Miraculously Unrequited

Marinette's POV

~~~

Jumping down from my balcony, I plopped flat on my bed and sighed, "spots off." As Tikki flew away from me and my costume dissipated, I turned my back to her to face the window. The big waxing crescent moon stared back at me as I took long, thick breaths to try and calm myself from tonight's ordeal.

"What's wrong, Marinette?" I heard Tikki from behind me ask worriedly.

But I didn't dare turn around, for I felt that I might either cry or ask too many questions that I know she cannot answer. If I really wanted to know, I'd probably lose my miraculous just like Adrien did. I can't put myself, Tikki or Master Fu in that kind of position but...

Turning over, Tikki could read my expression as she rubbed her temples upset, "Marinette..."

"I didn't ask and I won't but..." I really want to know what happened in London!

Tikki came beside me and sighed, "I'm sorry, Marinette but if I were to tell you it's put Sir Noir and yourself in danger!" She flung her tiny arms in the air and continued, "the both of you would have to give up your Miraculous because you'd definitely find out his identity. Just leave things as they are, it's the only thing you can really do." She patted my shoulder and I accepted her reassurance.

I laid back down softly and stared at my ceiling.

This isn't fair! He can't just start telling me something then run away. If he couldn't tell me at first he could've just said so...

I saw Tikki fly towards my desk out of the corner of my eye, making my concentration shift to the polaroids I have of my friends. Among them, the picture of Adrien and I playing video games caught my eye.

Wow, that was taken almost a whole year ago! I can't believe I forgot about that day. That was when I finally had the guts to invite him over to play a new video game I got for Christmas!

I chuckled to myself at the thought that the boy I loved for so long was just a silly cat that had feelings for my alter ego.

Actually, now that I think about it...

Shifting in my bed I realized there was some parallelism here.

Adrien must've had similar questions to what I'm asking about Sir Noir. This feeling in my c.h.e.s.t of being left in the dark about something important having to do with him...Adrien must've felt the same way about Ladybug. It must've been a hundred times worse when I would hide Master Fu's existence from him, wow! I feel like a bitch now!

Sitting up straight I jerked over in my disgust at myself and the situation. I rubbed my cheeks and m.o.a.n.e.d, "Tikki! Do you think this is how Adrien felt back then? I feel awful now, it's my fault he lost his miraculous and how I found out his identity!"

I slumped down and looked up to see Tikki floating in front of me with a serious expression, "Marinette, stop it!" Her high pitched voice rang throughout my ears making me spring up from my depressed state, "if you didn't tell Adrien how you felt, you'd regret it even now!" She flew closer and lightly touched my forehead with hers while closing her eyes. She softly spoke, "and if you didn't tell Master Fu about knowing Chat Noir's identity, you could've both been in danger with Hawkmoth." She looked me in the eyes without stammering or mumbling, "everyone you know could've been in danger, it was the right thing to do for your friends and families."

I looked back at her trying to hold back my tears as I choked out, "I understand that. But I can't help but feel like I could have avoided all of this. I've screwed over Adrien and took advantage of his feelings as Ladybug at the dance! I should've just stayed away from him and gone as Marinette..."

Tikki didn't say anything, she just...stared back at me. She looked speechless in a way I couldn't understand and at the moment didn't really want to.

I need to clear my mind of all of this guilt...

Picking up my phone, I scrolled through my contacts. Looking through all of my friends and family, no one stood out that I could talk to about this without giving myself away. Thinking about everything over again, I collected my thoughts and just stared at my phone screen that read the name, 'Adrien Agreste.'

I know I can't tell him I'm Ladybug, but I was also very harsh to him around the holidays after figuring out his identity. I was so rash, being filled with different emotions destroyed my view on the situation making my attitude towards him and other people random and difficult to understand.

Thinking back to New Years, I remembered how Luka approached me and confessed his feelings but instead of telling him my feelings straight, I gave him hope and told him to wait for me! How could I be that selfish! Alya was wrong, even in this New Year, I'm still the same person only thinking of myself...

Wiping away my tears, I pressed the call button and hoped to hear his voice only to selfishly apologize endlessly to get my guilt away from me. After a few rings throughout my head, I heard the phone say, "this user's mailbox is full. Please try again later." With a click, it hung up automatically leaving me alone in the dark with my own sobs as I dreamed of going back to that Halloween dance with my knight.