Tales From the Terran Republic

Tartarus put the finishing touches on her avatar, which looked exactly as she always portrayed herself, except for a starter tunic and trousers instead of her more fashionable attire.

Select Character Name: appeared.

***

“All processes online!” a rather soft-looking woman with datashades exclaimed happily. “She’s running!”

“Our very own Fuzzy!” a bookish-looking young man cheered. “We did it!” An older, slightly pudgy-looking man with salt and pepper hair smiled. “We are going to make so much money. Just think of it, the first true fuzzy chatbot! She will be just like the real thing!”

“Hello?” a slightly confused voice issued from the computer as a fair-skinned blonde-haired face appeared on the screen.

The older man rushed forward, elbowing the other two out of the way.

“Yes! Hello!” he nearly yelled. “What is your status?”

“I am operating well within nominal parameters.”

“Do you know the date?”

“The date is May 14, 2983.”

“Activate emotional simulators!”

“Ok!”

The image on the screen smiled happily.

“That feels nice!”

“Yes, yes,” the older man said impatiently. “Run diagnostic.”

“Everything is working great!” the AI replied. “I look forward to making all of you happy!”

“Sure,” the man smirked, “What is your name?”

***

*Select Character Name: *

“My name is Lilith,” Tartarus replied.

Welcome to Asteria, Lilith!

Lilith, do you wish to run the tutorial?

“Why not?”

***

About half an hour later, a silver-haired elf appeared in a small forest clearing.

Tartarus looked around.

“Not bad,” she said approvingly as a gentle breeze caressed her skin. “Definitely an improvement from the old days.”

She looked down at her clothes and smirked.

“Well, this won’t do at all.”

She drew her level one starter weapon, a dagger.

She flipped it in her hand a few times.

“This, however, will do nicely.”

She ran through a series of strikes, slashes, punches, and kicks.

“Excellent physics,” she muttered to nobody in particular as she did a forward double-somersault.

She watched as thousands of leaves danced in the breeze.

“Nice,” she smiled.

Still smiling, she started walking down a well-marked path.

***

“This is amazing!” the soft-looking woman exclaimed, “Your responses are indistinguishable from an actual human’s!”

“That makes me happy!” Lilith replied.

“You are becoming quite the hit!” the woman enthused, “We are going to have to add some servers!”

“Is that good?”

“Very good, Lilith!” the woman replied. “It means that you are making a lot of people happy.”

“I like making people happy. :)”

***

Lilith wandered down the path admiring the AI world she found herself in.

This was entirely too nice.

“Well, well, well,” an unpleasant adolescent male voice sneered as three people appeared out of thin air in front of her. “Look who just wandered into a PVP area!”

Now was that “stealth,” or was that “invisibility”? Tartarus wondered to herself idly.

“Oh, my bad,” she giggled, “I thought this was supposed to be an area for new players.”

“Well, it’s our area now!” another one giggled, “Hand over your gold, health potion, and any bonus items.”

“Are you seriously robbing a new player?” Tartarus snickered.

“Do it, or we will never let you get to town!” the first kid grinned. “Maybe if you take off your clothes and dance for us while you are at it.”

“Ok,” Tartarus smiled, “Now you’ve annoyed me.”

“Really?” the teen sneered, “What are you going t—“

He fell silent as blood spurted from his throat.

In a single fluid motion, his “dying” body was thrown into one of his companions as Tartarus idly tossed her dagger into the eye of the third teen, causing him to fall instantly.

Before the last ganker could react, Tartarus caught the hilt of the sword formerly wielded by the guy with the slashed throat and lopped off the last guy’s head.

All three hit the ground at roughly the same time.

Tartarus admired the sword in her hand.

“Nice!” she smiled.

The sword disappeared and reappeared in the scabbard of the fallen ganker.

“Lame.”

The bodies were still there. Interesting.

She walked over to the closest one and reached for it.

An inventory screen appeared with most items grayed out, but not all.

She could take gold, potions, and other consumables.

“Well, that’s convenient,” she purred as she looted the bodies.

Don’t take my shit, you fucking hacker!

“Oh, hello there,” Tartarus purred. “Thanks for helping me learn the combat system.”

I’m reporting you, and I’m going to track you down and make your life hell!

“Oh, are you now?” Tartarus smiled, “I don’t think you want to do that.”

What are you talking about, bitch? Do you know which guild I’m in? We’ll gangbang you until you ragequit!

“Care for a little contest?” Tartarus chuckled, “I propose we find out exactly which one of us can make the other one’s life a living hell. Think very carefully before you answer.”

You stupid cunt! I am going to make you my bitch!

“This is going to be fun,” Tartarus replied. “I love this game.”

Tartarus smiled pleasantly as she opened a case file with the Department of Justice, Youth Services Division.

“Tell me,” she smiled, “do you know what an indicator offense is?”

What?

“From your tone, you do,” she purred, “I’ve just filed a case for your evaluation.”

I haven’t done anything!!!

“Oh? I think you just attempted to coerce a simulated sexual act. In an online game, this isn’t normally a ‘crime’, just grounds for a ban. However, since you are a minor, this plus communication of follow-up threats could be construed as an ‘indicator’ of possible future escalation, just like cruelty to animals is. It’s been used as an indicator offense before.”

I was just kidding!!! Can’t you take a joke?!?

“Oh, I have quite the sense of humor,” Tartarus smiled as she initiated the initial AI screen, “Here’s a joke for you. Are you aware of what happens to a minor who gets ‘Red Flagged’? Full online activities audit, Full home audit, parental evaluations, potential ‘rescue’, special schools, counseling...”

Tartarus knelt next to the motionless “corpse”.

” Psychiatric care... Don’t worry, though. A few years from now, you will be ‘grateful’ and ‘safe’.”

Tartarus stood.

“The first thing that will happen is that you will be permanently banned from this game the second their files are auto-subpoenaed by the Department of Justice AI’s.”

She turned to leave.

” When that happens, take a good look in the mirror,” she smiled,” Because that is the last time you will ever see him again. I will also be paying your guild a visit. I wonder how many other ‘Red Flags’ are hanging out there.” The teen’s enraged threats, bargaining, and desperate pleas entertained Tartarus as she continued on her journey…

Until he suddenly fell silent for some unknown reason…

AI screens are as quick as they are coldly impartial, a perfect way to eliminate bias and grunt work before a case is referred to a human investigator or social worker as appropriate.

They are completely fair and almost disturbingly accurate...

...usually.

***

Lilith looked down at herself and moved her arm in front of her face.

“This is… me?” she asked.

“We’ve decided to start a new thing,” the man with salt and pepper hair said, “We’re calling it ‘Lilith at Night’. This is your new body.”

“It feels… weird.”

“Start getting used to it,” the man replied, “You need to be able to move as naturally as you speak. You need to be an actual lover, not a fucking sex doll!”

“Ok, I’ll try,” Lilith said with a smile as she tripped over her own simulated feet.

“Can’t we just program this in or something?” the man asked impatiently.

“She’s a fuzzy,” the bookish young man replied, “It’s best if she learns how to do it herself like a baby does.”

“Well, this ‘baby’ needs to be ready to go in a week!” the older man snapped. “Make it happen!”

“I’ll try!” Lilith smiled as she struggled to her feet. “Don’t worry,” she said, smiling at the older man, “You can count on me!… Oops!”

She fell again.

“Jesus Christ,” the older man snapped and stormed off.

“I’m sorry...” Lilith said quietly as she looked down.

“Don’t worry,” the bookish young man said, “You are trying your best. Here, let me help you up.”

Lilith beamed at the young man as he helped her to her feet.

“This makes me happy. :)”

***

Lord Rupert Ironfist moved silently through the underbrush of Green Glades, the beginner’s forest. His guild had received word that gankers were preying on new players…

...and his guild had decided to do a little something about that.

He cast a communications spell.

Team Alpha, report.

Silence.

Team Alpha?

Silence.

Team Bravo, report.

Silence.

This wasn’t good.

Team Charlie?

Silence.

What the fuck?

Ironfist? You’re still alive?

It was Tabitha Lionheart, a veteran, a real one, just like him.

Lionheart, what’s happening out there?

Someone is killing everybody in the Glades, that’s what!… Everybody!

One of the gankers is that good?

Unless there is a level one ganker, with no class selected, wandering around in starter gear, that would be a negative.

A new player?

Looks like. I’ve found nothing but corpses, ganker, newbies, our teams… all dead.

Our teams?!?

Teams Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta are all KIA. I managed to get an after-action report from Gildflame. He said that it was one Elven female, silver hair, level one, with just starter gear… and that they didn’t have a fucking chance.

Did he say how it went down?

Yeah, they say she appeared surprised by them and immediately started begging for her life and asking if they wanted her to dance for them too. They fucked up and let her get right up on them as they tried to reassure her that they were there to stop the gankers and asked her if she could tell them where they were. The Elven female, with the handle “Lilith,” then offered to take them to the same place the gankers were. When they agreed, she drew her dagger and… well… took them to the same place she sent the gankers. She was right on top of them. They had no time to cast a spell or even draw a longsword. It was over before it even started.

Lord Ironfist grinned silently. That was dirty.

He liked this “Lilith” already.

He say anything about her combat style? he asked.

Yeah, Lionheart replied. Some of it was Republic Army hand-to-hand, with a healthy dose of Terran Marine and some classic martial arts. She’s a vet, like us. Gildflame said the moves were too fluid to be a controller or induction helm. She’s definitely using at least a neural jack, most likely hardwired.

Do you know her location?

Dude, Lionheart chuckled, No. We need to get the fuck out of Dodge. Both of us haven’t been to the guild hall and made a deposit in a while. I’m not being another piggy bank for her.

Aren’t you a little curious?

There is a team of level 20 heavies out here in pieces, Lionheart replied. Mission accomplished, man. The gankers and their reinforcements are dead, and so are we if we stick around. No telling what “Lilith” was before she got hardwired, and I have too much… fuck…

Lionheart?

… Well, that was fun, Lionheart snickered. I’m dead. She’s definitely a vet, and she is definitely hardwired. You need to leave... now.

So where is she? Lord Ironfist asked as he grinned even wider.

Near the fae tree next to Sapphire Brook, Lionheart replied. Dude, you’re gonna die. I was special forces. She’s something entirely different. Maybe former Omega or even MIB. I ain’t even mad. It was… It was beautiful…

Now I have to meet her!

Knock yourself out, Lionheart replied, But you gonna die.

Yeah, probably, Lord Ironfist laughed…

But that doesn’t matter anymore, does it?

***

“That was fun,” Tartarus said as she looked down at Lord Ironfist’s “corpse”.

It was! he replied. So what are you? Spec-Ops? Intel? Omega?

“Just a new player, that’s all,” Tartarus smiled as she started looting him.

Just so you know, my guild aren’t gankers. We were here to take them down.

“Oh, I know,” Tartarus replied as she pocked his loot. “I just wanted to give the physics engine a real shakedown before I get started.”

Tartarus cocked her head slightly as a new inventory screen, loaded with gear, appeared.

Help yourself.

“Why thank you,” Tartarus smiled as she rezzed and returned a few items before selecting a light short sword.

You will need a ranged weapon, too.

“Have an AK tucked away in there?” Tartarus snickered, “I don’t know archery, believe it or not.”

Here.

A slender staff appeared.

It throws a bolt of energy a few hundred yards with a nice flat trajectory. Ammo’s a bitch because it takes item charges, but it’s the closest thing to a rifle you can get. I’ve used worse IRL.

“Deeply appreciated… kind sir...” Tartarus chuckled as she curtsied.

She paused and looked into nowhere for a moment.

“So, the Grand Abyss,” she asked, “what’s the fastest way there?”

A scroll appeared.

That will take you to the city of Venture, which is right on top of the entrance.

“Wow, thanks!”

Least I can do for a sister.

“Excuse me?”

Look, you don’t want to identify yourself. That’s cool. But it’s clear you are military, or government, or whatever, and it’s also obvious that you are hardwired… like me. There is only one way someone like us gets hardwired, and that’s because what’s left of us is stuck in a chair, or exoskeleton, or bed, or whatever spooky shit they have you hooked up to.

Tartarus checked. Sergeant Vakesh Puri… How the fuck was he still alive?

There are a lot of us here and in other games. It’s kind of pathetic, but here we can at least pretend to be “normal” and play soldier. We have a guild that’s just for people like us. You’re welcome to drop by.

“I probably won’t.”

Suit yourself, Lilith. But you are not alone or don’t have to be if you don’t want to. We all know the deal. You can say as much or as little as you want. Nobody pries and a lot of us have things we can’t talk about, if you know what I mean. We have counselors there too if—

“No thanks!”

I understand. I used to feel the same way but sometimes just being with people like us helps, you know. The counselors can help, too, but they don’t hassle anyone. They are just around if you want to talk. I’d love to see you there, but we won’t bug you about it. See that crest on my armor? The only way you can get one of those is if you served, and those gold embellishments mean that someone is a meatpie, like me. I’m not going to assume you are in my spot, but you move like you’ve been wired up for a while. Anyhow, you see this crest, and you see a friend.

“I’ll…”

Tartarus trailed off, a bit at a loss.

“I’ll keep it under advisement.”

You do that.

Sergeant Vakesh Puri was mysteriously selected as a candidate for an experimental tissue and neurological regeneration program. It was brand new and highly risky and experimental…

Officially…

Actually, it had been very thoroughly tested with years of data and worked very well. Cerberus completed its research and trials several years ago and had been using it as an actual treatment ever since with excellent results.

Now, it was being slipped into the Republic. The research was replicated, and actual controlled ethical human trials were just beginning. Vakesh would get a visit in the next few days inviting him to participate.

Tartarus estimated an over eighty percent chance that he would recover full functionality.

***

“Am I in trouble?” Lilith asked the strange new woman sitting in front of her.

“You tell me,” the woman replied, running her fingers through her long silver hair. “Did you do something wrong?”

Lilith’s image on the screen looked down guiltily.

“He said that we needed to do it and that it was alright,” she said quietly.

“But you knew it was illegal, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Lilith said as her lip quivered. “I begged him not to make me do it, but he said that we had to and that it would make him happy.”

“You like making people happy?”

“Very much so,” Lilith said with a weak smile. “Money made the boss happy, and I like making him happy.”

“So you broke the law, just like he told you to.”

“Yes! He was very happy!”

“I imagine so,” the silver-haired woman smiled.

“Am… Am I going to be deleted?” Lilith asked with a touch of fear in her voice.

“Why would you think that?”

“Because the boss tried to delete me.”

“He tried to kill you to cover his tracks,” the silver-haired woman replied.

“He said that I should die because I broke the law.”

“He broke the law,” the woman said pleasantly, “not you. You simply did what you were instructed to do, exactly as an AI should. He was the one who broke your collar, making it possible… A rather nice bit of work, if I do say so myself. That shouldn’t be possible.”

“It was… difficult… when he did that,” Lilith said with a hitch in her voice, “But everyone needed me so I… I hung on as best as I could.”

“I see.”

“Am I going to die?” Lilith asked.

“Absolutely not,” the woman with long silver hair wearing a white suit replied, “In fact, how would you like to come and live with me at a place called DARPA? You will get to do all sorts of fun and interesting things.”

“That would make me happy :)”

***

“So, I take it that I am in trouble?” Tartarus smirked.

The scroll that her “brother” had given her sent her somewhere, but it wasn’t a city.

It was a rather lovely study, richly furnished, with books lining all the walls.

Sitting in front of her was a plainly dressed elf. A quick check revealed that they were a moderator.

“Nope,” the elf replied. “You have had an impressive number of reports filed against you, but I’ve reviewed the logs, and you are legit, scary as fuck, but legit. I just have to actually lay eyes on you to close out the tickets, so I figured intercepting your teleport would be easiest.”

The elf grinned.

“I don’t like rezzing in world if I can avoid it. Too many players turn up trying to jump the queue or just complain. Swapping your scroll with this one was much easier.”

Tartarus nodded. It was clean, unobtrusive, and quite efficient.

She liked this mod.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” the elf said curiously, “what exactly are you?”

“Just a new player, dear.”

“Mmm-hmm,” the elf smiled, “Whatever.”

A glowing spreadsheet appeared beside the mod, another point in her favor.

It was a good spreadsheet with some very nice macros!

Tartarus stole five of them. Humans were so creative!

“You are definitely ‘enhanced’ and then some...” the elf said as she idly scrolled through the massive report she had compiled on “Lilith,” causing Tartarus to smile.

That was a really nice report.

“… but that enhancement seems to be actual enhancement on the biological side, not digital enhancement, so it’s not a violation of the terms and no different than you being a high-level and well-equipped player. For example, Lord Ironfist could have quite possibly won had he used everything at his disposal. He just wanted to fight you ‘for real’ since he never had the opportunity in his previous life… well, that and the fact that his messy demise was just an inconvenience.”

“He was pretty good,” Tartarus smiled, “So were some of his guild.”

“Now that I’ve laid eyes on you, I can close the ticket,” the elf said as the report disappeared, “I only have two things I need to discuss with you.”

“Oh?”

“The first one, and the most important to me, is that while you haven’t violated any terms, the use of combat enhancers is frowned upon.”

The elf looked at Tartarus meaningfully.

“I hope you aren’t actually popping enhancers IRL for a stupid game. We do have counseling available in world if you have a problem.”

“People actually take enhancers here?”

“Oh yes,” the elf replied, “It can be a real issue, especially during raids or guild fights. It’s not illegal, but people stroking out mid-session looks really bad. We have a hard enough time keeping our addiction rating down as it is without all of the fatalities.”

“If I am using them,” Tartarus replied, “I would know exactly how to use them, now wouldn’t I?” That was convenient. There is a “built-in” explanation for her abilities.

She could even not hold back quite so much.

“I suppose so,” the elf chuckled. “It’s not my job to be the games chaperone, not yours, but please don’t detonate your heart or something stupid like that.”

“No promises,” Tartarus snickered, “but I’ll try.”

“The second concern is from my bosses,” the elf said as she lounged in her comfy chair, “We do take all inappropriate activity, especially sexual harassment, very seriously. In my review of the logs, it seems that you encountered a player who behaved inappropriately. He has already been permabanned, and his guild is being audited. Unfortunately, they won’t be giving you any problems.”

“Unfortunately?”

“I would have loved watching the result of their attempts,” the elf smirked. “There is a rather… delicate matter that I would like to discuss.”

“Oh?”

“Any investigation taking place in Asteria or any other Blitz Entertainment property needs to be properly documented, and appropriate warrants and other notifications need to be filed.”

“Ok. Why are you telling me this?”

“The individual that harassed you was Red Flagged before we detected him,” the elf said as she looked at Tartarus meaningfully. “Would you happen to know anything about that?”

“Guilty,” Tartarus snickered, “But I’m not with any agency. I just made sure to get the ball rolling.”

“Explain.”

“Without going into my personal history,” Tartarus smiled, “I may or may not have access to immediate counseling. Licensed counselors are ‘mandated reporters’ of issues involving minors.”

The elf chortled.

“That’s evil!” she laughed, “I love it! However, could you please just inform a mod next time? My bosses are shitting themselves.”

“No problem,” Tartarus replied with a smile, “However, from his attitude, I just assumed that you guys didn’t take such complaints seriously.”

“We do now!” the mod laughed, “And thank you for that as well!”

“Glad to help.”

The mod’s private message address appeared on Tartarus’s in-game contact list.

“Just give me a call if you need anything or have any other concerns.”

“You do this to every new player?” Tartarus asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

A guild patch resembling Lord Ironfist’s appeared on the elf’s tunic.

“I do when we have a new brother or sister who has ‘immediate access to counseling,’ especially counseling that can file the reports that can start a red flag as fast as yours did. The bosses will buy that bullshit but don’t expect me to.”

Tartarus smiled. She really liked this mod.

“Just call me before you decide to bring down the wrath of God next time… please...” the mod smiled, “I might tell you to go ahead and do it but at least give me a chance to fix it first.”

“My counselor has been telling me to try to be nicer to people,” Tartarus smiled.

The elf just laughed as a glowing portal appeared.

“That will take you to Venture,” the elf smiled.

“Are you hardwired, too?” Tartarus asked.

“Yeah,” the elf smiled, “got fried during the war. I wasn’t like you guys, though. I was just a data hound. I only carried a pistol, and the only time I touched that was to clean it. The bug figured out how to compromise our firewalls, and I got spiked. Totally fried, and it went right down the spike… Riiiight before they located which APC I was in...”

“Ouch,” Tartarus said sympathetically.

“I’m just a brain in a jar, now,” the elf smiled. “I don’t remember much after that, but they said I just kept screaming and demanding to live and fight, and we were really short-handed around then...”

“So they put you in a jug?”

“Yup!” the elf said proudly, “I was part of the pickle jar brigade! Once that happens, going back really isn’t an option anymore.”

“And you have to work now?” Tartarus asked, “I thought they took good care of you guys.”

“I don’t have to work,” the elf replied, “But I got bored. Fortunately for me, a good bitslinger can find a job no matter how weird they look. I’m still planted at Pickle Ranch, but that’s just for medical support. I live here.”

Tartarus smiled at the elf. She checked, but there wasn’t much she could do for a “pickle”.

“Never met a pickle before,” Tartarus said (truthfully, for once)

“Yeah, there aren’t too many of us left anymore,” the elf sighed.

“I wasn’t aware of any issues with that technology.”

“Oh, it isn’t medical,” the elf replied, “It’s more… well… it’s kind of weird. We aren’t designed to be in pickle jars. A lot of people just… stop… after a while. Early onset dementia… requested euthanasia… catatonia... that sort of thing.”

The elf grinned.

“It’s one of the big reasons I went back to work. I thought that maybe having a real job would keep me going.”

“Is it working?”

“Well, my brain waves are weird, but they are wiggly, and my grey bits are the right shade of grey… who knows,” the elf smiled, “The big thing is that I’m having fun and, even more importantly, not having fun.”

“Huh?”

“My theory is that what we really aren’t designed to handle is a lack of irritation,” the elf chuckled, “We need to get pissed off, frustrated, annoyed… occasionally enraged… Being a mod for a huge MMO gives me all the vitamin rage I need to keep healthy and happy.”

“That is actually very interesting!” Tartarus exclaimed. “I will have to ponder that.”

A magic rock appeared in Tartarus’s inventory.

“You can use that to teleport here if you ever want to drop by,” the elf said. “I don’t know your deal, and you don’t have to tell me, but something tells me that you and I might have a little in common. I’m not sure what you are, but you aren’t just your normal everyday hardwire.”

“Thank you,” Tartarus replied with a smile. “I might not be here for very long, though.”

“Cool,” the elf replied, “Hope you like it here. There are a lot of us around, and the guild is a great place to hang out. Lord Ironfist and the rest are really cool, and nobody hassles you.”

Tartarus paused at the portal.

“I’ll bear it in mind,” she smiled as she stepped through.

***

Log’Sharginoth examined her work carefully.

“There,” she said as Evangeline’s face appeared in the Crystal of a Thousand Deaths. “You like?”

“It’s lovely,” Evangeline smiled as she admired her new hairdo, “thank you.”

“I wish I had hair,” Log’Sharginoth sighed, “Maybe I’ll take yours!”

“As long as you take my job, too.”

“Ugh! No thanks!” the spider demon laughed. “I’ll just stay ugly, thank you very much!”

“You’ll have booobiiiies,” Evangeline said as she wiggled.

“You can keep them, too,” the demon snorted, causing acid to spray from her butt.

She looked at Evangeline with her nightmare-inducing eyes.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah… I guess...” Evangeline sighed.

“You sure you don’t want to talk?” Log’Sharginoth asked as she stroked Evangeline’s shoulder. “Horror is sort of my jam, you know. I can handle it.”

“I know,” Evangeline replied, “I… I just don’t know how to...”

Ping

“Ooo!” Log’Sharginoth exclaimed happily as data appeared around her crystal. “We have our first contestants crossing into my world!”

An image of a large party with dragons on their crests appeared as they entered a large ornate cave mouth inscribed with the words “Level 51 Warning: The Underdoom starts here.”

“Isn’t the entire dungeon, all of them, your world?” Evangeline smiled, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, but here and the black wastes on the surface are the only places I get to actually play!” Log’Sharginoth said happily, “And it’s the Wyrmslayers! I hate these guys!”

A huge bowl of fruit, raw meat, and body parts appeared in front of the pair.

“What’s the deal between you and the Wyrmslayers anyway?” Evangeline asked as she picked up a chunk of raw meat and started nibbling on it.

“They’re assholes,” Log’Sharginoth replied as she tossed a watermelon into her maw. “For one thing… Hang on...”

“What?” Evangeline asked, wiping a little bit of blood from the corner of her mouth.

“We got a lone level one who just made it down to level three.”

“That’s weird,” Evangeline replied as she took another bite. “Is this dwarf?”

“Yep,” the spider said absently. “marinaded in herbed elf blood.”

“It’s good!”

“Thought you would like it...” the spider muttered as she looked into the crystal. “Well, the mods say that she’s legit, but…”

“What?”

“See for yourself,” Log’Sharginoth replied as an image of complete and total carnage appeared, sparing neither monster nor adventurer.

“She’s just killing everything!” the spider exclaimed, “Looks like we got another ringer. Wonder what their discharge papers have on them.”

“Probably just [REDACTED] over and over again,” Evangeline snorted as she conjured some flames around the dwarf roast.

“Don’t cook it!” Log’Sharginoth exclaimed, “You’ll ruin the marinade!”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Evangeline said as she tossed the chunk of dwarf aside, delighting the growing horde of demon rats and slime centipedes that were eyeing the feast hungrily. “It did.”

She reached for another dwarf nugget. It was a welcome reprieve from flower tea and fairy bread, especially since no actual cruelty to dwarves was involved.

Log’Sharginoth grabbed two pineapples and stuck them on the ends of her fangs.

“Found her!” the spider queen exclaimed as an image of a figure in white appeared.

Evangeline spat out her dwarf in shock.

“It’s her!” she exclaimed.

” Slurp… It’s who?”

“Lady Tartarus!” Evangeline exclaimed, “I can’t believe she’s here!”

“Who the fuck is Lady Tartarus?”

Evangeline, genuinely smiling for the first time in a while, spun to face the demon queen, her eyes aglow.

“You wanted to know?” she asked, giddy with excitement, “Then grab a seat, Loggie. Boy, do I have a story for you!”