Project: Socialize

The commute to the school was conducted in silence. Muria and Irina, sensing that something was amiss with me, remained silent throughout the journey, merely staring at me occasionally with a concerned expression on their faces. It was only then that I realized that... people actually paid attention to me.

The three of us got off at the station closest to our high school. In the station, there were plenty of other students dressed in the same school uniform that we wore. Because of this, I intentionally lagged behind Muria and Irina so that no one would know that I was with them. This gesture of mine... it was meant to protect them.

On the five minute walk from the station to our high school, I maintained the distance I had created between Muria and Irina as more and more students were walking in the same direction as us. I kept my head down, staring at my feet and the road as I walked. My mood was a silent melancholy, one that devoured all traces of joy from my world and leaving me with many sighs.

I did not anticipate this devastating impact the news of her disease had on me at first, but as time went on, I discovered that it was the unbearably dull pain within my chest that bothered me the most. The pain was faint at first, but as time went on, it seemed to feed on my joy, slowly making the feeling of melancholy greater and greater. This beast, so relentless and unforgiving, haunted me in every second of my waking hour. I suspect that I was only able to fall asleep last time because of Loriana's warm embrace.

The gentle autumn season brought with it beautiful colored leaves dangling on trees. However, they seemed to all be of the same color to me. Even the cool autumn breeze that I used to enjoy so much seemed unsatisfying to me. However, the wind still blew, bringing with it the occasional autumn leaves that had fallen from the tree branches.

My eyes followed the red leaves that had fell from the trees and carried about in the air due to the wind. The leaves made a simple dance in the air, as if joyful spirits that were having fun in the wind. Those spirits caught my eye, leading my gaze over to the girl with silvery-white hair that moved in the wind.

I stopped abruptly by the front gates of the school upon seeing Luna walking down the street and towards the school gates. She was walking with an energetic girl with long pink hair, and when she saw me from the corner of her eye, she paused her conversation with that girl and gently smiled towards me.

Upon seeing that gesture from her, I nervously reached my right hand over to the strap of my school bag that I carried on my left shoulder. I know that this is a gesture of nervousness and uncertainty, but that was what I felt upon seeing Luna. Her smile, although gentle and kind, appeared as if a monster that haunted me. I was perplexed. How can she still smile when she knows about her fate?

It's so damn bright...

When I had entered the classroom, it was a few seconds before the bell rang. Since it was a shorter school day today, the morning homeroom was cancelled and each class's length was greatly reduced. Therefore, today was a pretty relaxing day, one that allowed me time to ponder over what Luna had said to me.

Despite my best efforts at thinking over what she said, I discovered that I had made no progress at all. I was simply repeating what she had said to me, over and over again and making no real progress in my thoughts. What I was doing was simply escaping from what was truly important, which is facing Luna once again.

Loyd seemed to have noticed my melancholy and allowed me to have my peace alone during the breaks. He didn't speak to me, but he did with Muria and Irina like the charismatic person he was. I was grateful for their negligence and continued with my silent struggle.

It was a sinking feeling that bothered me. The sense of helplessness was a major part of my melancholy, but I did nothing in order to alleviate it. I couldn't do anything to alleviate it. The only way to alleviate it was to accept her message, but deep down... I was unwilling to accept her death.

Lunch soon came by after four class periods had ended. When everyone in my class took out the lunch that they had packed or started for the student store to buy some bread, I opened my school bag as well. That was when I noticed that I didn't pack anything. Usually, if I didn't pack any food, I would buy food from a convenience store that I came by during my commute. But today... I forgot all about it. Therefore, my only source of food appeared to be from the student store.

I slowly forced myself up from my seat and exited the classroom in silence. I walked with a slight slouch due to my fatigue and foul mood, and this aura of mine seemed to act as a natural human repellent since everyone automatically got out of my way as I made my way over to my destination. I then entered the long line before the student store that was located on the first floor of the lecture building in order to purchase some food to restore some energy to my lethargic body.

After waiting for about a minute, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and looking over, I discovered that it was Luna. Her appearance was so sudden and without warning that it gave me no time to react, leaving me with widened eyes and a slightly gaping mouth as I stared at her smile.

"What're you doing here?" she asked me with an energetic voice. "Buying lunch?"

How can you still smile...

Her vitality and vigor pained me. It was tormenting seeing how energetic she was, and it was mind-boggling to think that someone as lively as her was going to die soon. Seeing her like this, it was almost as if her disease was a lie, as if it was all just a prank to fool me. I prayed that it was actually so, but I knew that it was all useless. Her disease is a reality in this cold, harsh world.

She smiled playfully at me, once again absorbing my attention with those amber eyes of hers. Within that pristine window, I stared into her heart. I saw no fear for the future, and instead, I saw optimism. There seemed to be no hint of worry for her imminent death or any other indication that she was going to die. She's just... so alive, more alive than I'll ever be. And yet, someone as alive like her, someone who was the epitome of life itself, was about to be deprived of all life in the near future.

"Hey," she pouted. "It's rude to ignore people when they're talking to you."

I gulped upon hearing her voice once again. It confused me how great of an emotional attachment I had given to her. We had only met for a few days and I'm already invested in her.

She's... really gonna die, I reminded myself that harsh reality.

"Alevian?" She tried to attract my attention by bringing her face closer to mine by going on her tippy-toes. Her amber eyes was now merely inches from mine, and I could feel the air that she breathed out hitting my lips.

She's... alive, I thought, feeling the evidence of her life constantly with my lips. But... she won't be soon.

"Say something." She then took a step closer to me and forced me to back up into the student before me in line.

"I'm getting some food," I finally said after apologizing to the student that I had bumped into.

"You didn't bring any lunch?" She continue to gaze into my eyes. Then, after maintaining eye contact for a few more seconds, a smile appeared on her face once again as she reached both her hands to my right wrist and grabbed it. "Come with me," she said, dragging me out of line and towards the stairway.

I followed after her in silence, unwilling to do anything to break free. I was unable to use my strength to break free of her grasp, knowing that she's dying in the near future and afraid that I might accidentally harm her in the process if I were to do so. Therefore, I just followed after her, allowing her to take me to where she wanted to take me.

She first took me back to her classroom, where she grabbed her lunch box. Then, she took me further up the lecture building despite the fact that we were at the top floor already. Since we were headed up, I immediately knew our destination. We were headed to the roof.

The door to the rooftops of the lecture building wasn't locked, allowing us access to the very top of the school. There were no signs of life on the rooftops, meaning that Luna and I were alone with her standing in front of me with her back facing me. It would appear that in the process of making our way here, probably after she had went to grab her lunch box, she had let go of my wrist and held onto my hand instead. Even now, her left hand was still tightly holding onto my right hand.

I looked down at our point of contact, taking in how soft and cold her hand was. I simply allowed my hand to remain limp while she held onto it in fear that if I were to use any strength, I might accidentally hurt her. In addition, I didn't even dare trying to free my hand from her's. I saw her as a delicate figure, as if she would fade into ashes if I were to simply blow on her.