Snowflake: Frozen Child

"Like that of a desert, I wished my heart feels a little warmer."

-Jhay Locrene Ayara

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"SHOOT! Why can't I win against you?!" Haji shouted with a frustrated face. He has been disturbing Jhay ever since he came into her house. He would come there every single day to play Mortal Combat with Jhay and he never won. It was getting dark and Haji could hear the loud honking cars outside. When Haji said to Pherein that he was just a sixteen year old brat and that he couldn't teach Jhay about Art, Pherein started looking for another teacher. It has been a week and Pherein haven't found a new teacher yet. Jhay just did the usual things she do. Played games all day, the difference was that she got a mate this time. Honestly, Jhay liked the idea of having someone to visit her everyday. Jhay always had this terrible thought and it scared her. What if Haji won't come back to play with her again?

"Hey, do you think it's possible to have snow in the Philippines?" Jhay asked Haji with wondering eyes.

"Maybe. There was even a snow at the Sahara desert recently." Haji said. Jhay didn't know that.

"I'm hungry." Haji said and walked out of Jhay's room. Jhay thought, "Is he planning to eat dinner here?"

Jhay followed Haji outside as he headed towards the kitchen where Pherein was preparing the foods. Jhay saw Haji and Pherein smiled at each other as Haji offered a hand to help her mother. A slight smile formed from Jhay's lips as she watched them.

"Oh! Jhay are you hungry already? It's unusual for you to come out early!" Pherein said. Jhay's smile faded and then she went back to her room.

"I'm a terrible person." Jhay mumbled.

She went to the window as she peeked through it.

"When will it snow here? Is it even possible?" Jhay asked herself.

"Hey Jhay, can we talk?" Haji's voice interrupted Jhay's thoughts, he was carrying her meal.

"Mrs. Pherein said you only eat here, in your room. Is it true?" he asked, Jhay didn't answer. He placed the tray on the table and sat on Jhay's bed.

"You never ate with your mother?" he asked in disbelief. As Jhay always thought, people would blame her about everything and she was used to it.

"Aren't you being selfish? Did you ever wonder how your mother felt all this time?" he asked. The thing that was wrong with Jhay was that she couldn't act the way normal people do, and nobody would ever understand. People would ask you random things like: How much money do you make? Or how many places have you visited? But nobody asks whether you are happy or not.

"Jhay, here's a tip for you to become happy..." Haji said as he started eating Jhay's meal.

"...Tommorrow you should give me a slight smile, the next day make it a little wider. And continue doing it for the next another days. Until you get used to it and who knows, maybe you can laugh even once." he said.

Jhay thougt, "Why would I smile if I'm not even happy?"

"You see... I'm not happy all the time but I still smile. Because Damian and our parents will be sad if they found out that I am hurting." Haji said while smiling.

"You should go home after you eat my meal" Jhay said. Haji flinched when he realized he almost finished Jhay's meal and he mischievously grinned.

"You should eat your dinner too" he said as he brought back the tray outside.

"Auntie, I'll be going home now! I'll come back tommorrow! The food was delicious!" Jhay heard Haji shouting downstairs and the sound of the doorlock followed. Jhay went to the kitchen where Pherein was sitting on the chair, still not touching her food.

"You're not eating yet?" Jhay asked. Pherein flinched when she saw Jhay was looking at her.

"I... I was waiting for you to finish your food before I eat on my own." Pherein said as she started eating. Jhay sat on the chair opposite to Pherein, Pherein almost choked when she saw Jhay sitting in front of her. They had never done this before, they had never ate together in one table.

Not even once.

"What's the problem, Jhay?" Pherein asked as she put down her spoon and looked at Jhay with worried eyes.

"Haji ate my dinner. I'm hungry." Jhay said as she tried to avoid her mother's warm gaze. Pherein abruptly prepared her meal and was about to put them on a tray when Jhay picked up the spoon and fork. Pherein's reaction was painful yet hopeful.

"You're eating with me tonight?" a painful smile escaped from Pherein's lips. A tear fell from her eyes as she gave Jhay's meal.

"Thank you, Jhay" she said, her hands were trembling while eating. Had Jhay hurt her so much?

Jhay thought, "What does that even mean to hurt someone?"

"I will eat with you starting tonight" Jhay said as she fed herself with Pherein's delicious cooking. The room was filled with gladness. The silence revealed the sound of her mother's tears dripping on the edge of the plate as they both continued eating.

Jhay wanted to say these words out loud but she didn't, she couldn't.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you for so long."

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HAJI was determined to beat Jhay and drag her to school with him. He was walking in the quiet city under the pale moonlight. He tucked his hands inside his pockets and started wondering. Why couldn't he remember anything when he was a child? Haji smiled at the stars as they twinkled.

"Somewhere over there, someone is looking back at me." Haji said as he started thinking possible ways how to touch the universe above him.

"Yeah?" Haji heard a man's voice. The next thing happened, he saw his own blood dripped from the back of his head, to his neck, down to his c.h.e.s.t. Haji placed his left palm on his forehead when he began to feel dizzy. His vision was blurry, he tried to walk away as fast as he could but everything went upside down. All he could see was the man's figure standing in front of him, then everything went black.

Blob! Blob! Blob!

Haji felt like drowning. He couldn't breathe

Breathe!

Hold!

Gasped!

Hold!

There was water entering inside his mouth! A lot of water! He couldn't move his hands, they were being tied together. He couldn't see, he was blindfolded.

"Do you remember who you are now?" the man's voice echoed and disappeared as Haji's face touched the water again. He finally realized that a big hand was grabbing his hair and was dipping his head in a cold water. Everything that happened in the past flashed through Haji's mind like a speed of a light. His mind went drowsy, his brain couldn't cope with the informations and memories coming inside his head.

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The next day, Haji woke up in his room and acted like nothing happened.

He remembered everything.

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PHONE ringing...

"Hello? Did Mr. Ayara left any voicemail?" Jhay asked the woman on the phone as she greeted her.

"Hello Ms. Jhay! Mr. Ayara left a message for you yesterday, hold on for a second please..." the woman said and later on the phone beeped.

"Hello my little bedbug how are you? Are you getting along with your mom? I'm in Antarctica right now and the snow here.. It's really nice! My little bedbug..." John paused for awhile, Jhay heard him sighed and he said, "...Don't be too hard on yourself honey. I wish you already made friends, I love you and your mother. You're my snow Locrene. *Toot! Toot!*" the voicemail has ended. Jhay turned her phone off and went out of her room.

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"Jhay, I'm sorry if I couldn't find another teacher for you. I-"

"I will go to school" Jhay said in her natural tone, cold and lifeless. Pherein smiled as her face lit up because of the good news.

"Is it all thanks to Haji!? Finally, you've got yourself a friend!" Pherein said cheerfully as she was about to hug Jhay, Jhay was ready to be hugged by her but Pherein never did.

"I'm sorry I was just too happy, I forgot." Pherein said in her most apologetic way as she stared at the floor.

"It's okay" Jhay said slightly as she smiled.

Jhay thought, "All this time, I'm not the loneliest."

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Days went by and Jhay started to get along with Haji. He introduced her to Damian and they behaved like each other. Christmas was coming and Jhay was planning to go to the SNOWY world with Pherein and them. Jhay thought she could be happier. But something went off.

Something has changed.

Jhay learned how to smile. She laughed with Haji and Damian all the time, they went to school together. They went to arcades every Saturday. Sometimes she even offered Pherein that the three of them would go to town to buy some vegetables and fruits. The world became colorful. The wind felt like c.a.r.e.s.sing Jhay's skin and she finally lived.

But Pherein has changed.

She barely talked and smiled. She forgot to make meals for Jhay sometimes. She never entered her room every night anymore. She looked so empty.

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"I cannot wait to go to that Christmas village you showed me before" Jhay said to Pherein as the two of them ate their dinner together. Smiling became a drug to Jhay and talking to Pherein made her even more happier and alive.

"Yes, me too" Pherein said with a slightest smile written all over her face.

Jhay thought, "Why am I feeling this way? It used to be me ignoring her."

Jhay suddenly felt broken and shattered.

Jhay had been feeling that emptiness for only 50 days since Haji came, the feeling of being unimportant.

She thought, "Is this what Pherein have felt for more than a decade? Being ignored by someone who you treasured most?"

Christmas was coming and Jhay could feel the coldness surrounded her again.

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DECEMBER 24, 2018.

11:15 pm.

"Hey Jhay! Come over here!!" Damian yelled as he slid through the ice slides with Haji behind him. They were laughing and having fun like God's children. Jhay could see them as Cain and Abel.

Jhay thought, "Have they ever fought for something? Have they ever hated each other?"

"Hey! I'm calling you!!" Haji yelled as he ran towards Jhay with a camera hanging on his neck. The Snowy manmade village inside Victoria Mall was quite large and fancy. The ambiance decorated Jhay's sight as the Christmas lights twinkled like the stars in the night. Pherein was sitting on a bench, watching over Jhay. She was smiling again and Jhay felt a sudden torn had pierced her heart. What was that smile? Agony?

Misery?

Jhay went to her mother as she showed the watch Pherein gave to her for Christmas.

"Look! it's almost Christmas! We should go outside the mall to watch the Fireworks!" Jhay said cheerfully to Pherein who just nodded at her affirmatively. Damian and Haji were yanking Jhay as they headed outside the mall with Pherein following behind them. Jhay looked at her white watch that read 11:48pm.

"This is just the perfect spot!" Damian said as he wrapped his arms around Haji's neck and cranked him like a teddy bear.

"I'll just buy some goodies for you, young bloods" Pherein said as she smiled. That was the sweetest smile Jhay had ever seen from her. Jhay smiled back and then her mother walked away.

Who would have thought.

"Hey! Thank you for this, Jhay!" Haji said with a smile as he hugged his brand new camera. Jhay got a painting set from Haji too. Damian gave her a scarf that matched with his and Haji's. They we're the best of friends! As they sang along with the Christmas songs being played everywhere and swayed their heads together, Jhay peeked at her watch again.

It's already 11:58pm and Pherein wasn't back yet. Jhay was about to walk and look for Pherein when Haji grabbed her and pointed his finger up to the sky.

Jhay had seen another blissful scenery. The dark sky was filled with colorful fireworks. It was like the stars were exploding and that their ashes turned into colorful fireflies.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" the people started dancing and singing on the streets. The number of the crowd increased.

"Where are you?" Jhay's restless thoughts has awakened again.

Pherein was gone.

Jhay started walking away from the crowd, she could hear Damian and Haji calling her and asking her what was wrong. Jhay's c.h.e.s.t felt squeezed as she tried to calm herself down. Jhay kept turning her head around as her eyesight started to get blurry. Jhay had realize one thing.

She was crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?!" Haji grabbed Jhay's hand and she started crying even louder.

"I can't find her..." *hiccup* "...She said she will be back..." Jhay choked as she tried to speak clearly but she just kept on choking and coughing. Jhay kneeled on the ground as she watched the happiest people around them.

"I was supposed to call her 'Mom' tonight." she said while sobbing.

"I've promised to myself I'll smile more and talk to her more. I swear I'm gonna be her wanted daughter from now on" Jhay said in between her sobs. Haji remained silent as Damian hurriedly looked for Pherein. She couldn't stop crying.

"Haji, I can't find her" Jhay never stopped crying for the night.

Jhay always thought that her heart had finally became warmer like the Sahara desert. But right at that moment, the fear of losing a real mother made her understand. Her heart whispered to her ears.

"She was the oasis of my Sahara.

Now that she left without a word, I can't feel any warmth.

That being said, the Sahara has frozen."

Before Jhay could realize, she fell unconsciously in Haji's arms.