Snowflake: Frozen Child

WHAT Jhay thought she felt from the very begiining...

The frozen embryo was placed inside a small scientific container, restored in a freezingly cold place.

Was she alone in that place?

Was she alive or living?

Was she scared?

Happy?

Sad?

Or empty?

Will she ever be born as a baby? Will someone ever wanted her? Where did she came from? Was she kept in a very light or in a very dark place?

She didn't know a thing. She  couldn't feel and understand anything.

She just have to wait...

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The chosen frozen embryo was pulled out from the laboratory container and was injected inside a uterus.

As the embryo was developing inside someone's w.o.m.b, observers were looking out for the subject.

She was a girl, maybe.

She could hear soft music somewhere outside. Sometimes she felt cold, but mostly she felt warm. She could feel someone whispering outside, saying random names as if someone was calling her.

"Tiffany?"

"Maria?"

"Katherine"

"Joyce"

"Jhay?" the baby didn't know who were those names and the voice bothered her not so developed hearing senses. The baby stretched out her legs and hit her mother's stomach from the inside.

"Hey, did you see that honey?! She kicked! She loves the name Jhay!" it was a man's voice but the baby could not hear it properly. Was it her father? Will she have a family once she get out from that slimy chamber? Will the baby receive love and care? Will the baby be happy?

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Right after Jhay's birth...

*Camera flashed!*

"Welcome to the world! baby Jhay!!" Jhay couldn't see anything yet but she could hear the loud cheerings and the fest. The people inside the room, were they happy because of her? Jhay made a loud cry and the cheerings got louder. Jhay hasn't feel the embrace of the one who bore her yet. A pair of new arms carried her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Is this my mother? Why do I feel strange? Is this the one who carried me for a long time?" Jhay's young conscious mind became confused.

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Jhay after a year...

"Happy birthday baby! Happy birthday baby! Happy birthday! Happy birthday

Happy birthday Locrene!!" They all sang as baby Jhay grabbed a handful of chocolate cake and digged it into her small mouth. Jhay was wearing a silky pink dress and everybody kept repeating the same phrases like "Awe how cute!" as they  showered her with kisses. She felt loved.

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Jhay at the age of two...

Jhay was crossing over.

She couldn't remember anything that happened in the past anymore. The memories had vanished but the feelings remained. She felt contented and happy. Jhay spent the next five years living happily with her legal parents. They told Jhay about everything, including the fact that she was adopted. They tried their best to make Jhay understand that nothing would change. That Jhay was still their child and they love her so much. Jhay knew how much her parents loved her and she never doubted it. They said the truth, but only the partial truth.

When Jhay was seven she discovered through her daddy's files about her case. Jhay asked them what it meant and they told Jhay the whole truth. The young lady was confused and broken.

At school, Jhay's classmates would ask her who her parents are. Jhay couldn't answer them anymore.

Which one?

"The real ones? The ghost ones? The ones who needed money and then let me go away? I don't know anymore!" Jhay's brain shouted inside her head.

She would just cry and her classmates would be flattered. Little by little, no one wanted to talk to her anymore. She didn't want to play with the kids in her favorite playground anymore.

One day, Jhay was walking on the street heading home alone. She was walking on the sidewalk when suddenly two big guys in black suit appeared before her. Jhay was used to kidnapping and other sorts of abductions. Jhay remained calm, not even showing any fear in her eyes. The big guys looked at each other before grabbing both of Jhay's two tiny arms and forced her to get inside the black van. Jhay didn't struggle nor fight. Was she  that dangerous to hire some big guys like them to abduct her?

"Hey kid, don't be scared" big guy number one said as he avoided to touch Jhay. It was as if he would be dead later on if he lay another hand on Jhay.

"We will just bring you to your real mommy, okay?" big guy number two said.

"I know I know. My mommy has a lot of money. Ask for it and she will definitely give you a lot. I am their only daughter anyway" Jhay said calmly as she stared at the street filled with busy people through the tinted glass.

"Where are they taking me this time? Abandoned building? Small private room? Will they tie my hands and feet again? Cover my mouth? Or my eyes? Let the big bad dogs guard me? Or anything new to scare me to death?" Jhay thought randomly. As Jhay started thinking possible things that might happen to her, she felt sleepy.

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Jhay ended up inside a room. Her dress was changed. There were cute stufftoys here and there. A pack of gummy bears and assorted sweets. PSP's and gameboys were properly set beside a large computer. It was like the person who abducted her knew Jhay very well. She wanted her parents to look for her. They were rich enough to find her immediately so Jhay doubted about her parents looking for her.

"Why am I still inside in this room?" Jhay thought.

Two months have passed and Jhay never said a single word. That lady brought everything Jhay liked and the stuffs she loved. A stalker? A Psycho? But Jhay thought the woman didn't look like one. Jhay thought maybe she was just being a paranoid and traumatized. Jhay was starting to get used to the place. The woman never locked the door in Jhay's room and she could go out whenever she wanted to, but not even once did Jhay tried to step outside the room. Six months have passed and they never talked even once. The woman would just come and tell her stories. Some were wonderful and some were unforgettable. The woman would smile at her and even made good foods for her.

Jhay spent two more years with her current mother and didn't hear anything from her adopted parents. Jhay thought maybe they have forgotten about her already? Did they avail another frozen embryo to replace Jhay?

"Am I that easy to be replaced?"

"Hey Jhay, let me tell you a secret..." Pherein said as she gave Jhay an empty shoe box. The woman covered its outer part with christmas wrappers. Jhay stared at it for a moment and asked Pherein what was it.

"Christmas is coming. Not all children were blessed to have proper shelter, clothing and food. This is a tradition made by some various families, where children like you are encourage to share your blessings to the unfortunate ones." Pherein said briefly and gave Jhay an encouraging smile.

"Do you have something to share to other kids this Christmas?" Pherein asked and Jhay nodded.

"That's good then. I'm gonna leave this box here. Take time to decide what are the things that you want to share and put them inside the box. The receiver will not know who the giver was, that is to avoid conflicts between the needy and the givers. So that the lucky child who will receive your box will never bother you in the future, like searching for your name and ask you anything." Pherein said and later on she went out of Jhay's room.

"Things that I wanted to share?"

"Can I put my sadness inside the box then?" Jhay murmured softly.

Jhay started looking at her stuffs. She filled the box with a small amount of money bills rolled inside a small bottle. Her favorite pencil case filled with crayons and other drawing materials. Sticky notes, jumping rope, random key chains, puzzle cube, a pocket book, and many other cute stuffs, they were all Jhay's favorite. Pherein entered the room and looked at the stuffs.

"Aren't these you favorite ones?" Pherein asked as she was about to close the box and looked at Jhay.

"I don't want to keep the things I'm attached with forever." Jhay said looking directly into Pherein's eyes. As if she was talking about Pherein instead of her toys.

"Oh! Okay I understand! I hope this kid, whoever receives it would be happy!" Pherein said cheerfully.

The box was sent the next day.

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PHEREIN went to town to buy some fresh vegetables and fruits. Even if Jhay had numerous chances to run away and escape from that house,  she chose to stay as a woman-I-barely-known's child.

Jhay did't feel anything but boredome and darkness. When would she ever wanted to live? The faces she remembered back when she was seven were slowly vanishing in her memories. She could't even say her name out loud properly, for no-one has ever called her "Locrene" for a very long time.

Days kept going. The leaves from that Acasia tree not far away from their house were falling down one by one. Like a soft feather swinging across the cold wind. Like her existence being erased.

How many of them remembered her?

Seven years of living a fake life was fun. After that at the age of eight, everything went back from what her life used to be.

Cold.

Jhay when she was eight, she remembered nothing. When she was nine, she only remembered she wanted to go to a christmas village. When she was ten she became neutral, inhuman, ins.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e and a living stone until she reached 18.

"How long will I continue living like this?"

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The next day...

"Jhay, Ms. Angela will be replaced by a new one" Pherein said as Jhay dried her hair with a towel. Angela has been Jhay's personal teacher for ten years, Jhay thought maybe she too has gotten tired of her. Jhay nodded and went out of her room.

"I think I should go to school then" Jhay said. Pherein smiled and placed her hand on Jhay's shoulder. Jhay was about to avoid it but the moment her palm landed on the cloth of Jhay's shirt, the warmth coming from her palm penetrated on Jhay's skin.

"You have another teacher, Jhay!" Pherein said cheerfully.

"What does that even mean?" Jhay asked, confused.

Jhay thought, "Is she tired of me already that she decided to stop spending money for my studies? I cannot blame her in that case. I was never been a good and ideal daughter for her in the first place."

"And you know what?" Pherein exclaimed like what she always do when she's excited.

"He's good looking and young, just like you. He smiles everytime and is very friendly. You should meet him soon!" Pherein said, Jhay could see her eyes dazzling and filled with hope.

Jhay thought, "Is she telling me to flirt with my teacher?"

"I'm not asking for a blind date." Jhay said politely. She must speak politely to her all the time. For Jhay, it was a parasite-host relationship all those times, where Jhay was the parasite who only depends on Pherein.

"Well, not really, I just want you to finish your study. And I was even lucky since he was the one who came to me and offered to teach you. I was looking for another teacher since Ms. Angela is going to have a baby soon and then-"

"Wait" Jhay interrupted her speech and asked, "What do you mean by 'that'.." Jhay asked and cleared her throat.

"He offered to teach me?" Jhay asked half surprised, and honestly half curious. She couldn't remember having a friend or someone close to her. What was this person's purpose?

"He said he was your friend a long time ago and he was looking for you since then." Pherein said, Jhay could see hope and joy in her eyes. A friend? Jhay didn't even remember she had one.

"He will be here by now you should give him a warm hug!" Pherein hopped with joy when the doorbell rang.

Ding! dong!

Jhay's heart suddenly stopped working.

Who is he?

Jhay thought, "What am I supposed to say?"

Two minutes later and a guy appeared in front of their door. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and a ripped jeans, black sneakers and a backpack. Jhay studied his face as she tried to remember any familiar features but she failed. Pherein was right, he was good looking and wears a friendly vibe in his face. He smiled at Jhay.

Jhay's heart suddenly stopped working for the nth time.

It reminded Jhay of something.

The feeling of unable to move or to look away.

"Hi! it's nice seeing you for the first time!" the guy said with a smile. This is the first time that Jhay ever wanted Pherein to help her in a situation, but Pherein quickly exited from the scene.

"Who-who are you?" Jhay stuttered.

"I am Haji, I guess you don't remember me?" he asked as a matter of factly.

"What is there to remember?" Jhay thought.

"Nine years ago you sent me a letter but didn't put your name on it. Luckily you left a picture. It was hard finding you, you know!" He said half laughing.

"What letter?" Jhay thought.

"I finally got to meet you!. It's nice to see you, Jhay" he said and gave her a genuine smile. He offered his hand for Jhay as she stared at it blankly.

Jhay thought, "Should we shake hands?"