Project: Socialize

I checked the time on my phone, praying that it was late so that I might have an excuse to possible think of staying out for the night. My phone displayed the time to be about 4:45 PM. Since it was slowly slipping into autumn, the sun should set at around 7 PM. Therefore, I need to buy some time until nightfall.

I nervously glanced over at her. We had finished our meal and were just sitting there, resting for a bit since the restaurant wasn't particularly busy and that no extra seats were needed. However, that doesn't mean we could sit here forever. We will have to leave soon, which means I will only have a few minutes to think of what I could do.

Since we had came all the way to Azavak, I might as well use it to my advantage. Since I mostly stay in Lumina and Nocsinis, I rarely pass by Azavak. As for Loriana, that should be true as well since her work place is also based in Nocsinis. Therefore, a suggestion to do some sight-seeing might pass. That's right! That will be my plan. What am I? A genius? I'm so proud of myself for thinking of this.

"Loriana," I forced myself to speak.

She lifted her head up and looked into my eyes.

"Since we drove all the way here to Azavak, can we do some sight-seeing before we head back?" I suggested.

"...Sure," she said after taking a second to think over the suggestion. "It is a Saturday after all."

"Yeah," I hastily added in immediately so as to make sure that she does not back out of the decision. "We can spend some more time together this way then."

She stared at me when she heard what I had last said and frowned. I was initially worried that I might've said something wrong since on her face was a saddened expression of disappointment. However, she didn't say anything to blame me or scold me. Rather, she seemed to be mad with herself judging by that bitter look on her face.

"Let's go then," she sighed and got up from her seat. "We can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want, going wherever you want to go."

"Th-thanks." Determined to maintain my act, I forced a happy laugh.

The two of us then exited the restaurant after Loriana had paid. Then, we walked back to her car in a quick jog so as to escape the rain.

"Since it's raining," I said, "I think we can first drive around and check out the different architectural styles of the skyscrapers here in Azavak. You don't really get the chance to see them from our house."

"Sure." Loriana agreed to my request without objection and drove onto the rainy streets of Azavak.

She intentionally drove at the lowest speed acceptable for the road so that we could take in the architectural styles of the buildings of the Azavak district. Due to this, I realized that the buildings were slightly different from the ones I see in Nocsinis and Lumina. You could really see the different take on buildings.

A solution to that question is the nighttime view of Azavak. I checked on my phone and discovered that nearby exists a tall skyscraper that offers a free observation deck at one of the higher floors. Therefore, if I just say that I want to check out the nighttime view at a different angle, then that might work. I didn't know for sure, so all I could do is pray that Loriana accept my boring request.

"Can we go to this tower?" I showed the address of the place to Loriana as we stopped at a red light. "There's an observation deck there and I want to see Azavak at night."

"That's fine," Loriana agreed without any objections. Then, she followed the GPS on my phone and drove to the tower.

Once we neared the tower and found a spot to park in one of the paid parking lots, we left our car and proceeded on foot. Lucky for us, we could reach the interior of the tower through the underground parking lot and that is exactly what we did. When we entered the building through the elevators, we discovered that the bottom few floors was a shopping mall. Here, numerous different stores were neatly arranged with their products on display. These were mostly brand clothing stores. However, when we head up, we found a cafe and a food court.

"It's not nighttime yet," Loriana said as we stopped before the cafe. "You want to wait here?"

"Sure," I agreed.

I was more than happy to sit down since my legs were starting to become weak from all the acting I had done. We ordered two drinks and once the drinks were ready, we found a seat by the window and sat down. I gazed out the window as I sucked on the straw of my drink, taking in the sweetness of the vanilla blended drink. Time quickly passed and the world gradually became darker and darker. The street lights soon turned on when dusk approached and the rain continued to pour.

"Alevian," Loriana attracted my attention, causing me to look over at her. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah," I responded.

That response from me wasn't a lie or part of an act. Maybe not exactly though, but I did feel quite content with what we did today, minus the mission Ralus sent me. If that didn't exist, then the day would've been perfect. However, if Ralus never sent that mission to me, then we would've probably went home immediately after eating according to my nature. Then, I would more than likely lock myself up in my room and have little to no interaction with Loriana. I would be in my lonely world, all alone, and she will probably be alone too. Come to think of it, the two of us are so similar yet so different. Loriana and I are both not the type that excels in socializing, although she is better at me in that field. We're different types of people. Maybe that is why. Loriana, she's the type that excels in the job ascribed to her, the type of person that people look up to. As for me, I'm the type that people will forget about, the one that's always in the corner and his presence bringing no meaning to the group as a whole.

My life...it can or cannot exist. My existence is none the matter to many in this world. Maybe if I were to be gone, then life would've been better. If it weren't for me, then Loriana wouldn't have to break up with her then boyfriend at the time she took me in. If it weren't for me, she would've have more financial freedom. If it weren't for me, she would've have more freedom. Me being gone would not change anything in this world. Rather, it would bring about even more benefits to it. But then...

I could see some tears forming in my eyes in the reflection of the window as I thought of it.

But then why is it that I want to live? I don't want to die...I don't want to be alone forever in that darkness. Maybe, deep down inside me, maybe there exists a young boy that has locked himself away behind this facade of mine to hide from the cruelties of reality. Maybe...it is that young boy that is the real me. Then if so, why has it come o the point that I've almost forgotten about him already? I'm all that he's got, the last barrier separating this cruel world from him. Please world...don't fully consume my innocence.

"Alevian?" Loriana saw the single line of tears that rolled down my cheeks.

"It's nothing," I quickly wiped it away. "Really."

"Are you alright?" she asked?

Her voice was so gentle to the ears...so soothing as it entered through my ears and permeated my entire body. I could feel warmth in her concern for me. Maybe that is all that I had ever wanted in life: to be cared for.

"I'm fine," I said, wiping away the tears that was forming and falling at a rapid pace.

My vision blurred as I was unable to control the tears of fatigue as it rolled out of my eyes.

"Here."

Loriana took out her handkerchief and began wiping my the tears away from my face. She had to stand up to do so, which attracted attention to her, but she didn't care. At that moment of time, all that she could see in her eyes is me, and I know it. That idea comforted me, knowing that she actually cares for me.

"Thank you," I sobbed as the tears finally started to slow down. "I must be tired."

"Yeah," Loriana frowned. "Let's head back to the car for now."

"Yeah," I agreed, not thinking of the mission anymore at that moment and time.

***