Returning Home

After their conversation that was more like a mumbled argument Victoria returned to her room and sends Sammy, Alexandra's roommate, in but Sammy doesn't say a word to her. She comes straight into the room and crawls into bed, facing away from Alexandra as if somehow not looking at her would make the actual situation disappear. Sammy had been lucky enough to not witness the aftermath of the punishments Mary deals out but that gentle cushioned reality had to end someday. Alexandra hadn't been sure what to expect as a result of the realization, but she was hoping it wouldn't be this, as much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, the young girl was much like the younger sibling she never had but had wished for along with parents. After a while of thinking about Sammy and the other girls in the house Alexandra drifts off into an uneasy sleep and wakes up to an empty room, Sammy already gone for the day. She turned over and over in her bed, avoiding aimlessly sitting in her room, until she heard the high school girls come up the stairs. She had thought through Victoria's last-minute plan over and over to prepare of possible complications. As simple as it seemed Mary was not a predictable woman, and Alexandra knew from experience what that unpredictability could lead to.

Alexandra sits up slowly in her bed, swinging her legs over the edge, trying to keep the w.h.i.n.e from escaping her lips. If she wanted to make it through the night without attracting Mary's attention she would need to get her wincing and groaning under control. She rocks back and forth, side to side, to stretch out her sore and angry muscles. At first the pain takes her breath and brings tears forward but eventually things stretch out enough for her to stand. She doesn't even make it half way there when she falls back onto the bed and tries again. Eventually she gets her feet underneath her and tests out her balance. Once she is sure that she won't fall she makes her way over to her dresser/night stand across the room and pulls everything out of the drawers, one by one, and dumps in all onto her bed. Dragging her back pack over to the bed she moves through her piles of clothes as she has done multiple time before. Her school books would of course be going with her and so would whatever hygiene products were left in the bathroom and clothing. All that left was the things of sentimental value which encompassed a journal, baby blanket, and stuffed bear from when she was 4. There was only room left for one thing and she hesitates for a moment before adding. The baby blanket easily into her pack and she moves onto the next part of the day, getting ready for the fundraiser.

The plan was to leave after the fundraiser while Mary was receiving the majority of the checks and smiles from last minute guests. At that time, Mary wouldn't be paying enough attention to realize two of the girls had slipped away. They would both take different exits, just in case, and meet up a few hours later across the slums and hopefully in one piece. To get the first part of the plan done Alexandra would have to get her back pack out of the building and be ready for the fundraiser that would start in about 4 hours. With the fact that the older girls were expected to help the younger girls get ready in 2 hours that meant she would have to be ready before then. Alexandra forces a deep breath into her sore lungs and aching ribs and walks into the joint bathroom and locks both doors. She pulls out her brush, toothbrush, and nearly empty shared toothpaste and sets them on the counter before starting up the shower. It wasn't like she had a lot to do in order the be ready but she would rather to ready early instead of running late and causing problems. She focused on scrubbing her scalp and getting all of her hair with the conditioner instead of the pain she felt from standing so long.

Drying quickly Alexandra secures her towel and runs her brush through her hair before braiding it loosely over her right shoulder and brushing her teeth. She sweeps up the rest of her things and manages to fit it all into her back pack before zipping in up and dropping it out her two-story window. Both her and Sammy's dress hang off the top of the window sill in their room. Sammy's shorter red dress stood out next to Alexandra's floor length navy blue dress. Sammy had picked hers out from the selection in the attic but Alexandra had had to go shopping for hers like most of the older girls because the dresses up there simply didn't flatter their thin bodies anymore. Her dress didn't have any sequencing or false jewels on it, just a fitted bottess and simple A-line skirt. If anything set the dress apart it would be its low back that Alexandra prayed covered all the bruises and the slight sparkle it had that reminded her of the night sky. A personal bonus was that the long jagged red birthmarks on her back would be showing which would only give the entire outfit a certain air of mischief. When Alexandra had found the dress, she had thought it would be a good thing but now she worried to would make the night more complicated.

Alexandra grabs the dress off the top of the window sill and steps into it. After spending a minute adjusting things until it laid just right. She pulls her braid through the halter strap and slips into her old black flats. Mary's voice rings in her ear reminding her that Mary clearly announced doesn't want to see her until it's time to meet and greet quests so she had some time to spare until then. She picks up her journal and stuffed animal, contemplating what to do with them sense they can't come with her. She had tried to run away before but she had had less clothing then. Now that she was older and after being with James she had more stuff, even though she had tried to keep him from buying her stuff. Now that she was older she knows that her diploma is the only thing that will get her out of here. Even knowing these things, it was hard for her to leave anything behind. Even if they would only remind her of a darker part of her life. Alexandra remembers a time when she couldn't sleep without the stuff bear and the journal close by. The journal was full of memories of her and James, still painful memories, but still memories and she just wasn't ready to leave then behind just yet. Alexandra flips open to the first page and begins reading. She has a hard time believing the words she used to describe how she felt about someone she couldn't even speak to anymore. Alexandra doesn't know how long she spends reading the journal but at some point when she turns the page, something slips out and onto the floor. She closes the journal in frustration and leans gently down it pick up the escaped paper, curiosity overtaking pain. The moment she flips the paper over she wishes she would have left it on the ground. There staring up at her is James and her. They had gone to the mall one Saturday to get away from the house and he had insisted on spending the money to do one of the photo booths. They squished into the unusually small booth and she had had so much fun taking the four photos with him. She had smiled, laughed, made a funny face, and even kiss him in the last one. She looked so happy, so normal, sitting there next to him in that booth. She had felt normal that day. The memory was now stained with what occurred two months later, the event that had ended their relationship, but she still couldn't help but smile down at the small photos and feel longing for things to go back to the way that they were. She missed that sense of belonging, sense of trust, she had felt with James.

Before Alexandra could think about it too much longer she folds the long length of thick shiny paper and tucks it into the top of her dress, she might have to leave the diary behind but she wouldn't have to leave all the memories behind. The loud thumping of the younger girls getting home from school and Alexandra realizes she has spent too much time reminiscing.

Sammy comes bursting through the door, buzzing with all the after-school energy her tiny 12-year-old body can hold. Already you can see the panic in her eyes because she's not sure how to begin getting ready. Alexandra knew Sammy was more tense about this fundraiser than usual, sense it was only her third one and the events last night had messed up their usual pep talk ritual. Alexandra had started the tradition when Sammy started waking up in the mild of the night freaking out from stress, whether it was caused by school or home stress, and it had become their thing. She wanted to reach out to her now and help her through the stress of getting ready but knew Sammy wouldn't want her help, not after seeing all the bruises from Mary, she was scared of her; or at least scared of what had happened to her. Alexandra decided she better try anyway.

"Need any help Sammy?" Alexandra says carefully, to sure what to expect from Sammy. Maybe she should have just left her alone, she thought, suddenly very nervous of losing the trust of her roommate.

"No no I'm... I'm fine just a little stretched out you know?" Alexandra nods her head, glad that Sammy responded without irritation, "I um... I do know Polly needs help with her homework before she gets ready, she said something about her stupid English teacher being picky about essay guidelines."

Alexandra moves towards the door slowly, stopping just before turning the handle. She pulls in one deep, relaxing breath of air before she pushed open her bedroom door for the last time and joined the chaos of tonight. The fundraisers where not meant to cause chaos but they always did. In the hall outside her room, the younger girls move from room to room, doing their best to help each other. One by one Alexandra helps them with homework, hair, and general nerves until they are all down stairs and she left to but the brushes away incase Mary decides a tour of the upstairs. She makes it down stairs with ten minutes to spare relieved that no one was late, not even Jackie. Before joining everyone else in the great room Alexandra takes in the difference one day of cleaning could do to St. Joseph's. Normally the building had a dark musty feeling but today the curtains to the tall windows had been thrown back and the surfaces cleaned and polished as much as century old wood could be. If only the space had been filled with a normal families living room decorations and not the table of food and scattered chairs. The doorbell rings making all the girls go silent and Mary comes strolling out of the kitchen to answer the door for the early birds. When she sees Alexandra standing at the bottom of the stairs she huffs her disapproval before swinging the door open. It wasn't exactly the way she had been hoping to start the evening but she was grateful Mary hadn't spoken.

The next two hours fly by, conversations and faces begin to come back from the last fundraiser and Alexandra slips easily into her role as a personal favorite of Mary. She talks up the common donors but finds herself growing impatience with the younger crowd who had neglected to show up yet. The older man she was currently speaking to, Mr.Olson, had come to her for years now for relationship advise on his 45-year marriage. Tonight, he was dressed in a simple black suit, his greyed hair combed, his face with twisted with frustration and worry as he tells Alexandra about his wife moving out; his whole body moving with his hand gestures. Alexandra keeps her expression reserved as she absorbs his story and listens to the doorbell begin to ring, the younger crowd and their children finally arriving.

"I would try one hundred white roses and a heartfelt letter filled with good memories. We all known how much Martha loves those sorts of gifts." James's voice causes a shudder to run down Alexandra's spine from the dread she felt. She wasn't ready for this. She knew he would be here but she wasn't ready for the rush of memories and the longing to be in his arms again. He used to make all this bearable and now he could only add to the weight on her mind. Mr. Olson latched onto the idea easily and before she knew it he had left and she was left to play nice with her ex from the other side of the tracks. She honestly thought she would rather attempt to carry on a pleasant conversation with Mary if it meant she didn't have to see or hear him.