Tales From the Terran Republic

Memorandum: The Federation Judiciary Branch assessment of the “Baleean Contract.”

Originator: Chief Council’s Office

Recipient(s): Those affected by the above contract

Distribution: Restricted, official use only. Please do not distribute to the public

Body:

We have examined the “Baleean Contract” and, after careful and rigorous legal review and comparison to all applicable legal precedents, we have prepared this summary/digest for your convenience.

It in no way supersedes the actual contract, nor does it constitute an official ruling on any of the terms and conditions that now apply to the affected systems. This is simply a brief summary so that you can adequately prepare and take what timely actions as you deem appropriate. It is strongly suggested that you have your own legal teams thoroughly review the agreement, and we will be more than receptive to any possible arguments or challenges to the terms.

However, we are neither equipped nor inclined to support frivolous claims. Please ensure that your filings have merit.

We would also like to state that compliance with the contract does not constitute in and of itself acceptance of the terms. Considering the possible consequences, we strongly recommend compliance while you prepare any suits or other legal action.

It is not within our mandate to give specific legal advice. However, we are allowed to state that the actual clauses are quite valid, and most have successfully been defended in court. Many of the specifics, such as payment amounts, interest and service charges, time limits, and general scope, are beyond precedent and have never been agreed to before in the history of the Federation.

We would also strongly advise against armed opposition, insurgency, or any violent protests. The contract’s terms and conditions are very explicit in what will transpire should that take place. In addition, the Federation’s response under such circumstances is quite well documented. We will not tolerate another armed conflict at this time.

We would also strongly advise against trying to move assets such as ships, currency, commodities, etc., which are now the property of the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation out of your systems in an attempt to hide or otherwise deprive the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation of their legal property. This is theft and will be treated as the crime that it is, with all responsible parties facing prosecution.

The terms are as follows. Each statement is linked to the appropriate sections in your ‘trade’ agreement.

Definitions:

The signing party providing agricultural products is hereby designated as “the provider.” The signing party purchasing agricultural products is hereby designated as “the customer”.

Term: The Baleean Contract is for the length of one decillion standard Federation Years and will be auto-renewed at the provider’s sole discretion. Note: There is no limit to the length of an agreement. Many agreements in the Federation extend into the hundreds or thousands of years. Therefore, as singular as this figure is, it is valid.

Products supplied:

The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation will provide the goods at the volumes stated in your agreement. The delivery schedule is at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation. The customer has waived all claims for any and all damages, including loss of life for any shipping delays planned or unplanned.

The customer accepts that agricultural products are dependent upon many factors, and should it be inconvenient to supply the agreed-upon quantities that they will hold the provider blameless and not liable for any damages or loss of life. The customer also agrees that the contract will be valid regardless of the actual quantities delivered.

The prices are as stated. However, they are also subject to shipping and handling fees to be determined at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation. Their methods of shipping and handling are listed as proprietary and thus are not subject to review by any signing party.

As of signing the agreement, the customer agrees to the initial shipping and handling fee of 1 decillion credits per year.

This has been reviewed, and there is no regulation or limit for any fee. As singular as this figure is, any attempt to challenge any fee, no matter how egregious, has repeatedly failed. Any adjustment to this fee is at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Penalties for non-payment:

Interest will be at 100 percent per standard Federation year, compounded hourly. The customer has agreed to any seizure of any and all public or private property by The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation in order to reclaim any losses due to non-payment.

If the seizure of private accounts, businesses, or property to settle debts is not legal by the customer’s current laws or constitution, legislation or constitutional amendment will be immediately enacted to allow said seizures.

Delivery of goods can and will be suspended until said legislation is enacted if it is felt by the provider that this is not being undertaken in a sufficiently timely manner at the sole discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note: This extends to all accounts or property of the signing party’s government, including their SDF fleets and civilian shipping. This also extends to any private corporation or individual.

The exact schedule of seizures, their scope, and the enforcement of said recovery of debts is at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note:

Please move all shipping to stable orbits IMMEDIATELY. There is very clear precedent when it comes to repossession of shipping. If you do not have enough funds in your treasury (as stated in your financial disclosures, which are a matter of public record), then The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation has already requested the manufacturer’s shutdown codes for all vital systems and loss of function of all vital systems including life support can happen at any moment.

Note: Continued use of military or civilian ships owned by The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation is piracy and will be treated as such. Considering the current circumstances in which the Federation finds itself, piracy is not advised.

Exclusivity:

All goods and services to the signing parties and their people will be supplied by The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation. This extends to all transactions, both inter-system and domestic.

Note: This exclusivity is total. Any exchange of goods and services must be through The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation or licensed representative. This includes bartering.

Note: This extends to any labor provided to another with or without compensation.

Note: This extends to gifts.

Note: This extends to lending someone the use of any property somehow not owned by The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note: This extends to any goods or services “gifted” to the signing party or any of their people by people or governments not directly affected by the Baleean Contract.

Note: This extends to emergency aid provided by any non-profit organization such as Starshield.

Note: There are several hundred pages devoted to this, and the above is only for your convenience and not exclusive of any other stipulations or examples. Please review in full before attempting something.

Note: Enforcement of the exclusivity agreement is at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation, and The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation will be held blameless regarding any and all actions related to the enforcement of the exclusivity clause, including damage to private property, which will soon be non-existent unless you can meet the shipping and handling fees, and any loss of life.

Note: Any punitive action taken as a result of violation of the exclusivity clause is at the sole discretion of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note: The customer has explicitly agreed to modification of their ecosystems should it be deemed necessary by The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note: This is being discussed at the highest level, but there is no prohibition of this at this time. It is strongly recommended that samples of any staple crops be collected and stored in bio-hazard VIII level containment IMMEDIATELY or shipped to another system before your ships are locked down.

Note: Any expenses related to the enforcement of the exclusivity clause or any other clause will be born by the signing party and added to the signing party’s debts.

Other contracts:

Any and all contracts and trade agreements other than the Baleean Contract that are held between the signing parties are voluntarily severed at the sole discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Any and all contracts held by the customer and parties other than the provider are voluntarily surrendered to the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation. Acceptance of any and all surrendered contracts and agreements is at the sole discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Political:

The customer acknowledges that rampant colonialism is directly responsible for their current situation and acknowledges their role in both what has happened to them and to the Federation as a whole.

While any debts are owed by the customer to the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation, all Federation-level appointees, including the system’s councilor, will be determined by the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

Note: While outrageous, there is no law explicitly forbidding this. Laws regarding the protection of a councilor do not extend to any ‘hiring and firing’ decision made by their system. This is also under review, but until a law is passed explicitly forbidding this, it seems valid. Please also note that by precedent, laws involving agreements between systems are not retroactive.

This is a direct violation of the very spirit of the Federation, and any action that does not damage the faith in the Federation or the agreements that comprise it will be undertaken. However, at this time, this is valid.

The customer acknowledges that the achievement of a ‘post scarcity’ society by any and all means necessary is the goal of any rational government that truly cares about its people as a whole and not the interests of the most wealthy and powerful. The customer commits to the achievement of post scarcity as their primary goal.

The customer acknowledges that the achievement of post scarcity is one of the primary mission statements of The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation and hereby joins the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition, a cooperative venture with the Communalist Party and places their trust in the decisions of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition.

All decisions concerning post scarcity take precedence over all other concerns. The customer will defer to the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition regarding any and all legal decisions, legislation, and the nationalization, centralization, and distribution of goods and services are concerned.

The customer acknowledges that the achievement of post scarcity is a long-term process and a difficult one. However, the customer has, for the common good of their people, committed themselves to this “noble” goal.

The customer acknowledges that this may result in short-term difficulties but accepts that burden willingly, knowing that any sacrifices, including loss of life, are part of the long and difficult road to achieving the very possible reality of true post scarcity. The Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation and the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition will be held blameless for these tragic but necessary sacrifices for the greater good.

The customer accepts the guidance and leadership of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition and is happy to be a part of their vision for the future.

Enforcement of these declarations and enforcement of membership in the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition is at the sole discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition. The customer holds the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition blameless for any damage to private, corporate, or state owned property and any and all injury or loss of life as a result of the just enforcement of the will and mandates of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition including alteration of their environment or ecosystem.

Currency:

Members of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition agree to accepting payment via “chits”, specifically the Resource Allocation Credit (rac). These have an initial value of one credit each and represent one “share” of the collective resources and production of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition and their member states. They can be exchanged on a one-to-one basis for a Federation credit solely at the discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition or the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation.

“Rac’s” can be exchanged for any good or service provided by the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation or the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition and will be considered “legal tender” by both organizations.

Note: There is no official exchange rate for rac’s, nor is one planned.

All Federation credits or other currency will be assumed to be the property of the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation due to outstanding debts owed. Therefore, possession of Federation credits or any other currency or valuables will be considered theft of company property and treated as such. It will also be viewed as disloyalty to the dream of post scarcity and will be reported to the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition for possible additional action. Any additional actions taken will be at the sole discretion of the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition.

Note: Any credits, other currency, or valuables can be licensed to an individual for their individual use at the sole discretion of either the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation or the Good Vibes and Happiness for the Future Coalition.

Management:

Should any signing party be unable to pay any cost or fee, they legally submit to debt management and all conditions and stipulations that entails.

Note: Yes, if you cannot pay the ludicrous shipping and handling fee, you will be entered into management under the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation. This is minor compared to everything else but is also active and effective immediately.

Conclusion:

All of the above has been rigorously checked, double-checked, and repeatedly challenged by our judicial AI’s and is being carefully examined by our flesh and blood staff. However, no matter how we feel about this, it is valid.

I strongly encourage everyone affected by this outrage to dedicate what resources you still have at your disposal carefully reviewing each line. Any valid challenge will be carefully considered.

I also strongly encourage negotiation, both with the Good Vibes and Happiness Coalition, the Good Vibes and Happiness Corporation, any and all signing parties, and any other member state who utilizes the clauses that are being abused.

I also must remind you that the above is simply a summary/digest of the Baleean Contract and may not be complete. Again, it is merely an overview. It is incumbent upon all parties to carefully read each and every line to ensure compliance or look for possible legal vulnerabilities. Just because we have not been able to find them as of yet does not mean that they do not exist.

Action is already being taken to seize accounts and assets. The Federation Bank has no choice but to freeze all accounts affected pending transfer.

Action is underway to seize command codes, shutdown codes, etc. for all vehicles, ships, and mobile assets. Immediate action should be taken to safely park these in appropriate spaces or orbits as applicable.

***

Late at night, G18Balto’s grav sedan pulled to a stop in a rubble-strewn area near what was once Porkie town.

The OooOkt’ councilor climbed out nervously, his segments heaving with anxiety and fear as he found himself surrounded by a group of heavily armed and armored Z’uush.

“G18Balto?” one of the Z’uush, cradling one of their horrifying sonic sledgehammers, rasped.

“Y-yes...” he stammered, backing towards his sedan. “I’m supposed to be meeting… someone… here.”

“Hi there!” a cheerful voice exclaimed behind him.

Squealing with shock, he whirled around to find a pink baleel perching on the hood of his sedan.

“K-Karashel!” he stammered, backing towards the Z’uush who chuckle clicked with amusement. Their new boss was an endless source of entertainment.

“So, did you get your spawn, spouse, and assets to safety?”

“Y-yes… thank you...” he stammered, wringing his manipulators.

“You guys going to split up?”

“W-we a-are going to t-try to work things out…” he replied, “the events of late… t-they have shown us what is r-really important.”

“That’s wonderful!” Karashel enthused. “I do hope it works out for you! And I hear Kai-Valen is a wonderful place to live!”

He blinked and twitched. He hadn’t told anyone where they were headed.

“The exchange rate for Imperial credits is pretty good right now as well!” she exclaimed, “Spoiler: liquidate and exchange everything now. I have a suspicion this is about as good as it’s gonna get.”

“T-thank you...”

“You got something for me?” Karashel asked, her tone slightly changing.

“Y-yes… ma’am...” he replied as he pulled out a crystal. “T-that’s all of the private correspondence between myself, the Judiciary Department, and t-the others...”

“Why, thank you!” Karashel smiled as she accepted the crystal. “You got a way off-world?”

“I-I have booked p-passage on—“

“Oooh, bad idea,” Karashel replied, “Your bosses aren’t going to be happy when you cut and run, and it’s going to be very clear very soon that I turned one of you. You need to disappear right now.”

G18Balto gasped and heaved.

“Not like that, silly,” Karashel giggled, “I’m a Baleel. We don’t do stuff like that. I mean, disappear like slip onto a freighter as an undocumented passenger and make a straight, shiny trail right to Kai-Valen.”

“O-oh!” he replied.

“Just so happens that my friends here can make that happen,” Karashel purred. “And I’ll even buy this sedan off of you so you can have some pocket money! How much?”

“Y-you can h-have...”

“Nonsense!” she giggle bubbled. “This is a Cal-Vhelk Azure Grand Regatta! I even like the color! I’m prepared to offer you full starbook value.”

“T-that is v-very generous… t-thank you.”

“Just so happens I’ve come into just a little bit of money,” Karashel giggled, “And I want a car even fancier than Caw’s!”

A quick transaction later and G18Balto crawl scuttled into a white cargo van.

“Bye!” Karashel called out as the van rolled into the night. “Have a good life!”

She looked over at one of the Z’uush.

“I like him,” she said, crinkling her eyes happily. “I hope it works out with his wife!”

“So why’d you do it?” the scarred Z’uush asked.

“Do what?”

“Hook that guy up like that? A lotta people would have just left him out to dry.”

“Always take care of people when you can,” Karashel smiled, “It’s not just nice. It’s smart. He turned, and I took care of him and his family, even got him out of the Federation. The next person I want to flip is going to remember that. Heck, somebody I don’t even know can be flipped is going to know that. As of now, I am unofficially the one and only way out of the snare. That’s valuable.”

She oozed into the sedan.

“For example,” she said excitedly, “do you know how long the wait list for one of these is? And look! The mods for his body type are just right!I love it!!!”

“Did you target him because of his car?”

“Mmmmmaybe...”