So why me

A few hours back: It is, 06h55pm, in the kitchen, Mrs Clifford, both in a very hurry but also quite worried to hear the rest of Meg's story, bite herself her lower lip as her nails rub against her jeans. This two-year separation seemed to last a decade for this mother who did not know where her son was staying, whether he lived and ate properly and even if her son was still alive.

She worried, making herself sick during these long years and the guilt of having rejected her that evening gradually gnawed at her, until she no longer wanted to get involved in anything, or even take care of the garden to which she had devoted full days.

Facing Meg's mouth opening, Mrs. Clifford's heart accelerates. Like a freediver, ready to try to set a new record, she holds her breath. Her teeth are digging into her lower lip, which splits slightly, allowing a small stream of blood to escape inside her mouth. Under her fingernails coming and going, her new jeans are already wearing long white stripes, but all this, Mrs. Clifford in a second state, doesn't notice.

... The first time I met him, I thought I was dealing with a cranky, asocial child, with whom working would be very difficult. He was 16 years and 2 months old it seems to me. He wasn't as tall as he is now and his face wasn't so beautiful, as for his personality. I will come to that, but I will say that he was twisted, hateful, vengeful, angry and perhaps even more paranoid than he is today.

I, who have always wanted to work in the fashion world, remember that I didn't understand why he wanted to follow this path. At that time, the contracts we won only brought us back $20, $30 or $50 and when one day a New York magazine offered him a photo shoot for a center page, I thought I was going to scream. However, he didn't care. Certainly it wasn't a very popular magazine, but it was still an excellent start. Faced with this behaviour that I could no longer tolerate, I asked him: "Why do you do this job if you're not interested?" As always he replied in a dry and unpleasant tone: "Because I no longer have a past and Roy April must have that future."

At the time I didn't understand anything about that sentence and I imagined that by answering me with what might be a riddle, Adam wanted to get rid of my question. Really he was an unpleasant kid, who grumbled for nothing, didn't like this and that, blamed me when I accepted photo shots without talking to him about it because it disturbed his own planning and he even wanted me to follow his instructions, for to dress and do my hair. The more he annoyed me, the more I found myself looking at him differently and wishing I could spend more time with him...

... and I arrived in the middle of a group of abandoned buildings, mainly squatted by homeless people, dealers and other bad boys. As I got out of my car, I shivered in front of the eyes of these boys and his men, so I rushed after Adam who had already reached the stairs. Once I entered the disgusting building where Adam had led me, I immediately felt nauseous. Smelly smells, each one as nauseating as the next, lay one on top of the other to release a stench from this place like I had never smell before. Both eager to leave these public toilets and this dump and not to lose track of my little protege, I rushed to the stairs where the footsteps, while I hoped belonged to Adam, came from.

I wasn't really worried about the sound of my heels that could alert Adam because he spent his day with the headset on his smarphone listening to music. Curious to know if it didn't break his brain, I asked him what it meant to him not to leave his music.

His answer was once again surprising. He replied, "It allows me to concentrate." When I asked him about what. He replied, "To the music."

A real slamming head, I assure you.

I think I got lost on the way. To shorten this passage, let us simply say that when Adam opened the door to what he called his home to me, for the first time I saw on his face an expression other than mockery, anger, weariness or other negative expressions. He was surprised, embarrassed and it's a child's look doing something stupid took on the fact that I read in his eyes when he stood there knowing neither what to do nor what to say. I didn't wait for his invitation and I entered what I would call a slum.

Linoleum had long been gnawed by rats whose droppings could be seen here and there. There were places where the wall sockets were supposed to be, from which emerged from the the bare electrical wires, but fortunately this building was no longer supplied with electricity. For the facilities , the toilets had disappeared, as had the sinks. The shower, on the other hand, was still present but without a water supply, its usefulness was very limited. I could talk about the musty and missing tapestry on the wall in some places, the ceiling that had collapsed into what must have been the bedroom before, or even the smell that managed to infiltrate, but is it really useful.

I learned a little later how Adam managed to shower, recharge his smartphone and have breakfast. He would get up at dawn every day to help a local coffee shop with his delivery and inventory. He would then wash the floor, do some dishes, then at 7 a.m., he was free to use the employees' shower, after which he would have lunch in that place, while his smartphone finished charging.

Anyway, there I'm going to come to a point that I hope you'll accept. Realizing what Adam's life was like, how to say that to you who are his mother. I would say that at that time, I indirectly declared my love for him and that since then we have been living together...

If the living conditions and what her little boy has probably gone through have ripped Ms. Clifford's heart out, this statement from a woman who must be between 25 and 30 years old leaves her speechless. How should it react to this?

"How old are you, Meg?"

"28 years old."

"Adam at 17."

"I know."

"This is statutory ****."

"I never forced him to stay close to me."

"It remains a crime under the law."

"I follow simply my heart."

"Would you be willing to make a serious commitment to him?"

"If he so wishes, yes, I will stay close to him."