, how troublesome, I didn’t think it would happen here.”

The butler and master talked as we walked down the empty hallway. Happen…so this ‘Hic!’ is connected to Suzutsuki after all?

“Konoe, what is this about?”

I’ve been dragged out here, so I deserve an explanation. That’s what I had in mind when asking, but…

“Urk…”

For some reason, Konoe averted her gaze, looking away…Eh? What kind of reaction was that? Is Konoe actually avoiding me after all?

“Jirou-kun, let me explain hic.” Suzutsuki spoke up, taking over.

She’s still adding that odd ‘Hic!’ at the end of her sentences. But, it’s not after every one, so it must be random.

“I actually have a secret I haven’t told anybody at this school.”

“A secret?”

“That’s right hic. Just to let you know, I don’t sound like an anime character on purpose. In reality—this is my one weakness.” She announced, and once again let out a cute ‘Hic!’ at the end.

 

“Hiccups?”

We reached the infirmary, and with the nurse Nakamoto-sensei absent, it was absolutely empty besides us three.

“That’s right, hiccups hic. Once I start having them, they just won’t stop that easily. See, like this hic.”

“Like this…”

This only sounds like you’re purposefully adding it at the end of your sentences, you know.

“My hiccups are a bit more distinct. So, they often end up right when my sentences end hic. The reason I had you come with us Jirou-kun is to have you help me get rid of it.”

She said, and kept adding ‘Hic hic hic!’ at the end of her sentences. I see, so they activate at the end of her sentence, and happen in irregular intervals.

“But, why is that your weakness? You’re just having hiccups, right.”

“Well, about that…” Suzutsuki let out a sigh, and continued. “Apparently people think I’m cute when I suffer from hiccups like this.”

“……”

…That’s crazy. So she says. Didn’t think she’d be so easy to praise herself. I mean, it is cute, so I’ll forgive her.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, hic. This is what I think is the case, hic.”

It seems like she read my mind, and even answered accordingly. Now that she mentions it, we’re talking about Suzutsuki Kanade, this whole hiccuping creates somewhat of an adorable gap. When I think of Suzutsuki, who is always calm and collected, letting out cute voices, she just starts looking cute…Wait, why is my heart racing like this?

“…Calm down hic, Jirou-kun.” Thanks to those words, I returned to reality.

Before I realized it, I had taken a step towards Suzutsuki…Eh? What was I about to…

“Don’t tell me…!”

I was about to…hug her. All of it subconsciously?

“The young lady’s hiccups are like the devil’s whispers.” Konoe muttered, as she stepped between me and Suzutsuki.

She sounded as cold and annoyed as always.

“It might be hard to believe, but when people—especially of the opposite sex—hear the young lady’s hiccups, they are entranced by her charm.”

“Entranced…”

You’re kidding, right? Her hiccups can control people’s minds?

“It’s true. It probably is the adorable ‘hic’ that gets them. Considering her usual calm attitude and diligent behaviour, this sudden cuteness creates a gap too strong for most to handle. This has already caused incidents in the past.”

“Incidents?”

“Around eight years ago, when she was still in grade school, the young lady was called to the party of a politician.”

“Why would she?”

“It’s not that odd of a thing, right? The Suzutsuki Family is quite renowned. The board chairman of this school, the young lady’s father, was asked to participate, so she joined him. However, her hiccups flared up during this party…”

“……”

I can already see it in my head. Back then, Suzutsuki Kanade was still young. Even so, she might have held a mature atmosphere already. So when she shows up at this party with a frilly dress, looking like a doll, with adorable features, she would naturally gather the attention of people. With that, she must have gathered even more attention easily.

“…Urk.”

Just thinking about it had me stagger. After all, it’s ‘Hic!’, you know. She looks like a doll, acts mature, and yet suddenly goes ‘Hic!’. The exact opposite of what a noble lady would normally act like…I bet the people around her were just…

“It’s exactly what you’re thinking, Jirou.” Konoe must have guessed what I was thinking, and muttered. “To be frank, around seven minutes after her hiccups started—chaos ensued.”

“C-Chaos…!”

“We had people saying ‘I’ll fix the young lady’s hiccups!’ or ‘Who is the parent of this child! I’ll adopt her…No, marry her immediately!’ or ‘Sooo cuuuuuute I wanna take her home!’ and so on…Almost all participants had similar reactions, and were creating a mess.”

“Those guys should keep their own age in mind, alright!”

Back then, Suzutsuki was in grade school at best! Those are not things you should say to a girl her age. Especially if you’re a politician with a lot of influence. Can you really leave the country to them? I feel like this country is lost.

“In the end, the security guards and employees couldn’t do anything anymore, and the police had to be contacted. This incident later became known as the ‘Hiccup Chaos’ inside the Suzutsuki Family.”

“……”

What a stupid story, and yet it’s oddly believable.

“The second time this happened was four years ago. Since the young lady was inside her residence, one of the male servants taking care of her became a living dead, close to destroying the entire residence. This became known as the ‘Suzutsuki Family Biohazard Incident’. Still, that just now was mighty dangerous…” Konoe sighed in relief.

Four years ago…and then eight years ago…Does it happen in four-year-intervals? No no no, this isn’t some odd olympic superpower.

“Man…”

Just as Konoe said, that was dangerous. If Suzutsuki’s hiccups had continued in that classroom, we might not have been able to escape this easily. That class is full of Suzutsuki fans after all.

“But, big respect for you, Konoe.”

“Eh?”

Because of my honest praise, that butler looked at me in shock.

“I mean, you’re hearing Suzutsuki’s ‘Hic!’ and are totally fine.”

Even I was close to losing my reason there. I mean, she might be wearing male clothes, and is actually a girl deep down, but she still should have some trouble restraining herself.

“T-That is something obvious, as I am her butler after all!” Konoe hesitated a bit, but eventually bragged a bit.

She seemed to have been happy being praised like that. She’s even grinning to herself. Her expressions are as easy to guess as a puppy’s.

“That’s right, you are the greatest butler there is, Subahic.”

“E-Even the young lady…! Thank you very much…!”

Receiving such honest words of gratitude, Konoe’s face lit up with a blooming smile, and she lowered her head—Hmmm?

“…Hey, Konoe.”

“What’s wrong, Jirou? Are you…going to praise me even more?”

“No, not exactly…I was just wondering what you were doing.”

“…? What are you talking about, I am merely lowering my head towards the young lady’s grateful words, and…Ah!?”

Because I pointed it out first, the dear Butler-kun realized what was going on. She was clinging to Suzutsuki. It might have felt to her like she was merely lowering her head, but in reality she swiftly approached Suzutsuki, and hugged her like she was a hugging pillow. Not to mention that she buried her face in Suzutsuki’s chest.

“…Subaru?”

“Ah! You’re wrong, young lady! It’s definitely not like I was thinking ‘The always cool young lady is sounding so cute right now!’, or anything like that!”

“So you were thinking that, hic.”

“…! I-I was not hic! There is a very important reason for this hic…!” Butler-kun desperately tried to make up any worthwhile excuse.

…She’s done for. She’s even falling victim to the ‘Hic!’ by using it herself.

“I got it already, hic. Just get away from me hic.”

“Ehhh!? I don’t want that! I want to hug this adorable young lady a bit more…Wait, no! I’m sorry I’m sorry! I’ll get away immediately!”

“Konoe? You alright?”

“Shut up! You be quiet, Jirou! Or do you plan on stealing the young lady from me!?”

“The hell are you talking about!?”

“I won’t allow that! Purge! I shall use my power as a butler and purge you!”

“S-Stop! Calm down! Start counting sheep!”

“…Eh? Wait, what was I even doing?”

Right as Konoe grasped some scissors in the infirmary and pointed them at me, she stopped. Or rather, she regained her senses…This is dangerous. Deretsuki-san’s second transformation is far too dangerous to be left alone. To think she could even influence her own butler like that.

“Subaru, you go back to the main family now, hic.” Seeing her butler break down like that must have left an impression on Suzutsuki, as she gave this unusual order.

In response, Konoe let out a shocked ‘Wha!?’.

“N-No way! How could you say that!?”

“It’s simple, hic. You go back to the main residence, and bring things that should help with stopping my hiccups, hic.”

“H-However…!”

“Also, to be perfectly frank with you, you won’t be of any help even if you stay with me right now.”

“Wha…!”

“A butler who can’t resist her master’s cuteness and clinging to her like that isn’t making things better, hic.”

“Urk…Y-You’re not wrong, but…”

Konoe must have been reminded of her previous actions, as she lowered her head, looking like a puppy that just got scolded by its owner. Without many more words, she reluctantly left the infirmary.

“Hey, are you sure about that? Just sending her home like that.”

I seriously thought she’d keep her around to try and figure out ways of dispelling this dangerous hiccuping. And I feel bad for her being scolded like that.

“Rest assured, hic. She was planning on heading home from the very beginning, hic.”

“From the very beginning?”

“Think about it, hic. Subaru probably hasn’t realized, but if she wanted something from the residence, she could have just used her phone to have it delivered, hic.”

“…Ah.”

Right, they could have used the servants at the residence like some pizza delivery and bring over anything they needed.

“But then, why would she…”

“You don’t remember, hic? What happens when it comes to nursing people back to health.”

“Urk.”

I completely forgot. I might have tried to suppress those memories from last Golden Week. Because I was down with a cold, Konoe tried her best to nurse me back to health, and only almost killed me in the process. More accurately, she had me eat some mysterious food, tied me up on the bed, and stripped me naked.

“Knowing her, she’s probably thinking ‘I’ll fix the young lady’s hiccups no matter what’, which is why I reluctantly pushed her away.”

“Well, it sucks that the person in question doesn’t have any ill intent behind it.”

My little sister is a similar type compared to that. Back in grade school, when I fell down and scraped my knee, Kureha was still in kindergarten, and she suddenly started some doctor roleplay with ‘It’s fine! I’ll put it together with instant glue!’. Just remembering it makes me shake in terror.

“Well, I would have loved to see Subaru earnestly try to help me, hic.”

“I bet it’d be adorable, but you’re trading your own life for that.”

She would surely die in the process, but at least she’d be transported to heaven in the most gentle way. Well, leaving that aside…

“…? What’s wrong, hic.” Suzutsuki must have caught on to my gaze, as she asked me.

Hmmm…how do I say this, this ain’t half bad.

“I never expected you had such a weakness.”

The way she panicked in the classroom before, she was probably trying her hardest to hide it from me, but to think I would see Suzutsuki like that one day. It was a treat, truly.

“Wha…why are you grinning like that, hic! It’s not that funny, hic.”

She must have felt embarrassed to have her one weakness found out, as she faintly bit her lip with a pout. Waaah, that gesture is so fresh, and adorable. I don’t think I will ever get this chance a second time. I guess I should be happy about this incident after all. Thanks a bunch, hiccups.

“Do you understand? This is no big deal at all, hic.”

“Sorry, sorry, you don’t need to act tough or anything like that. Having a weakness like that makes you much more humane, and I like that.”

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“So you didn’t think of me as human before, hic.”

“………”

Ah crap. I said too much. Having this pointed out, I was at a loss for words.

“Fufu, it’s fine, hic. I’ll forgive you for now.”

“…Eh?”

Because of this sudden turn of events, I was baffled. Suzutsuki closely inspected me, and let out another adorable ‘Hic!’ before…

“After all—now it’s really just the two of us.”

“!”

I heard these words clearly from her mouth, but it was already too late. Suzutsuki suddenly moved closer towards me, and pushed down my body. Unable to deal with this impact, I could not keep my balance, and fell directly onto the bed behind me. Suzutsuki didn’t hesitate to move on top of the bed, ending up on top of me.

“U-Um, Suzutsuki-san?”

I am the oldest son of the Sakamachi Family, I was taught by Mom on how to escape such a hold, and yet I couldn’t reenact it at all. I was like a frog being restrained by a snake. Suzutsuki’s fierce gaze as she looked down at me would not allow me to move.

“Jirou-kun, tell me, hic.” She gave me an oddly sadistic gaze, and muttered. “What happened between you and Subaru, hic?”

“Again, nothing happened…”

“That’s a lie. You should have seen her change in attitude towards you, hic.”

“…I mean, I thought it was a bit weird, okay.”

She was mostly just ignoring me, almost like back during the school festival. Maybe I made her angry in some way. But, I don’t remember at all. All I can think of is that incident with the fireworks…

“It seems like you have an idea at least, hic.”

“!?”

Because Suzutsuki guessed my thoughts, I twitched in shock. That damn Devil Suzutsuki, even if she sounds cute right now, she’s got senses way too good.

“Hey, Jirou-kun. Tell me, hic.”

“…Urk.”

She brought her face closer towards me, like this was an attempt to seduce me. Not to mention that she still keeps ending her sentences with ‘Hic!’, which just makes her look more adorable in my eyes. However…

“…It’s no good.”

It felt like I shouldn’t be telling Suzutsuki about that incident. That normally cold and distant Subaru-sama asked for us to be best friends. It didn’t feel like something that should be spread to others. Even if it’s that rich lady…

“I see, if you plan on staying quiet, hic…then I can only ask your body, hic.”

“Eh?”

She showed a devilish smile as she sat on my hips.

“Now, I wonder how long you can bear with this, hic.” Suzutsuki smiled with pure enjoyment, and slowly started opening the buttons on my shirt.

I remember…when Konoe knocked me out with a fire extinguisher back in April, she stripped me of my clothes in the same way.

“…! Y-You wench, stop that!”

As expected, she slid her slender fingers between the openings of my shirt, touching my ribs.

“Urk!?” A voice distorted in agony escaped my lips, together with a hot sensation gathering at the tip of my nose.

Goosebumps ran along my body. Yet again, my gynophobia was activating.

“…D-Don’t take me so lightly.”

I haven’t suffered through all this past treatment program nonsense to just give in right away. I’ve gotten better at handling the symptoms compared to before.

“Oh my, aren’t you trying hard, hic.”

“O-Of course. Even if you torture me like this, you won’t get anything from me…!”

“You should just become more honest, hic. Why not be more frank with me like you would act around Subaru, hic…Ahh, I came up with something good.” Suzutsuki let out a snicker.

And then, she approached her soft-looking lips towards my ear. Almost like she was going to whisper into it.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked, slightly panicking.

She’s close. Her face is way too close. We’re at a distance where every single breath touched my neck and ears.

“Fufu, I’m just going to copy her a bit, hic.”

“Copy?”

“Indeed. When you’re talking with Subaru, you become quite honest, don’t you? That’s why I’m going to learn from her a bit, hic.” Suzutsuki took a deep breath, and continued with a voice as sweet as candy. “…………Jirouuu.”

“~~~! Stop! Don’t call me like that!” My head immediately grew hot just by that single word.

…Crap, I didn’t expect her to copy Konoe’s tone of voice. She sometimes calls me like that, and it’s as explosive as always, even if it isn’t Konoe herself…!

“Jirouuuu…please, hic. Listen to me…” She sounded like she was pleading.

Ahhhh, what is this. A Konoe tone of voice plus the occasional ‘Hic!’ are way too destructive. Suzutsuki keeps looking more and more adorable to me. Adding to that, her feminine scent and fragrance, the sensation wherever our bodies touched, and her chest being pressed against me.

“Urk…!”

Gaaaaah this is torture after all! Even a spy from the CIA would break under this! This is no joke! Devil Suzutsuki really doesn’t hold back…!

“Please, Jirouuu…Hic…”

“…Grrrrr…”

I-I can’t. This is my limit. Since I’m always afraid and careful around Devil Suzutsuki, seeing her act this adorable is breaking down my defences. Her strawberry voice, her soft body, and my gynophobia, I’ve reached my limit already, and gone beyond that. I’m slowly being brainwashed by that rich lady.

“…Damn it.”

…Anybody is fine, just come and help me…And then…Tap tap tap tap. Of course, this isn’t just me tapping my fingers in annoyance. Rather, these were footsteps, coming from the hallway. It seems like someone was heading over to the infirmary we found ourselves in.

“—This is bad, hic.” Right when Suzutsuki muttered these words, she moved next to me on the bed, and covered herself with the blanket.

From an outsider’s perspective, it looked like it was just me resting in this bed. Though one side of the blanket being oddly bulky looks very fishy.

“…Phew.” I let out a relieved sigh.

Just a bit more, and I would have sold my soul to Suzutsuki. What a real devil she is.

“Jirou? Why are you sleeping on the bed there?” A confused alto voice reached my ears.

Konoe called out to me upon entering the infirmary.

“……”

Now hold on, dear gods in the heavens above. I was asking for help, not for the creation of an even deeper level of hell.

“W-What’s wrong? Did you go to your place?” I raised up my upper body, and asked Konoe.

Calm down, me…If this violent butler were to find out that Suzutsuki and I are basically snuggling together right now, it’ll be a simple search & destroy match. I need to avoid this at all costs.

“I was thinking of going back to the residence at first, but right when I left the school, I realized I could just use my phone to contact them. That’s why I’m back here now.” She said, and averted her face.

Hm, I guess she’s avoiding me after all. Maybe I should just ask for the reason directly? Not like this is the time or place for that.

“By the way, where is the young lady? I don’t see her at all. Did she head to the toilet by any chance?”

“Y-Yeah, something like that.”

“I see. But, why are you sitting on that bed? Are you not feeling well?”

“I-I was just taking a break.”

“So why is your shirt open like that?”

“I-I was just feeling a bit hot, so I was trying to cool down.”

“You alright? Are you suffering from a summer cold?”

“I’m totally fine! It’s not that bad! So don’t approach me with that worried of an expression!”

This is what they mean by the saying ‘Walking on thin ice’, huh. With one wrong step, the ice will break, and I’ll probably drown.

“I’m really okay, I’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“I-If you say so…” She still didn’t sound very convinced, and averted her face.

I’m concerned about her odd attitude, but this is a chance. As long as I can make her leave the infirmary again…

“…Hic!”

An adorable voice rang out amidst the silence….I forgot, Suzutsuki Kanade is literally a timebomb right now.

“…? Wasn’t that the young lady’s hiccup right now?”

“Eh?! I-I didn’t hear anything, you know…”

I tried to hide it, but another ‘Hic!’ rang out. This time, Konoe’s gaze grew much sharper compared to before.

“Jirou, is this some kind of prank you two came up with? Acting like the young lady went to the toilet, but in reality hiding in this room?” Konoe started looking around the room like she was a dog sniffing out drugs.

She checked the open bed, beneath the desk, outside the window, inside the locker, eliminating possible hiding spots. This is just awful. It’s only a matter of time until she checks out my bed. Once she finds out, it’s over. I won’t be able to escape. I’ll be brought to court, and put into queue for the death penalty. Of course, being burned at stake sounds adequate.

“This has turned quite troublesome, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki whispered.

Ahh, thank god. I guess even she has to take this situation, and danger to my being, seriously for once. That’s right, there’s no way she’d play around in this…

“This feels like we’re playing hide and seek, it’s so much fun.”

You sadistic wench! Can you take things seriously for one damn second!? How can you enjoy this? I don’t enjoy a game of hide and seek with my life on the line, alright. Konoe will not let me ever hide again if she finds me.

“Maybe I should spice things up a bit.”

You really don’t need to.

“What if I stripped naked beneath the blanket? That would probably make Subaru’s heart stop.”

Ahaha, if you did that, my heart would stop way before that.

“What do you think I should do, Jirou-kun?”

Don’t ask me! And stop writing words on my thighs! Do your Japanese homework later! If I get a nosebleed here, I’ll be found out immediately.

“Jirou, do you have a moment?”

“Eeek!”

Konoe suddenly looked at me, very dubious about something.

“Would you mind letting me have a look beneath your blanket?”

“W-Why?”

“I mean, that’s the only explanation I could come up with. Also, your shirt…w-were you doing something illicit with the young lady while I was gone…!?” Konoe asked, emitting clear killing intent.

Urk, it’s over. The Bad End has caught up with me. I didn’t think my life would end here of all places. I have way too many regrets left. Maybe I should just curse these two for the rest of their lives…!

“Calm down, Jirou-kun.”

There, Suzutsuki spoke up with a voice quiet enough that only I could hear it.

“I came up with something. If you use this plan, you’ll make it out of here alive. Listen—”

“!?”

The second I heard what her plan was about, I swallowed my breath. She’s going to force me to do something so embarrassing?

“What’s wrong? If you don’t hurry up, they’ll release a newspaper article about you, with the headline being ‘Male high school student murdered in the infirmary’.”

“Urk…”

No other choice but to do it. Anything’s better than being slaughtered by that butler. If I want to make it out of here, I can only obey Suzutsuki’s orders…!

“What’s wrong? Is there a reason I can’t look beneath that blanket?”

“Y-Yeah, there is. It’s a very crucial reason.” I said exactly what Suzutsuki ordered me to.

In response, Konoe raised one eyebrow.

“Then, tell me. I’m quite curious about this reason now.”

If it’s any half-baked reason, then you’re dead—that’s the pressure I got from Konoe. That’s why I can’t pull back anymore.

“The thing is…”

I don’t even care anymore. I’ll just follow Suzutsuki’s orders.

“—I’m not wearing anything beneath the blanket.”

“…What?”

As expected, Konoe froze up beautifully upon hearing my words.

“J-Jirou, what did you say just now?”

“Let me say it again. I’m not wearing anything beneath this blanket. No pants, no underwear, nothing.”

“Bare naked!? Why!? And why in the school infirmary!?” Konoe asked, her eyes distorted in shock.

Of course, I agreed with the template answers Suzutsuki gave me.

“That’s the kind of hobby I have.”

“Hobby!? Revealing your lower body in the school infirmary!?”

“I mean, everybody has a hidden side to them, right?”

“First time I heard of that! But, knowing Jirou…”

“…Then, wanna check?”

“…Eh?”

“I mean, you can lift the blanket and check it for yourself. That way you’ll understand.”

“~~~! N-No, I’m not really…”

“I see, can’t be helped then. Could you just leave the infirmary for a second?”

“Eh? Why?”

“So that I can put on my pants and underwear! Or, do you want to watch me change in real time!?”

“I-I get it already, I’ll be out immediately!”

“Hurry up! If not, I’ll show you something big! It’ll be like you’re taking a tour through the safari, you know that right!?”

“Waaaaaaaaah I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

She started apologizing for some reason, and dashed out of the infirmary. Her sounds grew more and more distant. I bet the fear was getting the better of her, not letting her legs stop.

“…Jesus.”

I did great, didn’t I. I feel like I lost something important in the process though…

“Good work, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki appeared from beneath the blanket, a blank expression on her face.

She’s so calm after making me suffer like that…

“Good for you, right. You made it out alive.”

“You’re not wrong, but still…”

Being killed right then and there would not have been a good joke at all…Wait hold on. Why did her tone of voice sound off right there?

“Ah, that reminds me, my hiccups seem to have stopped as well. Maybe it’s because I held my breath for a while so that we don’t get found out.”

“Wha…”

Y-You…it was that easy? So nonchalantly…!? Oh yeah, I stopped hearing her hiccups midway there, but to think it stopped entirely.

“Anyway, let’s call back Subaru. She’ll be happy to learn that my hiccups stopped.”

“Urk.”

I don’t even know what kind of face to make when meeting her. Maybe she’ll believe me if I said that I got possessed by some old man that died seven years ago. I feel like I might have gone away with that.

“…Hm?”

No, hold on. No matter how you look at it, that was way too convenient. Her hiccups seriously stopped right then and there? Those hiccups were supposed to be her only weakness, and yet…That’s almost like she stopped them as soon as they weren’t needed anymore…

“……”

Right there, a certain hypothesis popped up in my head. It was weird from the beginning. What did we come here for? She talked about trying to stop her hiccups, and yet we didn’t try anything. And yet, what did she do…

“…Suzutsuki, are you serious?”

Was that—all just acting so the two of us could be alone? I mean, all she did was ask me questions. And in the classroom she also said…

‘I rarely get any chances to talk with you alone like this.’

“……”

So basically, this was all just a means to create another chance to do so. So, this whole ‘Hic!’ part was just her nonsense. But, with how she panicked in the classroom, maybe it was actually the truth in the beginning, but stopped right away…No no no, maybe her panicking was part of the act…Or, everything just lined up perfectly and the hiccups stopped immediately…

“What’s wrong, Jirou-kun?” Seeing me baffled, Suzutsuki asked me this question.

It felt like she was grinning at me.

“……”

Yeah, no, nevermind. Needlessly thinking about it won’t do me any good. Only that rich lady knows if all this ‘Hic’-ing was true or not. Not to mention, I don’t have anything to gain from figuring it out. That plan had way too many holes in it anyway, like the fact that Konoe suddenly came back, or that someone else might have walked in on us. But, she should have known about this. Think about it, what was the real reason she might have done this, what was the first thing she said today?

—’Jirou-kun, don’t you think extracurricular classes are quite boring?’

Basically, everything today…

“…Was it just to ease your boredom?” I called out to her after arriving at this single conclusion.

In response, Suzutsuki let out an adorable snicker.

“Jirou-kun, let me tell you one thing.” She said, and stuck out her tongue, flashing a teasing grin. “Girls have a lot of secrets, hic.”