Project: Socialize

We waited for the scrimmage to end and stood there watching as the basketball team played. Besides from us, there appeared to be other spectators in the gym as well, mostly girls drawn here by the energy and handsomeness of some of the players. When particular players scored, particularly those on the official team, the girls would cheer, which annoyed me. As for the players though, you could easily tell who were concentrated on the sport and not distracted by the loud shrieks of the girls. Those players, including Zaksus, were loud in their communications, calling out to teammates to cover a certain position or help on defense.

When the scrimmage was over, the coach of the team called out to the rest of the team, telling them to enjoy the temporary break. In response to their coach's permission for a short break, those players walked over to the benches where the team managers had prepared water for the players to refresh themselves with.

Zaksus, after grabbing his sports bottle and taking a few drinks out of it, he walked over to us, probably because he saw us standing there when he was released from the scrimmage for the break. I didn't know him, and I was pretty sure that Muria did not know him as well. Therefore, my conclusion was that it must be Loyd that Zaksus was familiar with. My hypothesis was correct since Zaksus greeted Loyd with a friendly smile.

"Hey Loyd," Zaksus said in a respectful tone.

"Good job out there, Zaksus," Loyd replied with words of encouragement.

"Thanks," Zaksus chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "They're?" He noticed Muria and I who stood behind Loyd as he did the talking and looked over at us with a confused expression on his face. However, he maintained a high degree of respect due to the fact that he was a grade lower than us.

"I'm Muria Eis Edel, second year student." Muria introduced herself with a non-hostile voice and a smile that was in fact quite friendly. It was the Muria that I had never had the chance to experience.

"Nice to meet you," he replied, blushing slightly and with a hint of nervousness.

I don't blame him for that behavior because not only is Muria pretty, but she also treated all that was not me with utmost respect although with limited scope of friendliness that one would often attribute to be part of that superior and almost royalty-like persona of hers. Therefore, it was obvious that any normal boy would feel something for her.

"And you are?" Zaksus then looked over at me after allowing his gaze to linger about Muria for a brief moment, allowing that blush on his face to dissipate.

"He's Alevian Versteckt Enzel," Loyd responded for me. "He's also a second year student."

"Nice to meet you too," Zaksus smiled in a friendly manner towards me.

I was about to ignore his greetings when I felt a sudden nudge from Muria's elbow against my arm, almost as if she wanted me to respond. I glanced over at her from the corner of my eye and saw that look of superiority in her eyes, almost as if it was threatening me with punishment if I were to not comply with her command. Therefore, to save myself, I decided that it would be best if I go along with what she wanted.

"Nice to meet you," I said in a fatigued voice.

Zaksus smiled and then turned his attention back towards Loyd. "So why're you all here today? To see me play ball?"

"Well," Loyd awkwardly laughed. "We have a favor to ask of you."

"What is it?" Zaksus replied without any changes in his facial expression. Either he was very good at concealing emotional fluxes or he just didn't cared could explain this situation. "If it's within my powers, then I'll do what I can to help."

"The three of us are thinking of starting a club," Loyd explained, "so we need members."

"I see," Zaksus brought his right hand to his chin in thought.

"You don't come if you don't want to," Loyd soon explained. "In fact, we don't even have what the club activities would be down yet."

"If you say it like that," Zaksus smiled and looked at the three of us. "Then sure."

What? Just like that? Just like that Loyd convinced him? What the hell?

I glanced over at Loyd and Zaksus, feeling a sense of animosity and jealously towards them. It was probably for the ease as to how these charismatic people could accomplish tasks that would take people like me hours of torment to complete.

"So once the club is made," Zaksus continued to speak with Loyd, "message me. I'll find time to come by."

"Alright," Loyd smiled and raised up his hand for a fist bump. "Thanks man."

"No problem," Zaksus returned the gesture.

At that moment, the sound of a whistle could be heard in the gym, and looking over, I saw the basketball coach calling for his players to regroup.

"I gotta go," Zaksus apologetically smiled as he lowered his head. "See you guys."

He then jogged back to the huddle of basketball players and joined in.

"So with that out the way," Loyd turned to Muria and I. "That's only one more person."

"Yeah," I sighed, telling myself that we just need to find one more person before I can head home. "Do you know anybody else that might want to join?" I asked after we exited the gym.

"Sadly..." Loyd sighed, "he's the only one that I am fine with joining."

"What do you mean?" Muria questioned as the three of us walked back towards the lecture building.

"I don't want...how do I say this...fake people around me," Loyd awkwardly smiled at us. "I feel like those people that flock around me...well...I feel like they're not true friends."

Of course they aren't. I smirked and closed my eyes, basking in the good feeling after I learned that even Loyd feels lonely. High school relationships are more often than not just superficial, meaning that it is only there for the looks or benefits. This can also apply to all other relationships in different stages of life. It is human nature to befriend those who could benefit themselves, which in this case, most people probably befriended Loyd in order to make themselves seem more popular than they are. The typical high school stuff.

That is a major reason why I prefer to distance myself from people. I dislike being used by others for their own benefit, which is the reason why I opted to remain quite isolated. The only people that I would truly interact with are people that I know expects nothing from me and I in turn expect nothing from them. It is a mutually neutral relationship, with no one gaining an advantage. That is the reason why I am fine talking to Muria, although I would prefer it if her attitude was a bit better. As for the reason why I am fine talking to Mura, that is because of her nature as well. I could sense that she truly wanted to help me and asks nothing in return from me. Therefore, I judged that that relationship is one that I am fine with maintaining.

"I know this might sound kind of selfish but," Loyd looked up at the sky and smiled. "If I were to create a club, I want it to be the purest place on this planet, the place where I know that all relationships are true and to the heart."

"That is quite the admirable goal you have there," Muria commented.

She sneaked a glance over towards me that I noticed, as if she intended to observe my reaction.

"If such a place could be created," she then said with a sigh, "where people that understands yourself could gather...that would be nice."

"Yeah."

Loyd and Muria looked dreamily at the sky above, imagining their utopia of a club. However, as for me, I could not see the light that they saw. I could not see whatever happiness and fun the club could bring. I just can't see it. When did it become like this though? When was it that I no longer yearned for human interaction? When was it that I no longer cared for what others thought of me after the initial few seconds? What made me so concealed in this secluded and isolated world of mine? That answer is my mother. She made me like this.

"That will never happen," I tore them away from their brief moment of solitude.

Loyd looked over at me with surprise in his eyes and Muria glared at me with a sense of disdain mixed within it. However, like I said before, except for the first few seconds, I did not care much as to what they thought of me nor my opinion.

"A place where everybody can understand you will never be possible," I said, ignoring the fact that what I was saying might not fit the atmosphere of things. However, seeing them filled with such hope pains me. Maybe it was because I could no longer feel that sense of hope or maybe it was because I too once held a similar dream and was betrayed by reality. "Human nature is way too complicated for that to occur. It changes rapidly and it can be altered easily. You never know if the person you were talking to is still the person you spoke to a few seconds ago. That is how fast humanity changes. You can never be sure."

"Why did you have to say this," Loyd gazed at the ground with a painful look in his eyes.

"Because it is reality," I eyed him with an almost soulless gaze. It was at that moment that I could truly sense how corrupted and rotten my eyes were. "Reality is a cruel battlefield with no room for such child play. Even family members could not truly understand each other, let along people that are merely friends."

"But Alev—no, Alevian," Loyd hesitated in calling me by the name that he used to call me with and instead resorted to the use of my full first name. "I included you and Muria in the people that I believe can understand me."

I shook my head and sighed. "Take me off that list. I don't understand you. You know how it is for me. This illusion that I created for you of me understanding you in the past...well...that was the results of countless hours of studies in psychology and reading human body language. I do not truly understand you and had never understood you."

Loyd chuckled at my comment. "That's fine then."

"What do you mean?" My expression hardened.

"If you've never understood me in the past, then do so at the present."

"At the present, huh?" I glanced over at Muria and then at the sky overhead. "If it could be that easily done..."

"It will be possible," Loyd smiled. "If you can understand Muria, then you surely can understand me as well."

"Understand me?" Muria appeared quite confused at Loyd's comment about me understanding her.

"You've never noticed?" Loyd looked over at her. "Out of all students at our school, only you he talks to regularly. Not once had I seen him pay attention to other students voluntarily, but sometimes he does so to you."

"Hold up there," I explained myself. "Isn't it normal to be attracted to something that is pretty?"

Muria blushed slightly at my comment for a split second, making me wonder if I had truly seen it or not since immediately, she turned to look at me with a disgusted expression on her face. "Is that technically considered stalking?"

"Don't report me," I sighed and said in my usually fatigued voice. "I never did anything wrong."

"..." Muria remained silent. However, in her expression, for some reason I could sense a hint of joy. Maybe it was just my imagination.

"So," Loyd announced as he looked me in the eye with great confidence in himself. "I think I have an idea for our club activity."

"What is it?" Muria asked.

"To help students fix their attitudes and help them find people that can truly understand them," he smiled confidently. "And Alevian shall be one of our first missions. So, once the club is started, you will have to come to every single meeting. If you don't, I'll drag you to it."

"..." I reared at his determination and sensing an imminent defeat if I dared challenge his determined proposal, I sighed and lamented the loss of my after-school free time. "Do as you wish. We still have to get one more member for the club."

I then started walking towards the lecture building, leaving the two standing behind me. As I walked, I looked up at the sky.