Pain

I was in a house with two little kids. They were both mine because I was on the couch with them watching E.T. both the boy and the little girl were crying over E.T. Dying and having to go home.

"Mom I'm hungry." The little boy cried.

"Me too." The little girl agreed.

"Ok what about I make some grilled cheese and Tomato soup for my little munchkins Rena and Arima." I ask. Rena was one of my names I always wanted to name a girl and Arima was my name choice for a boy

"Yay! Ok thank you mommy." They both said in unison. I cooked them up some food and they loved it good thing I make a killer grilled cheese.

"Hey mommy when is Dad coming back."

Someone knocked on the door. They both yelled "It must be Dad!" Rena ran to the door and opened it while I put her plate in the sink and rinsed it.

"Mom!" She said and I woke up. I don't know who was at the door. Maybe I never will. I woke Kiatsu's arms and the startle of having kids left my mind and I felt safe again in my cousin's arms where he held me tight and protected me and my heart. My heart beats with his and his warmth from his body transfers to my body. I yawn and I notice he is up he hasn't moved though. I look across the way and Naokatsu is still sleeping and so was everyone else. Even my Nino was sleeping. I move up a bit and Kiatsu losses his arms around me I roll over to the point where I can look up at him and smile. His warmth warms me up and I notice his clothes smell like flowers.

"Why good morning Aiko." He smiles and I look at the time it's 3:30pm and I smile.

"More like good afternoon Kiatsu." I yawn. His smile fades.

"Look at all this why can't it last forever." He sighs.

"Because if it were to last forever I would never find love in my life and you could love Hana." I say.

"Love....Isn't this enough of it. Isn't this all the love you need. Right here in this moment. In my arms perfectly safe. Surrounded by family. All perfect no pain. This love....isn't this the best kind. " He looks upset not even making eye contact with me anymore. I don't know what to say.

"Well maybe that's true but I don't want to stay here forever. Naokatsu is in a hospital bed of course I don't want it to stay like this." I reply.

"You know how many times I have thought to run away. Just me start a family with someone. Finally know what it's like to be happy to have everything I ever wanted. To start a family to have a life to have fun to be something bigger than myself." He says.

"Of course I have felt the same before. Everyone feels that way at least once." I say.

"We all do but I have to stay. I can't leave Kotoko." He says.

"Of course you can the little girl is feisty she can stick up for herself." I say.

"Not against my father..." He says.

"She will college when she's 18." I say.

"Yeah but I have to be here for her I can't go to college I need to be close."

"No you don't you don't have to throw away your future just because of your father!" I snap. He looks at me surprised.

"I don't have a choice." He says.

"There is also Kiatsu....Always...." I say and he looks at me with tiny speck of hope in his eyes. I can see it. It's been hiding for a while.

"Can I tell you something?"