Norman the Necromancer

Norman was on his way to the nearest teleporter when he ran into a gron. Well, it was more like the gron ran into him, knocking both to the ground.

Running into a gron was weird because they were all about rules and regulations. They also never seemed to be in a hurry to do anything and Norman had never seen them running anywhere. Unless it was heading to lunch or heading home. But even then they never ran it was more like a faster walk, unlike this one.

Another oddity Norman quickly noticed was the mask… and the can of spray paint rolling around on the ground between the two of them. Norman got a good look at the gron’s face, as the man’s mask had been knocked askew by the collision. Norman recognized this gron. How could he not, the dude's face was plastered on political billboards everywhere.

The gron noticed Norman’s expression and reached up to find his mask had been knocked aside. He cursed quietly and positioned the mask back over the bottom of his face before making a shushing motion. Then he leaped to his feet and sped off, leaving the paint can behind.

“He went this way!” Someone shouted from the alleyway that the gron had come from.

Norman quickly stood and brushed himself off. Then he spotted the can of spray paint just lying there. “Oh hell no.” Norman kicked the can into a nearby rain gutter. He didn’t want to get mixed up with this nonsense, he had his own problems to deal with.

Soon a group of four exited the alley. Norman expected four gron, but there were two gron, a human, and a jorik of all things. They were all wearing a similar grey outfit to what Toby had worn when he arrived at the bar, only a bit spiffier. So these were compliance officers.

One of the gron walked up to Norman. “Citizen, have you seen anyone suspicious around here?”

“Suspicious in what way? I haven’t lived here for very long.”

“Quit deflecting and answer the question,” The human ordered, trying to push forward, but he was stopped by the jorik.

Norman quirked an eyebrow at that interaction. As for the human, he gave off cop vibes. Norman wasn’t a fan of the police. He decided to just answer the gron’s question, seeing as he had no need to place himself between the gron that ran into him and the compliance office.

“I saw a gron running that way,” Norman jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I was on my way home.”

The human officer spoke up again. “I think we should detain him for questioning.”

Norman crossed his arms, “On what grounds? Subsection 36-5 of the compliance code states you need to provide proof of wrongdoing before you are allowed to detain me. Do you have this proof?” One thing Norman had learned at an early age, is that it paid to know the laws in your area. It had gotten him out of more than one charge.

The human compliance officer growled and pointed at Norman, “you know something, I can tell.”

Norman shrugged, “prove it. Now, I’ll be on my way, unless you wish for me to file a formal complaint with the chief compliance officer about your lack of knowledge about compliance code and conduct?”

“Whoa, that won’t be necessary,” the gron that approached him stated. “Have a nice day citizen.”

Norman grinned a big shit-eating grin at the human compliance officer as he strolled off. Sticking it to a jerk cop was always a good day in Norman’s world. Besides, he doubted that the man he had run into – who turned out to be the graffiti artist and the President of Grothlosburg – would ever get in trouble for his antics.

The whole situation made Norman chuckle. Who would have guessed the gron President was the one responsible for all the graffiti? Certainly, the stickler gron hadn’t yet figured it out.

Really the gron had only themselves to blame for this odd situation. They are the ones that made it so the person best at flouting the rules of their society was made leader. And it seemed like this president was taking that to the extreme. Heck, for all Norman knew, this could be the president's effort at securing the next election. As far as he knew, the gron didn’t have term limits.

When Norman arrived back at his apartment, he found it not exactly empty. Three human compliance goons were searching through his belongings, what little he had. All his more suspicious items were stored elsewhere thankfully. Norman had learned his lesson from losing everything when Toby burned down his house.

He continued past his apartment without stopping, but one of the men inside must have spotted him. “Hey, you, stop.”

Norman did not stop. In fact, he ran down the hallway as the men from the apartment raced to catch him. He rounded a corner, only to run into another gron. This was the second time Norman found himself on his ass today. When he looked up, he saw the smiling face of the gron President. Norman groaned.

A moment later the compliance officer skidded around the corner and stopped. “Mr. President!” The man stated, then bumped his fist against his chest in a salute.

“None of that now,” the President waved him off.

“Um, may I ask why you are here, Mr. President? We came to apprehend this conduct breaker.”

“Conduct breaker. This man?” The President pointed toward Norman. “I came to congratulate this man for his stellar work ethic. Did you know he has the highest output of anyone in the Corpse Disposal Department?”

Norman could hear the compliance officer physically stiffen, “I did not know that, Sir.”

“We should exemplify hard workers like Mr. Norman here. And not try to pin spurious charges on them for some misconstrued slight. Not that I am accusing you of that.”

“Of course not, Mr. President. I think we may have gotten some incorrect information and searched the wrong location.”

The president nodded sagely. “Good, good. Oh, before you go. Please make sure you and your friends return the room to its previous state. I wish to discuss Mr. Norman’s reward with him and don’t wish to sit in a messy living unit.”

This time Norman was sure he heard the grinding of teeth coming from the human compliance officer. “We will ensure it is spotless before we go, Sir.”

“Excellent!” The President exclaimed before slapping his hands together.

The president remained silent and refused to acknowledge Norman as they watched the compliance officers put his living quarters back to better than when he had left for work. They even cleaned his dishes for him.

All three officers nodded at the President as they left, none so much as looked Norman’s way.

“Shall we?” The President gestured to the room.

Honestly, Norman wanted to bolt. He didn’t know what this crafty bastard wanted, and he really didn’t want to be involved in some more gron nonsense. But he had to admit, he was a little curious. The President was sharp enough to figure out who Norman was, where he lived, and what his job was in the same amount of time it took Norman to arrive back home.

So he stepped into his apartment, followed by the gron leader.

“I don’t want to be involved in whatever you are up to.” Norman decided to just make his feelings on the subject very clear.

“If only the world revolved around our whims and desires,” the President mused as he looked around Norman’s one-room apartment. “The fact is, you are already involved. But if it helps your conscience any, I could blackmail you.”

“What?”

The President smiled and took out a thin puck-shaped device from his pocket. He set it on the kitchen counter and pressed down on it.

A holographic display lit up above the device, showing Norman stealing bodies from work. Then it switched to Norman experimenting on the bodies in this very apartment.

“I must say, that is an ingenious way to do your job. If you were gron, you would be giving me a run for office with that little trick.”

“How? I didn’t see any recording devices?”

The President shrugged. “The entire city is surveilled at all times. How else would the previous president be able to find a worthy successor? But don’t worry. Only I have access to this feed and I don’t plan on sharing this with anyone. I would prefer you assist me in good faith.”

“Fine. What do you want?”

“Nothing too onerous, I assure you. I’m sure you have noticed the gron are rather rigid?”

Norman nodded.

“Well, that rigidness is a problem. You see all this technology around us and I’m sure you think our species is extremely advanced, right?”

“I guess, where are you going with this?”

The President chuckled, “I guess he says. What if I told you, most of this technology is hundreds of years old?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.”

“And why should you, hmm. Human society is short and chaotic. You all look toward your immediate future with no respect for the distant future. It’s not inherently a bad thing mind you. Your species quickly adapt to changing circumstances. Did you know it took the gron over a century to decide to abandon our other territories in order to consolidate our remaining population into only one? And that was with the understanding from the beginning that if we did not take that measure, we as a species would become extinct.”

“Um… no, I did not know that.”

“I would have been surprised if you had. It’s not something we like to talk about. So change comes slowly to us. But it does come. Usually from the Presidential office. Take teleporters as a prime example. A few hundred years ago, they did not exist. The President at the time built them so he could get away with some tomfoolery. See, he liked to steal socks. Don’t ask me why, but he did. So a law was passed that made stealing pairs of socks illegal. So you know what he did to get around this new law?”

The President didn’t wait for Norman to answer as he continued his story.

“He started only stealing the left sock. This way he wasn’t actually violating the law. And nobody was able to catch him in the act for thirty years, thanks to his teleporter invention. Even though they knew it was him doing the stealing.”

“Wait, are you saying the Compliance Office knows it's you doing the graffiti?”

“Yup, they have since day one,” the President laughed. “But they need to catch me in the act before they can levy charges against me.”

“Why go through all this cloak and dagger nonsense?”

“That’s an easy question to answer. I am trying to stimulate the minds of my people. Trying to get them to think outside the box as you humans like to say. They are so set in their ways that I fear I may be the last president to reside over them.”

Norman rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. “I still don’t see how this involves me.”

“Simple. I read up on what a necromancer was from our human archives. A fascinating calling. I also watched your little friend, Toby was it? Whoever would suspect a dead body to be actively walking around and doing its own thing? Simply fabulous. I want you to make me like him.”

“…What? Why?” Not that Norman wasn’t intrigued by the offer, but it also wasn’t like he knew how to do it. Then again, he did have one of those poison bottles stuffed away in his bug-out bag. It was entirely possible he could recreate the conditions necessary.

The President smiled. “We have another law that states you cannot prosecute the dead.”

Norman groaned. Now he understood what the President was after. Complete immunity from his shenanigans. “Yeah, sure. Why not.” He threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

“Excellent. I knew you were perfect for this little ruse. Can you do it now?”

“No. Toby’s transformation was an accident. I might be able to recreate the effect, but I only have one bottle of the poison that was used. And it might be best if I tested it on someone other than yourself first.”

“Fair enough. If you can give me a sample of the poison, I will bring it to the alchemists to recreate. As for a test subject, I think I have a few people that would be perfect. And don’t worry about accidentally killing them. These stodgy bastards have wanted to die for some time. But our laws forbid us from taking their lives due to their years of service to the country.”

Norman supplied a sample of the poison to the President, finally getting the man to leave his apartment. He wasn’t entirely sure about this deal but the President assured him that nobody would find out about his extracurricular activities so long as he tried his best to recreate Toby’s incident. Despite the risk involved, Norman couldn’t help feeling a little giddy at the prospect of making an undead, that wasn’t by accident.