Suffocate My love

After two minutes Adrian reached the bottom of the rock stairs.

He sat on the last rock and shifted his body so that he can anchor himself off the rock

He exhaled heavily three times before placing all his weight on his feet to get off the rock.

Doing that was surprisingly easy because it seemed flawless than painful and forced.

He stood on his feet and before long he walked slowly towards the pedestal.

Arbitrarily the contraction of his leg muscles somehow made his internal cranium pressure unstable creating a little headache. That little pain made him feel very much disoriented to the point of getting dizzy. This dizziness is a familiar condition from here to fore.

 Some years ago, back when Adrian was still changing between his core levels, he would fall very sick frequently, usually for no less than five to eleven days, every month, eight to ten months per year.  

During this time he couldn't move or eat properly. When he eats he just throws up on the spot. When he tries to stand he just falls over because it feels like his legs and leg bones have been replaced by water. These effects alongside other variable things like headache, muscle ache made a young child such as Adrian seem to be destined to arm-wrestle death for the greater potion of his life

Of course only Kijad, Ryle and Herim were allowed to witness this but the former two were terribly worried especially Kijad though he seldom showed it.

Though not practical and subtly prohibited, Herim brought Adrian food three times a day for everyday he is sick but he never ate it.

 Kijad on the other hand tried remedies from chemical cultivation all the time , thinking that something would fully prevail but some didn't help. Those that did only lasted for that month only. So he had to try new remedies every month. And one out of ten of the medication he tried would manage to help him temporarily.

He felt bad that he had to make Adrian try failing medication but he would never stop trying to find a solution for him. Kijad would sell everything and spend anything if Adrian s well-being is compromised.

However noble his effort and oath is, any mal-use, overuse or mal-combination of medication is definitely going to be counterproductive. And most of Adrian s medication is made with ingredients for dark energy absorption, that absorbs it to the core. This kind of medication when persistently used such as in Adrian s case will definitely create a whirlpool inversely proportional to the energy level of the user. Who knows maybe over time the medicine might wind up absorbing his pneuma energy and that can't be good.

Withal,for Ryle , he never visited Adrian because Kijad told him not to as Yoro and the other sect masters might get suspicious. It hurt Adrian left , right and center as he was convinced that Ryle couldn't even be bothered to check up on him despite him being so bed-ridden. He could try to himself believe that Ryle is not obliged to care so he doesn't have to come but he feels that because fate made him feel the way he feels towards Ryle, then maybe Ryle is his remedy or atleast his presence is. And if or if not so why deprive him of Ryle. These kinds of thoughts just made Adrian s sickness level triple. A sick body and an aching heart is a wicked combination for ailment progression . 

 Ryle was actually worried and he did want to see him but he has to follow orders. Be that the case even if Kijad didn't command him and Yoro wasn't the vicious owl of a sect master, Ryle would never have the guts to look at Adrian because he always felt 'weird' around Adrian. His head kept asking him if he would not be crossing boundaries and flying into fire if he became social with Adrian. And because of this, he was very much conflicted as again something somewhere in his soul told him that the concern and 'weird' is mutual.

So alongside the hope for the latter probably being true and the fact that he can't stop thinking about the 'snowman' as he called him, he secretly tried to help. In fact he was the one who helped prepare the medicine for Adrian basing on Kijad s description and journal he made Kijad start, to document everything down.

The monthly new medication were experimental so they had to come with detailed instructions which Ryle was never faulted to create. On top of that ,a lot of the nights he, much more than Kijad who was too worried about suspicion , was the one who would cool or warm the water then massage Adrian s chest while he was semi-unconscious as according Kijad , Adrian developed a fever or cold when night comes. This also helped for him to tell how Adrian is reacting to the medication. And to check if indeed Kijad documented everything, not that he is implying anything. Clean beings tend to sweep a lot of things under the carpet. And family might not be an exception.

Two years passed with this occasional falling sick.. At the beginning of the third year , when Adrian was in his quarters, about to leave for his first training for this year, he found a folded paper similar to the ones Ryle writes the medicine dosage for Adrian to follow.

It was placed ontop of his study table so neatly.

This paper was not accompanied by any remedies or concoctions like on normal occasions. On top of that, it was tied neatly with a royal blue ribbon. 

Adrian unfolded the ribbon and he gazed his eyes upon the contents of the paper. The handwriting was so clean, symmetrical and ordered like it was written by someone with incredibly steady hands. There was not a single ink stroke out of place and it felt like it was written to be read by a king .

If the letter was proposing a rebellion, anyone reading this letter would have agreed despite all things, simply because of this uniquely engaging and moving handwriting. Having good calligraphy like this is apparently very important at the schools in the capital , the brightest student can get dismissed from learning simply because of their lack of a good brush-stroke control. All effort of education wasted simply because of a brush. Talk about depression!

Anyway the letter said that 'whenever one detects an energy imbalance and starts to feel dizzy or drowsy, whatever happens never give into that feeling. Do not rest, sleep or lay down.'

This was all that was communicated. In less than thirty characters in such a beautiful handwriting, written like a fact from a book, zero emotional relationship depicted . 

Adrian was confused but he didn't know by what so he just shoved the letter in his nightstand and he went to train.

After training feeling the dizziness and sickness begin, he wanted to lay down on the pedestal but then he remembered the letter. 

He was still so tired thus he decided against it as he didn't have energy for experiments. He slept on the pedestal for a few hours thinking that he would gain energy.

But in fact as always that never helped as he woke up feeling way worse and had to go back to the island ,fighting the need to drop down dead.

After three hours rowing the boat and nearly falling into the water several times , he reached his room and he immediately set for the bed and fell asleep.

The cycle continued three more times until one day before Adrian left, he found a longer yet similar ribbon to the one that had been tied to the letter.

He remembered the letter he had shoved in his nightstand 

He went over to it and took it out then went on to read it again while holding the longer ribbon in his hand.

He threw both these things on his nightstand and he went to training

When he got there and finished his session, he felt inclined to sleep just like usual but then decided not to do it now and try it at home.

As he sailed the boat back ,he was exceedingly tired and wanted to lay down more than anything.

When he arrived at his room, he could partially see because his eyelids had gotten heavy thus he had difficult keeping them separated .

He went towards the bed but when he pulled the covers, much to his astonishment his bed had puddles of water.

He was got so furious but then he thought ... There is only one wolf that is young enough to use childish approaches to prove his point, that has an extensive insight on things because of his extreme reading, that one wolf that could dare to come to his chambers at night but most importantly can make snow so sufficiently like birds can make a nest. And everyone knows that snow always melts into water.

That must mean Ryle was in his room yet he missed the chance to see him. Adrian felt his cheeks get warm when he thought about Ryle being close to his bed. 

He quickly transitioned his hands from the blankets to his cheeks to cool them. He felt so embarrassed because these kinds of thoughts should only exist in his dreams not when he is awake and has 'control' of his mind.

He immediately turned to the nightstand. He folded the ribbon into a perfect bow and he cautiously placed everything in the nightstand.

Adrian was extremely sleepy but the thoughts of Ryle distracted him. So he turned back to the bed and started to pull the blankets in order to wring them. Unfortunately some of the blankets were fitted so it was very difficult with his low strength

He forfeited that and he went and sat on the cushion to sleep at the study table.

He sluggish slumped his body on the cushion . Unfortunately by the time he realized his fate it was too late. His pants had absorbed a lot of the water from the cushion that was also wet !!

With frustration pilling up in him, Ryle s smiling eyes piled in his mind. How could he get angry when his mojo is diluted by Ryle crescent-shaped orbs?

His rage gene was tamed so he could just now proceed like nothing happened.  If happy-angry was a thing, that thing would be the accurate description of Adrian at this moment

He stood without delay and walked to his drawers to change his pants .

Upon opening it, what he saw just beyond unbelievable!! His jaw dropped in amazement and his sleepy eyes almost fell out of his skull

When he lifted his garments one by one, they dripped water . They were literally soaked in a pool of water.

"Seriously!!", he screamed and softly let his hand fall inside the puddle of water . He felt hopeless but happy at the same time. This was an adorable, childish and slightly infuriating thing. Nevertheless it made him scoff and partly smile sulkingly thinking about Ryle trying so much. Maybe after all he does care.

Anyway for the most part of that night Adrian spent it all , wringing clothes . With the night wind being so cold ,he could not possibly fall asleep only wearing his undergarment while standing as the floor would be too cold to directly sleep on.

Three books and six hours of walking in circles later, the sun was finally up and Adrian looked like he had drunk too much alcohol. Heavy eyes and dry lips on a gaunty face.

He had meditation and sword training so he can't rest . Kijad won't complain but he knows he would be disappointed . Tajih and Emair would be expecting him to show up to sword training as it helps to build physical strength and might build skill in sword use for sword-cultivation 

Adrian checked his clothes and they were all dry including his blankets. It was surprising because they dried up so much yet Adrian didn't feel the coldness that did that

He got dressed and every minute he wanted to turn to his bed . Regardless of the temptation, he just went away.

 The best part was he was just illegally drowsy and not sick. Even if he was too sleep-deprived to notice it.

Ever since then like right now ,he is willing to fight the battle of staying conscious because it always worked for him .

He walked slowly to the pedestal. His ponytail was more lose and looked a bit saggy. And the part that sagged was thirty percent white, making him seem like he was laying supine on white ink. 

He carried himself over the bridge trying not to look at the water as he felt it will make him more dizzy.

After ten steps, he finally reached the pedestal and he proceeded to kneel slowly.