Not So Confident

"Aigh, why did you go kicking around like that?" Xiao Ming grumbled. "You were lucky my mom didn't notice."

Yi Fan didn't reply. Xiao Ming had gone to the medicine cabinet to grab some essentials such as topical disinfection medicine for Yi Fan. When he got back, Yi Fan already stopped his angry fit of kicks and was blankly staring off into space.

"Hey, apply this yourself. I don't want to touch your toes," Xiao Ming grunted, passing Yi Fan the bag of goodies.

Yi Fan held onto the bag, then continued to stare off to nowhere.

Xiao Ming got unusually impatient and grabbed the bag, "Fine! I'll help you out. Sit here."

He harshly pushed Yi Fan onto the bed and removed his socks for him. Surprisingly, his feet didn't stink. Xiao Ming was complaining the whole time as he applied hydrogen peroxide on Yi Fan's feet.

Yi Fan swiftly glanced at Xiao Ming tending to his wounds. He hissed when Xiao Ming touched his big toe, and reached for his hand to stop.

"Act like a man," Xiao Ming said with a devious smile. "Are you not one?"

Yi Fan unpleasantly grunted in response, then squeezing his eyes shut to bear the pain. Xiao Ming laughed aloud, becoming assertive and even blatantly making it even more painful for Yi Fan. He specifically focused on the one spot causing Yi Fan to grimace.

"Okay, I'm done." Xiao Ming lingered a second longer, grinning at Yi Fan's disp.l.e.a.s.u.r.e.

Yi Fan immediately picked up his socks and tried to put them on, but Xiao Ming slapped his hand.

"You need to put on band-aids first. Isn't that common sense?" Xiao Ming said.

Yi Fan took a long stare at Xiao Ming before picking up the band-aids to put on himself. He carefully unpeeled each one and wrapped one around each toe. Then, he took another bandaid to cover the top of his feet.

Suddenly, they were completely still. No one spoke a word as if they were too afraid to speak.

"... Thanks." Yi Fan mumbled.

"No problem," Xiao Ming muttered back.

Silence once again filled the air. The atmosphere was heavy and dull, so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Anything you want to do?" Xiao Ming asked. "You and I can't just sit here forever."

Yi Fan didn't reply.

"Do you want to play Chocolate Legends? Potato Ch.i.p.s? Monopoly?" Xiao Ming listed some games off his head. "Or... you want to just talk?"

Yi Fan twitched, almost as if he was afraid Xiao Ming would bring this up. He hesitantly looked at Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming only replied with an expected gaze. There was no way Xiao Ming wanted to just talk. He wanted that talk.

Yi Fan sighed in regret, maybe he shouldn't have run away. Anyways, he was already here and he couldn't change anything now. He had to go along with it, there was no turning back.

"Okay. But promise you will never tell anyone," Yi Fan lowered his murky eyes knowing he wouldn't be able to look directly at Xiao Ming.

"I promise, Yi Fan." Xiao Ming said. "I'm not a backstabbing friend."

Yi Fan nodded reluctantly, his chin dropping to the floor. He held his breath and then exhaled.

"I... come from a family of four. My father used to be normal... or at least seemed like it. I don't know what started it or how it began. But I do know one thing. My mother almost died while giving birth to me," Yi Fan gripped his shirt. "But I don't remember him doing... stuff when I was a baby. It might be due to my memories but I think the first time he did anything was when my sister, Yi Fei, got her first heart attack in our new home.

She was a baby who spent most of her early days in the ER. Mom always told me that I'm her older brother and I should take care of her. But after a few years, she was starting to become okay. I didn't take my mom's words to heart, I played with her like she was my playmate. I didn't treat her very well at that time... I was around 5 years old, and yeah, I was a spoiled brat.

One day, I pushed her out of anger. She kept wanting to play with my special edition legos, and I was really protective at that time. I didn't like sharing. So one time, I just pushed her. Hard... I didn't know what I was doing. And I chose to push her down the stairs.

I had no concept of death. I didn't know people could die. When Yi Fei suddenly started to breathe weird and her eyes started to shake, I just thought she was hurt. All I did was laugh and say that this is what you get for trying to steal my legos. But it was weird, you know? I felt like something was wrong.

I started to shake her. A lot. I kept asking if she was okay. If I knew better, I would've called my mom over right away. But I didn't. I didn't know. And then The Man⁠— I mean, my father came along. He asked me what happened. I told him I pushed her down the stairs.

I could still remember it. That savage glint in his eyes. It felt like he was a different person. He didn't pick up Yi Fei right away or call the ambulance. He only asked if I wanted to say sorry.

Of course, I said no. I recklessly told him it was her fault for being so weak. I was a five-year-old boy who had too much pride. Then... he punched me. In the face. There was absolutely no mercy. How could an a.d.u.l.t to that to a little boy? Later on, they rushed me and my sister to the hospital. They said we both fell down the stairs. Sister got a heart attack. Brother slammed his right cheek into a hard toy. Doctors never questioned and neither did my mom."

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