Mixed Feelings

He turned and slammed the breaks, the speed in which he was driving the car had us almost hit our heads to the board, He looked at me and asked "Are you okay," I nodded, He turned to look at that thing which came in our way and I turned my head and saw a tall man coming out of the very expensive car, "get down" said Enzo in very serious manner, He took something in the panel and put it in his pockets, I couldn't see what was it.

He opened the car door and stepped outside of the car, I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped outside the car, I walked towards his holding his. I looked up to see him glaring me, I looked away, What? I can't leave him alone, what if this guy is dangerous to Enzo.

I looked at that man in front of me. He was in a black button-up shirt, black pants and black shoes. He was handsome, tall but not taller than Enzo and had brown hair.

He chuckles looking at us, "Never thought that I would see the great mafia leader alone without his bodyguards around," He said.

I looked up at Enzo. He was quietly watching that man without any expression on his face.

Mafia leader? I whispered.

Everything I heard about him suddenly started coming back to me in my mind. I wasn't able to understand anything.

"What do you want?" asked Enzo, That man chuckled again "you know very well what I want Enzo," He said, "you will never get it," Enzo said turning back and pulling me, Oh No, "I'm will get it," he said pulling a gun out and pointing at us.

I gasped looking at it. Enzo in a swift motion took his gun out of his pocket and shot him in the head. His body collapsed on the ground. I was staring at the lifeless body in utter shock. Enzo grabbed my hand pulling me with him and opened the door of the car. I was still staring at the body."get in," he yelled, I flinched and got inside the car, putting my seatbelt on.

My body was numb, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I couldn't think anything, that scene was running in my mind over and over again.

He killed someone in front of me, Everything my friends said was true, I was so stupid to ignore their warnings about him, Everything was in front of me but I choose to ignore.

I blindly choose him without knowing he's a mafia leader and a killer. He hid his true self from me, made me a fool...

There were so many things running in my head, I didn't notice that we reached the mansion, he stopped the car and got out of it, he walked to me opening my car door he offered his hand but I was numb, I was staring blankly into space. He touched my shoulder, I slapped his hand off my shoulder "Do not touch me" with angry tears in my eyes, I stepped outside the car and walked inside, on my way, I saw a maid, asked her to show me a guest room. She took me to the guest room, I stepped inside and closed the door. I leaned my head back, tears streaming down my eyes, slipping against the cool wooden frame and bringing my knees to my chest, wrapping my hands around my knees I hid my head and sobbing uncontrollably, my body was shaking while I'm crying out.

Everything hurts more than ever, no pain I ever felt could even come close to what it felt like a broken heart.

I cried and cried, everything flashing in my mind, my father's death, my mom's, chole's death, I hate violence, in my life violence, had a major part. I promised myself I would be far away from it, I would help people who suffered from the violence that was the reason I risked my life to save Nikolai.

Chole was innocent and was killed because of me, I hate it, I saw her family crying and suffering her loss. The day when Brian got arrested they came to my home and consoled me, they never blamed me for her death. When someone gets killed, not only that person gets killed but also their family's happiness dies with that person.

After what felt like hours, I felt a sudden push against the door like someone had leaned against the door, I held my fingers over now warm wood, it felt like I'm touching him...Enzo.

I heard a whisper "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you...After what felt like hours, I felt a sudden push against the door like someone had leaned against the door, I held my fingers over now warm wood, it felt like I'm touching him...I don't want to lose you...I love you,"

I breathed out loudly, leaning my head and back against the door. Tears were slipping down through my eyes over to the sides as I let them go by. I cried and cried, eventually, I cried myself to sleep.

**********

I woke up in the morning feeling cold, I stood up and walked inside the bathroom and did my morning routine, got dressed and opened the door. I saw Enzo there leaning towards the wall, sleeping uncomfortably. I noticed maids hesitating to wake him up, I bent down and shook his shoulder waking him up. He grabbed my hand kissing back of it, I pulled my hand out, hurt was evident in his eyes, I couldn't see hurt in his eyes so I looked away.

He stood up and straightened his clothes, he opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off "I Want to leave, Can you please take me to my home?" I asked.

I can see him confused, but he didn't say anything about it.

He turned around and walked off from there, tears were rolling in my eyes, I controlled myself and walked downstairs, There Andera, Edoardo, and Antia with sad expressions on their faces. It was so hard to have breakfast with them in this deafening silence, Enzo walked into the dining hall which made us look at him. I quickly lowered my head, I don't want to look at him. It reminds me how stupid I was, I love him but I don't know how to deal with the truth that he's a mafia leader and he killed someone in front of me like it was an easy thing to do.

All I want is to get out of this place as soon as possible.

Enzo was silently having his breakfast as if nothing happened at all after our breakfast Enzo excused himself to take a call and it was hard for me to look at them who was opposite to me I don't want to hurt them, I just want to leave this place. I stood up from my chair and turned around to go to my room, after reaching the guest room where I was yesterday I walked to the bed and sat down on it at the edge I was looking at my toes, Thinking about Enzo, I heard a light knock on the door I looked up to see Antia smiling at me, she walked towards me and sat beside me, she put her hand on my thigh. "I know what happened yesterday night, Not only me mom and dad also know that All I want to tell you are that whatever happens don't forget that we are here for you. You can contact us at any time Venessa, your family" tears were rolling in my eyes, I hugged her and broke into sobs. She hugged me back and rubbed my back, we moved back and she wiped my tears "Don't cry, It doesn't suites you" She said.

She sighed, I glanced at her, "There is a reason behind everything Vennessa...Behind his behavior, there is also a reason... I'm always here to tell you about him, just call if you want to know the reason behind his behavior," she said, smiling at me she left me alone with a question running in my mind.

What made him like this?

Later, A maid came to my room asking me to come downstairs. I walked downstairs and noticed Andera, Edoardo, Enzo, and Antia were standing at the entrance with our luggage, bodyguards were taking our luggage to the car. I walked towards them and stood in front of Andera. She hugged me "Don't hesitate to contact me if you need any help, please stay in touch even if you're not with Enzo" I nodded, Edoardo squeezed my shoulder smiling at me"Take care child," he said, Antia hugged me, "Take care of yourself" she said, with sad smile on her face I nodded and turned to Enzo who was quietly watching me, He turned around and moved out of the mansion.

We were quite in our entire journey to Los Angeles, No one spoke a word to each other.

It made easy for me to stay away from him. It hurts...It fucking hurts not talking to him. I hate myself for doing this, but I can't stay with him.

He dropped me at my house, I asked him to send my luggage to my house. The next day they brought my luggage to my house. I resigned from my job and started working in a small cafe near my house as a waitress.

********

Six months later,

I was changing my clothes in the change room in the cafe where I work, my shift completed. I left the cafe and reached my car I climbed inside and drove to my house.

In Past months so much has happened, I graduated from school, I got admission in the University of California, I'm 19 now, Beth, Zach, and Aron become very close to me day by day. Remond and Seth went to London after graduation. We celebrated my birthday party at my house, it was memorable to me and that I cried my eyes out remembering him. I miss him terribly, I wasn't myself in these 6 months I was awful, They tried to bring my happy side many times but failed miserably. I never smiled, I never tried to talk to anyone, I cried and cried and cried, Every single day, every single night. There wasn't a day went well without thinking about him.

The door was open to my house, and I walked inside to see Beth, Zach and Aron waiting for me. I signed and walked to them,

"I'm not going to any party," I said looking at them, They looked at each other, and beth stood up from the couch "Why not? We'll have fun" she said with an enthusiastic expression on her face, "I'm sorry, I have work to do please don't force me," I said dismissing her, she signed and sat down.

"You didn't forget him did you?" asked Zach with a calculated expression on his face, Aron looked at me and I can see saddens in them.

After that incident, there were days where I cried all night, I never smiled and I distanced myself from everyone. Aron was there for me the whole time, he tried his best to bring me out this state.

No matter what people say or do around me the last person who has a say in this is me, I'm liable for my own mistakes, I'm accountable to my own feelings.

I'm responsible for why I'm hurting right now.

"Do you still love him?" Asked beth,

Despite everything do I still love him?

There was no answer to these questions with me.

Aron stood up and hugged me, I hugged him back. He kissed my forehead and turned towards them.

"I think she needs rest guys we should leave," he said, they stood up. Beth came to me and hugged me "You should listen to your heart Venessa do what it says don't hurt yourself, it hurts us to see you like this," she said, Zach touched my cheek and smiled.

They left my house, I cooked something to have dinner. After dinner, I started cleaning my kitchen. Then I heard a knock on my main door, I walked to the main door and opened it. I was numb, every part of my body stopped working looking at that person who was standing in a black suit, hair neatly combed back. Enzo...with his bodyguards.

After what felt like an eternity, He spoke "Let me in" In his usual serious tone he said.

I moved aside letting him in, he walked inside and sat on my couch, I walked to my couch and stood in front of him, He motioned one his man to come forward, he came and gave a file to Enzo. Enzo gave it to me, I took it and looked at him."Read it," he said pointing at the file.

My eyes bulged out reading the file, The contract Marriage was written in block letters. The file said that I have to marry him and be his wife for 3 years. He offers 2.5 million with a mansion in Beverly Hills for being his wife.

"What is this?" I yelled at him, he didn't even flinch at the outburst.

"Contract," he said,

"I know that, I'm not doing this," I said  confidently, He stood up, took a step towards me very slowly, "If you don't sign the contract I will buy this house and your grandma's, businesses and her house in Florida you will be the reason behind her loss and she will be homeless only because of you if you want that don't sign" he stopping in front me with his hands in his pockets,

I was shocked, tears were rolling in my eyes. How did I love someone like this, How did I love someone who's this heartless?

Tears were streaming down my eyes, No I will not show him that I'm weak, I will not show him my tears and my broken heart.

I slowly walked to my table and placed the file on it and took a pen in my hand, signed it. I give it to Enzo, He took it from my hand and turned around, began to walk to my door. Before stepping out of the door, he turned back and looked at me, there was something in his eyes that I failed to understand.

After he had left my house, I took a deep breath and tried to relax my nerves, Be strong v. I said to myself. I have to do something before its too late, then an idea came to mind. I rushed to get my phone from my bag and dialed the number, it rang for some time then she answered.

"Hello," she said.

"Hello, I want you to tell me everything about Enzo...I need to know,"