Nirvana In Fire

Hearing him say this, Shen Zhui and Cai Quan didn’t know what to do for a while. Fortunately, Xiao Jingyan didn’t seem to be angry at being disobeyed. He just hesitated and said, “Since Sir is interested, then Cai qing, please ask Sir for his views.”

Cai Quan exchanged a quick meaningful glance with Shen Zhui, then removed the record from his sleeve and passed it to Mei Changsu.

It wasn’t very thick, approximately ten pages, neatly bound, its handwriting small and clear. After Mei Changsu took it, he looked towards Xiao Jingyan to inform him politely (that he was going to read it), then leaned against the back of the chair and casually browsed through it. But as he was browsing through the record, the other three present couldn’t possibly look on foolishly from the side waiting for him to finish, especially not the one in the seat of honor, who was ultimately still an unrivalled and distinguished Crown Prince, so Shen Zhui quickly put his mind to finding a topic of conversation to fill in the awkward silence.

“Your Highness, His Majesty celebrates his birthday next month. I remember that Your Highness presented His Majesty with a handsome falcon last year which His Majesty liked very much. This year, Your Highness would probably give him an even better gift, hehehehe……”

“For any child, the best gift is filial piety. As long as I cultivate my virtues and manage the government well, Father Emperor would like anything I give him…..” Xiao Jingyan tried very hard to continue conversing with Cai Quan and Shen Zhui in a normal manner, but he would glance over at Mei Changsu from time to time.

Mei Changsu didn’t pay any attention to their conversation, seemingly absorbed by the contents of the record. He browsed through it, page by page, deep in concentration, reaching out occasionally for his cup of tea. When Xiao Jingyan turned again to glance at him, he was just putting the teacup back on his table. When his finger accidentally brushed against the plate of pastries, he took a piece without looking up and absentmindedly put it into his mouth.

Shen Zhui and Cai Quan suddenly saw a blur before them. Xiao Jingyan had suddenly taken a big stride forward between them, grabbed hold of Mei Changsu’s hand, removed the piece of pastry close to his mouth, and thrown it far away.

This bizarre scene made everyone freeze. After doing this, Xiao Jingyan immediately became conscious that his actions were rather inappropriate and looked a little awkward. His eyes shifted about as he said, “This pastry….is already stale….”

To say that the pastries served to guests in the Crown Prince’s Eastern Palace were stale is actually similar to saying that they were too fresh. With the effect he achieved, he might as well not have offered an explanation at all.

Mei Changsu’s gaze slowly turned towards the small table beside him. Laid out on a fine serving plate was an assortment of pastries including hibiscus cake, golden silk, walnut brittle, and…..hazelnut pastry….

Judging from his expression, Mei Changsu didn’t seem to be too shocked. He merely lowered his eyes slowly, his complexion turning gradually pale. One could not tell that he was at that present moment facing an internal turmoil of gut wrenching emotions. He had originally only intended to test his theory out, but now that he knew it for a fact, he felt an indescribable pain, and his chest felt tight and cold.

Xiao Jingyan was still holding on to Mei Changsu’s wrist. The wrist that had once been so strong and sturdy was now so weak and soft, trembling slightly in his grip. He felt like there was a boulder in the pit of his stomach. His grip tightened involuntarily, as if he would transfer all of his own energy over. But apart from that, Xiao Jingyan did not move an inch nor speak a word.

That was because the person sitting before him was his best friend, yet at the same time, he was not the friend Xiao Jingyan once knew. The Lin Shu who had undergone so much to return was no longer the Lin Shu who could take hits and falls as if he were moulded from iron. At this crucial moment, Xiao Jingyan did not dare to do or say anything wrong, and could only hold on to that hand in silence.

After a long while, Mei Changsu gently pried Xiao Jingyan’s hand away and slowly stood up, holding on to the armrest for support. He pressed his pale lips together then said softly, “I still have some matters to attend to at home. Please allow me to take my leave.”

“Xiao…” Xiao Jingyan opened his mouth but finally did not dare to call out to him. He could only watch as Mei Changsu turned and walked towards the door, his gait slow and unsteady.

Shen Zhui and Cai Quan were watching dumbfoundedly from the sidelines with similar expressions, their eyes bulging and their mouths agape. But Xiao Jingyan had completely forgotten that they were there. After standing in the middle of the hall for a moment, he ran after Mei Changsu.

Mei Changsu was walking as quickly as he could, but he had only just recovered from a serious illness and was in an emotional turmoil. His limbs and face felt numb. Just as he reached the long flight of steps outside the corridor, his knees trembled and he had no choice but to stop, holding on to the banister to catch his breath.

Even though he did not look back, Mei Changsu knew that Xiao Jingyan was looking at him, so he gritted his teeth and pushed himself up, unwilling to display any sign of weakness in that moment. They used to grow up side by side, racing their horses together, sparring with each other, competing for glory in the autumn hunts, fighting together on fierce battlefields against hostile enemies. They led the vanguard to lure the enemy, and when an army ten times larger than their own had surrounded them, they had fought back-to-back to carve a bloody way out together. The proud and stubborn Lin Shu could never have imagined that one day, Jingyan would rush up to him to support his frail and useless body, and ask in a voice full of sympathy and pity, “Xiao Shu, are you all right?”

It was unthinkable and unacceptable. So he had escaped, wanting to get out of there quickly, to return to the Su Residence to clear his head and slowly think things over, slowly come to a decision.

But after he had regained control of his breathing, he was unable to take another step forward because Fei Liu suddenly rushed in from the side door. His footsteps were a lot heavier than usual, and he carried a large grey wolf close to his chest.

“Won’t wake up!” The youth carried Foya to Su gege, his tear-filled eyes alarmed and confused. “Won’t wake up at all!”

Mei Changsu stroked the wolf’s grey fur with fingers so pale they were almost transparent. The body beneath his fingers was cold and stiff to the touch, and his heart felt a sharp pain. Foya’s eyes were closed and he seemed at peace. Fei Liu tried to lift his head up a few times but the moment he moved his hand away, it would drop again.

More footsteps echoed from the side door. Lie Zhanying, who had been transferred to lead the Eastern Palace guards, rushed in, his forehead damp with perspiration. He was shocked to see the Crown Prince standing outside but before he could say anything, Xiao Jingyan motioned to him to stand aside and remain silent.

Foya was already seventeen years old. For a wolf, that was a long life. Though his death brought about sadness, for a mature and rational adult, it was not something that was difficult to accept.

But Fei Liu couldn’t comprehend this. When he saw Foya being put into a coffin and ran over to have a look, Lie Zhanying had told him, “Foya is sleeping.” Based on the boy’s understanding, to sleep means to wake up eventually. Just like when Su gege went to sleep, he would always wake up eventually, no matter how long he slept.

However, when he asked when Foya would wake up, Lie Zhanying had looked at him with sad eyes, saying that Foya would never wake up again.

This was the first time Fei Liu realized that it was possible to sleep and never wake again. This terrified him, and he instinctively carried Foya and headed straight to Su gege.

Mei Changsu stroked the boy’s hair. He could see Feiliu’s confusion and dismay but he was not in the right frame of mind to comfort and explain it to him. The Reaper’s black shroud covered him perpetually, so cold and so visceral that he was unable to explain to the boy what death was.

“Feiliu, will you always remember Foya?”

“Yes!”

“As his friend, it’s enough for you to continue to remember him.” Mei Changsu took Foya from Fei Liu, but because he could not bear the weight, he was unable to remain standing and sat down. Lifting the wolf’s head, he pressed his cheek against it as a final farewell.

“Su gege…..” The youth was very frightened, but he didn’t understand why. He could only move closer and squeeze into Mei Changsu’s arms like Foya.

“It’ll be alright. Stand up. Carry Foya and return him to General Lie. General Lie will bring him to a comfortable place to lie down. Go on.” Mei Changsu placated Fei Liu with a soft voice, tugging at his black hair. But before Fei Liu could stand up and obey, another pair of hands had taken Foya’s body off Mei Changsu.

Fei Liu leapt up to snatch it back, but once he saw who it was, he immediately remembered Su gege’s most absolute order and didn’t dare move.

Xiao Jingyan carried Foya with one arm, while his other arm was extended, palm facing down, fingers clenched loosely in a fist a few inches away from Mei Changsu’s right shoulder. After a few moments of silence, Mei Changsu lifted his eyes and met Jingyan’s gaze.

In that split second, the both of them felt the most incredible pain, and at the same time, they each also felt the pain the other bore in his heart.

Pain that could not be spoken aloud, for if they were to open their mouths, only blood would pour out.

Xiao Jingyan’s arm was still calmly extended, steady and unwavering. Mei Changsu’s pale face showed no emotion, but finally, he raised his right arm. Pressing it down on the arm that was held steady before him, he used it to support himself as he slowly stood up. Once he seemed steady on his feet, that arm quickly withdrew, as if it had never supported him in the first place.

“Fei Liu, we’re going back.”

“Ng!”

Lie Zhanying, who was standing at the foot of the stairs, looked at the always well-mannered Mister Su with a puzzled expression. After standing up with the support of the Crown Prince, he didn’t even say thank you, but instead, simply left with his young bodyguard. And Xiao Jingyan, who was still carrying Foya as his eyes followed them out. The sad expression on his face caused Lie Zhanying to freeze.

“Zhanying…..”

“Er….this servant, this servant is here!”

“Carry Foya with you. Prepare him well for burial. Tomorrow….I will observe his burial.”

“Yes!”

Although Lie Zhanying had all sorts of questions in his head, he knew what to ask and what not to ask, so he hurriedly stepped forward to take Foya, quietly bowed and took his leave. Xiao Jingyan’s robe fluttered as he turned swiftly around and walked back to the hall like the wind was carrying him.

During his absence, Shen Zhui and Cai Quan recovered from their shock with some difficulty. They discussed the strange event that had transpired earlier, but because they lacked sufficient information, these two high-spirited nobles whose prospects were limitless, for whom no problem was too difficult, finally ended up exchanging superfluous words that were as good as not saying anything.

“Cai xiong, what was that all about?”

“I was just about to ask you. What was that all about?”

“If I only knew. But really, what was that all about?”

In the wake of their “What was that all about?”, they heard the sound of His Highness the Crown Prince’s approaching footsteps and immediately kept silent, standing respectfully to attention.

Xiao Jingyan’s expression when he came back was different from when he went out. He wore a tight frown, his face was gloomy and his eyes flashed with a cold, sharp light. When he began to speak, it was with a ferocity that they had rarely heard.

“Shen qing, Cai qing, I have something important to say. Listen carefully.”

“Yes!”

“I have made up my mind on this matter a long time ago. It must be carried out. What I am telling you today is not up for discussion, but for you to give me your wholehearted support.”

Shen Zhui and Cai Quan glanced at each other, then immediately replied, “Your ministers wait on Your Highness’s command.”

“Alright.” Xiao Jingyan clenched his jaw, tightly gripping the dragon’s head carved into his armrest, and said in a cold and resolute tone, “I….want to overturn the case of the Chiyan rebellion from thirteen years ago. Reinvestigate, rejudge, and have an imperial decree issued to the world to clear the names of Royal Eldest Brother and the Lin Clan. We will never give up until we achieve this goal!

Afterthought:

I know this was a very sad and poignant chapter but……“This pastry….is already stale…..” This really made me laugh my head off. AWKWARD MUCH.

But oh, MCS’s pain on realizing that XJY had found out. Pain for XJY, pain for himself. And then Foya’s death that reminds MCS of his own impending one. And the implicit acknowledgement of “I know you know” by MCS.

“Pain that could not be spoken aloud, for if they were to open their mouths, only blood would pour out.”

Nuff said.