Office Diaries

Ashley leaned against the door as soon as she got out of the CEO's office. Her eyes filled with pain, regret, and self-derision that until now she was still unable to give her lover a proper reply. God knew Ash loved Alex so much. But the secretary was still scared and had no idea how to handle this love.

Alex Li was a playboy – an infamous one.

There was no one who was able to tame or catch him until he met her. But she knew that it was only because she gave him a hard time in wooing her. Now that she had Alex, she feared that if she changed, if she showed the other who she really was, she would lose him.

It pained her that she had to restrain herself from showing Alex how much she loved him. But the idea that if she did, he might find her boring, after all, was much scarier. She feared that after seeing who she really was Ashley would just suddenly find herself alone – just one of Alex's many conquests.

Pushing the thoughts from her mind, Ashley sighed as she walked back to her table and proceeded on following her boss' instructions. She remained bothered, however, until it was time to leave.

At five in the afternoon, Ash took the invitations to Alex's office. Her fiancé wasn't there however as Alex went to his father at the chairman's office for a short meeting and so she just left the envelopes on his table.

With a weary sigh, Ash leaned against Alex's desk, semi-sitting on it as she placed her arms across her c.h.e.s.t. She really didn't feel okay with his plans for the evening. In all honesty, she had wanted to spend it with him at home, watching movies together or something. She couldn't tell him that, though. It would sound like she was restricting her fiancé, and the last thing she wanted aside from Alex losing interest in her was him telling her that she was such a possessive nag.

Feeling defeated, Ash sighed again, this time louder not realizing the door had opened. Alex had returned and was studying her.

"You look tired," he commented which startled Ash, making her spin around to face him.

"Y-yeah…" she answered nervously.

"You should rest," he told her as he crossed the room, approaching until he was only an inch away from her. Glancing briefly at the wall clock, he turned his attention back to her, grabbing her waist, pulling her against his body.

"Wait –"she tried to protest but she was ignored.

"It's already after office hours," Alex told her before he lifted her chin up and claimed her lips, kissing her hungrily as if they hadn't kissed for a long time.

Ashley placed her arms on his shoulders, pulling him, wanting to be closer – demanding to be closer as their lips locked. She would be a hypocrite if she said she didn't want this.

She did, and she would always want this.

Their kiss ended and Ash could see the d.e.s.i.r.e in her lover's eyes. If this was only an ordinary day, she knew she'd be carried off somewhere for a nice dinner and then they'd spend the rest of the night m.a.k.i.n.g. .l.o.v.e.

But this wasn't.

Alex had made plans with his friends and Ashley would make sure her fiancé would have time to do other things without her, even though in reality, she hated sharing him with anyone.

"I'll be going now," she said with a smile, making her fiancé frown.  

"Why?" Alex asked her, and she reminded him of his meeting with his friends from college.

"But it's okay. I'll just tell them I can't go, after all," he told her gently. 

Somehow, it warmed her heart that he preferred her company over his friends'. But the gesture was enough. She wouldn't let her fiancé cancel on his friends.

"You should go," she told him and when Alex frowned, she pasted a smile on her face. "Even if we're getting married, we shouldn't be together all the time. You should have time for friends and other activities as well," she said, lying through her teeth.

"Are you telling me to do what I want away from you? And you'll do the same?" Alex demanded and Ash thanked heavens she didn't cry as she nodded.

"We should give each other space too," she told her fiancé and she watched as his eyes narrowed on her. She thought her words angered him, but then he smiled.  

"Sure," the CEO answered, sounding happy and her heart broke though she remained smiling.

"I'll see you tonight then," she said as she gave Alex one last peck on the cheek before she turned to leave.

She had no idea that she missed seeing the way her lover tightened his lips together as soon as she turned her back. Alex clenched his fists into a tight ball on his side and his eyes narrowed on her back as she walked towards the door.  

All she thought as she went out was on how she was supposed to spend the evening alone. With another weary sigh, she decided she'd just drink herself to a stupor. She couldn't bear waiting alone at the apartment she shared with Alex, wondering when he would be home or what he was doing every minute.

"Pathetic," Ash muttered to herself as she went home to change her clothes.

====

As soon as the door closed, Alex turned around and grabbed the fountain pen resting on the table and snapped it in two. His body shook, his eyes glared, as his jaw clenched.

He was furious!

He didn't even know if the word was enough to describe the raging feeling he had right now. If only there weren't other people at the office, he'd have started smashing things, but he was already over that impulsive stage in his life.

Alex took a deep breath. His nose flared as he inhaled and exhaled audibly as he tried to reign in his temper. But it was proven to be difficult as their conversation kept playing in his mind.

["Even if we're getting married, we shouldn't be together all the time. You should have time for friends and other activities as well."

"Are you telling me to do what I want away from you? And you'll do the same?"

"We should give each other space too."]

Until now, Alex couldn't believe he'd hear something like that from Ashley's mouth. He felt so hurt. She sounded as if she didn't care much about him, letting him go and do as he pleased as if she didn't give a damn.

A cynical laugh escaped his lips.

He had moved heaven and hell to pursue her – to make her believe in his feelings. He knew his dark past was part of the reason why Ash really didn't want to be with him, but he worked hard over the years to prove himself.

He thought he'd been successful as well. They were getting married next week, after all. He thought that even if he knew Ash didn't love him as much as he loved her, she would have at least fallen in love with him just a bit.

But it seemed he was wrong.  

He wondered now if he was really able to make the other love him even just a bit. If he really had her heart, Ashley wouldn't have said those words to him, right? She wouldn't have acted as if she didn't care what he did. She would have…

Alex inhaled.

Ashley would have at least told him how she felt. "I love you"– he'd never heard her say that to him. Ever.

Realizing this, Alex trudged towards his chair, looking defeated. He'd been so confident before. He was so sure he could win her heart. For someone who had always betted and won, Alex Li finally knew the bitter taste of defeat.

The phone in his pocket vibrated, and he slowly took it out. The screen flashed the name of his college friend, the one who had invited him to hang out that night and he frowned. He had already clearly told the other that he was not interested in going out tonight as he really wanted to just spend the time at home with Ash. He just told her he would go to see her reaction but was terribly disappointed with the results.

Tsk!

With a heavy sigh, he picked it up.

"What?" he almost snarled at his friend.

"Geez, Li, you're really so scary these days," his friend told him as soon as he answered, but he was too frustrated to even speak properly. His friend might have sensed his mood as well, so he changed the topic immediately. "You sound so stressed. You should really come and hang out with us to unwind. We haven't seen each other for a long time since you became the CEO."

Alex opened his mouth and was about to say no when he suddenly stopped. He realized he was indeed too stressed and upset to go back home when Ash already told him to go out. He felt like sulking, and so he decided to go in the end.

"Sure. Why not?"